riverviewlogs | [closed] it's too late, it's too soon or is it?

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[closed] it's too late, it's too soon or is it?

who: Tony, Steve, Bucky and Sam
what: Tony has some issues that apparently need airing
when: Feb 15 - 28
where: Around
warnings: References to brainwashing, trauma and death

[Despite what it might seem, Tony is not a man who dwells on things. Dwelling would require actually focusing on his issues at all, and he'd much rather just bury everything and move on. It doesn't always work particularly well, but it's a defense mechanism that settled into place too long ago to be easily changed.

So when he finds his mind drifting towards his sore spots whenever he's not concentrating on anything else, it gives him pause. It's not entirely unexpected, there's been a lot of reasons those old hurts have been kicked up lately. The fact that he can't stop thinking about them is weirder, but Tony's had worse reasons to buckle down and focus harder on his work.

The black lines start appearing on his skin is when Tony begins to suspect something is wrong. Well actually, the first thought at seeing the marks, swirls of black stretching away from the circle of scar tissue in the center of his chest, is pure panic. It fades quickly enough, the rest of it doesn't feel anything like the palladium poisoning, even if it looks uncomfortably similar. Actually, it just kind of itches. A constant irritation to the skin that is impossible to ignore. And it just keeps getting worse.

It doesn't take much digging around the network to figure out what this is. What he intends to do about it is a little more difficult. Tony has plenty of reasons to keep his issues to himself. He can see who breaks first, himself or a stupid spell.]

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[He doesn't quite sigh, but it's a near thing.]

Look, you're the one who keeps going on about how someone needs to keep an eye on you. I can't do that if I'm not here.

[That sounds reasonable, right? It's not like he doesn't already know what he's likely to see.]

Fine.

[Not fine.]

Put on your suit.

[Well that sounds familiar. Tony gives him a look that's half dry, half frustrated.]

How about I just have it near by?

[Look, he has no idea what to expect, but he's pretty sure that the first thing isn't to immediately make Barnes think there's an enemy near by.]

[He doesn't know that Steve said the exact same thing many years before.]

You'd be dead before you got it on if something went wrong.

Yeah, I hate to tell you this, but you don't move that fast.

[He's faced down the Winter Soldier before and lived to tell about it, and that time the man was even carrying a weapon. Granted he'd probably had surprise on his side, but still. This obsession that Barnes has with believing that Tony is helpless is getting real old, real quick.]

Fine. Gauntlets only until things go south. Deal?

[It's probably not fair, but he does think of Stark as helpless, just a standard ageing human who has no combat skill without his suit. He has no memories to prove him otherwise, and he doesn't want his first ones to be of punching Stark's skull concave.]

Fine.

[He's not happy about it, though.]

Seems dumb not to take precautions, but fine.

I've got plenty of precautions.

[Just because Barnes can't see them. Which doesn't at all explain why Tony's feeling miffed about Barnes not knowing things Tony hasn't told him. Except for maybe the assumption that Tony isn't taking this seriously. Which he is.]

What I'm trying to do is not immediately trigger you into thinking of me as a threat if things go sideways.

[Why does he immediately want to say that he'd never see Stark as a true threat? That's antagonistic even for their fraught relationship, but it's like all his irritations are irrationally bubbling to the surface.

At least he manages to swallow those particular words, he just clenches his jaw and folds his arms.]

Whatever, let's get this over with.

[Tony rolls his eyes expansively, just to make his point on the subject clear, but gestures Barnes further into the space.]

Here.

[He hands over the glasses he'd been holding and moves towards the wall to get out of the way of the armor as it slowly climbs the stairs behind them. The empty suit parks itself into the corner, the gauntlets flying off to wrap around Tony's hands.]

J, be ready. Barnes, this is your show.

[This is weird and frightening and confusing all at once, but he takes the glasses and puts them on with only a moment of hesitation.

He's about to ask how it works, when all of a sudden the whole scene shifts and he's back in Siberia, restrained in a purpose built chair, as Karpov walks into view with a familiar red book in his hands.

Immediately, he starts pull at his restraints, panic rising in him so fast and so completely that he's already half forgetting that this is a simulation.]

[He's trying to stay out of the way and unobtrusive, but it's hard to miss the way Barnes instantly tenses. There's a long heartbeat where Tony weighs interrupting the simulation against breaking the illusion, but in the end he can't help but come down on the side of not completely freaking Barnes out. Moreso.]

Easy. [His voice is pitched low, and as calming as he can make it around the frustration trying to well up again.] It's not real, just let yourself work through it.

[His eyes shift to Stark as his mind scrabbles for the anchor he provides - this isn't real, it's just some weird technology, Karpov is long dead and can't hurt him any more. He's not with HYDRA, he's not the Soldier.

His breathing is a shallow pant, but he stops trying to pull out of his restraints so much, though that lasts only as long as the first trigger word.]

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No-- No, this was a mistake. It was a mistake! Stop it! Stop it!

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[And that's clearly the kind of thing they're trying for, but Barnes is too far in already. As much as Tony might be tempted to push, he's not that much of an asshole.]

Barnes, calm. [That's sharper, louder. A half second later, he adds:] J, shut it down.

[Of course JARVIS has an off switch. Shutting down the tech's signals is easy enough, but Tony hangs back a second longer.]

[It feels like there are fingernails inside his skull, raking over his brain and leaving bloody furrows behind that he can't get to. He's panting as if he's been sprinting for hours and covered in sweat, trembling when JARVIS obeys immediately and shuts down the simulation.

He doesn't feel like Bucky Barnes right now, nor does he feel like the Soldier. He feels weird, fragmented, and on a hair trigger.]

[There's a moment or so where nothing happens. Tony's honestly not sure what he's expecting, but he can only let things sit for so long.]

Barnes?

[He takes a couple of steps closer, peering at him.]

You in there?

[His eyes snap up to Stark when he hears footsteps coming in a bit closer, and there's a mix of fear and cold nothingness in his eyes.]

Get back.

[He doesn't really know who he is right about now, but he knows for sure he's dangerous.]

[That look actually manages to stop him for a second. Though one eyebrow goes up immediately afterwards.]

Or what?

[Because prodding at a clearly offcenter assassin is the best idea he could be having right now. Though at the moment, all he's trying to do is get an actual response so that they can recalibrate.

Well. Mostly.]

[Or what, seriously? This isn't the time for posturing, and the look he gives Stark should say that he knows very well 'or what' will probably be a lot of violence. Violence that neither one of them actually wants to deal with.

He pushes one hand through his hair, fist tightening at the roots as he tries to find some focus.]

If I try and leave, you have to stop me. I want to-- I want to find Pierce, it's protocol. But I don't want to, I'm not the damn Soldier.

Great.

[So this has been the exact opposite of helpful in any way. Tony is well aware that these things take time and a whole lot of false starts, but the frustration already boiling in the back of his head is threatening to overflow.]

For how long?

What the hell do you mean 'how long'?

[This isn't something he has a set timeframe on, he'll be okay when he's okay. If he's okay. No, he has to be, this is going to wear off, it's not going to be like it was in the beginning, not again.]

How long do I apparently have to keep you locked in here? It's not a difficult question.

[He gestures towards the door with one gauntleted hand, sharp and aggravated.]

Really not looking to keep a wife in the attic, if it's all the same to you.

Forget it.

[Why was Stark being like this? Sure, they were always antagonistic, but he had come here to accept help and this was going way worse than anticipated.]

Just forget it, I'll handle it, step aside.

[It's such a bad idea, but he's bristling now.]

[And Tony, showing the keen self-preservation instincts he's known for, steps between Barnes and the door.]

Yeah, I don't think so.

I said step aside.

[He doesn't raise his voice, but there's a hard edge to his words that suggest a threat.]

You just told me not to let you leave. So you're not leaving.

[And a big part of him doesn't believe Barnes will actually attack him. It's a weird situation to suddenly figure out that Tony trusts him that much, but it's something he can puzzle out later. Much later.]

Stop trying to intimidate me and sit down and we can figure out what went wrong.

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