Cisco Ramon (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
franciscoramon) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
riverviewlogs2017-07-05 03:37 pm
franciscoramon) wrote in riverviewlogs2017-07-05 03:37 pm
[open] it's time to tip it off
who: cisco + anyone!
what: catch-all
when: july
where: anywhere; if you want a starter, please hit me up!
warnings: discussion of sex & drinking
i. tech testing
[ Most of Cisco's work is done within the privacy of his workshop, but there comes a time when he has to leave and find a nice quiet place to actually test some of the tech that he's made. The one time he'd done so outside the wall, things had gone very very badly. So he makes a compromise, finds an alleyway that is within the city but deserted. Sure, he might blow up a dumpster or two and make quite a racket, but he is less likely to get attacked by monsters here, and if anyone disturbs him he can just tell them to clear out.
That's the theory, anyway. But some of the stuff he brought with him might be a bit more powerful than he'd intended... ]
ii. nesting
[ Cisco had been very tentative about his new living situation, at first. He didn't want to get too comfortable, in case Yuri changed his mind, or Eddie got sick of him. But after a few weeks, with no signs that they want him to leave, Cisco starts to think about maybe settling in to his new room. It's fairly stark, still - just a bed, some sheets, and an old couch. All his clothes are still in bags, but the first thing on his list is some dark curtains for the windows. He was never meant to be a morning person.
He can be seen in various shops in the quarantine, looking at furniture, rugs, curtains, etcetera. Cisco's not above asking random strangers for their opinion, either. ]
What do you think, this one or this one?
iii. misc
[ Come plot something! ]
what: catch-all
when: july
where: anywhere; if you want a starter, please hit me up!
warnings: discussion of sex & drinking
i. tech testing
[ Most of Cisco's work is done within the privacy of his workshop, but there comes a time when he has to leave and find a nice quiet place to actually test some of the tech that he's made. The one time he'd done so outside the wall, things had gone very very badly. So he makes a compromise, finds an alleyway that is within the city but deserted. Sure, he might blow up a dumpster or two and make quite a racket, but he is less likely to get attacked by monsters here, and if anyone disturbs him he can just tell them to clear out.
That's the theory, anyway. But some of the stuff he brought with him might be a bit more powerful than he'd intended... ]
ii. nesting
[ Cisco had been very tentative about his new living situation, at first. He didn't want to get too comfortable, in case Yuri changed his mind, or Eddie got sick of him. But after a few weeks, with no signs that they want him to leave, Cisco starts to think about maybe settling in to his new room. It's fairly stark, still - just a bed, some sheets, and an old couch. All his clothes are still in bags, but the first thing on his list is some dark curtains for the windows. He was never meant to be a morning person.
He can be seen in various shops in the quarantine, looking at furniture, rugs, curtains, etcetera. Cisco's not above asking random strangers for their opinion, either. ]
What do you think, this one or this one?
iii. misc
[ Come plot something! ]
no subject
I don't know. I guess I never really thought of it that way, you know? It just seemed natural, all of my friends and the kids of my parents' friends were like that. You see someone doing something that isn't socially acceptable, and you tell. Especially with my dad being a conservative politician, it's like a warning that it's cover-up time. My mom and dad were really upset for a while, but they settled down the next time I had a girlfriend, like that erased it, like it was some kind of experimental thing, I think because it would've been a big scandal. It's never come up again since then, so I think they just pretend it never happened.
[Shrugging a bit, he watches Cisco's reaction to the question about sex on the first date, and blinks. It's like Cisco is ashamed of it, of having had sex on the first date, and Eddie feels bad almost immediately. It isn't that he had any kind of judgement about it, it was just...]
You're a braver man than I am. I'm way too self-conscious to have sex that fast, you know? I have to know the person and that they're gonna like what they see.
[A little smile, and then a wince at Cisco's question.]
Also the reason I'm not going to drink, by the way. Never gone streaking.
[A pause, and then-]
Never have I ever...had a pregnancy scare.
no subject
So when Eddie calls him brave, he can't just fake it and say yes, he is. Instead, he shrugs, and finally moves his hand out from under Eddie's, using it to tuck back his hair behind his ear and then fidget with the cuff of his pajama pants. ]
I wouldn't say it was bravery. Um... kind of the opposite. Like... [ Cisco pauses. He should really just quit talking now, while he's ahead. The facts aren't nearly as damning, if he just keeps his mouth shut about some of the reasoning behind them. Eddie will just think at worst he's a dude with a libido who went to the right clubs. But it feels... wrong. Not telling Eddie the truth. Like he's hiding something, or even lying. So he shrugs, and keeps going: ]
...if you're pretty sure there's not a lot worth wanting about yourself, it's like, any time somebody actually wants you, you're not gonna say no, are you? Of course not. Gotta... make the most of it. Beggars can't be choosers.
[ Which is just about the most pathetic thing Cisco's ever heard, and he's saying it about himself. The funny thing is, from the sound of it, Eddie didn't hold off on sex because he had standards, so much as out of self-consciousness about his body. And of course, treacherously, that makes Cisco think about his body and how very thoroughly he could make Eddie, given opportunity, forget what the word self-consciousness even means...
He has got. to stop. thinking. like that. ]
You're kicking my ass at this.
[ Cisco's smile goes a bit crooked and embarrassed, part grimace, and he takes a quick, small sip. He can definitely feel the rum just a little, now, so he is being careful not to drink too much for any one question. Particularly since, it would seem, Eddie's lived a pretty damn virtuous life, by comparison. ]
Only once, and it only lasted about a day and a half. Still pretty fucking terrifying, but not a very interesting story. We'd been dating three weeks, she was a couple days late and panicked, but it was all good.
no subject
What? Seriously? You think that? I don't...
[Eddie leans back a bit, and lets his eyes sweep up and down what he can see of Cisco's body, from his hair and face, down the long line of his neck to his broad shoulders and the soft thickness of his hips and thighs. Even his hands are nice, where they tug at his pajama pants nervously. After a moment, Eddie's eyes slide back up to Cisco's face, lingering on his mouth for a few seconds before flicking back up to his eyes.
Suddenly, Eddie feels strangely fluttery, a little flushed, because he's never really stopped to look at Cisco that way before. He's always been aware that he's cute, with his bright smiles and long hair and colourful personality, but now that Eddie's looking at him in more detail, trying to figure out why Cisco thinks there's not much worth wanting about himself, he's really registering that...well, there's quite a bit to want about Cisco Ramon. Heart thudding hard, he swallows thickly, and glances off to the side for a moment before drawing his eyes back to Cisco's, because there's no way Cisco is going to believe what he's about to say if he doesn't make eye contact.]
Well, I really hope you got over that one, because I took a good look just now, got a nice solid eyeful, and there's a lot worth wanting about you. Okay? You're not a beggar, so you should choose whoever you want.
[Eddie smiles at him, hoping the flickering orange light of the candles will hide the flush, and laughs a bit as Cisco takes a sip.]
Oh man. That sounds awful. I only avoided it by good luck, like...the girls I was with were like...on three kinds of birth control.
[A beat, and then.]
Your turn.
no subject
All he sees is Eddie giving him a once over, and Cisco feels his face burning in embarrassment. Eddie may be kind, but he's dated Iris and Taako, and Eddie himself is one of the prettiest people Cisco's ever met. When Eddie looks away momentarily, swallowing, Cisco's heart sinks. He's certain he knows what is happening. Eddie must be scraping around in his mind for something, anything, worth complimenting. Which is just... humiliating.
But when Eddie speaks, it doesn't sound like pity. Not even close. It sounds like he really, truly means it, and Cisco lifts his gaze, shock obvious on his features. His heart is beating too hard all of a sudden. He feels a brief, awful thrill of something that is stomach-churningly like hope. Eddie, getting a solid eyeful, thinking there's plenty about him worth wanting.
Cisco's emotions might work faster than his logic, but it catches up after a couple of seconds. There's an unhelpful little voice in the back of his head, reminding him that there's a big difference between Eddie telling his friend with low self-esteem that "there's a lot that someone else might want about you" and Eddie telling a man who he might ever be interested in "there's a lot that I might want about you." Cisco has been doing just fine until now, knowing that the latter of those two is never, ever gonna happen. He can't go ruining that by hoping for impossible things. Even if it is a little awful, hearing Eddie tell him that he should be choosier, and then smiling at him like that, all those cute little creases around his eyes.
Cisco does what he's gotten good at doing and he shoves all those bad feelings up into a tiny little ball, tucks them away under a fake smile that's actually one of his better ones. He gives a little shrug, pushing his hair back again and saying simply: ]
Thanks.
[ He is glad to move on with the game, and as soon as Eddie prompts him, Cisco blurts out the first question that comes to mind: ]
Never have I ever been sailing.
[ That's a totally WASPy thing to do, right? He can probably win at least one round with that. Or at the very least, the two of them can have a good laugh about the type of person who does go sailing for fun. ]
no subject
But he can't unsee it now, can't not notice the way the fabric of Cisco's pajama pants stretches over his thighs, can't not notice the long, lovely line of his neck, or the way his hair falls around his face and shoulders. Licking his lips nervously, Eddie forces himself to keep his eyes on Cisco's face to avoid looking too awkward, and tries to ride through it. Then, of course, Cisco is smiling at him in that way that almost-but-not-quite looks real, his mouth a tiny bit tight at the corners, and Eddie wants to sink through the floor, his face going red, and he can't keep it up, he falters, his eyes flick downward and he avoids eye contact for a few moments. It's obvious that he messed up, that Cisco isn't entirely pleased, that Cisco knows what's up and doesn't like it.
So the moment Cisco mentions sailing, Eddie seizes on it as a change of subject to try to push the awkwardness of that conversation behind them. He immediately takes the bottle and tips it back, takes a long swig from it to calm his nerves and tries to switch tracks in his brain while he has the bottle in front of his face. Lowering it after a moment, he offers Cisco a tentative half-smile.]
I've been sailing a few times. It was really nice, actually. I wonder if you can do anything like that here. I've heard there's an ocean but I don't know if it's safe or worth it. Sailing is really fun though, I'd love to take you. Maybe on the river sometime.
[He's babbling a little, he can hear it, because he's self-conscious and feeling super awkward about saying Cisco is attractive. Licking his lips again, he glances up at Cisco's face, exhaling softly, trying to calm himself down.]
Um. Never have I ever...
[For a moment, he hesitates, tilting his head and looking at Cisco before a slightly mischievous smile crosses his face.]
...been to church and a gay bar on the same day.
[A moment after he says it, he realizes it probably would've been best to draw the conversation away from the topics of being into men. Or attractiveness. Or really, dating or sexuality in general. But apparently his brain is one-track right now.]
no subject
Maybe um... kayaking or canoeing on the river? Never done any of that, either. Could be fun. I'd love to go.
[ The hesitation and the smile make Cisco sit up a little straighter with anticipation, nodding, urging Eddie on. When he finds his way to the actual thing itself, Cisco tilts his head back with a delighted laugh. He laughs hard enough to wipe away those last cobwebs of awkwardness, and beckons Eddie to hand him the bottle. ]
You know what? Honestly... more than once. [ Cisco sounds more amused than anything else. He takes a quick swig. ] My parents were very big on mass, but also not very big on caring where I was if I wasn't around at night, so.
[ He says it matter-of-factly, with no particular emotion behind it. Cisco's told Eddie before that his parents never cared much about him. It shouldn't come as a complete surprise. He thinks about what he can ask next, and his brain goes back to that kink expo, where he'd run into Eddie. About the display Eddie had been near, when he bumped into him. Maybe it's a bad idea, but now that the thought has occurred to him, he can't quite resist. Cisco leans in a little bit and says, just a touch pointedly: ]
Never have I ever handcuffed anybody... [ He leaves a little pause, but holds up a finger to forestall Eddie saying that that is unfair, since Cisco knows he is a police officer. After an appropriately dramatic pause, Cisco adds: ] ...in a sexual situation.
no subject
That'd be great. Both of those are really fun, I especially like canoeing.
[Eddie smiles brightly, eyes on Cisco's face as he abruptly laughs, loud and thrilled, and Eddie hands over the bottle as Cisco looks at him with that happy expression and then takes a drink. The expression fades a little when Cisco clarifies that his parents were big on mass but didn't really care about where Cisco was when he wasn't around at night. Normally, Eddie would assume that they just weren't controlling, but something about the way Cisco says it, without any particular emotion, and with the knowledge that Cisco has said his parents don't care much about him. For a few moments, he considers saying something about it, trying to gently push and make sure Cisco is okay, but then Cisco is leaning in and pinning him with a dark-eyed gaze that makes Eddie's heart speed up a bit, because there's something hot and intent behind it and after realizing his attraction, it's making Eddie feel a bit flustered.
When Cisco asks his question, Eddie starts to breathe a sigh of relief, at least until Cisco pauses and then adds that last bit, and Eddie's mouth snaps shut. For a moment, the expression he gives Cisco is a little shocked, eyes wide, and then he goes bright red and covers his face, groaning into his own palm.]
Oh my god.
[Reaching out blindly, he takes the bottle from Cisco and takes a long drink, then drops the hand over his face and looks at Cisco with his face so red he's sure the other young man can see it despite the fact that the candles are starting to flicker a bit in the background.]
Fine. Yes. I may have handcuffed someone in a sexual situation a few times, but...look. Don't judge me for my tiny dirty cop fetish.
[Licking his lips, Eddie takes a steadying breath, and then leans in a bit more, making eye contact with Cisco for a moment.]
Never have I ever been handcuffed in a sexual situation.
[It's curious, because of the wording of Cisco's initial question. Eddie's trying really hard not to think about it, about the image of Cisco handcuffed, arched and whimpering on a bed or the floor or...
No. Nope. This is not good.]
no subject
He makes sure Eddie gets the bottle without spilling it, watches him take not just a sip but a very big drink. Should he not have gone there? But then Eddie is admitting to it, and he doesn't sound humiliated, or unhappy. When Eddie tells him not to judge, the words are barely out of his mouth before Cisco's interrupting: ]
Dude, I wouldn't-
[ Wait, did he just say a few times? As in more than once? Had he just really said the words 'dirty cop fetish'? Cisco hadn't even really considered that. He'd just been imagining some more standard BDSM, but it makes sense. A lot of sense. Too much sense.
Eddie leans in, too, and Cisco gets that he's doing it to mirror him, to be funny, but that has officially brought their faces within the bubble of "maybe a bit too close". And then Eddie turns his question right back around on him, and Cisco really doesn't have anyone to blame but himself. Trust Eddie to see right through that careful wording. There's just... no way around it.
Wordlessly, Cisco takes the bottle, gives a little smile and shrug like "you caught me" and takes a drink that's just as long as Eddie's last one had been. He needs it, though. Because there's just... no ignoring the synchronicity of it. Eddie had handcuffed people. Cisco had let people handcuff him. It feels... precarious, and exciting.
And right as he's about to open his mouth and pose some other just-a-bit-too-dirty I-never, the tea light on the table sputters once, twice, and goes out. Cisco hadn't realized, that the few he'd lit had been going out one by one, that they were down to the last. The room is plunged into sudden, pitch darkness. It's evening, now, and the heavy storm clouds are still blocking out the sky outside. Cisco can't even see an outline of the couch, or Eddie, or anything at all. He sucks in a sharp gasp, but doesn't say anything. ]
no subject
Of course, that only lasts half a moment before Eddie's flustering again as Cisco seems to register that he'd said a few times and the comment about the dirty cop fetish - or at least that's what he assumes that Cisco is registering. For a few moments, Eddie feels like he wants to die. Then Cisco takes the bottle back with a smile and half-shrug and drinks at his question, and some of the tension eases.
Eddie barely has a chance to really think about the fact that he and Cisco have both done the handcuff thing from different sides, to imagine them doing it together, before the tea light blinks out and leaves them in utter darkness. He can hear Cisco's little gasp of surprise, and Eddie mirrors it, his hand reaching out blindly and connecting with part of Cisco - his side or stomach, Eddie thinks. Dropping his hand in what feels like the right direction, he realizes a moment too late that he's settled it onto Cisco's thigh and swallows hard.]
Sorry. Sorry, I can't see anything. Did we light all the tea lights?
no subject
Eddie's voice sounds tense, worried - exactly how Cisco feels. ]
I, um.... lemme check.
[ Cisco knows the answer is 'yes', but he doesn't want to just say that. Maybe he'd missed one, maybe... ]
Stay here, don't move, I'll be back.
[ And he gets to his feet, feeling along the couch, and then breaking off into the much scarier open space away from it. He makes slow progress towards the kitchen, finds the counter with his hip (more gently this time) and feels across the top for more candles. There are none, of course, which he'd already known. But he does find the lighter, which he flicks on with hands that are shaking a little. Had the lights going out really given him that much of a fright?
By the light of that lighter, he makes his way back to the couch, flops down again, a little bit closer to Eddie this time, so his knee is touching Eddie's. Cisco can see that there's not a whole lot of fuel left at the bottom of the lighter, of course, because they have no luck at all. ]
There's no more. [ He worries his lower lip with his teeth, expression regretful and apologetic. ] I shoulda lit them one at a time, and not all at once, like a total fucking idiot. I thought the power'd be back by now.
[ The sound of the rain is still loud as ever, pounding on the roof, and Cisco shivers. Again. Is it just him, or is it weirdly cold, considering how warm the last week or so's weather had been? ]
no subject
Seriously, with the sound of the rain falling and the slight greenish tint to the darkness, the whole thing is super creepy. Wincing a little, Eddie keeps his head turned toward where Cisco is in the kitchen until he sees the sputtering flicker of the lighter going on, and Cisco calls that there's no more, explains why. Eddie shakes his head.]
You're not an idiot, come on. I thought the power would be on a lot sooner than this too. I mean. I don't actually know how long it's been either, because it feels like no time at all. [Eddie smiles up at Cisco as the younger man comes back to the couch, sits down with his leg pressed against Eddie's, and Eddie can see him through the faint flickering orange light of the lighter flame.] It's been nice spending time with you.
[A pause, and he sucks in a breath - he's starting to feel a chill too.]
So, I'm guessing that puts an end to 'I never' but...I know I'm definitely gonna need something to keep my mind off all this once the lighter runs out. Any ideas?
no subject
Probably best. I'm kinda rum-d out.
[ He hasn't forgotten, this time, what Eddie said earlier about the dark. While the lighter is still illuminating them some (though the tiny flame on top is already smaller than it had been), Cisco locks eyes with Eddie, expression grave and purposeful. ]
Hey, Eddie, look at me. I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'll be right here. You won't be alone.
[ The lighter flame sputters once, and Cisco takes that as a sign to snap into action. He moves the aloe and the open bottle of rum onto the coffee table, far enough away that they probably won't knock them over. He grabs the blanket from the other chair in the living room and brings it to the couch. Without saying anything else, he wraps the blanket over his lap, and Eddie's, curls in against his side just as the lighter gives up and goes out. There's a sound of scraping as Cisco tries to relight it, and a few little sparks are visible from the flint, but there is nothing. Cisco tosses it onto the table gently, muttering: ]
So much for that.
[ This time he's the one reaching out, patting around until he finds Eddie's arm and wraps his arm within it, anchoring them together. And he shivers again, asks abruptly: ]
It's like... cold, right? It's not just me?
no subject
[Eddie suspects he's not quite as drunk as Cisco, mostly because he's (apparently) pretty boring and hasn't done anything with his life. Or maybe it's just because he's taller, and more muscular, and that only leaves him trying not to think about the proportions of Cisco's body again, wondering about it...
Cutting off that train of thought, Eddie exhales softly, glances up at Cisco, tries to redirect his brain, but the only thing that he can seem to redirect it to is being worried about the lights going out. Thankfully, when Cisco looks at him, meets his gaze with those dark eyes that reflect the flickering lighter flame, and says that he's not going anywhere, that he won't be alone, it snaps him mostly out of it. For a moment, Eddie feels like he's going to cry, and he just nods, in the last moments of the light, reaching out and taking Cisco's hand, squeezing it hard for just a second.]
I'm not going anywhere either. Together.
[And then the light goes out, and Cisco is in a flurry of activity, disposing of the aloe bottle and the bottle of rum, grabbing a blanket and tucking it around their laps. When Cisco curls in beside him, Eddie instinctively lifts his arm and drapes it around Cisco's shoulder to accommodate his weight and presence. A moment later, Cisco asks if it's cold, and Eddie's shaking his head.]
Definitely not just you. It's getting really cold really fast.
no subject
[ Cisco is still a little shy, hesitant to settle into Eddie's embrace, lean against him too much. He keeps himself a bit stiff, doesn't relax into it the way he'd like. This is just... a matter of convenience, and pragmatism. Doesn't mean anything, and it would actually be pretty awful if he lets himself enjoy it.
He'd already made a plan for how to distract Eddie from their situation: if he hates being alone in darkness and silence, and Cisco can't do anything about the darkness, he's not going to give silence even a little bit of a chance. Fortunately, talking is something he's good at. ]
I hate the cold. I despise it. You know, my family didn't move to Central City until I was like, 10-ish? And it was so much colder, and I swear I just never adapted to it. Snow is nice but the rest of the time, when it's freezing but there's nothing to show for it? The worst. Pretty much between the months of November and April, I'm miserable if I'm wearing less than three coats at any given moment.
[ The temperature apparently hasn't stopped dropping, just because they started talking about it; Cisco's teeth are actually chattering, now. It won't be so bad, once they get used to it, but for now, Cisco just shivers and shivers, enough that his plan to keep on talking without much pause falters. ]
This's gotta be the storm, right? Something to do with the weird storm with the acid and the awfulness that showed up ready to ruin our day for no good reason...
no subject
When Cisco starts talking, Eddie listens carefully, focusing on Cisco's story instead of the cold and the darkness and worrying about the tension that Cisco is still carrying in his body. Eddie can hear the fact that his teeth are chattering a little bit while he talks, and he can feel him trembling slightly, then more and more as the temperature drops. Eddie is feeling really cold too, and he shifts a bit, scoots closer to Cisco.]
Yeah...I mean, I don't know what else could be making it so cold, and of course I'm not wearing socks...god. Do you think we could make it to my bedroom where there's a comforter? I'm f-freezing already. Or we could just-
[A pause, and then Eddie is shifting a bit in the couch to make his torso more accessible, tugging Cisco in closer and rubbing his hand against Cisco's shoulder, trying not to think about it too much.]
Sorry. I know it's uncomfortable but if...if you lean against me and we pull the blanket up, the body heat will...you know...
no subject
Look, it's n-not uncomfortable, for me. [ He speaks firmly, despite the chattering of his teeth. ] I just... d-didn't want to make you uncomfortable. T-too used to Barry and Caitlin and they're pretty big on the whole p-personal bubble thing, me I'm just... an octopus, if I don't reign it in.
[ Cisco clings to Eddie a bit closer as he says that, and it's hard to tell if he can feel Eddie shivering, too, or if that is just himself. Doesn't make much difference. It is so strange, talking to Eddie and feeling him like this but not being able to see him, almost at all. ]
J-just, like. Promise you'll tell me if you n-need space, okay?
[ For a moment or two, Cisco thinks that their combined body heat, even with just the thin couch blanket, will be enough. But there's Eddie's bare feet to think about, and their ears and noses, and he thinks about how his brothers' hands looked after Snart froze them, and shyness doesn't seem as important anymore. ]
I don't know how bad it's gonna get, but I think we should b-bring the blanket from here, and go get all the ones from my room, and take them to your room and b-bundle up on your bed. Hopefully, with the two of us, that'll b-be enough. If it's not... I d-don't know what we're gonna do. We'll cross that icy bridge when we c-come to it.
no subject
Wow, we're quite a pair, aren't we? Trying not to make each other uncomfortable. Honestly, I'm not that big on my personal bubble and I have to watch out to avoid being an octopus too, so.
[Shrugging a bit, he shifts so he can pull Cisco in a bit closer when Cisco clings to him. They're both shivering, and Eddie resists the urge to press his face into Cisco's hair, because it looks so warm and soft and his nose is so cold.]
I'll let you know, though. Promise. If you do the same.
[While Cisco is quiet, Eddie is too, focusing on trying to calm his shivering, trying to think warm thoughts and relax himself, because keeping tense is not going to help. But then Cisco starts to say he doesn't know how bad it's gonna get and they should bring the blankets to Eddie's room and bundle up on his bed, and Eddie nods.]
Alright. I'll come up with you, and we can...we'll figure this out. We're gonna be fine.
[A little smile, and he takes a sharp breath, braces himself and slips out of the blanket, leaving it draped around Cisco's shoulders. Teeth chattering, he stands, reaches back to touch Cisco's shoulder and make sure the younger man is coming along, then heads toward where he knows the stairs to the attic are. Moving as quickly as he can with his sore feet, he starts up the stairs and only pauses at the top to let Cisco head into the room first - it only seems respectful, since that's his space.]
How many comforters do you have? I think there's...there's a s-spare in the hallway closet we could grab on the way by.
no subject
He's glad that Eddie volunteers to come with him the whole way, even gives him the couch blanket for the time being. Cisco clings to Eddie's sleeve as they make their way to the stairs and then up them; when Eddie pauses at the top, Cisco slips by him clumsily to open the door.
It isn't entirely dark, however: there is a scattering of those cheap little glow-in-the-dark stars that Cisco had stuck onto the ceiling, and the wall beside his desk, which are faintly glowing. It's not enough to light up the room, by any means, but it helps Cisco to orient himself. He reaches around for Eddie's wrist, finds it, and pulls Eddie in after him to grab the blanket and comforter from the bed. Cisco bundles them up messily under one arm, crouches down and reaches around under the bed for the spare blanket. ]
Got 'em. B-back down.
[ Cisco doesn't care if it makes him seem clingy, or scared; he keeps close to Eddie, holds tight to his sleeve once more as they make their way back down from the attic. As they're passing by, he reaches out and pulls one of the larger stars off the wall, pulls the tape from the back and just carries it with him. Not a lot of illumination, but it's something.
They stop at the hall closet and Eddie has to be the one who reaches down the comforter. Cisco tries, but it is too high up for him to reach. The floor feels icy on his feet, and he can't imagine how much worse it must be for Eddie. That sends a little spike of fear through his chest and maybe if he weren't a little drunk he would have held it back, but instead he asks: ]
You can still feel your toes, right? It's not cold enough for frostbite, is it?
no subject
It's good, to feel anchored to the warm solidity of someone else's body in the dark. To be reminded that he isn't alone, that Cisco wasn't lying when he said he wasn't going anywhere, and to be able to remind Cisco non-verbally of the same thing. When they stop at the hallway closet, Eddie doesn't let go, pulls down the spare comforter - thick and heavy, a down duvet more than just a comforter, that Eddie had bought because it was on sale - and drags it with them toward his room. Thankfully, it's a pretty short walk.
When Cisco asks if he can still feel his toes, Eddie blinks, and nods.]
Yeah, I can feel them. They feel freezing, but they're definitely...definitely...still there. I don't think this is quite frostbite c-cold, and if it gets there, we'll be under b-blankets together by the time it does. We're g-gonna be okay.
[Eddie offers Cisco a tiny smile, even though it's dark, and squeezes his hand again, shifts to pull him along as he shoulders open the door to his room and heads to the bed.]
The floor's bare, nothing to t-trip over, so don't...don't worry, just...get up here.
[Eddie climbs into the bed, dragging up the duvet and helping to get Cisco's blankets onto the bed.]
How do you wanna do this?
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He hadn't thought it would matter to him, that he was climbing into Eddie's bed. But at the last moment, just for a moment, he pauses. He's about to ask if Eddie's sure, but then he shakes his head, pulling up the blankets and getting in with him. Once he's committed to that, Cisco doesn't hesitate. He doesn't answer Eddie's question of how he wants to do this, merely burrows himself under the covers and then presses in as close to Eddie as he can, facing him. He ends up bumping his nose against Eddie's chest, then drawing back. He tugs at the blankets and duvet and comforters so they cover his head completely.
He also feels around with his own feet for where Eddie's are, and then, without a moments pause, reaches down to pull at the pants of his pjs so he can press his comparatively-warm ankles against Eddie's freezing feet. He doesn't forget about the chemical burns, and he can feel just a touch of tackiness from the dried aloe. He tries not to jostle them too much, while he's warming them up. ]
Frostbite's really bad.
[ Of all the things he could be talking about to fill the silence and cover over the awkwardness, this is probably the worst one, but his filter is compromised from the alcohol. The weight of the blankets is nice, but they are still cool, haven't absorbed any of the heat from both their bodies, and Cisco feels like he's shivering worse than ever. So he just keeps on babbling. ]
After Snart let us go I was the one who took Dante to the hospital so they could save his hands, and the whole way there I kept asking if it hurt and he kept yelling at me that it didn't hurt because he couldn't feel anything.
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Eddie isn't the biggest fan of dark, enclosed spaces, even when those spaces are in his bed and all that's over him is blankets, but right now, it's more important that he catch his breath under the blankets, his warm exhalations adding to the body heat they're pooling together, than it is to keep his head out. It's a bit of a surprise when Cisco pulls at his pants legs and then presses his ankles against Eddie's, and Eddie pulls in a short, sharp, sympathetic gasp of breath at the contact. The contact with the burns stings a little, but the warmth against his feet more than makes up for it.
He only manages a mumbled 'thanks' before Cisco is talking again, about frostbite and how after the encounter with Snart, Cisco had taken his brother to the hospital so they could save his hands. Wincing a little, Eddie instinctively reaches out, catches Cisco's hands again, and squeezes them, rubbing his thumbs against the backs of them, the palms, as if he's rubbing heat into them even though he knows they're not the coldest part of Cisco's body. Eddie can't soothe away the bad memories, but this is the closest he can do.]
Well, I can definitely feel my feet. I can feel how cold they are, and I can feel how warm you are. Thank you. For this...the...you know, letting me leech your body heat. Where are you coldest? My feet are cold, and my legs, but my body's pretty okay. I don't mind if...you know. If you want to get closer.
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We're... both leeching.
[ And then Eddie says he doesn't mind if Cisco gets closer, and he bites at his bottom lip. This would be so much easier if he hadn't had that rum. He could think clearly, then, and quash down any complicated feelings about this whole situation. It's purely pragmatic. He knows that. He ought to treat it that way.
Instead Cisco has the sudden, impulsive thought that if they stay positioned like this he's going to do something stupid like plant a tiny kiss on Eddie's chest and no matter what Eddie had said about personal boundaries that would be way, way, way out of line. So he swallows, makes a decision. He twists around, cautious not to jar against Eddie's burns, twisting so that he's facing away from Eddie. And then, with the distinct and anxious thought that this is probably just as bad, he scoots back a little so that he can press his back to Eddie's chest, line their legs up and keep warming Eddie's chilly feet.
They fit together well (maybe too well) and Cisco tries not to think that. Or to think about how much better this would feel with Eddie's arm wrapped around his waist, Eddie nuzzling against the curve of his neck. He berates himself internally, and decides that the only way not to get carried away is to just keep talking. He pulls that little glow-in-the-dark star from his pocket and sets it onto the bed, just a few inches from their heads. The glow is a faint pale yellow, but it's surprisingly calming. ]
I was kinda worried when I bought these I was gonna put them up in my room and you were gonna see them and think I was super immature, because I know they're for kids, but I always wanted some as a kid, but I was never allowed to have them, and now I'm really glad I said fuck it and got some anyway...
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He can feel the way Cisco nods, and then Cisco is hesitantly saying they're both leeching, and moving, abruptly. Squirming away from him and turning and then moving backward until his back is pressed against Eddie's chest, and for a moment, Eddie is holding his breath. Taako hadn't been the most physically affectionate person, and it's been longer than he'd like since he was cuddled up against someone like this, warm and solid and present in his bed. Squirming forward a little, Eddie lets the length of his torso press against Cisco, the tops of his thighs press against the backs of Cisco's, and tries not to think about how good it feels, how surreal, like whatever is happening right now in the bed will stay here.
Before he can register that thought clearly and hold himself back, he's sliding an arm around Cisco, just below his ribcage, his hand pressing against Cisco's breastbone near the bottom, and he's curling a little more. Cisco is warm and comfortable and when Eddie's brain catches up with what he's doing, he immediately regrets it, thinks it was a stupid idea, but thinks it would be worse to take it back, now, to acknowledge that he shouldn't have done that.
The glow of the star catches his attention, though, and when Cisco speaks, Eddie chuckles a little, his breath stirring Cisco's hair at the back of his head.]
They're not immature. You know, my mom wouldn't let me have them either, when I was a kid, so...you know, I'm glad that you got them too, even without this situation. If I'd seen them, I would've thought they were cool.
[It's good, to talk, because it draws him out of himself, makes him focus on something other than the steady way that Cisco's body moves against him as he breathes.]
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He can feel Eddie's breath, warm and smelling just the tiniest bit of that rum. The vibrations of that chuckle, brief as it was, go from Eddie's chest right into Cisco's back, and it almost hurts, how good it feels to feel Eddie laugh like that. ]
For real? Man, what is it with moms and hating on these things?! It's like a vendetta or something, and they're so cool.
[ That little moment of shared commonality helps to transmute Cisco's general feeling from terror at doing something that might give away his absurd crush, to a kind of bubbly, nervous happiness. It's terrifying, and it's for the wrong reasons, but... Eddie is holding him, talking to him, laughing and cuddling him.
Cisco doesn't notice it as much, but he is starting to shiver a little less, as well. Eddie's body is ridiculously warm: it's been a long time since Cisco has shared a bed with anyone, and he'd forgotten just how warm another person can be. Even then, he wonders if Eddie might run a little hot, compared to some. He just seems to radiate heat. ]
If we don't die of hypothermia tonight I'm gonna go and buy you and bunch of these and help you put 'em up in here. 'Cause I've found that's a totally important part of being an adult, doing all the stuff that your parents wouldn't let you or raised you to look down on or whatever. And I know you hate the dark, anyway, so I'm gonna go to the store and I'm gonna get you a bunch of these, 'cause-
[ And Cisco catches himself just in time before he says 'cause I really really like you, which is what he'd been about to say. It was a near miss, and the momentary lurch of fear that it gives him is apparently just what was needed to cause a vibe. The last thought Cisco has before he's being swallowed up in the blue-tinted vision is that at least Eddie already knows, and at least it will cover for his sudden silence.
Then he feels himself dropping, and he's somewhere he's never been before. It's a big house, formal, intimidating. Like something in a magazine, all high-ceilings and wainscoting and no clutter or mess. He sees a young boy - ten, maybe eleven years old - sitting at a table, bent over his homework. He is short enough that his feet don't reach the ground, and he's swinging them in the chair, drumming his heels against the legs quietly as he works his way through multiplication sets. Cisco doesn't recognize him at first, until he sits up to sharpen his pencil, and Cisco catches a glimpse of his face.
Of course, it is Eddie. Why would it be anyone else, when it had been Eddie he was pressed up against when the vision was triggered? He looks very different - young, and much heavier, his face soft and childlike, but his eyes are the same. His haircut is not doing any favors, and if the clothes he's wearing are the ones that his parents sent him to school in, Cisco can imagine how he would be bullied for them.
The vision doesn't last long - just enough for Cisco to overhear a woman (Eddie's mother? A nanny, or tutor?) saying to stop kicking like that. Then he is back, under the blankets, hears how shallow and ragged his little breaths are as he crashes back into reality.]
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[Cisco can't see him, and Eddie knows it, but he's pretty sure the sardonic smile is pretty obvious in his voice, the tilt and timbre of it. This is nice, the moment of having something in common like that, of being pressed together in the cold and talking about something they both experienced. It helps Eddie relax, his body slowly going boneless leaned up against Cisco's, warm and solid and comfortable, and Cisco's offer to go and buy a bunch of glow-in-the-dark stars for him, to help him put them up in his room, makes his throat go tight for some reason he doesn't entirely understand. The surge of gratefulness catches in his throat, and he squeezes, tightly, as Cisco's voice trails off, making the cuddle into a hug for a second.
A moment later, when Cisco doesn't start talking again or really react, Eddie feels a sudden surge of panic. First, he thinks he'd done something wrong by squeezing like that, that he'd hurt Cisco or made him uncomfortable. The moment that's passed, he recognizes the stillness, the way Cisco is breathing, and pushes up on an elbow, leaning over Cisco, head still under the covers, and licks his lips nervously but doesn't do or say anything until Cisco stirs a little and he can faintly see a flutter of Cisco's lashes in the slight glow from the star. Eddie exhales a sigh of relief.]
Hey. Welcome back. You okay?
[His voice is gentle, and he smiles while he says it even though Cisco probably can't see him.]
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