riverviewlogs | ( open ) last night I felt real arms around me

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( open ) last night I felt real arms around me

who: Jim Kirk & YOU
what: Bones is gone and Jim is coping with it the only way he knows how: poorly.
when: Jan 25th through to early February
where: bars, parks and streets, shuttle and beyond the walls
warnings: drinking, general weird moods, Jim being depressed, possible crying. don't expect anything else but will edit if need be. JUST GIVE HIM DISTRACTIONS.

I ▹ JUST ONE MORE GLASS

[ It's a few days before Jim actually leaves the house properly, though he still doesn't look all that great. He's combed his hair and put on mildly presentable clothes, but he's still sporting a short beard he hasn't cared to shave, and he's not looking like his usual cheerful self either.

During the first few days, it's all still a little too fresh on his mind, and his heart. He goes out but it's not with the intent of socializing so much as sitting by the bar on his own, asking the barkeep to pour him one glass after another. He spends most of the time staring down at the liquid swirling in his glass, gaze seldom lifting from the surface, though he will if someone happens to take a seat on the stool next to his.

He'll spare a vague smile if it's a stranger, and a few words if it's a familiar face: ] What brings you around here?

II ▹ MIDNIGHT RUN

[ It doesn't get better anytime soon. It's a process, Jim tries to tell himself, but he hates that he can't force himself to just be fine. He hates that he's nothing but a burden souring everyone's mood, and maybe that's why he thinks it would be for the best if he just avoided everyone.

On the other hand, he's lonely. He hates that. Can't stand being all alone in the empty loft when he leaves the guard. John's been putting up with him and keeping him company more often than not, but Jim knows that he can't very well hog all his time. He's got better things to do than stay with him.

So, when he can't sleep, and when he can't stand the deafening silence, he puts on running gear and goes out for a late night jog. There are always a few people around but it's generally quiet, and the parks are a good spot to just run until his legs hurt and his lungs burn. When he can't take it anymore and his head starts spinning, he lies down on the grass, staring up at the night sky. Anything to not be in his empty bed, staring up at the ceiling. ]

III ▹ THROW YOURSELF INTO YOUR WORK

[ After the end of the month, the levels of self-pity start getting a little ridiculous. He finds himself equal parts sad and angry at himself that he's just letting himself go down a spiral, as much as he tries to tell himself he's coping just fine.

He needs to do something. Be useful. Resume his life in the Quarantine the best he can, cling to whatever is still steady and present and normal in his life: his work.

He shaves finally, tidies up his place, even irons clothes and buys some ready-to-eat meals to stock up his fridge, and he shows up at the Perimeter Guard after a week and some looking mostly like himself. He's not as cheerful, granted, but he doesn't avoid or ignore anyone, though it's obvious he focuses on his work more than anything else. As the days go by people might catch him yawning at odd times, rubbing at his tired eyes still sporting dark circles that are proof of his lack of sleep.

Out on the shuttle, he might even start to doze off halfway through a flight. Whoever's with him should probably take helm control and just tell him to sit back, or else Jim's grip on the shuttle might just slip, giving them the scare of their lives. ]

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Oh..we're neighbors then..kind of. I have a studio apartment, don't really need much.

[He moved out of the home he had previously then. Not that she could blame him. The space would've had too many memories and right now, those memories would be too painful to be around. Around every corner would be a memory, a remainder of what he's lost.

There's a long, deep breath. It's only fair. He said his boyfriend left, and what happened was small compared to that.]

I messed things up with Poe, and with Finn. We got into an argument, and it's my fault. [Because she was the one who made up that plan to learn from Ren. She was the one who told Leia, who got support from Leia and caused a rift between all four of them.] Moved out because it was technically Poe and Finn's place, and I just...haven't figured out how to fix things.

Who knows. We might be actual neighbors, for all we know.

[ It would definitely be a strange coincidence, considering how many buildings there are near the river, but not impossible. Either way, he falls silent, focusing on his walk while he gives her the room to decide whether or not she wants to tell him what happened, and just how much she's willing to share about it. ]

I'm sorry, Rey. I didn't... know about that. [ Even though he works with Poe and sees him practically daily, they don't share what's happening with them all the time. And frankly, it hadn't even crossed Jim's mind that he should ask. Not about Rey, anyway.

He rests a hand on her shoulder, trying for a comforting touch. ] You know, if you're not in a rush to go back to your place, I was thinking of ordering some pizza. If you wanna join me... [ He shrugs. ]

[A strange coincidence, or maybe it was the universe trying to put two people who needed comfort near one another. Who knows. Rey wasn't about to question it, but it was a small comfort to know a friend wasn't too far from her.

There's a small shrug of her shoulders, but she appreciates the touch. Her hand comes up to rest on his before reaching out for a side hug. He needed the hug more than her, really.]

It's fine. Like I said, I'm the one who made a mess of things, and thought I should move to keep them both space.

[This wasn't bringing Jim into the fight, right? Just telling him they had a spat and she was at fault should be enough to keep things fine between Poe and Jim. Least this way Jim won't have to pick sides, which is what she thought made Finn do. And really, that was why. Poe and Finn were friends before her, so that's okay.

Jim's voice is enough to bring Rey back to the present. Pizza...had she tried that yet?]

I'm not in a rush to head back, not yet. [There were few very items left in boxes and the silence of the apartment was hard to deal with.] ...And I don't think I've tried pizza yet. What is it, exactly?

[ He's slightly surprised by the approach, but not the least bit bothered by it. Rather the opposite, if anything, and he moves his arm to wrap it around her shoulders, pulling her in a little closer and planting a quick peck on her temple. ]

Yeah... I get that.

[ He doesn't know what the fight is about, but he doesn't ask. He doesn't have to know right now, anyway. He likes Poe and he likes Rey both, and whatever she did did, even if it might be her fault, he's sure that she did so with no intention of hurting anyone. ]

What? You've never had pizza? Oh my God. [ Yep, adding that to their impromptu evening plans now. ] Okay, we need to fix that. Let's go back to my place, shower, pick some stupid comedy movie and I'll order us some pizza. [ A pause, ] You like beer, or would you rather have something else to drink?

[The hug was more for Jim, trying to be comforting for him and help him through his hard time. Instead, he's comforting her, and even pecks her temple. A sign of affection that she wasn't used to, so it catches her off guard a little, but it's still welcomed.

And it wasn't her intention of hurting anyone. She was trying to do the greater good. She was trying to help Ben and also keep him in line to prevent him from harming anyone else.

There's a weak chuckle from her.]

What? You make it sound like it's a bad thing. [The idea of a shower sounds really nice about now, especially to help with her aching muscles--and thankfully Cisco introduced Rey to movies, so she knows what that is at least.]

Beer? I don't think I've tried it, unless ale counts. I ...didn't like ale that much. [But hey, she was more than willing to try a beer, especially if it was something he wanted to do.]

All of that does sound nice. We can head back, shower, change, and watch a movie.

[ He eases his hold on her, but still lets his arm rest loosely around her shoulders as they walk down the path. It's a small gesture of affection that he honestly finds comfort in. ]

Oh, it's not bad. It's absolutely tragic. Pizza is so good. You'll see. [ He nudges for her to follow him off the path, so they can take a detour and go through the quickest route towards his place. ]

Alright, we'll try a beer. If you don't like it, no harm done. I've got other stuff for you to pick from.

[Her arm hasn't left his side. They both need the contact right now, proof that they weren't alone and the moment wasn't about to slip through their fingers. Or that none of this was some very vivid dream.

Rey can't help but roll her eyes a little at him.]

Think you're over exaggerating, Jim.

[Teasing a little, something familiar and comforting all at once.]

Just as long as I don't drink too much. I woke up with a horrible headache afterwards. [And in someone else's bed, kissing him and though she was in pain...it was still nice, very nice.

She's following his lead, heading towards his place and thinking about stopping off at hers just to grab a change of clothes.]

Edited 2018-01-29 23:39 (UTC)

[ He barks a laugh at her, waving a finger in her general direction. ]

Save your judgment for when you've actually tried some pizza. Trust me, I'm not exaggerating.

[ Funnily enough, joking around with Rey brings him more relief and peace of mind than running did before, and he finds that he actually does look forward to their unplanned movie night. ]

Alright, just a bottle then. That's not a lot. [ And not nearly enough for her to end up on his bed or anything, really. ]

[Laughter. It's refreshing. She hasn't heard him laugh or laughter in the last few days. It's nice and a very much a welcomed distraction.]

Uh-huh. How about you explain what pizza is, and we'll go from there.

[A nod of her head. One bottle shouldn't do too much damage. It won't make her want to go throw up, or make her head ache.]

Think I could grab a change of clothes from my place? Or, I could meet you at yours. I'd hate to waste your hot water. [Because..she might. She's actually learned to enjoy a hot shower, especially when it's just herself.]

Edited 2018-01-30 00:52 (UTC)

[ He sighs, dropping his head a little. ]

Fine. It's this... bread dough, stretched out to form a thin base, usually round, though it can be made in other shapes too. You put tomato sauce and cheese on top, then add whatever ingredients you like. Some are more popular, like bacon, pepperoni, mushrooms. That sort of stuff. But explaining it doesn't really do it justice at all. You have to try it.

[ He's sure she'll love it, that much is obvious. If for whatever reason she doesn't, he'll likely be sorely disappointed. ]

Yeah, we can swing by yours, it's no problem. And I don't mind you wasting my hot water, but whatever you prefer doing, I'm good either way.

[Okay, the more Jim talks about it, the more interested Rey is in it. So it's like a sandwich (dough or bread) but it's all on one side, with a variety of things on top.]

Uh-huh, it does sound...interesting. But what toppings would you get? I've tried bacon and that is amazing in itself.

[She had it in a sandwich once, and it was truly remarkable. Literally, she wanted to eat nothing but the bacon bits, but Rey is trying to maintain a healthy diet otherwise, she might be back at the hospital again and she wants to avoid that at all costs.]

You're too kind, you know that? [Really. It wasn't so much as a sleep over like she had with Marco, but she was going to Jim's for pizza, beer, and a movie. She would simply grab a change of clothing that were not pajamas and spend time with Jim in his flat.] I think that's my building there. [She points to one of the closer ones and already goes into the pocket of her pants to take out her small key.] You can come up, I won't be too long. Just, ignore the one or two boxes, still unpacking some items.

Whatever toppings I feel like having. I like bacon, peppers, olives, pepperoni— you can add just about anything you want. Is there any topping you'd like to try?

[ Well, she can toss food names into the air, in case they're used as pizza toppings. Jim's not particularly picky, so long as it's not pickles or berries. He'll skip on corn too, if he can. ]

I've been told. I take it as a compliment. [ He smiles, then nods. ] It's alright. I've got a box or two still sitting in the corner of my living room, so I get it. [ He follows her towards the building she pointed out, waiting for her to open the door and stepping inside after her. His place is just a few doors down the street actually, so they really are neighbors, it seems. ]

[Rey thinks for a moment, but ultimately comes up with at least one topping.]

Bacon, I would love to try that, and whatever else you think is good.

[She knew of corn, but why in the world would that be on a pizza? It was a vegetable. It didn't sound right. ~~Like pineapple on a pizza~~.

Rey didn't realize how close they were are. She enters her studio apartment. There's a bed in the far corner of the room, with a clothes rack at the far end, along with a mirror. There's a few plants by the window of the place. The 'kitchen' is just a pillar that has different shelves along with a two burner stove and small oven. In the corner are two boxes; appliances and clothes.]

Give me one minute.

[She goes to a dresser drawer that's next to the clothing rack and takes out a few clothes and places them in a bag.]

Ready.

[ Oh vegetables he can live with. Pineapple on a pizza should be considered a crime, though.

He looks around the place, curious despite himself. His own flat is a little bigger but hers seems equally welcoming, though it's obvious she hasn't spent a lot of time trying to make it a little homelier. Not that Jim can talk much, since he hasn't invested much of his energy decorating his own.

He looks back to her once she's ready, and nods. ]

Alright, let's go then.

[ He heads towards the door, opening it for her to step outside first, then following after, so they can make their way to his place. ]

[ There isn’t much, but if Jim asked Rey if she was planning to put in any more items to make the place feel homey, he might be surprised by her answer. There wasn’t much that she wanted or needed. So have the necessities already made it a home for her—but it didn’t feel like home.

Finn and Poe...they made the shared space a home and she missed having someone around.

Bag in hand, she left her apartment with skin, locking behind her. ]

[ Leaving her building and heading down the street, Rey will soon notice just how close they are to each other right now. It's only a few buildings down, not even a two minute walk, before Jim reaches for his own keys slung around his neck on a lanyard, then he opens the door to the building. His loft is on the top floor, and for a change it's actually tidied up— not that she'd know, but it was a real mess for the first few days after he'd moved in. There's only a few pieces of clothes thrown over the edge of the couch, which he quickly picks up, and those two boxes still sitting by a corner, for some reason yet to be unpacked.

He motions for her to follow him and step farther inside. ]

Come on. I'll get you a towel and show you to the bathroom.

[They really were neighbors then, weren't they? Well, this is a nice change of pace. The community housing made it to where everyone was on top of one of another. Whereas this..made it easier to live in one's own space, and to see someone. The words serendipity came to mind, considering both of them were trying to get away from their pasts, only to run into each other.

Metaphorically and literally.]

You really are close by.

[Rey is amazed by the coincidence of it, stepping inside to the see how spacious it was. Did one person need this much space? Or maybe, he liked the openness of it. Regardless, it was still nice, and he managed to do a lot. There were only a few boxes left to unpack.]

Thank you. I feel like my place is a mess compared to yours now.

Yeah, we really are.

[ He smiles a little, lifting a shoulder. It's nice, though, knowing he has a friend nearby. Of course he doesn't intend to abuse their proximity to invade on her personal space constantly, but every so often, hanging out at each other's place or going for midnight runs together really doesn't sound like a bad idea at all. Provided she's alright with that, of course. ]

Oh, it... it wasn't me. John cleaned the place up. [ Cleaned him up too, but he'll keep that bit to himself. He leads the way to the bathroom, fetching her a towel from a closet and handing it to her. ]

Here you go. Take as long as you want, no rush.

Means I can annoy you after work.

[Joking a little, finding it easy to joke with him. It was something they hadn't done in sometime. Both of them were busy and now experienced heartache in a different way. They could go running at night, and it would be easy to look out for one another--assuming that's what Jim wanted. Or..maybe she should keep her distance. She didn't want to break any other friendships.]

I'm not familiar with the name. Is he part of the Aerial Unit? [She asked, taking the towel from him.]

..Thanks. [A small smile] I won't be long, promise. The bathroom is there? [She gestured to the door down the hall. With Jim confirming that, she made her way to the bathroom, softly closing the door behind her. It didn't take long before Jim heard the sound of the shower going and Rey hoping inside.

It took ten, no more than fifteen minutes before Rey was exiting the bathroom in a change of clothing. The towel was by her shoulder, trying to dry her hair.]

All yours.

Anytime you want.

[ He grinned at that, evidently not the least bit bothered by that possibility. As far as he was concerned, she didn't have to worry about ruining their friendship. It would take a whole lot to drive him away. (Really, he's like a bad fungus you can't get rid of.) ]

Yeah— I mean, sort of. He's got his own unit now. [ But as she gestured to the door, he nodded, dropping the subject and leaving her to take her shower. He got busy with putting away the few items of clothing that were tossed over the couch, then he shoved the unpacked boxes into a closet, and finally ordered their pizza so it would be there once he was out of the shower. At some point he toed off his shoes and his stinky sweaty socks, shoving them into the sneakers so he could put them in the laundry basket once she was out of the bathroom.

Speaking of— he turned around as she stepped out onto the living room again, humming in surprise. ] Thought you'd take longer. [ Not that he was about to complain, mind. He promptly climbed the stairs up to his room, fetching a clean change of clothes, then came back down and headed towards the bathroom for his shower. ]

Oh, make yourself comfortable. Help yourself to anything in the fridge— if the pizza guy gets here in the meantime, just use my phone to pay. [ He pointed to said phone on the coffee table, offering a playful salute before closing the bathroom door. ]

[Rey thought the same thing with Poe and Finn, and she was wrong about that. She hadn't spoken to them in days, and that had been gnawing at her. If Jim told her it would take a lot to drive him away, the universe might turn that into a challenge, and really, she didn't want to lose someone else.]

Oh, maybe I'll see him around the Guard.

[She shrugged her shoulders then.

Now she was trying to dry off her hair, happy to be out of her sweaty clothes and into some fresh ones. She made a mental note to do laundry tomorrow, wanting to keep an eye on her clothes to keep her pile from getting out of control. There was the faint hint of a smile on her face, continuing to towel dry her hair.]

No, like I said, I didn't want to take up all the hot water. You have no idea how excited I was to have running water in the community housing. [Living in a desert where sand got EVERYWHERE, and water was scarce. To know she didn't have to worry about it as much was a relief, but she didn't over indulge herself with it. She was quick; in and out of the shower.]

Will do. Take your time.

[Will she actually use his phone to pay for the pizza? Nope. He offered his home for her to visit, and a movie to watch. He was doing more of a favor for her than anything. Besides, wasn't the whole 'cheering up a friend' thing include buying them food? By the time Jim does get out of the shower, the pizza was on the kitchen counter top ad his phone was still on the coffee table. He could make a fuss if he wants, but she wasn't going to accept any money from him. Right now, she was looking at the tiny packages of crushed red paper and Parmesan cheese to figure out what they were supposed to do.]

[ He looked from the pizza box to the phone still sitting on his coffee table, then huffed a chuckle. He wasn't going to say anything, though. Actually he was kind of touched by the gesture, and he definitely wasn't going to take it to heart.

In a pair of comfortable sweatpants and t-shirt, he used the towel around his shoulders to dry off his hair, stepping closer to her and looking over her shoulder. ]

What you doing there?

Trying to figure out what this is for...

[Rey looked over her shoulder at him, not minding the closeness. She held up both packets.]

Take it, it's for the pizza? Have you used these before?

[But, really, the food smelled very good. She wasn't sure what Jim ordered, but her stomach was starting to rumble.]

Oh. Yeah, that's parmesan cheese, and that's crushed red pepper. [ He pointed at the respective packets, his smile a little endeared. ] You can sprinkle them over the pizza, if you want.

[ He went to the fridge and fetched them a couple of beers, nodding towards the couch. ]

Anyway, how about we make ourselves comfortable before we dig in?

Oh...okay [She'll take a packet of each, just to try it out.]

Sure, it came with paper plates.

[Rey offered him one, opening the box to reveal the pizza and all it's glory. Oh wow...it's amazing and it smells amazing. She takes a slice and napkins, and heads to his couch.]

Would you be up for sharing a packet of the cheese or the crushed pepper? [Granted, the pizza came with a lot of packets, but sharing was always fun.]

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