riverviewlogs | [open] it's time to tip it off

Entry tags:

[open] it's time to tip it off

who: cisco + anyone!
what: catch-all
when: july
where: anywhere; if you want a starter, please hit me up!
warnings: discussion of sex & drinking

i. tech testing

[ Most of Cisco's work is done within the privacy of his workshop, but there comes a time when he has to leave and find a nice quiet place to actually test some of the tech that he's made. The one time he'd done so outside the wall, things had gone very very badly. So he makes a compromise, finds an alleyway that is within the city but deserted. Sure, he might blow up a dumpster or two and make quite a racket, but he is less likely to get attacked by monsters here, and if anyone disturbs him he can just tell them to clear out.

That's the theory, anyway. But some of the stuff he brought with him might be a bit more powerful than he'd intended... ]

ii. nesting

[ Cisco had been very tentative about his new living situation, at first. He didn't want to get too comfortable, in case Yuri changed his mind, or Eddie got sick of him. But after a few weeks, with no signs that they want him to leave, Cisco starts to think about maybe settling in to his new room. It's fairly stark, still - just a bed, some sheets, and an old couch. All his clothes are still in bags, but the first thing on his list is some dark curtains for the windows. He was never meant to be a morning person.

He can be seen in various shops in the quarantine, looking at furniture, rugs, curtains, etcetera. Cisco's not above asking random strangers for their opinion, either. ]

What do you think, this one or this one?

iii. misc

[ Come plot something! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Cisco's hands are gentle and warm and Eddie doesn't feel patronized or infantilized by the way Cisco tends to his wounds. And he also doesn't feel that way about how Cisco reacts to his comment about the Eobard thing. It's a relief, that Cisco doesn't make a big deal out of it, acknowledges it without really giving it any power. It's a situation they're both in, being uncomfortable in the dark with the creepy rain outside, and Eddie hopes it's as nice for Cisco to not be alone in that as it is for him.

Either way, he lets it pass, the same way Cisco had, focusing instead on inhaling and exhaling slow and even as Cisco keeps working at cleaning up his wounds. He'll have to get up, he thinks, at some point, and get some loose gauze to layer over the wounds, to protect them and keep the aloe from getting literally everywhere.]

Sure, Never Have I Ever it is. Though I realized just now that this is probably going to be super boring, I have really not lived an interesting life. Thank god there's no alcohol involved. Unless there is...

[His brows raise a little, but the lilt of his voice is teasing. He sobers when Cisco says that there's some stuff he's been meaning to tell him, and he licks his lips nervously.]

Oh? Hopefully nothing bad...

Mhhmmm, a likely story. Something tells me that's not entirely true, but even if it were... it just means you're gonna wipe the floor with me. So, y'know, savor it I guess.

[ Eddie's teasing little comment about the alcohol has Cisco getting up as soon as he's done with the aloe, moving into the kitchen with the clear intent that, yes, there very much IS going to be alcohol involved. As he's fishing the bottle opener from the drawer, Eddie asks him to get gauze, too. A few moments later, Cisco's back with an unopened bottle of coconut rum, the bottle opener, and a big roll of gauze.

It's good Eddie had thought to ask for it, because it gives Cisco something to do with his hands as he talks, which always makes things easier. ]

Not bad. Just... stuff about my powers. Like, an update, I guess. If you, um. Want that kind of thing.

[ Cisco honestly doesn't know how much Eddie remembers from their journey back after that ill-fated encounter with the monster. Eddie had been losing a lot of blood, and semi-delirious and semi-conscious by the end of it. So maybe he doesn't remember the stuff he'd said, about how Cisco ought to make his powers his own and not let the specter of Eobard Thawne continue fucking up his relationship with them.

Since then, there have been plenty of times when Cisco has thought about bringing them up again. Telling Eddie some of the things he's learned. But... he hasn't. Because, quite simply, of all the people in this place, Eddie is the one whose reaction means the most to Cisco. He cares what Eddie thinks, a lot. Too much, probably. Which made it hard, sometimes, to bring certain things up. ]

Well, I'll take an easy win. Because you're definitely wrong about that whole interesting life bit.

[When Cisco stands up and heads into the kitchen to retrieve alcohol, Eddie laughs, his voice soft and light, his eyes bright as he watches Cisco go, then calls after, asking if he'd be willing to grab him gauze. Cisco agrees, and darts off, and Eddie sits still, shaking his head a little - it's probably a really stupid idea, to drink alcohol in the middle of an acid rainstorm, with the power out while playing a silly game for little girls, but Eddie can't really bring himself to care.

When Cisco comes back and settles in to start unrolling the gauze, wrapping it loosely around Eddie's ankles while he talks, Cisco's hands moving gracefully and gently. When Cisco mentions his powers, offers an update on his powers, Eddie's chin lifts and he perks with obvious interest.]

Yeah, definitely! I was wondering how you were doing with them, but I didn't want to ask. Didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

[Eddie catches Cisco's eyes as well as he can in the low light.]

You can always talk to me about that.

[ Cisco can't help but smile when Eddie smiles at him like that, all warmth and encouragement, so open and genuine. His own smile is smaller, hesitant. But there's no missing it. He clears his throat, breaks the eye contact and looks back down to Eddie's ankle as he winds the gaze carefully, not too tight, not leaving any spots exposed. ]

There's a guy here. I mean... I say 'a guy' but honestly he's just a kid. But we've kind of talked a few times and he mentioned that he's a mutant, which is kind of like a meta only not really, and he talked about his powers some and they sounded... kind of like mine? Not a total match, but pretty damn close. And he knows how to control them. Use them and stuff. And I know I'm not always the best judge of this kinda stuff, but he seems like a trustworthy person.

[ Cisco can feel himself stalling, because talking about Billy is way easier than talking about himself. It's not entirely wasted time, though - a little bit of background is necessary for context. But as he moves on to the second foot, Cisco just decides to rip off the bandaid, metaphorically speaking. ]

So, um. I told him. About me being a metahuman. And I asked his advice.

[ The words themselves might not sound like a very big deal, but the way that Cisco says them makes it clear there is a lot of significance, there. ]

[Cisco's smile is gratifying, because it means that Eddie's smile and demeanor was reassuring, made him feel comfortable, and that feels good, especially when Cisco's been putting in so much effort to help get Eddie's wounds wrapped. He listens carefully as Cisco explains that there's a teenager here who is a meta, with somewhat similar powers, but who can control them and use them, who seems trustworthy, and that Cisco asked his advice.

As he listens, his brows raise and his eyes widen a little, and then he smiles, brightly.]

Oh wow. That's good. I hope this doesn't sound condescending or anything, but I'm so proud of you, for doing that, even when you dislike your powers so much and don't want anything to do with them. I know it had to take a lot of courage.

[Eddie smiles wider, leaning in and trying to catch Cisco's eyes after the younger man finishes winding the gauze around his other ankle and across the top of his foot.]

How did it go? Did you guys learn anything?

[ Cisco hasn't gotten used to it, yet - the way Eddie will just come out and say cheesy things like that, so earnestly. That he understands Cisco and sees him trying his best. That he's proud of Cisco. It's so precisely the sort of thing that Cisco always secretly wants to hear, but actually being given it is like a little static shock.

He doesn't know how to deal with it. Praise has never exactly been a big part of his life. Even Dr. Wells had known well enough to be sparing with it - explicit praise, at least. Had figured out the perfect times to deploy it, to disarm Cisco, or distract him, or set him on a particular course. But with Eddie, there's no motive. He is just actually a nice person. ]

Naw. I know I should've done it sooner, and it's stupid acting like it's a big deal. Not a state secret or whatever.

[ Cisco tucks the end of the gaze into the wrapped portion, and gestures for Eddie to bring his hands forward so Cisco can do those, next. He interrupts the conversation to say: ]

Okay, I'm not exactly a pro at this, so you're gonna be Mummyhands McGee for a little bit here, if you need anything that requires fine motor control lemme be your hands for a while.

[ Then, it's back to the conversation at hand (ha) as Cisco goes about wrapping Eddie's wrists and then, when he gets there, gently binding Eddie's fingers together in a kind of gauzy mitten. ]

It went really well. I mean, way better than I'd thought. Took him about twenty seconds, no joke, to figure out what was triggering my visions, which is kinda rude when you think about it, I mean. They're my stupid powers, and I only spent months trying to deduce that shit.

[It's just in Eddie's nature, to openly say what's on his mind, and he knows how much everything to do with his powers intimidates Cisco, makes him feel uncomfortable, even scared. And Eddie thinks that facing that fear is worth something, is worth being complimented, encouraged. That it's worth making it clear that Eddie is proud of him. And he should be more surprised when Cisco brushes off the compliment, says that he was stupid to keep it a secret, Eddie shakes his head.]

Come on. It's not stupid. They're your powers, you should handle them the way you want to, and if that means keeping them a secret, that's what it means.

[His eyes flick down as Cisco starts gently wrapping the gauze around his hands, first at the wrists, careful and gentle, and then his warm fingers wrap each of Eddie's, covering them carefully, as if they were gifts, before binding them together gently into a sort of mitten. Eddie licks his lips nervously, isn't sure why he's anxious at all, just knows that it feels good to have Cisco's hands carefully touching his, because his hands have always been sensitive. He's always enjoyed having them touched, and Cisco's warm fingers feel good, soothing the pain away, protecting them from further damage while he offers to be his hands.]

Thanks, Cisco.

[His voice is a little rough, a little throaty, and he glances up to catch Cisco's eyes while he says it. After a moment, he clears his throat, and nods as Cisco explains that the boy had taken only a few moments to figure out what was triggering Cisco's visions.]

What is it? I mean, if you don't mind me asking...

[ It's weird, hearing Eddie say that it's okay if Cisco wants to keep his powers secret indefinitely. When Stein had figured out Cisco was a meta, he'd agreed not to say anything, but Cisco could tell he wasn't pleased about it. He'd urged Cisco not to be afraid, assumed that telling people was the default decision. Eddie isn't doing that, and it's just... weird. But in a good way, that makes Cisco a little less worried about the rest of what he has to say.

He is distracted a little, by the way Eddie's voice sounds when he says thank you. Cisco looks up quickly, worried for a moment that he had hurt Eddie after all, and that that was the source of the rasp in his voice. But Eddie doesn't look like he's hiding pain. He looks... well Cisco doesn't know quite how he looks. He gets all distracted by how the shifting warm orange light illuminates Eddie's face in such a way that he looks even more beautiful than usual. Which is exactly the kind of thought that Cisco does not need in his head right now. But he can't help it.

After that, it's almost a relief to just talk about his powers; apparently, his secret and ever-increasing silly infatuation with the man sitting so near to him is growing more worrying than his secret abilities. ]

I'm not 100% sure but I think it happens when I've got the right levels of dopamine and adrenaline in my system. [ He doesn't think Eddie's stupid, he's probably heard of dopamine and definitely knows what adrenaline is. But Cisco also knows that that is a cowardly answer, one that's dodging the truth. He chews at his bottom lip, shrugs, and summarizes: ] Basically, fear. The trigger is fear. It's happened a couple of times when I was kinda nervous-happy, but mostly it's when I'm scared shitless. Like... in hindsight it's so obvious, but. [ And Cisco shrugs again. ]

[It isn't pain, but Eddie is a little overwhelmed, and he couldn't even put his finger on what the emotion is, himself. All he knows is that it feels good to be cared for like this, in a way he can't remember having been cared for in a while. Eddie's always been more likely to take on the caretaker role, to encourage other people, to protect them, to cater to them in various ways, and he's just not used to having that attention reciprocated. For a moment, he's overwhelmed by it, by a surge of intense fondness for Cisco, and he smiles a bit when Cisco looks up at him, encouraging and grateful.

The expression softens and sobers as Cisco starts talking about his powers again, attentive as Eddie listens to him explaining about dopamine and adrenaline, trying to put those together before Cisco finally blurts out what the trigger is. Fear. And it makes sense, in an awful way, from what Eddie knows about Cisco's powers, the visions of Dr. Wells killing him, the fight with the giant lizard in the jungle.

Frowning a little, Eddie glances down.]

Well. That sucks. For a second I was happy, because isn't dopamine a good thing usually? Or am I thinking of endorphins? Anyway... [He trails off, and exhales, trying to get his thoughts in order.]

What do you think you're going to try to do? I mean, if you have to be scared to use your powers, that's...not ideal. I can see why you don't want to use them.

That was what I had thought, about dopamine. Like, I remembered Cait mentioning depression sometimes has to do with people's brains not processing dopamine right. But I've been doing a lot of reading since then and it's more complicated than that. I guess dopamine's less like a neurotransmitter for 'happy' than it is for intensity, in general. So it's there for intense good stuff, sure, but also... there have apparently been studies and I guess, uh, one of the things is that people who've got PTSD sometimes have really elevated dopamine levels, and that's obviously not from good stuff. Which explains some things, about why my powers showed up when they did, and how, and all that.

[ Cisco takes up the aloe again, squeezing a tiny amount onto a fingertip that he then dabs onto the little red weal on the shell of Eddie's ear, the one that he had seen first. It gives him something to look at that isn't Eddie's eyes, although he can feel his gaze as he talks.

He has already discussed this a little bit with Taako, and more extensively with Billy. But neither of them know the context, the way Eddie does. With them he could shape their impressions of what it all means. With Eddie, he can't hide any of the implications. It is a relief, in a way, but it also makes him very vulnerable. ]

I haven't decided. All I know for sure is I want to understand them enough that I can stop myself from having visions when I don't want to. Apart from that... it's tbd. A work in progress.

[ Cisco scrubs his hands together, getting rid of the last traces of aloe, and decisively reaches over for the bottle of coconut rum, signaling that he's done with his little update, and ready to start the drinking game whenever. There were some things he hadn't mentioned - the goggles, the stuff Billy had said about warping reality. A bit at a time. ]

[Eddie is far from a scientist, but it's easy to follow what Cisco is explaining, and it makes sense, especially when Cisco says that it's part of what causes problems with PTSD. And Cisco is right - it does explain a lot about why Cisco's powers showed up when they did and how. It's like flashbacks, PTSD flashbacks, but in metahuman form. Eddie's hand snakes out and settles on Cisco's knee, since the younger man's hands are busy with the aloe, and squeezes gently, reassuringly.]

I get it. And...that makes a lot of sense. I also get why you don't want anything to do with them. If I was dealing with that, I wouldn't want to either. Having to deal with them, out of control, when you're already afraid, when they showed up in the first place because of that erased timeline? God. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

[Cisco's fingers are gentle as he delicately dabs aloe onto the sore patch on Eddie's ear that he hadn't even noticed until Cisco was putting aloe on it. Tilting his head, he looks up at Cisco through his lashes, tries to catch his eyes but can't, because Cisco is avoiding looking at him.]

Hey. You don't have anything to be ashamed of, Cisco. Believe me, I get why you might think so. I'm a cop, and you see it a lot in my line of work. PTSD. Nobody wants to have it, nobody wants to admit to having it. It's this whole culture of being masculine and tough, but that's all crap.

[After a moment, he exhales, and looks down at Cisco's hands as he rubs at the aloe, then grabs the bottle of liquor. Reaching out, he catches one of them and squeezes tightly.]

It's okay to be scared.

[A little breath, and for all that he wanted to make sure Cisco heard that it's okay to be the way he is, he also didn't miss that distinct change of subject.]

Okay, okay. Who gets to go first?

[ Even with all Cisco is doing to diminish the impact of his words, to keep a buffer of distance between them, Eddie keeps on crashing right through and ruining all of that. He shouldn't be able to do that; make Cisco feel warm and hurt and grateful and confused and overwhelmed all at the same time. They're just words, but when Eddie says he's sorry Cisco has to deal with it, he realizes no one has ever said that to him, before. And, apparently, that's something that matters. He hadn't even realized it until right at that second.

And then Eddie's hand is on his, a gentle warm pressure, and Eddie is saying he's dealt with plenty of people with PTSD, that it's nothing new or frightening to him, that it's okay for Cisco to be scared. He looks up, then, expression raw as all of a sudden his throat goes tight, eyes hot with an onrush of emotion that is almost frightening in its speed. Cisco tries to smile, wants to show it's okay, but he can only manage it for about half a second. ]

I know it is, but. [ His voice is much tight with emotion, cracking under the strain of keeping tears at bay. ] I hate it.

[ Which really and truly is the final nail in the coffin of that particular topic. Cisco looks away, screws open the top of the coconut rum and before either of them even starts the game, lifts it up to take a gulp. He coughs a little after, pulls a face, uses the comic momentum of that to cover up as he gathers the somewhat scattered threads of his composure. ]

Oh, that is... not great. That is not great at all. You should go first. Hit me with your best shot.

[It's a delicate thing, handling this kind of situation, and Eddie's already let his compassion overtake his reasoning a little - when Cisco speaks, his voice tight and cracking slightly with the strain of emotion, Eddie knows it's about time to let it go. That pushing any harder will just result in a crack that could do more damage than good. But he keeps holding Cisco's hand, squeezing at it and rubbing his thumb gently against the side, a nonverbal expression of support, of affection, of care.

The truth is, Eddie had already known he cared about Cisco, and that Cisco cared for him, as much as is possible with how little they really know each other. But between this, and the conversation in the hospital, Eddie's starting to feel like they're much more than acquaintances that have had a few intense conversations. He trusts Cisco. He cares about his well-being. He wants the best for him. He knows that he would drop whatever was going on to take care of Cisco.

The part that's more startling, that makes Eddie's chest feel tight with something between excitement and panic, is that he really honestly believes that Cisco feels the same and would do the same for him. It's an incredible feeling, knowing that he really trusts Cisco in that way.

So he squeezes his hand while Cisco takes a pull from the alcohol, and laughs softly. Feels and then forces himself to ignore the momentary intense and absolutely irrational desire to lean forward and peck Cisco on the cheek or forehead.]

Alright, alright. Never have I ever... [A pause, while he tries to think of somewhere to start. Somewhere easy. Something that could go either way.] ...smoked a cigar.

[ Cisco is too busy playing it cool, trying to pretend he wasn't about a hair's breadth from bursting into tears half a minute ago, to notice right away that Eddie's hand remains on his. When he does notice, he has a momentary crisis: should he move it? He doesn't want to, but that's not the real question. What is the normal, platonic, correct thing to do? Would moving his hand just draw attention? Guilty and more than half-nervous, Cisco decides to just remain passive in this situation. If Eddie moves his hand, he won't comment. But Cisco won't be the one to pull away.

Eddie obviously starts him off easy - nothing too personal, there. Cisco shakes his head, bringing the bottle of rum down and perching it on his knee, still holding onto the neck of it. ]

They're expensive and smell disgusting. No way.

[ And here it occurs to him that he has a real chance to learn some things about Eddie - stuff they both might be a little shy to ask at other times. Cisco hums, scrunching up his face with thought. He wants to get to some of those things - which will help them know each other better. But for now, first, he wants to establish that things are light, that he's fine, everything is funny and good again. Plus, he already took a swig. He doesn't want to start off with a handicap. So he smirks and picks something he knows Eddie must have done. ]

Never have I ever... voluntarily jogged.

[ And he holds out the bottle for Eddie, smug and cheerful. ]

[While Cisco is agonizing over their hands still being connected, Eddie is mostly oblivious to any concern - he's holding Cisco's hand because it feels good, because he thinks maybe Cisco needs the connection right now, the contact. It feels right, to keep that connection, because whether or not they'd passed on from the difficult part of the conversation, left behind the intensity of it, the emotions aren't quite gone, and Eddie thinks it's right to acknowledge that.

When Cisco shakes his head, Eddie grins.]

Smart man.

[And then Cisco is grinning at him in that mischievous, smirky way and holding the bottle up, makes his call, and hands Eddie the bottle.]

Wow. Starting off with the cheap shots, I see. Cold, Ramon. Very cold.

[Lifting the bottle, he takes a swig from it, about the same size Cisco took, and hisses a little at the sweetness of the liquor.]

God, we're going to have hangovers tomorrow for sure, with that much sugar in there. [A pause, and he licks his lips, tilting his head a bit as he looks over at Cisco.] Hmmm, let's see. I'm gonna try not to be as cheap as you... [A wink, and then-] Never have I ever set my own hair on fire.

I'm pretty sure my body is immune to all sugar-related effects, by now. I've built up a resistance slowly, over many years, through dedication. Like iocane powder.

[ And now that Cisco has shown Eddie that movie, he has absolutely no excuse not to get the reference being made. Eddie is right, though. They should maybe make sure they have water on hand in case of emergencies. If the power and water aren't fixed by the morning, things are going to be even more miserable if awful hangovers are involved.

Eddie's next suggestion earns him a little scoff as Cisco plucks the bottle from Eddie, tilts his head back for a quick gulp of the stuff. ]

I'm a mechanical engineer, Eddie. Setting your hair on fire once is practically in the mandatory pre-reqs to graduate, right along with thermodynamics and non-linear waves.

[ Whether those are two separate classes or one required class is really up to interpretation. But Cisco doesn't leave Eddie much time to ponder the question as he quickly moves on to say: ]

Never have I ever... cheated on anybody.

[ A step-up, in terms of emotional stakes, but also very mainstream and nothing pointedly about Eddie there. ]

[Eddie laughs brightly at that comment, the pain from his burns completely forgotten, because Cisco made a joke reference and Eddie got it and he feels weirdly elated about that. He probably shouldn't, but he does, and it's a little silly. Like a kid seeking approval.

Grinning at Cisco as he takes a long pull from the bottle, Eddie laughs at the comment.]

Look, I'm just a humble police detective. I have no idea what the pre-reqs are for mechanical engineers, it was just a shot in the dark. Apparently I have good instincts, though, which is a pre-req for Criminology.

[A little grin, and he raises his brows at that question. He's not surprised Cisco hasn't, and it's nice to be able to completely honestly respond.]

Nope. No drink for me. I'm not the type. And hmm....never have I ever...dated a coworker.

[ Cisco just nods, when Eddie doesn't drink. It was what he'd expected, that Eddie doesn't seem like the cheating type. But then, it isn't as if there's only one type of person who cheats. And who Eddie is now isn't necessarily who he always was. Goodness knows Cisco is unrecognizable compared to his younger self.

Still... he kind of likes that it was a no.

Eddie's crack about instincts and Criminology doesn't just get a huff of laughter from Cisco - it catches him off guard, and the timing and delivery just make it so funny that it gets a full-blown laugh. ]

Does somebody who's in the same class as you count as a co-worker? [ When Eddie gives a shake of his head 'no', Cisco pointedly doesn't drink, explaining: ]

I might not've always made the best dating decisions ever, but at least I've avoided the 'date a coworker, break up, everybody gets a slice of the awkwardness pie' scenario. Points for me, I guess. Now, let's see. Never have I ever...

[ Cisco pauses, smile getting a touch smaller as he thinks. If he asks what popped into his head, he'll be pulling the trigger on something that might be a bit serious. But... it's something he's wondered about Eddie. He wants to know. Is it worth asking like this? After another few heavy moments of silence, he decides to go for it: ]

...told my family I like guys.

Edited 2017-07-27 04:01 (UTC)

[The smile on Eddie's face only widens when Cisco laughs, and it's just another thing he feels inordinately proud of, his face going a little pink. It's stupid, that making Cisco laugh should seem like such an accomplishment, but it does, probably because Cisco is so funny and Eddie's never thought of himself as very funny. Making Cisco laugh like that feels good, and Cisco's laugh is so genuine, so nice, especially after seeing how upset he'd been earlier. It's refreshing. A relief.

And when Cisco says that about the 'date a coworker, break up, everyone gets a slice of the awkwardness pie' thing, though, Eddie does wince a little bit.]

Yikes. I managed to do that without dating an actual coworker. Dating his daughter somehow made it even more awkward. And, uh...does it count if someone else told them first and then I had to confirm?

[When Cisco frowns and makes a non-committal noise, Eddie laughs softly, and takes a drink.]

Mm. I'm taking the drink because I need it after that memory. God. One of my mom's friend's kid saw me making out with a guy at a club in college and Facebooked her. Not pretty, but it was okay in the end, you know?

[Tilting his head, he raises his brows a little.]

Never have I ever... [He hesitates for a moment, but ends up giving in, his curiosity piqued by that comment about Cisco not having made the best dating decisions.] ...had sex on the first date.

God, Eddie. That's awful.

[ Cisco's face is all softness and sympathy. Knowing what it was like to be young and closeted, and knowing Eddie's fondness for extreme understatement, a situation that was "not pretty" must have been damn terrible, indeed. It makes Cisco's heart ache, thinking about it. Young Eddie, feeling like he was somewhere safe, where he could be himself. Happy, and expressing affection for someone who felt the same. And then some douche came along... ]

What a snitch! I mean who does that?! Who is that shitty and lonely and hateful and stupid?!

[ He is all righteous indignation, wishing he could teleport and time travel himself back just to sock that random person for doing that to Eddie, for outing him, just because they could. Cisco lets out a short, frustrated sigh, shifting restlessly. Fortunately, there is the game to distract him a bit from his worry and vicarious indignation.

Cisco can't help his initial reaction to the prompt: it isn't as overt and animated as some of his expressions, but his eyebrows raise just a fraction, eyes widening when Eddie says he's never had sex on a first date. He's just... surprised, by that. And it doesn't take long to make the connection that if Eddie hasn't done that, he almost certainly hasn't skipped straight to the sex without a date at all. But no time to think about that; Cisco lifts the bottle without a word and takes a small drink. The mere fact that he doesn't launch into a single anecdote of a time he did is maybe a bit of a hint that it hasn't only happened once. Or maybe Eddie will just interpret that as shyness. Hopefully the latter, though it won't matter much if they keep playing this. ]

Never have I ever... gone streaking.

[ Eddie had done Sports in college, right, that seemed like the sort of thing that a group of Sports Boys might do together. It's still a touch riqsué, but not overtly about sex... ]

[When Cisco bursts out like that, Eddie blinks, a little caught off-guard, and when Cisco asks who's so shitty and lonely and hateful and stupid that they'd tell his mom about it, he actually laughs softly, and shrugs.]

I don't know. I guess I never really thought of it that way, you know? It just seemed natural, all of my friends and the kids of my parents' friends were like that. You see someone doing something that isn't socially acceptable, and you tell. Especially with my dad being a conservative politician, it's like a warning that it's cover-up time. My mom and dad were really upset for a while, but they settled down the next time I had a girlfriend, like that erased it, like it was some kind of experimental thing, I think because it would've been a big scandal. It's never come up again since then, so I think they just pretend it never happened.

[Shrugging a bit, he watches Cisco's reaction to the question about sex on the first date, and blinks. It's like Cisco is ashamed of it, of having had sex on the first date, and Eddie feels bad almost immediately. It isn't that he had any kind of judgement about it, it was just...]

You're a braver man than I am. I'm way too self-conscious to have sex that fast, you know? I have to know the person and that they're gonna like what they see.

[A little smile, and then a wince at Cisco's question.]

Also the reason I'm not going to drink, by the way. Never gone streaking.

[A pause, and then-]

Never have I ever...had a pregnancy scare.

[ Cisco listens quietly as Eddie explains that mindset, and Cisco isn't necessarily surprised by any of it, but it does sound absolutely wretched, to him. The gossip, the cover-ups, the hypocrisy, the pain it must have caused for his parents to just erase a part of him like that. How many other things about Eddie had they just pretended never happened? How much of their son did they just pretend away?

So when Eddie calls him brave, he can't just fake it and say yes, he is. Instead, he shrugs, and finally moves his hand out from under Eddie's, using it to tuck back his hair behind his ear and then fidget with the cuff of his pajama pants. ]

I wouldn't say it was bravery. Um... kind of the opposite. Like... [ Cisco pauses. He should really just quit talking now, while he's ahead. The facts aren't nearly as damning, if he just keeps his mouth shut about some of the reasoning behind them. Eddie will just think at worst he's a dude with a libido who went to the right clubs. But it feels... wrong. Not telling Eddie the truth. Like he's hiding something, or even lying. So he shrugs, and keeps going: ]

...if you're pretty sure there's not a lot worth wanting about yourself, it's like, any time somebody actually wants you, you're not gonna say no, are you? Of course not. Gotta... make the most of it. Beggars can't be choosers.

[ Which is just about the most pathetic thing Cisco's ever heard, and he's saying it about himself. The funny thing is, from the sound of it, Eddie didn't hold off on sex because he had standards, so much as out of self-consciousness about his body. And of course, treacherously, that makes Cisco think about his body and how very thoroughly he could make Eddie, given opportunity, forget what the word self-consciousness even means...

He has got. to stop. thinking. like that. ]

You're kicking my ass at this.

[ Cisco's smile goes a bit crooked and embarrassed, part grimace, and he takes a quick, small sip. He can definitely feel the rum just a little, now, so he is being careful not to drink too much for any one question. Particularly since, it would seem, Eddie's lived a pretty damn virtuous life, by comparison. ]

Only once, and it only lasted about a day and a half. Still pretty fucking terrifying, but not a very interesting story. We'd been dating three weeks, she was a couple days late and panicked, but it was all good.

Edited 2017-07-27 05:03 (UTC)

[When Cisco pulls his hand away from Eddie's and explains why he'd slept with people on the first date, Eddie's head jerks up a bit, and his blue eyes search Cisco's face for a few long moments. Brows furrowing in confusion, he purses his mouth and tilts his head, exhaling a soft huff as he looks at Cisco.]

What? Seriously? You think that? I don't...

[Eddie leans back a bit, and lets his eyes sweep up and down what he can see of Cisco's body, from his hair and face, down the long line of his neck to his broad shoulders and the soft thickness of his hips and thighs. Even his hands are nice, where they tug at his pajama pants nervously. After a moment, Eddie's eyes slide back up to Cisco's face, lingering on his mouth for a few seconds before flicking back up to his eyes.

Suddenly, Eddie feels strangely fluttery, a little flushed, because he's never really stopped to look at Cisco that way before. He's always been aware that he's cute, with his bright smiles and long hair and colourful personality, but now that Eddie's looking at him in more detail, trying to figure out why Cisco thinks there's not much worth wanting about himself, he's really registering that...well, there's quite a bit to want about Cisco Ramon. Heart thudding hard, he swallows thickly, and glances off to the side for a moment before drawing his eyes back to Cisco's, because there's no way Cisco is going to believe what he's about to say if he doesn't make eye contact.]

Well, I really hope you got over that one, because I took a good look just now, got a nice solid eyeful, and there's a lot worth wanting about you. Okay? You're not a beggar, so you should choose whoever you want.

[Eddie smiles at him, hoping the flickering orange light of the candles will hide the flush, and laughs a bit as Cisco takes a sip.]

Oh man. That sounds awful. I only avoided it by good luck, like...the girls I was with were like...on three kinds of birth control.

[A beat, and then.]

Your turn.

[ Cisco's had enough rum for his head to be a bit buzzy, but when Eddie breaks off talking like that and looks him up and down, he notices. How could he not notice? But it's hard to read Eddie's expression precisely, in the dim flickering light from the tea candle. Cisco's never exactly been an expert at that kind of thing, anyway, the way Eddie is. He tries, but sometimes he just has no clue.

All he sees is Eddie giving him a once over, and Cisco feels his face burning in embarrassment. Eddie may be kind, but he's dated Iris and Taako, and Eddie himself is one of the prettiest people Cisco's ever met. When Eddie looks away momentarily, swallowing, Cisco's heart sinks. He's certain he knows what is happening. Eddie must be scraping around in his mind for something, anything, worth complimenting. Which is just... humiliating.

But when Eddie speaks, it doesn't sound like pity. Not even close. It sounds like he really, truly means it, and Cisco lifts his gaze, shock obvious on his features. His heart is beating too hard all of a sudden. He feels a brief, awful thrill of something that is stomach-churningly like hope. Eddie, getting a solid eyeful, thinking there's plenty about him worth wanting.

Cisco's emotions might work faster than his logic, but it catches up after a couple of seconds. There's an unhelpful little voice in the back of his head, reminding him that there's a big difference between Eddie telling his friend with low self-esteem that "there's a lot that someone else might want about you" and Eddie telling a man who he might ever be interested in "there's a lot that I might want about you." Cisco has been doing just fine until now, knowing that the latter of those two is never, ever gonna happen. He can't go ruining that by hoping for impossible things. Even if it is a little awful, hearing Eddie tell him that he should be choosier, and then smiling at him like that, all those cute little creases around his eyes.

Cisco does what he's gotten good at doing and he shoves all those bad feelings up into a tiny little ball, tucks them away under a fake smile that's actually one of his better ones. He gives a little shrug, pushing his hair back again and saying simply: ]

Thanks.

[ He is glad to move on with the game, and as soon as Eddie prompts him, Cisco blurts out the first question that comes to mind: ]

Never have I ever been sailing.

[ That's a totally WASPy thing to do, right? He can probably win at least one round with that. Or at the very least, the two of them can have a good laugh about the type of person who does go sailing for fun. ]

[Eddie sees it, that moment where Cisco's head jerks up and he looks at Eddie in a sort of wide-eyed shock, and he feels suddenly incredibly self-conscious. Like he's said something wrong, offensive. Like he's crossed a line in their friendship that he shouldn't have crossed, maybe. Like Cisco can see right through him and tell that it was more than just a compliment to a friend to cheer him up, but that he really did take that eyeful and see some things about Cisco's body that he's really attracted to in a serious way.

But he can't unsee it now, can't not notice the way the fabric of Cisco's pajama pants stretches over his thighs, can't not notice the long, lovely line of his neck, or the way his hair falls around his face and shoulders. Licking his lips nervously, Eddie forces himself to keep his eyes on Cisco's face to avoid looking too awkward, and tries to ride through it. Then, of course, Cisco is smiling at him in that way that almost-but-not-quite looks real, his mouth a tiny bit tight at the corners, and Eddie wants to sink through the floor, his face going red, and he can't keep it up, he falters, his eyes flick downward and he avoids eye contact for a few moments. It's obvious that he messed up, that Cisco isn't entirely pleased, that Cisco knows what's up and doesn't like it.

So the moment Cisco mentions sailing, Eddie seizes on it as a change of subject to try to push the awkwardness of that conversation behind them. He immediately takes the bottle and tips it back, takes a long swig from it to calm his nerves and tries to switch tracks in his brain while he has the bottle in front of his face. Lowering it after a moment, he offers Cisco a tentative half-smile.]

I've been sailing a few times. It was really nice, actually. I wonder if you can do anything like that here. I've heard there's an ocean but I don't know if it's safe or worth it. Sailing is really fun though, I'd love to take you. Maybe on the river sometime.

[He's babbling a little, he can hear it, because he's self-conscious and feeling super awkward about saying Cisco is attractive. Licking his lips again, he glances up at Cisco's face, exhaling softly, trying to calm himself down.]

Um. Never have I ever...

[For a moment, he hesitates, tilting his head and looking at Cisco before a slightly mischievous smile crosses his face.]

...been to church and a gay bar on the same day.

[A moment after he says it, he realizes it probably would've been best to draw the conversation away from the topics of being into men. Or attractiveness. Or really, dating or sexuality in general. But apparently his brain is one-track right now.]

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