( open ) last night I felt real arms around me

[winscenario]

who: Jim Kirk & YOU
what: Bones is gone and Jim is coping with it the only way he knows how: poorly.
when: Jan 25th through to early February
where: bars, parks and streets, shuttle and beyond the walls
warnings: drinking, general weird moods, Jim being depressed, possible crying. don't expect anything else but will edit if need be. JUST GIVE HIM DISTRACTIONS.


I ▹ JUST ONE MORE GLASS

[ It's a few days before Jim actually leaves the house properly, though he still doesn't look all that great. He's combed his hair and put on mildly presentable clothes, but he's still sporting a short beard he hasn't cared to shave, and he's not looking like his usual cheerful self either.

During the first few days, it's all still a little too fresh on his mind, and his heart. He goes out but it's not with the intent of socializing so much as sitting by the bar on his own, asking the barkeep to pour him one glass after another. He spends most of the time staring down at the liquid swirling in his glass, gaze seldom lifting from the surface, though he will if someone happens to take a seat on the stool next to his.

He'll spare a vague smile if it's a stranger, and a few words if it's a familiar face: ] What brings you around here?

II ▹ MIDNIGHT RUN

[ It doesn't get better anytime soon. It's a process, Jim tries to tell himself, but he hates that he can't force himself to just be fine. He hates that he's nothing but a burden souring everyone's mood, and maybe that's why he thinks it would be for the best if he just avoided everyone.

On the other hand, he's lonely. He hates that. Can't stand being all alone in the empty loft when he leaves the guard. John's been putting up with him and keeping him company more often than not, but Jim knows that he can't very well hog all his time. He's got better things to do than stay with him.

So, when he can't sleep, and when he can't stand the deafening silence, he puts on running gear and goes out for a late night jog. There are always a few people around but it's generally quiet, and the parks are a good spot to just run until his legs hurt and his lungs burn. When he can't take it anymore and his head starts spinning, he lies down on the grass, staring up at the night sky. Anything to not be in his empty bed, staring up at the ceiling. ]

III ▹ THROW YOURSELF INTO YOUR WORK

[ After the end of the month, the levels of self-pity start getting a little ridiculous. He finds himself equal parts sad and angry at himself that he's just letting himself go down a spiral, as much as he tries to tell himself he's coping just fine.

He needs to do something. Be useful. Resume his life in the Quarantine the best he can, cling to whatever is still steady and present and normal in his life: his work.

He shaves finally, tidies up his place, even irons clothes and buys some ready-to-eat meals to stock up his fridge, and he shows up at the Perimeter Guard after a week and some looking mostly like himself. He's not as cheerful, granted, but he doesn't avoid or ignore anyone, though it's obvious he focuses on his work more than anything else. As the days go by people might catch him yawning at odd times, rubbing at his tired eyes still sporting dark circles that are proof of his lack of sleep.

Out on the shuttle, he might even start to doze off halfway through a flight. Whoever's with him should probably take helm control and just tell him to sit back, or else Jim's grip on the shuttle might just slip, giving them the scare of their lives. ]

Comments

[ikols]

If not I'll be sure to hire another.

[ A joke. Maybe. Loki wouldn't fire someone because they couldn't do something, he'd bring in someone who could to teach them. Everyone wins. But he's confident Jim will like dinner.

Inside Trixie, he loosens his hold on Jim and looks around for a table. It's busy, which he enjoys the feedback from on a not-quite-but-sorta-telepathic radar. ]

This is nice, isn't it? Me and you. I've missed you shocking amounts ... [ Never mind that, though, absently spoken and quickly overrode. ] Oh, dive for those seats, that pair are leaving!

[winscenario]

[ It's hardly the first time Jim comes here, so the place is fairly familiar. He looks around briefly, but his attention's caught when Loki speaks. Seems like a short-lived moment, though, as he quickly steers away from the topic.

He doesn't actually dive for the seats, mind, he just walks a little faster towards them, taking the table for the two of them just as the couple leaves. He sits down and makes himself comfortable, waiting for Loki to join him. ]

[ikols]

[ Loki trots over to a server and lays down what turns into a list on their phone, patting them on the shoulder and then heading directly for the bar. Even though it's his club, Jim is allowed to be witness to the slithery speed with which the godling dips behind the bar while the staff is unaware and casually pilfering two beers from a fridge. These are slid onto his table with Jim when he returns and drops in his seat with an exaggerated sigh, crossing a leg. ]

Do you feel like dancing later? The last person I did that with was my brother, and before that a man with your face. Or did I? I think I wanted to. Anyway!

[winscenario]

[ Jim watches and can't really help a smile at Loki's antics, chuckling and shaking his head as he steals them a couple of beers. He doubts anyone would care or say anything, after all Loki is their boss. He is allowed to take what he wants from his own bar, Jim figures. ]

Thanks, [ He takes a sip from his beer while they wait for their food. ] Yeah. Sure, why not. I wouldn't mind that.

[ Narrowing his eyes and smiling just a hint, ] So what was that about you missing me shocking amounts?

[ikols]

[ Idle wonderings over which songs he wants to play while they dance are brushed aside as Loki 'smoothly' covers a cough with a longer gulp of his drink. He wipes his chin with the back of a hand, eyeing Jim over a lopsided smile with a hint of embarrassment that he can at least laugh at in hindsight. ]

Oh, well. Before Billy or Tony, you must have known I was besotted with you. That was how I missed you at first, before we became actual friends.

[winscenario]

[ Both his eyebrows rise at that revelation, and he chuckles after a second or two, shaking his head incredulously. ]

No you weren't. [ Okay, this is a first. Jim's not used to being clueless about this sort of thing. ] You were? Jesus. No— no, I didn't know.

[ikols]

You're lucky you're pretty.

[ This isn't said to be cruel, it curls a fond smile at the corners of Loki's wide mouth. ]

How many times did I beg to be an honorary member of your crew? Too often, I think. I wanted an excuse to be around you, but you didn't seem interested very much. I liked you so much I wasn't even offended, it was lovely to bother you for a while.

[winscenario]

[ Despite Loki's smile, Jim's face falls a little, and he leans back on his seat. ]

I just... figured you were teasing. Playing around, you know. And it wasn't that I wasn't interested, I just... I had someone. The thought didn't even cross my mind. [ He looks more solemnly at him. ] I'm sorry. If I ever hurt you.

[ikols]

You've never hurt me, not once. I think you're the only person I know personally on this moon that I can say that of.

[ He reaches over to pat him on the arm, a brief touch. ]

Don't be so down, dove.

[winscenario]

I'm glad to hear that at least.

[ He sketches a small smile at Loki, so he knows Jim isn't that upset. Just... surprised, mostly. ]

Well— I'm flattered, I guess? Belatedly, but still. And I have always cared about you, for the record. Always thought of you a good friend. [ Even if that's apparently not all Loki wanted, not the whole time anyway. ]

[ikols]

[ It's like an absent scab he tore off just now, admitting a silly crush because it doesn't matter anymore. He knows himself too well to pretend he won't have more on other men, even while he's Billy's boyfriend, but at least Jim won't be caught up in such nonsense again. Cathartic is a better word and now it doesn't feel like lying about the past by omission. ]

Ditto. Hey, if you help me pick out a good hoverbike, I could repay you in fuel for your own shuttle. [ He tilts his head with a wry smile, colder owing to the subject matter. ] The Avengers turned their nose up at my help, so I still have some aid to throw around.

[winscenario]

[ Jim's honestly surprised that all this flew right over his head somehow, but he's also glad that Loki just worked through it, and that Jim didn't somehow mess things up between them by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. He could use what few friends he still has here right now, and Loki's always been one of the closest, from the start. Regardless of them having drifted apart for a short while there. ]

I'd rather you repay me with a ride or something equally fun. [ Besides, the Guard supplies them with all the fuel they may need, so. ] Who are the Avengers?

[ikols]

Party poopers, officially.

[ Oh, hey, food's here!! Loki starts snacking on fries even before the server leaves their table with enough (high class!!) junk food to feed an army. Burgers, yassss. So many dips! Mildly distracted by investigating the chicken nuggets, he shrugs. ]

We, er, had some run-ins ... back when I was evil.

[winscenario]

[ An eyebrow raises in amusement. There's definitely more to it, he can tell, but then the food gets there and he lets the matter go for a moment until their plates are set down on the table and the server leaves them alone again. ]

Ah— [ He tips his head in a slow nod, grinning as he pokes at his fries. ] Making friends, as always. So, let me guess. They're like a group of, uh... superheroes, something like that?