[closed] it's too late, it's too soon or is it?

[buildsomething]

who: Tony, Steve, Bucky and Sam
what: Tony has some issues that apparently need airing
when: Feb 15 - 28
where: Around
warnings: References to brainwashing, trauma and death


[Despite what it might seem, Tony is not a man who dwells on things. Dwelling would require actually focusing on his issues at all, and he'd much rather just bury everything and move on. It doesn't always work particularly well, but it's a defense mechanism that settled into place too long ago to be easily changed.

So when he finds his mind drifting towards his sore spots whenever he's not concentrating on anything else, it gives him pause. It's not entirely unexpected, there's been a lot of reasons those old hurts have been kicked up lately. The fact that he can't stop thinking about them is weirder, but Tony's had worse reasons to buckle down and focus harder on his work.

The black lines start appearing on his skin is when Tony begins to suspect something is wrong. Well actually, the first thought at seeing the marks, swirls of black stretching away from the circle of scar tissue in the center of his chest, is pure panic. It fades quickly enough, the rest of it doesn't feel anything like the palladium poisoning, even if it looks uncomfortably similar. Actually, it just kind of itches. A constant irritation to the skin that is impossible to ignore. And it just keeps getting worse.

It doesn't take much digging around the network to figure out what this is. What he intends to do about it is a little more difficult. Tony has plenty of reasons to keep his issues to himself. He can see who breaks first, himself or a stupid spell.]

Comments

(Bucky) I got my eye on the score

[buildsomething]

[Frankly, the fact that Bucky shows up at all is enough to startle Tony out of his own irritation for a little while. At least enough to get him inside and up to the currently barren second floor. Eventually it will be something like an apartment, but for now it's just a completely empty space. Which is needed for the tech to work, yeah, but also seems like a good idea just in case.

But as they're getting set up, the thoughts can't stop creeping back in. They've both agreed that Tony's problems with Barnes are completely justified and entirely unhelpful, so Tony is almost more resentful of the fact that it's all getting kicked up again than of the original issue. He may not have completely dealt with it, sure, but he's dealt with it well enough.

It's a lot to be dealing with while they're supposed to be handling Barnes' issues, though. Maybe that's why it all goes wrong so quickly.]

[advanced]

[He's really not been looking forward to this, but Stark has a point that neutralising the Soldier has to be even more of a priority now that Pierce is in the city. It's an odd state of affairs that he's come to actually trust that Stark might be able to do what he says he'll be able to do.

He's still tense when he's shown upstairs, unaware as to the bubbling problems under the surface for Stark right then.]

So-- how does this work?

[buildsomething]

[Tony's shoulders twitch slightly at the reminder that Barnes still isn't okay with this, but he forces himself back into some semblance of normality. He's here, and that's what matters. And it's perfectly reasonable for other people to side eye the kind of technology Tony throws around without batting an eye.]

You put these on. [He gestures to what he's holding, apparently just a simple pair of glasses with slightly larger earpieces than most.] And when you're ready, it will project the memory.

[advanced]

For both of us to see?

[He's sort of managed to steel himself for Stark seeing what's in his past as well, but it's not something he's comfortable with and it's probably obvious in the subconscious hostility in his stance.]

[buildsomething]

[He doesn't quite sigh, but it's a near thing.]

Look, you're the one who keeps going on about how someone needs to keep an eye on you. I can't do that if I'm not here.

[That sounds reasonable, right? It's not like he doesn't already know what he's likely to see.]

[advanced]

Fine.

[Not fine.]

Put on your suit.

[buildsomething]

[Well that sounds familiar. Tony gives him a look that's half dry, half frustrated.]

How about I just have it near by?

[Look, he has no idea what to expect, but he's pretty sure that the first thing isn't to immediately make Barnes think there's an enemy near by.]

[advanced]

[He doesn't know that Steve said the exact same thing many years before.]

You'd be dead before you got it on if something went wrong.

[buildsomething]

Yeah, I hate to tell you this, but you don't move that fast.

[He's faced down the Winter Soldier before and lived to tell about it, and that time the man was even carrying a weapon. Granted he'd probably had surprise on his side, but still. This obsession that Barnes has with believing that Tony is helpless is getting real old, real quick.]

Fine. Gauntlets only until things go south. Deal?

(Steve) I'm gonna cut to the core

[buildsomething]

[Once it becomes clear that this whole...thing isn't going to go away any time soon, Tony has to consider the idea that he might just have to actually face shit head on. He very much does not appreciate the fact that he feels forced into it, which is very much not helping.

He's had these conversations with Steve. Repeatedly. Every time, he thinks things have settled only to be blindsided by the fact that no, everything is not magically fixed. Even if Steve is just as good as burying everything as he is, if not better.

But the itch in his chest won't go away, and he can't even pretend he doesn't know exactly what it's for, and all it takes is one tiny break much too late at night for Tony to be able to stop himself. The message he sends off is abrupt and probably out of nowhere, but goddamnit if it doesn't make him feel better. Slightly.]

We need to talk.

[neversurrender]

[Steve is awake when the text comes through despite being so late. He doesn't need much sleep on a good night, and these days when he's wrapped up in the fact that Pierce is here and Bucky isn't safe it's a good night if he manages to shut his eyes for a few hours without his thoughts running wild.

The text is almost a welcome distraction. Until he sees who it's from. Nothing good ever seems to come from him and Tony having a heart-to-heart. But that doesn't stop him from trying.]

You want to do this over the phone or in person?

[buildsomething]

[He doesn't particularly want to do this face to face. But it also isn't the kind of conversation to have over text, and Tony knows it. At least he can be mostly assured that it can't possibly go as badly as last time.

Hopefully.]

In person. Meet me by the river.

[neversurrender]

I'll be there.

[Immediately after sending the text he gets out of bed, throws on a pair of sweats, a t-shirt, and a windbreaker, and makes for the door, cramming his feet into sneakers as he goes. He figures a clandestine meeting at the river in the middle of the night doesn't rate much more effort.

Once he's outside the community housing building it's not a far walk to the river, and he covers the distance within minutes, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket. He doesn't let himself think too much about what Tony wants to discuss. That way lies madness. No matter how much they want to bury the hatchet, he knows that nothing has been truly resolved between them.]

[buildsomething]

[Steve actually gets there first, which probably shouldn't be all that surprising considering their respective speeds. It's just bright enough that Tony can pick him out easily as he makes his way over, but dark enough that he can't read the expression on Steve's face. Maybe that's a good thing. For both of them.

He's trying for casual, but there's a coiled tension in the line of Tony's body that he's not doing much to hide. It's pretty clear he hasn't slept lately, but that's probably a given.]

Hey.

[neversurrender]

[He watches Tony approach and does his best to keep his posture as casual seeming as possible. They've had enough interactions by now that Steve knows beginning things on the defensive isn't going to do anything positive for their conversation. Especially when he's not even quite sure what it is Tony has called him out here for. It could be a few different things.]

Hey. [He replies in turn once Tony has closed most of the distance between them and they stand a couple feet apart.]

What's on your mind, Tony?

[buildsomething]

[Tony shrugs, as offhand a gesture as he can make it, and slides his hands into his pockets in an attempt to radiate nonchalance. The aching itch in his chest makes him want to hunch in as it suddenly intensifies, but it's not like he doesn't have plenty of experience ignoring that kind of thing.]

Seemed like we should talk. Actually talk. Unless you want to find another crap phone to send me.

[Okay, that might have come out a little more snide than he'd intended.]

[neversurrender]

[His lips compress into a line as the comment registers, stinging him more than he would like. The letter and the phone had been his attempt at making peace, despite how little the gesture might have come across. Nothing ever seemed to come out right once he and Tony met face-to-face, as they are now, and he had hoped writing what he felt down might have worked better. Apparently, he had been wrong about that.]

The phone was the best I could do considering my only other option would have been waiting around to be arrested. I meant everything I put in that letter. But if you have something to say about it that you haven't already, here's your chance.

(Sam) I have done it before and I can do it some more

[buildsomething]

[And hey, if he's going to be ruining all his relationships this month, might as well get it all out now, right?

The fact that he has any resentments about Sam is actually a surprise even to Tony, but it makes sense in a roundabout way. Sam will take Steve's side, because of course he will, he always has. A part of Tony has kind of been waiting for it since the beginning, buried deep enough that he hasn't been consciously aware of it. So that's fun.]

If you have any issues with me, now's the time.

[Yeah, that's real helpful. But Tony's on a roll now, int he kind of mood where all he wants to do is pick a fight. He's well aware of the fact that he's probably not going to like them if he gets them.]

[wingedman]

Do I have issues with you?

[Sam doesn't think he does. Sure, there's the whole Accords thing, but it's not so much an issue as it is just...knowing that they're on different sides of the whole thing.

But that doesn't mean he can't be needled into a fight about it if he's pushed enough.]

[buildsomething]

Don't you?

[Everybody does, in some way. Even his nearest and dearest can't stand him half the time. It would probably be worse if Tony didn't deliberately cultivate it.]

Limited time offer. Go nuts.

[wingedman]

Sounds to me like you wanna pick a fight, Stark.

[buildsomething]

No, picking a fight would be bringing up your inability to say no to Captain America.

[wingedman]

Oh, I say no all the time. And then he just does whatever dumbass thing he wants to do anyway because he's Steve fucking Rogers and I go along with it because someone needs to keep him from getting his dumb ass killed.

[He's not entirely sure what's wrong with Tony, but he feels like something is. Tony might be blunt, but this isn't his kind of blunt.]

[buildsomething]

I'm sure.

[Does that make things better or worse? Tony genuinely doesn't know.]

So the thing where you don't trust me, that's all you?

[wingedman]

[Yeah, something's absolutely up here.]

You have a steaming bowl of bullshit with your coffee, Tony?