Hold on, hold on...

[talentedscavenger]

who: Rey and YOU
what: Memory share event
when: Oct 9--Oct 23
where: In her head, in your mind?
warnings: Angst, loneliness, and feels.



One....

NO! Come back!

[The distant sound of an engine roars to life. A small child can see a ship hover above the ground and then take off. She continues to cry, tears streaming down her face being dried by the wind and attracting sand. She's so small, her arm being held back by a creature that's bloated and sweaty looking. He keeps a tight grip on her, saying nothing, letting her cry out into the sky, into the desert heat. She doesn't understand. She doesn't know why she's being left here. There's the faint echo of 'we'll be back for you' that races through her mind, but cannot recall if those words are spoken to her, or something that she's wishing would be said. The young girl, Rey, continues to cry out until her voice is hoarse and the tears have stopped flowing. There's a sense of abandonment, of sadness, and being heartbroken.]

-----

Two....

Keep going. [It's the only thought that goes through her mind as Rey, older now, a young teenager. Her stomach is growling, demanding she stop for food. There isn't much left, she's calculating in her mind how many portions she has left until they're all gone. She's barely spending any time eating. Her body malnourished, but she keeps going. Her work, their work is about to pay off. Once the ship is brought to Plutt, he'll give them as many portions as he can--they'd have their weight in them! A chance to go to bed with a fully belly and no fear of running out of food. She's excited, not just because of her work, but because she has friends. The other scavengers, Devi, and Strunk, are her friends. They have been working together to get the ship in order...

One more bolt to tighten. One last check of all the systems. It's fine. The ship is repaired and Rey takes in a deep breath, a smile tugging at her lips. Yes. She can do this. She takes control of the ship, guiding it off the sands and towards Niima Outpost. Once they fly in, Plutt will see them. He'll see the ship can be sold for more money and he can give them food.

At least, that's the plan. It doesn't take long for the trio to reach their destination. Strunk and Devi convince Rey to go down to Plutt to barter. She agrees to it, hungry, but determined. Rey is too blinded by new found friendship to see through their deceit. The moment she steps off the ship, the winds pick up and the other two scavengers take off with her ship. Rey can only watch, looking on in horror, embarrassment, and anger. They used her. They didn't want friendship...they didn't want her...

A pawn was what she was. She willingly let herself become one, and now? Now she has to work twice as hard. She'll have to eat less and hope what she finds tomorrow will be enough for even half a portion. All that hard work...for nothing. ]

------

Three...

[It's a more recent memory. Rey coming back from a day's work of scavenging, picking apart old ships for anything useful that could be turned in for a meal. She gets off her speeder, taking off her goggles and treks towards an old abandoned AT-AT walker. She crawls into the small port that acts as the entrance. There is a series of marks, tallies along the rusted wall. Dozens, hundreds, even thousands of marks. A way for Rey to keep track of how many days she's been there. The inside of the old vehicle is turned into a small home, a small plant on a shelf and some portion packets set off to the side. Enough food to keep her full for the night, but she doesn't eat it. No, she has to safe it. The winds have picked up, and chances were a storm would come to pass.

There's no one to talk to except a small doll of a Resistance fighter she made when she was younger. She doesn't talk to it often, but it's the only company she has. Her stomach growls, wanting more food, but she forces herself to ignore it. Just a little of food then sleep..maybe she'll have a pleasant dream this time.]

------

Four...

[A vision. The Force calling out to Rey until she touches a lightsaber that brings so many images, of people she has never seen before, of things that haven't come to pass--or at least she believes hasn't happened. It's confusing, disorienting. The scenes only last a handful of moments until they switch. When all is said and done, she stubles back from a creature in a black mask, landing on her rear, and she's back in the basement of a castle.

Her heart is racing. Every nerve is exposed and her feelings all over the place. She's afraid, confused, and wants nothing to do with what she saw. No. It was a mistake to leave Jakku. She's come this far to get BB-8 to the Resistance. Han, Chewie...they can take BB-8 back. They can do it, she...she needs to head back. She needs to wait on Jakku for a family that--No. They're coming for her. One day...one day they would.]

Comments

( two )

[realists]

[ it could be a story from her own life, abandoned (again) by people thought to care. but this isn't jyn's life, it's not saw abandoning her on tamsye prime with nothing but a knife and a promise he didn't keep. this is some other hungry girl in a desert wasteland being betrayed by people she thought were friends.

jyn's stomach twists, thinking of cassian. she breathes out a deep breath and looks around and there is the girl, older now, closer to jyn's age than a young teenager. ]

Was that a freighter?

[ jyn has the emotional fortitude of a potted plant so. she's not going to offer comfort after the fact. she'd much rather be at home in her own nightmares, tyvm. ]

[talentedscavenger]

[ Rey doesn’t say anything for a moment, collecting her thoughts and trying not to let her anger and frustration get the best of her. She isn’t sure what happened. If she unknowingly tapped into the Force and projected memories for someone else to see. Or if this was entirely something else. Either way, she doesn’t want anyone to know of her past—not that she is ashamed of it, but so that it can’t be used against her.

The question is innocent enough...]

Yes, it was.

[ If they could not talk about what just happened, that would be nice. ]

[realists]

[ jyn is curious by both nature and nurture -- although saw's version of curiosity was called recon -- so she can't help wondering about what she just saw but she so wants to wake up in her own bed, in her own head, that she doesn't want to know more, lest she get stuck.

but still. ]

How'd it crash? Looked old.

[ she isn't a connoisseur of freighters, but she'd hitched rides on more than one in her life and the model looked familiar to her, recent to her, but it was a heap of scrap that this girl somehow managed to put back in the air so it couldn't be that new. ]

[talentedscavenger]

Don’t know. It was in the sand for years probably.

[ Guven that there was a war at some point, and there still is but the age of the ship? Probably older than Rey, which is why it was such a rare find. A good fine that, if she didn’t drop her guard, she would’ve been able to sell the damn thing and get her portions, but one cannot linger on the past. It doesn’t do anyone any good. ]

Is this a test or something brought on by the Force?

[ An honest question because she has no clue. She doesn’t know if this is the will of the Force, a strange dream or maybe....maybe something Kylo Ren cooled up to mess with her. Who knows. ]

[realists]

Hell if I know. [ and there is some bitterness to the comment that jyn can't hold back in a dream. ] The Force and I haven't been on speaking terms for years.

[ even now, after scarif, after everything cassian told her about his conversations with the jedi obi-wan and the girl rey, she's still... reluctant. the force let her suffer, that seems needlessly cruel. chirrut never explained that part to her.

distantly, some part of her recognizes that she and this girl are from the same galaxy. if the freighter hadn't given it away, this certainly cemented it. ]

three; dreamscape

[causational]

[This is more familiar, with what he's seen on the moon since he arrived - the broken-down machine and her little home inside. The wind howls outside, and the girl huddles inside, her stomach growling and her body curled up for heat, with a little doll that looks homemade.

For a moment, Eddie just watches, throat tight, before he's looking around for the girl. He wants to know who she is, what person here has suffered like that so he can do something about it. He can't stand to think of a person who's suffered this kind of thing to be alone.]

Hello?

Why you give me feels?

[talentedscavenger]

[ There isn't an answer, not right away. Rey is hesitant because no one should be here. ]

Who’s there?

[ The scene shifts back to that old, broken home, the doll placed on a mattress that’s much too thin and a tattered sheet for a blanket. There are soft foot steps until Rey comes into view. She’s the same girl, and the tally marks seem to have grown. It’s hard to say how many there are, but it’s clear she’s made each and every tally. ]

Who are you?

[ And why was this person in her dream? Or was this a figment if her imagination?]

I can't be tamed

[causational]

[For a few moments, Eddie looks around him, his breath catching in his throat as the scene shifts and a girl's voice calls out. Turning, he catches sight of her speaking to him, older along with the place they're in, the tally marks on the walls more numerous, her face older.]

I'm Eddie Thawne. I don't think we've met.

[His voice is a little soft, a little gentle, and he smiles warmly at her.]

I'm sorry, I know this is awkward. I didn't mean to come here and see your memories, but...are you okay?

oh gosh. ;)

[talentedscavenger]

[This...this was getting out of hand. It was one thing for someone to come into her mind and see one memory, but now again? This was personal, this was...this was private. But, on the other side of it, there was a silver lining. The memory, it wasn't the present. It was the past, something Rey had left behind.

Her eyes roam over him, trying to determine if he was friend or foe. Why did the name Eddie ring in her mind?]

Rey, and no, we haven't. [She would've remembered him, but that's not the point.

Could she try to use the Force to get him out of her head? Or was it pointless until one or both of them woke up?]

I'm fine. [The words easily fall off her lips, but judging by her circumstances, she's not. Still, her home is better than most places. Better than being outside.]

This isn't bad. [Better than some of her other memories.] Are you...okay? [It wasn't like she could offer him food, considering this wasn't exactly real, and doubtful he'd want to have portions.]

[causational]

[It's immediately obvious that the girl is uncomfortable - Eddie doesn't blame her. It's happened to him a couple of times, people he doesn't know or barely knows, showing up in some of his most embarrassing or intimate memories, things that were deep and poignant to him being laid bare for other people to see. There's not really anything to be done about it, either, besides trying to be as respectful as possible of other people's experiences.

When the girl mentions her name, though, Eddie's brows raise a little.]

Wait, Rey? Did you recently get hired by Cisco Ramon?

[But he lets that go by the wayside as she says she's fine and this isn't bad, asks if he's okay. Blinking, Eddie waves a hand.]

I'm fine. I just know it can be really awkward to have someone seeing private moments from your past. I've had it happen a few times.

one

[spellslots]

[Well, this is new.

So far, all of Taako's fucked up dream experiences have involved his friends or family, people he's close to, even if they're not BFFs or whatever. But he doesn't know the little girl in the dream, or the woman beside him.]

Shit. [Very eloquent. He shoots Rey an apologetic look; this is worse than intruding on the memories of people he knows.] Sorry about this, I'd go if I could.

[talentedscavenger]

[It's...hard to rewatch this scene. A day that would be infamous in Rey's mind, and then to have someone else see it. To have someone bear witness to the pain she endured as a child, it's private and shouldn't be shared unless she wants it.

Maybe this was a work of the Force? Or maybe she conjured this person into existence? They could be a figment of her imagination, it's hard to tell.]

It wasn't your fault.

[It was directed at them, but at the same time, directed to the young girl that was her all those years ago.]

Why are you here?

[spellslots]

I dunno, pumpkin, this is just like a thing that's happening now. I was way more into randomly turning up in people's beds.

[If he's ranking the weird shit that happens here, having people in his head (or having to be in other peoples') is definitely one of the worst experiences. Even the things he was responsible for, the mess with the chalice, was better than this.]

I'm Taako, bee-tee-dubs.

[Normally he forgets manners, but it's a distraction here, instead of watching a little girl cry.]

[talentedscavenger]

[Rey looks at him, eyes narrowing a little. Pumpkin? Really? Why start with a nickname? To her, it came off a little condescending, but given how painful of a memory it was, she was sensitive....just a little bit.

And she didn't need to know that last little detail.]

I didn't need to know that.

[She regards his name with a slight nod of her head, ignoring the sounds of her crying and Unkar Plutt telling her to be quiet.]

Rey.

[She would rather not pay anymore attention to the memory, trying to will it to fade away. Hopefully he won't say anything about it.]

[spellslots]

[He waves away her protest, planning to say something about how he didn't mean it like that; because he didn't, but her name distracts him from explaining himself.]

Rey who knows Cisco or another Rey, cause it's not an uncommon name but this place feels real small sometimes?

[There's no good way to handle this stuff, seeing someone else's pain, but his instinct is to ignore it and follow another thread of conversation, giving Rey as much privacy as he can when he's stuck here.]

One

[billyrocks]

[As if being brought back from the dead wasn't enough, Billy found himself in what seemed to be a completely different place than the one he fell asleep in. He doesn't know it's a dream, which is why he's puzzled when neither the little girl nor the... whatever that thing was next to her, respond when he calls out a nervous "hey." They don't even turn to look at him.

He's about to open his mouth once more until the girl screams at the flying(?) machine again. The pure anguish in her face and voice begin to stir one of Billy's own memories as he looks back at the flying machine, morphing the scene around them.

Now it's the deck of a ship that's leaving the harbor. A little boy with a long braid stands near the edge, looking back at the harbor with watery eyes and a quivering lower lip. Back on the peer there's a man and woman standing next to each other, both have long hair. Although both look devastated, the woman scrunches up her face before covering it with both hands. She would have collapsed to the ground if not for the man's hold on her. Back on the ship, the boy finally utters a whimper.

He needed to be brave. Father told him to be brave. He was going to a place with more food and they didn't have to pay for his passage. He was going to America.]

[talentedscavenger]

[Rey was trying to figure out how to keep her memories from floating around, dragging people into her mind and revealing these painful moments. It was awkward for both parties, and it was...irritating for her to explain what happened. But, for some people, they were wise enough to ignore the memory and try to carry a conversation away from what was going on.

Now though? Now it's something else.

The memory is being wrapped, a first for her, and she can see someone else's memories. It was...similar to her own, but she couldn't remember the faces of her family anymore. It was a pain she knew too well...and it felt so wrong to witness something that wasn't meant for her eyes.]

If you wake up, this'll end.

[The little girl from before was grown up now. A young, slender woman who was looking away from the young boy and trying to keep her mind away from what she saw. Introductions were not her forte.]

[billyrocks]

[Billy had been so entranced by his own memory that he actually startles, head and shoulders jerking as he turns to face the owner of the voice. Although there are some differences in this woman's appearance, he can still see traces of the little girl from before.

Questions race through his mind, but they're all blown away when his brain finally processes what the woman just said.]

"If I wake up"? So this is only a dream?

[Billy's grateful that she's not looking at his younger self. He hasn't thought about his parents for a long time, or the day he left Korea for that matter. What were they doing now? Were they even still alive? Did they still think about him? But Billy maintains a calm facade, trying not to appear shaken by something he thought he put behind himself long ago.]

[talentedscavenger]

[There's a shrug of her shoulders.]

I think it's a dream, could be something else. [Because people don't talk in dreams, or have interactions like this. But there's nothing else she could think of that would explain this. She didn't think the Force could even do this. But who knows.]

Either way, people's memories are being shared and it's not common. [Her voice gets tense there, clearly unhappy with the situation, but she wasn't going to take it out on him. Not when she caught a brief view of his own memory.]

[billyrocks]

[Just when Billy's about to ask whether this is something that happens a lot, he finds her already answering that question. This all feels like something out of a story... but it's not? Was anything he'd been experiencing since waking up in the hospital real?

Suddenly, Billy was craving for an opium-laced cigarette. He'd bought some opium and rolled them up earlier, but they hadn't carried over into his dreams since they were sitting safely inside his bedside drawer.]

And I'm guessing it's not something we can control. [It's more of a statement than an actual question. Billy didn't choose to view this woman's private memories and he believes that she didn't wish to view his own either, so he doesn't blame her.]

If it helps, I don't have any hard feelings.

three.

[evasives]

[it's very abrupt, in the middle of the day. he sees a small child crying for her parents, her hair twisted up into a very familiar hairstyle that leaves cassian thoughtful but not 100% convinced he knows who it is.]

[the dreams that night kind of cement it for him. it's the tally marks that give it away, and it makes him a little sad. he knows what it's like to be an orphan. he just labels her as such automatically, with so many days gone by of nothing.]

I don't mean to be here, but I'm sure you know that.

[he glances around, differentiating between the real rey and the dream one.] Your walker-home?

[talentedscavenger]

No body means to be here. [Why would they? She wouldn't them in her mind, nor was she leaving a welcome mat outside for someone to step right inside. At least...it's Cassian. Someone she knows, not a stranger who makes the situation even more awkward than it needs to be. She doesn't know he's had a vision of her when she was younger, crying out for her parents.

What she sees...is a version of herself trying to go to sleep even when she's hungry. Rey moves to sit down on the thin mattress, knowing the memory of 'her' will give way, but the rest of the memory would stay. She gestured for him to sit down too.]

Yes. Better than having it stand up right. [Her eyes flicker away from the tally marks to the other area of her home. ] Up there is the computer, learned about the different Imperial ships...and languages.

[evasives]

[no one means to be anywhere which makes it all the more frustrating. at least no one he's interacted with has lashed out, not that he'd blame them.]

[cassian hesitates for a moment, but he sits down next to the real rey, leaving about a foot of space between them. it's not a very big bed.]

You have really made it your own. [he wouldn't call it cozy, but he can see little signs of who rey is all over the place, despite how un-decorated it is overall. his penchant for detail is like a superpower sometimes, honestly.]

[he looks over to the computer she gestures at, skimming over the rest of the area as well.] It seems much more spacious when it's sideways. How long has this been yours?

[talentedscavenger]

[It's not a very big bed, or a very soft mattress, but it's still soft compared to the floor. It took Rey a great deal of time to get used to it.]

I suppose. It's better than what it was before.

[Not a weapon, now a makeshift home for her and the few items she did have. A calendar for her to track the days.]

It's been... [Her mind goes back to the first time she came across this place. It had to be at least...a decade?] At least ten years. It's felt longer...but it's a home. Better than a tent or anything that could get swallowed up by the wind.

[evasives]

[he's still figuring out the best way to proceed here, what questions or words are best suited for such an invasive moment. it is much better than it was before, he was right. he also has zero complaints about the mattress: he's slept on far worse.]

It's good against the sand, a very fortunate find. [that's the first time he's ever used the word fortunate on a at-at.] Ten years feels like such a long time for one place.

[and then it occurs to him how small she must have been when she first found it. the thought makes him sad.] Is it just yours? [he knows it is, but even now he can't help asking a question that might answer more than one.]