riverviewlogs | October Catch All and Memory Share [open]

No, not really.

[As Keith pressed him to talk about it, he raked his hands through his hair]

It's just... having to watch this memories over and over again. I can't sleep without seeing it.

[He's tired physically and tired of seeing that memory again. Of being reminded what happened to him]

[That... explained a lot.]

You want me to get you anything?

[Though, getting Shiro off the couch and moving might not be a bad idea, either. Baby steps, though.]

[Yes, Shiro was seeing a more pleasant one as well, but he was also watching himself being tortured by the Galra. The pleasant one wasn't enough to stop this one.

Shiro brought his hands back down again, trying to actively avoid looking at the Galra arm]

I don't know... coffee?

[Baby steps. See if the caffeine helped with the emotions?]

[Keith nodded.]

Yeah. I'll get it.

[He gave Shiro's shoulder a soft squeeze and got up to do just that. He gave Black a pat as he walked past, leaving the Lion to keep an eye on Shiro while he was getting the coffee together.]

"Thanks." Shiro looked up at Keith as he squeezed his shoulder and got up before turning his attention back to the lion, who gave a rumbling, almost purring sound as Keith walked by - almost as if the lion was assuring Keith he'd look after Shiro.

Which he did, resting his head on the arm of the couch to watch Shiro. Not like Shiro really had much desire to go anywhere so it's not like he was going to wander off. Plus not like Keith would have a hard time if he did. To eliminate potential moving hazards for Black, the kitchen was open into the living room. As few walls as possible.

[Keith wasn't worried as long as the Lion was there. He worked quietly in the kitchen to get the coffee together.

Meanwhile, Red came over from the other side. Keith's worry for Shiro was filtering through their bond to her, and she wanted to see what it was about. She lightly pressed her nose against Shiro's thigh.]

[Black was going to keep watching Shiro, don't worry about that. If Shiro had been more with it, he might have been more concerned that Black was just standing there staring at him. Right now, he didn't particularly care.

As Red's nose bumped his leg, he reached down to give Red a pet]

Hey there, Red.

[It didn't take long before Keith returned with the coffee. He held it out to Shiro.]

Do you want anything to eat?

[Keith noticed the Lions hovering. It was kind of odd, but comforting at the same time. He realized that it was almost like they were reacting to Shiro's situation in the same way that a pet would. It was almost cute, if the situation itself wasn't so worrying overall.]

[Shiro reached out took the coffee mug from Keith, holding it between his hands as though he was warming them before he brought it to his lips and took a sip]

Toast?

[It was the only thing that he could think of. Oddly enough, there was something rather comforting about the lions being so close. They both wanted to check on him. Too bad he had almost no motivation]

Sure. [He could understand wanting something simple. Keith had been there a few times in his own life. He had an understanding expression as he went to get the toast, too.

Red shifted so her head was resting carefully on Shiro's leg.]

[Simple was all Shiro could process at the moment. He wasn't even sure he wanted anything, but Keith was offering. Whether Keith knew it or not, whether the lions knew it or not, they were helping. If Shiro had nothing the motivate him at all, he'd probably still be sitting there staring off into space either until his mood cleared or something provided motivation to do something. The lions pressing up against him, Keith making him focus even if it was on something simple, they were all making him think outside of where he was stuck]

Thanks.

[He reached down to absently pet Red on the head. Odd how comforting it was to pet something made of metal]

[Never discount the power of a mystical bond with a robotic space lion. Granted, Red wasn't bonded to Shiro, but that didn't stop her from trying. She knew Keith was upset that Shiro was feeling badly, so she was going to try to help.

Keith didn't take long at all and came back out, handing the toast over to Shiro. He still remembered how Shiro would normally take it, even if it had felt like forever ago for the last time he'd actually made it for him. He didn't push Red away, but instead got himself settled next to Shiro on the couch.]

Eating something might help.

[If anything, it was an activity, instead of sitting there in the living room staring off into space at nothing. He gave Shiro a few moments to get started before saying anything further. But, while Keith was generally a quiet person, Shiro wasn't as much. He was much more social. So, having him there in this kind of funk and being quiet bothered Keith. He finally spoke up after a bit.]

Anything you want to talk about?

[He'd clean up the banister later once he was sure Shiro was on his way to feeling less... numb? Keith was getting that kind of impression. He also knew that depression could manifest as sad, angry, numb, and a few other things, so he waited, being surprisingly patient.]

[No, Red wasn't his lion but it was the thought that counted. Besides, Black was standing right on the other side of the arm rest, watching him. Everything that Red probably would have "said" to Shiro was being said by Black as he watched the paladin, making sure that he stayed put.

Shiro took the plate when Keith offered it to him. It took him longer than normal, but he finally did start eating. It seemed more half-hearted, probably because he had an audience, but the audience was getting him to eat so what did that really matter.

No, Keith usually wasn't the talkative one but today he was and that was something Shiro realized even if he couldn't really try to do anything about it. He was quiet for a few long moments as he ate and drank his coffee. Finally though he set them both down]

I'm tired of seeing it. It keeps replaying over and over again.

[Keith frowned. He knew this probably had to do with some of the weird memories happening, but he wasn't sure just how much Shiro remembered from his time with the Galra. It tended to come back to him in pieces, bits at a time, and pinpointing exactly what "it" might be was a little hard. Keith could only really figure out that, whatever it was, it was bad.]

What part?

[He sounded almost hesitant to ask. He didn't want to make things worse, but it might be easier for him to help if he knew what it was.]

[Shiro was silent for a few long moments after the question was asked as though staring into his mug of coffee or his plate of toast would make the question go away. But that's why he felt like this yes? He wanted it to go away and it wouldn't. Finally he took a breath and spoke]

It's one of those... experimentation rooms the Galra have on their ships. And I'm seeing it happen to me, but there's nothing I can do, but see it again.

Then it all kind of goes black, but... I already know.

[Keith took a deep breath and then nodded. He reached out, putting his hand on Shiro's arm.]

It's just a memory now... it's not happening again.

[He frowned a bit.]

People have been seeing them from other people. Do you know if... if anyone else saw it?

I know it's just a memory, but its still... there. I'm still seeing it happening.

[He looked down at Keith's hand resting on his arm. It was hard to talk about some of this. He'd tried to avoid it on the ship and no one had ever pressed him on it. Somehow he thought that if he did try to share, it would prove there was something wrong with him.

But Keith was still sitting there]

Hana saw it.

[Keith wasn't going anywhere, Shiro. He wasn't giving up on his friend, his brother... the one person who never gave up on him. Keith was eternally grateful to Shiro for everything. Being there for him was important.

He nodded.]

Well, then you have two of us here that you can talk to about it now if you want. I know I'll listen. And, well, if Hana knows what happened, then maybe she'll listen, too. She seems like a good person, and you guys seem to get along.

[And that meant the world to Shiro, even though it was completely unspoken. He'd been through a lot and even though he was, he didn't want to be seen in a different light than before. It was a hard thing to shake, the thought that if someone saw your deepest most fears, the traumas buried so deep you couldn't even remember them, they'd push you away and disappear.

But Keith was still there.

Hopefully, it was the same thing with Hana. Not everyone would be as understanding about it as Keith was]

I guess so. It's not something that I wanted her to see.

[He couldn't explain why but it hurt probably far more than it should have to know that she had seen it]

I can't imagine it was.

[Keith wasn't great at this, and maybe Hana would be better, but for now...

He moved his hand from Shiro's arm up to his shoulder, sliding it across the older man's back until he could offer him a hug.]

[Shiro didn't answer that, just pressing his head more into his hands as though this would help block out the issues that he had been having. It didn't really help that much, but at this point, he was willing to try anything to help.

Then he felt Keith's hand moved up and slide back behind him, offering him a hug. At that, he leaned more into Keith before turning slightly to hug him back]

I'm sorry.

[He didn't exactly know why he was apologizing, but it felt like the thing he should be doing.

Black pressed a little closer to nudge Shiro's arm. They're all here for you, Shiro]

For what? Something you had no control over? [On all accounts, really... the capture, the torture, the forced fighting, and this place making those memories come back like this. Nope. Keith didn't think Shiro should be apologizing for anything.] Don't. It's not your fault.

[It sounded silly, but for some reason with all the thoughts running around in his head, apologizing had seemed better. Not necessarily apologizing for what had happened before, but for the fact that he was having issues now. He pressed his head into his hand, staring at the floor even as he leaned a bit closer to Keith]

I know its not.

[Keith hated to see Shiro like this. It hurt, and it made him angry at the people who did it to him.]

What do you need from me?

[He wanted to help, but he didn't know how.]

Not to leave yet.

[That honestly would help. To not have to be alone with his thoughts. He's spent most of his time with Galra alone when he wasn't fighting or being tortured. Having someone there was better than being alone even if he wasn't quite sure what to say to either help himself or help Keith understand this]

A distraction or something.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject