riverviewlogs | [open] it's time to tip it off

Entry tags:

[open] it's time to tip it off

who: cisco + anyone!
what: catch-all
when: july
where: anywhere; if you want a starter, please hit me up!
warnings: discussion of sex & drinking

i. tech testing

[ Most of Cisco's work is done within the privacy of his workshop, but there comes a time when he has to leave and find a nice quiet place to actually test some of the tech that he's made. The one time he'd done so outside the wall, things had gone very very badly. So he makes a compromise, finds an alleyway that is within the city but deserted. Sure, he might blow up a dumpster or two and make quite a racket, but he is less likely to get attacked by monsters here, and if anyone disturbs him he can just tell them to clear out.

That's the theory, anyway. But some of the stuff he brought with him might be a bit more powerful than he'd intended... ]

ii. nesting

[ Cisco had been very tentative about his new living situation, at first. He didn't want to get too comfortable, in case Yuri changed his mind, or Eddie got sick of him. But after a few weeks, with no signs that they want him to leave, Cisco starts to think about maybe settling in to his new room. It's fairly stark, still - just a bed, some sheets, and an old couch. All his clothes are still in bags, but the first thing on his list is some dark curtains for the windows. He was never meant to be a morning person.

He can be seen in various shops in the quarantine, looking at furniture, rugs, curtains, etcetera. Cisco's not above asking random strangers for their opinion, either. ]

What do you think, this one or this one?

iii. misc

[ Come plot something! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[It's been a rough day. Eddie had been on duty when the rain started coming down, and had immediately jumped into action escorting people to safety along with his fellow officers. At least until the rain had started eating through his leather boots, then the rubber soles, and his rain jacket had started disintegrating. After getting called in by a superior, he'd reported that the rain had gotten his clothing but not his skin, and was issued some gear intended to stand up for longer.

It had mostly worked, but after about an hour in the rain getting people to safety, trying. His boss had taken one look at him, at the bright red spots forming on Eddie's hands and other places where the fabric had been eaten away, and ordered him to drive himself home as soon as possible. Thanking the powers that be for his car and underground parking, he managed to get back to the apartment without further damage, had stripped and stuffed his clothing in the trash, and then hopped in the shower to assess the damage and try to flush out the stinging acid burns.

At least until the power had gone out and the water had stopped running shortly afterward. Shivering, skin stinging in a couple of large patches, Eddie had dried off and gone into the kitchen to rifle around for candles. It's just as he's pulling out a little pack of tea lights that he hears Cisco coming down the stairs asking about candles. Eddie's acid-stung hands are still shaking as he flicks a lighter a few times, and rapidly cooling water is dripping down the back of his neck.]

Yeah. I'm in the kitchen trying to light them.

[If Cisco can see much of him, it's a pretty sorry sight - Eddie's standing there with his hair plastered to his forehead, hands patchy and red, wearing an oversized sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants, feet bare and equally red and patchy from the rain.]

I could use a hand.

[ It's not as if the apartment is entirely pitch black, but Cisco's eyes are still adjusting. He comes down the stairs easily enough by holding onto the bannisters. After that, makes his way by feel, arms stuck out in front of him. The little flicks of light as Eddie tries to start the lighters are enough to get Cisco going in the right direction, but he hasn't been living in the apartment long enough to know the distances by heart. He misjudges and ends up banging his hip hard against the kitchen counter. He bites out an angry curse in Spanish, hissing with pain. But then he's coming around, reaching out for the lighter. ]

Here, I got it.

[ He misjudges again - Eddie is closer than he realized and Cisco ends up knocking a hand into his chest. But at least that gets a little laugh from him as he just feels his way over to Eddie's shoulder, then arm, then to the lighter in his hand. Cisco flicks it on with one easy movement, spots the tea lights, and gets to work. He lights about half of them before he sets the lighter down and actually looks up at Eddie.

Who looks... pretty bedraggled, all in all. At first Cisco only notices the wet hair (his own is still damp, but at least it's not dripping, the way Eddie's seems to be). But then he spots a tiny patch of red on Eddie's ear, and then on his hand, too. Which is when it sinks in that it's kinda weird Eddie couldn't get a lighter to light.

Cisco's face immediately goes worried all over, and he asks: ]

Are you okay?

[Eddie winces when Cisco's hip connects with the counter, and then swears in Spanish. He knows the word, the way it's hissed out only makes it more familiar, and he blurts out an apology.]

Sorry.

[When Cisco knocks into his chest and then his hand slides across Eddie's collarbone to his shoulder, exploring their way across his torso until they find their way down his arm to his hand, taking the lighter from him, Eddie can't breathe for a moment. It's strange, being touched like that, accompanied by Cisco's soft little laugh, and he's not sure what to make of the complicated emotion it brings up in him. There's a patch of skin on his chest that stings when Cisco's fingers press there through the fabric, and he hisses a little, swallows the feeling, glancing up as Cisco flicks the lighter and starts transferring flame from the lighter to each candle in turn before he looks up at him.]

Yeah, I'm okay. I was out in the rain for a while, but I think I washed most of it off. I'm just cold and a little shaky. Except where I'm way, way too hot. Are you okay? It didn't get you, did it?

Edited 2017-07-23 07:58 (UTC)

[ Cisco had been a fusser long before he'd met Barry Allen, but a year of working with him had cultivated that trait, helped it to bloom. And how could he not feel a strong impulse to look after Eddie, when he's standing there with his wet shoulders, the hair plastered to his head, looking paler than usual and, indeed, shaky. ]

Why do I get the feeling "a while" means "way longer than any sane person should've, but I was helping people or saving kittens" or something like that.

[ He sounds aggravated and fond at the same time. Cisco takes up one of the tea lights, uses it to help as he rummages around in one of the cabinets until he comes up with a dish towel. He drapes it over Eddie's shoulder, for him to use on his hair. ]

You take anything yet? Painkillers, I mean?

[ Cisco's already got a candle and is starting in the direction of the bathroom. He's pretty confident he knows what the answer is going to be. ]

It didn't get me. You know how close the lab is, and I've been stuck in there most of the day working on something to fight back against the storm from hell.

[Eddie manages a weak smile when Cisco so directly calls him out on exactly what he was doing. Snorting a bit, he shakes his head.]

Wow. That was uncalled for. [The smile widens a bit, to show he was teasing.] There were no kittens involved, at least that I know of, but, yeah, I was making sure people got to safety. They gave me some good rain gear but we didn't know until it was too late that plastic was going too, so it wore through in a few places, and it got me. I don't think it's much worse than a sunburn except on my hands.

[Frowning a bit, he looks down at them. They're still shaking, most of the red along the back of them, and then jumps a bit when Cisco drapes a towel over his shoulder. Lifting his hands, he clumsily scrubs some of the water out of his short hair, shivering again as drips fall down the back of his neck.]

No, I didn't have a chance. I just got back and was in the shower flushing it off like my C.O. told me to when the power went out and the water stopped. I'm glad you got home safe.

[A pause, and then, in a gentle teasing voice, while he trails after Cisco toward the bathroom.]

It would truly be a tragedy if it got your hair.

So what you're saying is, I nailed it.

[ Cisco knows doing that kind of thing is part of Eddie's job. But he also knows that Eddie goes above and beyond what's required of him, all the time. Because apparently, Cisco is just drawn to foolish, selfless, heroic idiots. It's like a disease, honestly. He needs help. ]

Will aloe make it worse? I don't know a lot about chemical burns, which is pretty surprising when you think about it, but I got some aloe in here, too.

[ At the very least, there is one good thing about the power being out: Cisco's pretty sure Eddie has no chance of seeing just how hard he's blushing, after that comment. His mind, which is an evil and awful traitor, chooses that moment to remember what Eddie had said that very first time he mentioned Taako and how they'd gotten together. That Eddie had been attracted to his long, beautiful hair.

(There are times when Cisco wishes that his own brain was something separate from himself, so he could punch it.) ]

Yep. Certified calamity.

[ He returns with painkillers, a half-full bottle of aloe vera, and the candle. Rather than go to the kitchen, he heads over to the living room, gesturing Eddie to join him on the couch. Cisco suspects Eddie was on his feet for the last few hours, and ought to be taking it easy. ]

I hate power outs.

[Despite the lingering shakiness and the slowly growing sting of the small acid burns here and there, Eddie manages a laugh when Cisco claims to have nailed it.]

Hey, now, like I said, as far as I know, there were no kittens. And I don't think aloe will make it worse, since I've flushed it already.

[He trails off, heading into the living room after Cisco and settling into the couch with a low groan of relief as he takes some of the weight off his feet. The truth is, Eddie's feet are a little damaged too, the tops of them and his ankles, which had been protected at first only by his suit pant cuffs and cotton socks, are red and sore in particular.

When Cisco comments that it would've been a calamity if the acid rain got his hair, Eddie grins a bit.]

Seriously. I mean, mine would grow back in like five minutes. Yours is truly a national treasure.

[Eddie lifts one bare foot and rests the mostly undamaged sole of it on the edge of the couch, looking down at his ankle where it sticks out from the cuff of his sweatpants to try to get an idea of how damaged the skin is. Glancing up at Cisco, glad for the light from the candles and the fact his eyes are adjusting to the low light, he offers a weak smile.]

Me too. They're creepy. Especially with this weird green rain. Also boring. It's crazy, something managing to be creepy and boring at the same time.

[Brows furrowing slightly, he glances up.]

God, my ankles are worse than I realized.

Oh really? That mean I gotta watch out for Nicholas Cage?

[ Of course he went for that reference. How could he resist? Eddie set it up so perfectly for him. It would be a crime worse than stealing the Declaration of Independence not to make that joke.

Cisco hands the painkillers to Eddie, waits for him to take them, then watches as he pulls his foot onto the couch and looks at it. For a moment Cisco doesn't pay attention, assumes he's just fussing with the elastic, the way literally everyone does when they're wearing that particular kind of sweatpants. But then Eddie is saying it's worse than he realized, and Cisco gets it. ]

Wait, lemme see-

[ He brings the little tea light closer, and it's hard to see the colors exactly in the orange and flickering light, but Cisco can still see how patchy and raw the skin is. Cisco reaches over, pushes up the leg of the sweatpants until he is sure it's out of the way of the burned areas. He sucks in a breath, a purely sympathetic wince at the state of Eddie, and opens the bottle aloe. The way he figures it, if Eddie had had a hard time with a bic lighter, no way is he going to be able to manage the weird press-and-twist situation going on with this bottle. And then, he's already holding it, might as well squirt a generous amount onto his fingers and start to gently dab it onto the worst-looking areas. Caitlin might be the doctor of the group, but Cisco has helped patch up plenty of the small scrapes and bruises, while she's dealing with the heavier stuff. ]

Lemme know if I'm hurting you.

[ Cisco appreciates that Eddie had said blackouts were creepy. If he'd just said they were boring or inconvenient, it would be much harder for Cisco to say what he wants to say next. ]

Yeah uh, I was gonna ask, um. After we get you patched up, you mind if we like... hang, until the lights are back on? You know me... ten minutes without a distraction and I'm gonna end up texting everybody I know and running down the battery on my phone, and I won't have it in case there's some new emergency, and I'll just be bored a few hours later. And... and I don't super love being alone in the dark. Even with cute lil' candles.

What?

[It takes Eddie a moment or two to catch on, but when he does, he laughs brightly, his face lighting up, because, for the first time, it's a stupid pop culture reference that he totally gets. The smile lingers on his face even as he fusses with the elastic on his sweatpants, dragging it upward, and it stings but he doesn't wince.]

Yeah, it's kind of a mess. I barely felt it when it was happening, but...

[As Cisco brings the tea light over and peers at it, Eddie sobers up a little. With the light on it, he can see that it's a little more serious on the thin skin at the top of his foot than he'd anticipated, and over the bumps of his ankle. Cisco sucks in a breath, and then starts pushing up the leg of his sweatpants until they're about at his knee. The burns, thankfully, don't even go halfway up his calf, and are the worst around the ankle, but it's still a little concerning. He's about to ask for the bottle when Cisco opens it and squirts some into his hand, starts gently dabbing it on the burns.

For a moment, Eddie's still, just watching, unused to being tended to like this. Usually, he's taking care of himself, or taking care of someone else, and it's kind of nice, that Cisco's carefully dabbing gel onto his wounds, being careful and gentle with him, not like he's made of glass or something, but like he's a person Cisco doesn't want to hurt. It feels nice.]

I don't mind hanging out at all. I'm not a big fan of the dark either, after the whole Eobard thing, believe me. It's sort of nightmare fuel.

[Eddie admits it ruefully, but without hesitation, glancing up at Cisco as he does.]

We could play a card game or a board game or something, if you want, or something dumb like Never Have I Ever or something, if we wanted to be teenage girls about it.

[Eddie offers Cisco a bright little grin.]

[ Cisco's hand pauses, just for a moment, when Eddie says "the whole Eobard thing." He hadn't even considered that, and feels guilty for not anticipating it. It had been dark, down in that hatch under the pipeline. Eddie had probably been alone for long awful stretches of time. He goes back to dabbing at the wounds, pulling Eddie's other leg up and repeating the process - pushing up the pant leg, checking where the burns are, coating them with a generous amount of the soothing aloe. Cisco doesn't say anything in response, just gives a single, tight nod.

The suggestion of a game is a good one. ]

I'm gonna say let's not do a game where I'ma have to be squinting at tiny writing on cards or a board. Never Have I Ever would be good. And- and if we get bored of that, we can just talk.

[ Cisco doesn't even think it through; when he's done with Eddie's ankles and feet, he simply reaches out for Eddie's hands, and starts to do the same thing, with them, carefully not jarring any of the welts on his wrists as he pulls Eddie's hands closer and starts applying the aloe. ]

There's some stuff I've been meaning to tell you.

[ He'd meant that to come out at least 70% less ominous than it actually does. ]

Edited 2017-07-24 01:26 (UTC)

[Cisco's hands are gentle and warm and Eddie doesn't feel patronized or infantilized by the way Cisco tends to his wounds. And he also doesn't feel that way about how Cisco reacts to his comment about the Eobard thing. It's a relief, that Cisco doesn't make a big deal out of it, acknowledges it without really giving it any power. It's a situation they're both in, being uncomfortable in the dark with the creepy rain outside, and Eddie hopes it's as nice for Cisco to not be alone in that as it is for him.

Either way, he lets it pass, the same way Cisco had, focusing instead on inhaling and exhaling slow and even as Cisco keeps working at cleaning up his wounds. He'll have to get up, he thinks, at some point, and get some loose gauze to layer over the wounds, to protect them and keep the aloe from getting literally everywhere.]

Sure, Never Have I Ever it is. Though I realized just now that this is probably going to be super boring, I have really not lived an interesting life. Thank god there's no alcohol involved. Unless there is...

[His brows raise a little, but the lilt of his voice is teasing. He sobers when Cisco says that there's some stuff he's been meaning to tell him, and he licks his lips nervously.]

Oh? Hopefully nothing bad...

Mhhmmm, a likely story. Something tells me that's not entirely true, but even if it were... it just means you're gonna wipe the floor with me. So, y'know, savor it I guess.

[ Eddie's teasing little comment about the alcohol has Cisco getting up as soon as he's done with the aloe, moving into the kitchen with the clear intent that, yes, there very much IS going to be alcohol involved. As he's fishing the bottle opener from the drawer, Eddie asks him to get gauze, too. A few moments later, Cisco's back with an unopened bottle of coconut rum, the bottle opener, and a big roll of gauze.

It's good Eddie had thought to ask for it, because it gives Cisco something to do with his hands as he talks, which always makes things easier. ]

Not bad. Just... stuff about my powers. Like, an update, I guess. If you, um. Want that kind of thing.

[ Cisco honestly doesn't know how much Eddie remembers from their journey back after that ill-fated encounter with the monster. Eddie had been losing a lot of blood, and semi-delirious and semi-conscious by the end of it. So maybe he doesn't remember the stuff he'd said, about how Cisco ought to make his powers his own and not let the specter of Eobard Thawne continue fucking up his relationship with them.

Since then, there have been plenty of times when Cisco has thought about bringing them up again. Telling Eddie some of the things he's learned. But... he hasn't. Because, quite simply, of all the people in this place, Eddie is the one whose reaction means the most to Cisco. He cares what Eddie thinks, a lot. Too much, probably. Which made it hard, sometimes, to bring certain things up. ]

Well, I'll take an easy win. Because you're definitely wrong about that whole interesting life bit.

[When Cisco stands up and heads into the kitchen to retrieve alcohol, Eddie laughs, his voice soft and light, his eyes bright as he watches Cisco go, then calls after, asking if he'd be willing to grab him gauze. Cisco agrees, and darts off, and Eddie sits still, shaking his head a little - it's probably a really stupid idea, to drink alcohol in the middle of an acid rainstorm, with the power out while playing a silly game for little girls, but Eddie can't really bring himself to care.

When Cisco comes back and settles in to start unrolling the gauze, wrapping it loosely around Eddie's ankles while he talks, Cisco's hands moving gracefully and gently. When Cisco mentions his powers, offers an update on his powers, Eddie's chin lifts and he perks with obvious interest.]

Yeah, definitely! I was wondering how you were doing with them, but I didn't want to ask. Didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

[Eddie catches Cisco's eyes as well as he can in the low light.]

You can always talk to me about that.

[ Cisco can't help but smile when Eddie smiles at him like that, all warmth and encouragement, so open and genuine. His own smile is smaller, hesitant. But there's no missing it. He clears his throat, breaks the eye contact and looks back down to Eddie's ankle as he winds the gaze carefully, not too tight, not leaving any spots exposed. ]

There's a guy here. I mean... I say 'a guy' but honestly he's just a kid. But we've kind of talked a few times and he mentioned that he's a mutant, which is kind of like a meta only not really, and he talked about his powers some and they sounded... kind of like mine? Not a total match, but pretty damn close. And he knows how to control them. Use them and stuff. And I know I'm not always the best judge of this kinda stuff, but he seems like a trustworthy person.

[ Cisco can feel himself stalling, because talking about Billy is way easier than talking about himself. It's not entirely wasted time, though - a little bit of background is necessary for context. But as he moves on to the second foot, Cisco just decides to rip off the bandaid, metaphorically speaking. ]

So, um. I told him. About me being a metahuman. And I asked his advice.

[ The words themselves might not sound like a very big deal, but the way that Cisco says them makes it clear there is a lot of significance, there. ]

[Cisco's smile is gratifying, because it means that Eddie's smile and demeanor was reassuring, made him feel comfortable, and that feels good, especially when Cisco's been putting in so much effort to help get Eddie's wounds wrapped. He listens carefully as Cisco explains that there's a teenager here who is a meta, with somewhat similar powers, but who can control them and use them, who seems trustworthy, and that Cisco asked his advice.

As he listens, his brows raise and his eyes widen a little, and then he smiles, brightly.]

Oh wow. That's good. I hope this doesn't sound condescending or anything, but I'm so proud of you, for doing that, even when you dislike your powers so much and don't want anything to do with them. I know it had to take a lot of courage.

[Eddie smiles wider, leaning in and trying to catch Cisco's eyes after the younger man finishes winding the gauze around his other ankle and across the top of his foot.]

How did it go? Did you guys learn anything?

[ Cisco hasn't gotten used to it, yet - the way Eddie will just come out and say cheesy things like that, so earnestly. That he understands Cisco and sees him trying his best. That he's proud of Cisco. It's so precisely the sort of thing that Cisco always secretly wants to hear, but actually being given it is like a little static shock.

He doesn't know how to deal with it. Praise has never exactly been a big part of his life. Even Dr. Wells had known well enough to be sparing with it - explicit praise, at least. Had figured out the perfect times to deploy it, to disarm Cisco, or distract him, or set him on a particular course. But with Eddie, there's no motive. He is just actually a nice person. ]

Naw. I know I should've done it sooner, and it's stupid acting like it's a big deal. Not a state secret or whatever.

[ Cisco tucks the end of the gaze into the wrapped portion, and gestures for Eddie to bring his hands forward so Cisco can do those, next. He interrupts the conversation to say: ]

Okay, I'm not exactly a pro at this, so you're gonna be Mummyhands McGee for a little bit here, if you need anything that requires fine motor control lemme be your hands for a while.

[ Then, it's back to the conversation at hand (ha) as Cisco goes about wrapping Eddie's wrists and then, when he gets there, gently binding Eddie's fingers together in a kind of gauzy mitten. ]

It went really well. I mean, way better than I'd thought. Took him about twenty seconds, no joke, to figure out what was triggering my visions, which is kinda rude when you think about it, I mean. They're my stupid powers, and I only spent months trying to deduce that shit.

[It's just in Eddie's nature, to openly say what's on his mind, and he knows how much everything to do with his powers intimidates Cisco, makes him feel uncomfortable, even scared. And Eddie thinks that facing that fear is worth something, is worth being complimented, encouraged. That it's worth making it clear that Eddie is proud of him. And he should be more surprised when Cisco brushes off the compliment, says that he was stupid to keep it a secret, Eddie shakes his head.]

Come on. It's not stupid. They're your powers, you should handle them the way you want to, and if that means keeping them a secret, that's what it means.

[His eyes flick down as Cisco starts gently wrapping the gauze around his hands, first at the wrists, careful and gentle, and then his warm fingers wrap each of Eddie's, covering them carefully, as if they were gifts, before binding them together gently into a sort of mitten. Eddie licks his lips nervously, isn't sure why he's anxious at all, just knows that it feels good to have Cisco's hands carefully touching his, because his hands have always been sensitive. He's always enjoyed having them touched, and Cisco's warm fingers feel good, soothing the pain away, protecting them from further damage while he offers to be his hands.]

Thanks, Cisco.

[His voice is a little rough, a little throaty, and he glances up to catch Cisco's eyes while he says it. After a moment, he clears his throat, and nods as Cisco explains that the boy had taken only a few moments to figure out what was triggering Cisco's visions.]

What is it? I mean, if you don't mind me asking...

[ It's weird, hearing Eddie say that it's okay if Cisco wants to keep his powers secret indefinitely. When Stein had figured out Cisco was a meta, he'd agreed not to say anything, but Cisco could tell he wasn't pleased about it. He'd urged Cisco not to be afraid, assumed that telling people was the default decision. Eddie isn't doing that, and it's just... weird. But in a good way, that makes Cisco a little less worried about the rest of what he has to say.

He is distracted a little, by the way Eddie's voice sounds when he says thank you. Cisco looks up quickly, worried for a moment that he had hurt Eddie after all, and that that was the source of the rasp in his voice. But Eddie doesn't look like he's hiding pain. He looks... well Cisco doesn't know quite how he looks. He gets all distracted by how the shifting warm orange light illuminates Eddie's face in such a way that he looks even more beautiful than usual. Which is exactly the kind of thought that Cisco does not need in his head right now. But he can't help it.

After that, it's almost a relief to just talk about his powers; apparently, his secret and ever-increasing silly infatuation with the man sitting so near to him is growing more worrying than his secret abilities. ]

I'm not 100% sure but I think it happens when I've got the right levels of dopamine and adrenaline in my system. [ He doesn't think Eddie's stupid, he's probably heard of dopamine and definitely knows what adrenaline is. But Cisco also knows that that is a cowardly answer, one that's dodging the truth. He chews at his bottom lip, shrugs, and summarizes: ] Basically, fear. The trigger is fear. It's happened a couple of times when I was kinda nervous-happy, but mostly it's when I'm scared shitless. Like... in hindsight it's so obvious, but. [ And Cisco shrugs again. ]

[It isn't pain, but Eddie is a little overwhelmed, and he couldn't even put his finger on what the emotion is, himself. All he knows is that it feels good to be cared for like this, in a way he can't remember having been cared for in a while. Eddie's always been more likely to take on the caretaker role, to encourage other people, to protect them, to cater to them in various ways, and he's just not used to having that attention reciprocated. For a moment, he's overwhelmed by it, by a surge of intense fondness for Cisco, and he smiles a bit when Cisco looks up at him, encouraging and grateful.

The expression softens and sobers as Cisco starts talking about his powers again, attentive as Eddie listens to him explaining about dopamine and adrenaline, trying to put those together before Cisco finally blurts out what the trigger is. Fear. And it makes sense, in an awful way, from what Eddie knows about Cisco's powers, the visions of Dr. Wells killing him, the fight with the giant lizard in the jungle.

Frowning a little, Eddie glances down.]

Well. That sucks. For a second I was happy, because isn't dopamine a good thing usually? Or am I thinking of endorphins? Anyway... [He trails off, and exhales, trying to get his thoughts in order.]

What do you think you're going to try to do? I mean, if you have to be scared to use your powers, that's...not ideal. I can see why you don't want to use them.

That was what I had thought, about dopamine. Like, I remembered Cait mentioning depression sometimes has to do with people's brains not processing dopamine right. But I've been doing a lot of reading since then and it's more complicated than that. I guess dopamine's less like a neurotransmitter for 'happy' than it is for intensity, in general. So it's there for intense good stuff, sure, but also... there have apparently been studies and I guess, uh, one of the things is that people who've got PTSD sometimes have really elevated dopamine levels, and that's obviously not from good stuff. Which explains some things, about why my powers showed up when they did, and how, and all that.

[ Cisco takes up the aloe again, squeezing a tiny amount onto a fingertip that he then dabs onto the little red weal on the shell of Eddie's ear, the one that he had seen first. It gives him something to look at that isn't Eddie's eyes, although he can feel his gaze as he talks.

He has already discussed this a little bit with Taako, and more extensively with Billy. But neither of them know the context, the way Eddie does. With them he could shape their impressions of what it all means. With Eddie, he can't hide any of the implications. It is a relief, in a way, but it also makes him very vulnerable. ]

I haven't decided. All I know for sure is I want to understand them enough that I can stop myself from having visions when I don't want to. Apart from that... it's tbd. A work in progress.

[ Cisco scrubs his hands together, getting rid of the last traces of aloe, and decisively reaches over for the bottle of coconut rum, signaling that he's done with his little update, and ready to start the drinking game whenever. There were some things he hadn't mentioned - the goggles, the stuff Billy had said about warping reality. A bit at a time. ]

[Eddie is far from a scientist, but it's easy to follow what Cisco is explaining, and it makes sense, especially when Cisco says that it's part of what causes problems with PTSD. And Cisco is right - it does explain a lot about why Cisco's powers showed up when they did and how. It's like flashbacks, PTSD flashbacks, but in metahuman form. Eddie's hand snakes out and settles on Cisco's knee, since the younger man's hands are busy with the aloe, and squeezes gently, reassuringly.]

I get it. And...that makes a lot of sense. I also get why you don't want anything to do with them. If I was dealing with that, I wouldn't want to either. Having to deal with them, out of control, when you're already afraid, when they showed up in the first place because of that erased timeline? God. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

[Cisco's fingers are gentle as he delicately dabs aloe onto the sore patch on Eddie's ear that he hadn't even noticed until Cisco was putting aloe on it. Tilting his head, he looks up at Cisco through his lashes, tries to catch his eyes but can't, because Cisco is avoiding looking at him.]

Hey. You don't have anything to be ashamed of, Cisco. Believe me, I get why you might think so. I'm a cop, and you see it a lot in my line of work. PTSD. Nobody wants to have it, nobody wants to admit to having it. It's this whole culture of being masculine and tough, but that's all crap.

[After a moment, he exhales, and looks down at Cisco's hands as he rubs at the aloe, then grabs the bottle of liquor. Reaching out, he catches one of them and squeezes tightly.]

It's okay to be scared.

[A little breath, and for all that he wanted to make sure Cisco heard that it's okay to be the way he is, he also didn't miss that distinct change of subject.]

Okay, okay. Who gets to go first?

[ Even with all Cisco is doing to diminish the impact of his words, to keep a buffer of distance between them, Eddie keeps on crashing right through and ruining all of that. He shouldn't be able to do that; make Cisco feel warm and hurt and grateful and confused and overwhelmed all at the same time. They're just words, but when Eddie says he's sorry Cisco has to deal with it, he realizes no one has ever said that to him, before. And, apparently, that's something that matters. He hadn't even realized it until right at that second.

And then Eddie's hand is on his, a gentle warm pressure, and Eddie is saying he's dealt with plenty of people with PTSD, that it's nothing new or frightening to him, that it's okay for Cisco to be scared. He looks up, then, expression raw as all of a sudden his throat goes tight, eyes hot with an onrush of emotion that is almost frightening in its speed. Cisco tries to smile, wants to show it's okay, but he can only manage it for about half a second. ]

I know it is, but. [ His voice is much tight with emotion, cracking under the strain of keeping tears at bay. ] I hate it.

[ Which really and truly is the final nail in the coffin of that particular topic. Cisco looks away, screws open the top of the coconut rum and before either of them even starts the game, lifts it up to take a gulp. He coughs a little after, pulls a face, uses the comic momentum of that to cover up as he gathers the somewhat scattered threads of his composure. ]

Oh, that is... not great. That is not great at all. You should go first. Hit me with your best shot.

[It's a delicate thing, handling this kind of situation, and Eddie's already let his compassion overtake his reasoning a little - when Cisco speaks, his voice tight and cracking slightly with the strain of emotion, Eddie knows it's about time to let it go. That pushing any harder will just result in a crack that could do more damage than good. But he keeps holding Cisco's hand, squeezing at it and rubbing his thumb gently against the side, a nonverbal expression of support, of affection, of care.

The truth is, Eddie had already known he cared about Cisco, and that Cisco cared for him, as much as is possible with how little they really know each other. But between this, and the conversation in the hospital, Eddie's starting to feel like they're much more than acquaintances that have had a few intense conversations. He trusts Cisco. He cares about his well-being. He wants the best for him. He knows that he would drop whatever was going on to take care of Cisco.

The part that's more startling, that makes Eddie's chest feel tight with something between excitement and panic, is that he really honestly believes that Cisco feels the same and would do the same for him. It's an incredible feeling, knowing that he really trusts Cisco in that way.

So he squeezes his hand while Cisco takes a pull from the alcohol, and laughs softly. Feels and then forces himself to ignore the momentary intense and absolutely irrational desire to lean forward and peck Cisco on the cheek or forehead.]

Alright, alright. Never have I ever... [A pause, while he tries to think of somewhere to start. Somewhere easy. Something that could go either way.] ...smoked a cigar.

[ Cisco is too busy playing it cool, trying to pretend he wasn't about a hair's breadth from bursting into tears half a minute ago, to notice right away that Eddie's hand remains on his. When he does notice, he has a momentary crisis: should he move it? He doesn't want to, but that's not the real question. What is the normal, platonic, correct thing to do? Would moving his hand just draw attention? Guilty and more than half-nervous, Cisco decides to just remain passive in this situation. If Eddie moves his hand, he won't comment. But Cisco won't be the one to pull away.

Eddie obviously starts him off easy - nothing too personal, there. Cisco shakes his head, bringing the bottle of rum down and perching it on his knee, still holding onto the neck of it. ]

They're expensive and smell disgusting. No way.

[ And here it occurs to him that he has a real chance to learn some things about Eddie - stuff they both might be a little shy to ask at other times. Cisco hums, scrunching up his face with thought. He wants to get to some of those things - which will help them know each other better. But for now, first, he wants to establish that things are light, that he's fine, everything is funny and good again. Plus, he already took a swig. He doesn't want to start off with a handicap. So he smirks and picks something he knows Eddie must have done. ]

Never have I ever... voluntarily jogged.

[ And he holds out the bottle for Eddie, smug and cheerful. ]

[While Cisco is agonizing over their hands still being connected, Eddie is mostly oblivious to any concern - he's holding Cisco's hand because it feels good, because he thinks maybe Cisco needs the connection right now, the contact. It feels right, to keep that connection, because whether or not they'd passed on from the difficult part of the conversation, left behind the intensity of it, the emotions aren't quite gone, and Eddie thinks it's right to acknowledge that.

When Cisco shakes his head, Eddie grins.]

Smart man.

[And then Cisco is grinning at him in that mischievous, smirky way and holding the bottle up, makes his call, and hands Eddie the bottle.]

Wow. Starting off with the cheap shots, I see. Cold, Ramon. Very cold.

[Lifting the bottle, he takes a swig from it, about the same size Cisco took, and hisses a little at the sweetness of the liquor.]

God, we're going to have hangovers tomorrow for sure, with that much sugar in there. [A pause, and he licks his lips, tilting his head a bit as he looks over at Cisco.] Hmmm, let's see. I'm gonna try not to be as cheap as you... [A wink, and then-] Never have I ever set my own hair on fire.

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