riverviewlogs | October Catch All and Memory Share [open]

[Never discount the power of a mystical bond with a robotic space lion. Granted, Red wasn't bonded to Shiro, but that didn't stop her from trying. She knew Keith was upset that Shiro was feeling badly, so she was going to try to help.

Keith didn't take long at all and came back out, handing the toast over to Shiro. He still remembered how Shiro would normally take it, even if it had felt like forever ago for the last time he'd actually made it for him. He didn't push Red away, but instead got himself settled next to Shiro on the couch.]

Eating something might help.

[If anything, it was an activity, instead of sitting there in the living room staring off into space at nothing. He gave Shiro a few moments to get started before saying anything further. But, while Keith was generally a quiet person, Shiro wasn't as much. He was much more social. So, having him there in this kind of funk and being quiet bothered Keith. He finally spoke up after a bit.]

Anything you want to talk about?

[He'd clean up the banister later once he was sure Shiro was on his way to feeling less... numb? Keith was getting that kind of impression. He also knew that depression could manifest as sad, angry, numb, and a few other things, so he waited, being surprisingly patient.]

[No, Red wasn't his lion but it was the thought that counted. Besides, Black was standing right on the other side of the arm rest, watching him. Everything that Red probably would have "said" to Shiro was being said by Black as he watched the paladin, making sure that he stayed put.

Shiro took the plate when Keith offered it to him. It took him longer than normal, but he finally did start eating. It seemed more half-hearted, probably because he had an audience, but the audience was getting him to eat so what did that really matter.

No, Keith usually wasn't the talkative one but today he was and that was something Shiro realized even if he couldn't really try to do anything about it. He was quiet for a few long moments as he ate and drank his coffee. Finally though he set them both down]

I'm tired of seeing it. It keeps replaying over and over again.

[Keith frowned. He knew this probably had to do with some of the weird memories happening, but he wasn't sure just how much Shiro remembered from his time with the Galra. It tended to come back to him in pieces, bits at a time, and pinpointing exactly what "it" might be was a little hard. Keith could only really figure out that, whatever it was, it was bad.]

What part?

[He sounded almost hesitant to ask. He didn't want to make things worse, but it might be easier for him to help if he knew what it was.]

[Shiro was silent for a few long moments after the question was asked as though staring into his mug of coffee or his plate of toast would make the question go away. But that's why he felt like this yes? He wanted it to go away and it wouldn't. Finally he took a breath and spoke]

It's one of those... experimentation rooms the Galra have on their ships. And I'm seeing it happen to me, but there's nothing I can do, but see it again.

Then it all kind of goes black, but... I already know.

[Keith took a deep breath and then nodded. He reached out, putting his hand on Shiro's arm.]

It's just a memory now... it's not happening again.

[He frowned a bit.]

People have been seeing them from other people. Do you know if... if anyone else saw it?

I know it's just a memory, but its still... there. I'm still seeing it happening.

[He looked down at Keith's hand resting on his arm. It was hard to talk about some of this. He'd tried to avoid it on the ship and no one had ever pressed him on it. Somehow he thought that if he did try to share, it would prove there was something wrong with him.

But Keith was still sitting there]

Hana saw it.

[Keith wasn't going anywhere, Shiro. He wasn't giving up on his friend, his brother... the one person who never gave up on him. Keith was eternally grateful to Shiro for everything. Being there for him was important.

He nodded.]

Well, then you have two of us here that you can talk to about it now if you want. I know I'll listen. And, well, if Hana knows what happened, then maybe she'll listen, too. She seems like a good person, and you guys seem to get along.

[And that meant the world to Shiro, even though it was completely unspoken. He'd been through a lot and even though he was, he didn't want to be seen in a different light than before. It was a hard thing to shake, the thought that if someone saw your deepest most fears, the traumas buried so deep you couldn't even remember them, they'd push you away and disappear.

But Keith was still there.

Hopefully, it was the same thing with Hana. Not everyone would be as understanding about it as Keith was]

I guess so. It's not something that I wanted her to see.

[He couldn't explain why but it hurt probably far more than it should have to know that she had seen it]

I can't imagine it was.

[Keith wasn't great at this, and maybe Hana would be better, but for now...

He moved his hand from Shiro's arm up to his shoulder, sliding it across the older man's back until he could offer him a hug.]

[Shiro didn't answer that, just pressing his head more into his hands as though this would help block out the issues that he had been having. It didn't really help that much, but at this point, he was willing to try anything to help.

Then he felt Keith's hand moved up and slide back behind him, offering him a hug. At that, he leaned more into Keith before turning slightly to hug him back]

I'm sorry.

[He didn't exactly know why he was apologizing, but it felt like the thing he should be doing.

Black pressed a little closer to nudge Shiro's arm. They're all here for you, Shiro]

For what? Something you had no control over? [On all accounts, really... the capture, the torture, the forced fighting, and this place making those memories come back like this. Nope. Keith didn't think Shiro should be apologizing for anything.] Don't. It's not your fault.

[It sounded silly, but for some reason with all the thoughts running around in his head, apologizing had seemed better. Not necessarily apologizing for what had happened before, but for the fact that he was having issues now. He pressed his head into his hand, staring at the floor even as he leaned a bit closer to Keith]

I know its not.

[Keith hated to see Shiro like this. It hurt, and it made him angry at the people who did it to him.]

What do you need from me?

[He wanted to help, but he didn't know how.]

Not to leave yet.

[That honestly would help. To not have to be alone with his thoughts. He's spent most of his time with Galra alone when he wasn't fighting or being tortured. Having someone there was better than being alone even if he wasn't quite sure what to say to either help himself or help Keith understand this]

A distraction or something.

[Keith nodded a bit, and then considered the options.]

Hey, what about that video game?

[He gave Shiro's shoulders another slight squeeze before letting go. He got up and grabbed the TV remote, and the two controllers, clicking on the game system before coming back to the couch. He handed one of the controllers to Shiro.]

You up for another race? We didn't finish the last one.

[Because of that other stupid memory stuff, but this was different.]

[Shiro looked over as Keith suggested the video game, watching as Keith grabbed the controllers and turning the game system on. He did take the controller when Keith handed it to him. Well, that was true. He and Keith did need to finish their race. He took a deep breath and nodded]

Yeah, we do need to finish that race.

[Since Shiro seemed to have motivation to do something, Black moved back enough so he wasn't crowding Shiro, but his head was still draped over the arm of the couch]

[Keith turned on the TV and then changed the input so it was on the game system before putting the remote down.]

Should we do the same race?

[Yes, he was going to make Shiro choose. No more ambivalence here.]

[Yes, making him work is actually a good idea. If Keith had told him what he wanted to do, he would have done it without question. The fact that he had to come up with a response was harder, but more beneficial. It took him a few moments to process he had been asked for input and then to answer it]

Yeah, we should.

Alright.

[That was a good place to start, anyway. He could make Shiro pick some other different things after this race was over... like picking a new track... or a different character or car... But Keith decided to start easy.

He set up his own car and character the way he had it last time, waiting for Shiro to finish his selections before picking the track they had been racing on.]

[Shiro also picked his car as well, setting up as close to last time as he remembered. He might have picked something else, but Keith had done the same thing. So it should be like the other one, right?

Finally he got it together and looked over at Keith, giving him a nod]

Okay, when you're ready.

[Keith nodded and hit start. The game did a quick preview of the course, showing the corners and obstacles, and then narrowed down on the starting line with the cars. It counted down.

BEEP

Keith hit the accelerator button, leaning forward a bit as he got into the race.]

[Shiro watched the preview of the course, glancing over at Keith for the moment. As strange as it was, this was helping. Left to his own devices, Shiro had wanted to do nothing, even eat. Now he had a goal in his head. Granted the goal was winning at a video game, but it was a goal none-the-less.

When race started, Shiro hit the accelerator as well. The car he had picked wasn't as quick off the line as Keith's but it was no slouch either. As they started, a faint smile was starting to creep across his face.

If his eyes hadn't been looked on the game, he would have noticed that Black had turned its head to watch the race]

[Red propped herself up on the back of the couch from behind to watch over Keith's shoulder. Again, Shiro was able to catch up to Keith in the turns, as the car he'd chosen was better at handling, while Keith's was all about speed. It was hard to get through the corners with it, but he was hard to catch on the straightaways.]

[Shiro was able to make up ground on the turns because his handled better, but the straightaways were the problem. Keith could make up that ground there.

Oddly enough, at least Black seemed to be getting into it. The lion started grumbling which was actually more of a "Go Shiro go" sort of thing]

[Red picked her head up and stared at Black, then looked back at the TV. She grumbled a little as well. That got a slight chuckle out of Keith.]

We've got cheerleaders...

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