riverviewlogs | ( open ) last night I felt real arms around me

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( open ) last night I felt real arms around me

who: Jim Kirk & YOU
what: Bones is gone and Jim is coping with it the only way he knows how: poorly.
when: Jan 25th through to early February
where: bars, parks and streets, shuttle and beyond the walls
warnings: drinking, general weird moods, Jim being depressed, possible crying. don't expect anything else but will edit if need be. JUST GIVE HIM DISTRACTIONS.

I ▹ JUST ONE MORE GLASS

[ It's a few days before Jim actually leaves the house properly, though he still doesn't look all that great. He's combed his hair and put on mildly presentable clothes, but he's still sporting a short beard he hasn't cared to shave, and he's not looking like his usual cheerful self either.

During the first few days, it's all still a little too fresh on his mind, and his heart. He goes out but it's not with the intent of socializing so much as sitting by the bar on his own, asking the barkeep to pour him one glass after another. He spends most of the time staring down at the liquid swirling in his glass, gaze seldom lifting from the surface, though he will if someone happens to take a seat on the stool next to his.

He'll spare a vague smile if it's a stranger, and a few words if it's a familiar face: ] What brings you around here?

II ▹ MIDNIGHT RUN

[ It doesn't get better anytime soon. It's a process, Jim tries to tell himself, but he hates that he can't force himself to just be fine. He hates that he's nothing but a burden souring everyone's mood, and maybe that's why he thinks it would be for the best if he just avoided everyone.

On the other hand, he's lonely. He hates that. Can't stand being all alone in the empty loft when he leaves the guard. John's been putting up with him and keeping him company more often than not, but Jim knows that he can't very well hog all his time. He's got better things to do than stay with him.

So, when he can't sleep, and when he can't stand the deafening silence, he puts on running gear and goes out for a late night jog. There are always a few people around but it's generally quiet, and the parks are a good spot to just run until his legs hurt and his lungs burn. When he can't take it anymore and his head starts spinning, he lies down on the grass, staring up at the night sky. Anything to not be in his empty bed, staring up at the ceiling. ]

III ▹ THROW YOURSELF INTO YOUR WORK

[ After the end of the month, the levels of self-pity start getting a little ridiculous. He finds himself equal parts sad and angry at himself that he's just letting himself go down a spiral, as much as he tries to tell himself he's coping just fine.

He needs to do something. Be useful. Resume his life in the Quarantine the best he can, cling to whatever is still steady and present and normal in his life: his work.

He shaves finally, tidies up his place, even irons clothes and buys some ready-to-eat meals to stock up his fridge, and he shows up at the Perimeter Guard after a week and some looking mostly like himself. He's not as cheerful, granted, but he doesn't avoid or ignore anyone, though it's obvious he focuses on his work more than anything else. As the days go by people might catch him yawning at odd times, rubbing at his tired eyes still sporting dark circles that are proof of his lack of sleep.

Out on the shuttle, he might even start to doze off halfway through a flight. Whoever's with him should probably take helm control and just tell him to sit back, or else Jim's grip on the shuttle might just slip, giving them the scare of their lives. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Trying to sleep was a hard thing for Rey to do on some nights. She wasn't going to simply stay up all night. No, she learned her lesson after falling sick. Her body needed sleep, it needed rest, but her mind couldn't wind down. Maybe she was becoming more and more of a night owl. Or maybe there were too many things on her mind that she couldn't quiet down. At first, she thought about meditating, but she knew herself. She wouldn't be able to sit down long enough to focus on her breathing.

Instead, she decides to use some of the new clothes she found with Lola and change into actual running pants, a jacket and those...tennis shoes. They're comfortable, otherwise she wouldn't have purchased them. Outfit on, she quietly went outside to head to the park. She does carry the lightsaber on her in a protective case around her hip.

It doesn't surprise her to see one or two people running around. She ignores them, setting out a pace for herself. Running gave her something to focus on, placing one foot in front of the other. The feeling of the cold air on her face, and listening to her heart beating faster with each step. She manages to do a lap until she notices someone on the grass. Her pacing slows down until she can see who it is. Concern flickers in her eyes as she moves to the grass and offers her hand to help her friend up.]

Need a hand?

[ Eyes closed, Jim's heaving for breath by now, having pushed himself to the limit. Probably not the best decision, but at least while he's dizzy and his chest is aching and he can see flashes of white going off behind his closed eyelids, he can't really focus on anything else.

That means he also can't hear someone else approaching, not until Rey's standing right next to him, and he opens his eyes, blinking a few times as they focus on her. ]

Rey. [ He ponders for a few seconds, licking his lips and swallowing dryly. Nodding, he takes her hand and struggles to his feet with a soft groan. ]

Thanks. [ He swats some bits of grass off his shorts, then looks up at her. He knows he's been a little absent from the perimeter guard the past week or so, which is why he asks. ] How've you been doing?

[Rey clasps his hand tightly, helping Jim onto his feet. She hadn't seen much of him, and there was talk that something happened. Rey tried not to pay attention to it, not when she had her own problems to think about.]

Welcome.

[She pushes a few strands of her hair away from her face. Her hair is still in it's usual three bun style. The new clothes are working out fine for her, and running in tennis shoes was a lot better than her own pair.]

I'm fine. [That's the automatic response. She doesn't want to talk much about what's on her mind, only to keep running or focus on something else. Jim though...he looked different. He seemed..off. There wasn't as much of a light in his eyes when he spoke.]

You?

[ Her answer is about as quick and dismissive as can be, but Jim isn't too terribly discouraged by it. He gets it, in any case. Knows what it looks like when someone definitely isn't fine, and yet is unwilling or just not ready to talk about it. ]

Same as you.

[ Which is to say, he's at that point where he'll say he's just fine, but he's anything but fine.

He nods towards her, noting her attire. ] Out for a late night run, too?

[Rey raised an eyebrow at Jim. No, he wasn't fine, but did she press on? He would tell her, right? Just like she would with him---no, he wouldn't. They were too similar in that case.]

Uh-huh.

[Best to start off there, letting him know that she didn't buy it.]

Yeah, I couldn't sleep. Figured I could clear my head a little, guessing it's the same for you.

[Because what two sane people would decide running at midnight would be a good idea? No one, that's who. Except those who were really concerned about their health, but they weren't worth mentioning right now.]

Want a running partner? Could push each other--and not literally push, just...yeah. [They need something to distract themselves with, and as much as Rey wants to ask, she'll wait until both of them are exhausted to do it.]

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