( open ) last night I felt real arms around me

[winscenario]

who: Jim Kirk & YOU
what: Bones is gone and Jim is coping with it the only way he knows how: poorly.
when: Jan 25th through to early February
where: bars, parks and streets, shuttle and beyond the walls
warnings: drinking, general weird moods, Jim being depressed, possible crying. don't expect anything else but will edit if need be. JUST GIVE HIM DISTRACTIONS.


I ▹ JUST ONE MORE GLASS

[ It's a few days before Jim actually leaves the house properly, though he still doesn't look all that great. He's combed his hair and put on mildly presentable clothes, but he's still sporting a short beard he hasn't cared to shave, and he's not looking like his usual cheerful self either.

During the first few days, it's all still a little too fresh on his mind, and his heart. He goes out but it's not with the intent of socializing so much as sitting by the bar on his own, asking the barkeep to pour him one glass after another. He spends most of the time staring down at the liquid swirling in his glass, gaze seldom lifting from the surface, though he will if someone happens to take a seat on the stool next to his.

He'll spare a vague smile if it's a stranger, and a few words if it's a familiar face: ] What brings you around here?

II ▹ MIDNIGHT RUN

[ It doesn't get better anytime soon. It's a process, Jim tries to tell himself, but he hates that he can't force himself to just be fine. He hates that he's nothing but a burden souring everyone's mood, and maybe that's why he thinks it would be for the best if he just avoided everyone.

On the other hand, he's lonely. He hates that. Can't stand being all alone in the empty loft when he leaves the guard. John's been putting up with him and keeping him company more often than not, but Jim knows that he can't very well hog all his time. He's got better things to do than stay with him.

So, when he can't sleep, and when he can't stand the deafening silence, he puts on running gear and goes out for a late night jog. There are always a few people around but it's generally quiet, and the parks are a good spot to just run until his legs hurt and his lungs burn. When he can't take it anymore and his head starts spinning, he lies down on the grass, staring up at the night sky. Anything to not be in his empty bed, staring up at the ceiling. ]

III ▹ THROW YOURSELF INTO YOUR WORK

[ After the end of the month, the levels of self-pity start getting a little ridiculous. He finds himself equal parts sad and angry at himself that he's just letting himself go down a spiral, as much as he tries to tell himself he's coping just fine.

He needs to do something. Be useful. Resume his life in the Quarantine the best he can, cling to whatever is still steady and present and normal in his life: his work.

He shaves finally, tidies up his place, even irons clothes and buys some ready-to-eat meals to stock up his fridge, and he shows up at the Perimeter Guard after a week and some looking mostly like himself. He's not as cheerful, granted, but he doesn't avoid or ignore anyone, though it's obvious he focuses on his work more than anything else. As the days go by people might catch him yawning at odd times, rubbing at his tired eyes still sporting dark circles that are proof of his lack of sleep.

Out on the shuttle, he might even start to doze off halfway through a flight. Whoever's with him should probably take helm control and just tell him to sit back, or else Jim's grip on the shuttle might just slip, giving them the scare of their lives. ]

Comments

[dothelokimotion]

[ A beat. Then with a few fingers, Loki touches Jim's wrist and the scene they are in melts away. Bright lights and white walls fill the view, the bustle of ensigns moving across corridors, their clothes swishing. You can hear the beep of doors sliding in and out. The illusion moves until it is on the bridge, the expanse of space before them. ]

[winscenario]

[ Maybe he's had one too many to drink, or maybe it's just part of these illusions, but the image of the Enterprise being conjured up all around them makes Jim's head spin a little. He startles slightly, sitting more upright, looking around them with a dumbfounded look on his face. ]

How... [ He trails off, gaze lost before looking over at Loki after a few long seconds. ] How did you know how it looked like?

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki taps his fingers lightly against Jim's wrist. The pulse sings back. ]

I pulled the image from your thoughts. It was very close to the surface.

[winscenario]

[ He huffs a soft chuckle, incredulous most of all. Then he gets to his feet, looking around. ]

It's been... so long. So long. [ The months he's been here, and the fact that the Enterprise was lost even before then. He hadn't even realized how much he missed it until this very moment. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki hangs back, letting Jim bask in it. ]

It is a powerful image. Close to the heart.

[winscenario]

[ He's quiet, completely at a loss for words. It's so surreal to be here, even though he knows it's just an illusion. Everything is so real, every detail so vivid.

He steps closer to his chair, hand reaching out, wondering if it'll feel as real to the touch. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki puts a little more power into the illusion. His usual ones fade from the touch, but he imbues this one with a bit more magic than he would usually attempt. ]

Go on.

[winscenario]

[ His fingertips ghost across the surface, then press a little more firmly when the chair doesn't fade. He glances at Loki when he speaks, then promptly takes the invitation, carefully taking a seat, as though he's afraid it might vanish at any moment. ]

I can't believe this.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki smirks faintly. This is why he enjoyed magic, the awe-struck feelings that it inspired in others. It may never make him worthy, but it gives him no small amount of satisfaction. ]

The stars are still there.

[winscenario]

[ Jim looks to the viewscreen, showing the stars Loki's talking about. His smile lasts for a second or two longer, before it wanes, and his gaze drops. ]

But I'm not.

[dothelokimotion]

No.

But they will be there when you return.

[winscenario]

Yeah. Whenever that might be.

[ His luck doesn't seem to be looking up right now, so. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki doesn't dignify that with a reply. There's little one can do when it comes to sentiment and words, while helpful, are meaningless here. ]

Shall I remove the illusion?

[winscenario]

[ That is true. Jim appreciates the gesture nonetheless, and he finds a modicum of comfort in being here, on his bridge again, even if it's an illusion, but... everything else are just platitudes, a little empty. The thought counts for something, though. Jim won't forget that.

He stands up, tipping his head in a small nod. ]

Yes. Please.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Without any fanfare, the illusion simply burns away, like fire set to a photograph. Any thoughts he has, he keeps to himself, almost awaiting a dismissal. ]

[winscenario]

[ And then he's back at the bar, the image of the Enterprise gone completely. It was never real to begin with, but there's still a pang in his chest, and he closes his eyes, exhaling slowly.

He can't really bring himself to thank Loki for it, but he does spare him a weak smile as he makes his way back to his stool. He's not all that sure it helped, but he does appreciate the gesture nonetheless. ]

I must make for really cheerful company right now.

[dothelokimotion]

No worse than any other company.

[ Slowly he takes his seat once more. ]

I doubt anyone will begrudge you from drowning your sorrows.

[winscenario]

[ Jim smiles again, a little more genuine this time. ]

Thanks, Loki. This was... nice of you. [ He says it like it's a weird realization to him too, don't worry. ] Even though I'm pretty sure you don't like people thinking that.

[dothelokimotion]

[ He nods, acknowledging that. ]

I think we shall keep this to ourselves.

[winscenario]

[ Jim chuckles. ] I'll take it to my grave.

[ And really, it's not like he feels like telling anyone about the time Loki conjured up an image of the Enterprise because he was feeling sad, lonely and homesick. No one would hear about this little moment, if he had any say in it. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ His lips curve slightly. ]

See that you do.