riverviewlogs | Hold on, hold on...

Entry tags:

Hold on, hold on...

who: Rey and YOU
what: Memory share event
when: Oct 9--Oct 23
where: In her head, in your mind?
warnings: Angst, loneliness, and feels.

One....

NO! Come back!

[The distant sound of an engine roars to life. A small child can see a ship hover above the ground and then take off. She continues to cry, tears streaming down her face being dried by the wind and attracting sand. She's so small, her arm being held back by a creature that's bloated and sweaty looking. He keeps a tight grip on her, saying nothing, letting her cry out into the sky, into the desert heat. She doesn't understand. She doesn't know why she's being left here. There's the faint echo of 'we'll be back for you' that races through her mind, but cannot recall if those words are spoken to her, or something that she's wishing would be said. The young girl, Rey, continues to cry out until her voice is hoarse and the tears have stopped flowing. There's a sense of abandonment, of sadness, and being heartbroken.]

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Two....

Keep going. [It's the only thought that goes through her mind as Rey, older now, a young teenager. Her stomach is growling, demanding she stop for food. There isn't much left, she's calculating in her mind how many portions she has left until they're all gone. She's barely spending any time eating. Her body malnourished, but she keeps going. Her work, their work is about to pay off. Once the ship is brought to Plutt, he'll give them as many portions as he can--they'd have their weight in them! A chance to go to bed with a fully belly and no fear of running out of food. She's excited, not just because of her work, but because she has friends. The other scavengers, Devi, and Strunk, are her friends. They have been working together to get the ship in order...

One more bolt to tighten. One last check of all the systems. It's fine. The ship is repaired and Rey takes in a deep breath, a smile tugging at her lips. Yes. She can do this. She takes control of the ship, guiding it off the sands and towards Niima Outpost. Once they fly in, Plutt will see them. He'll see the ship can be sold for more money and he can give them food.

At least, that's the plan. It doesn't take long for the trio to reach their destination. Strunk and Devi convince Rey to go down to Plutt to barter. She agrees to it, hungry, but determined. Rey is too blinded by new found friendship to see through their deceit. The moment she steps off the ship, the winds pick up and the other two scavengers take off with her ship. Rey can only watch, looking on in horror, embarrassment, and anger. They used her. They didn't want friendship...they didn't want her...

A pawn was what she was. She willingly let herself become one, and now? Now she has to work twice as hard. She'll have to eat less and hope what she finds tomorrow will be enough for even half a portion. All that hard work...for nothing. ]

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Three...

[It's a more recent memory. Rey coming back from a day's work of scavenging, picking apart old ships for anything useful that could be turned in for a meal. She gets off her speeder, taking off her goggles and treks towards an old abandoned AT-AT walker. She crawls into the small port that acts as the entrance. There is a series of marks, tallies along the rusted wall. Dozens, hundreds, even thousands of marks. A way for Rey to keep track of how many days she's been there. The inside of the old vehicle is turned into a small home, a small plant on a shelf and some portion packets set off to the side. Enough food to keep her full for the night, but she doesn't eat it. No, she has to safe it. The winds have picked up, and chances were a storm would come to pass.

There's no one to talk to except a small doll of a Resistance fighter she made when she was younger. She doesn't talk to it often, but it's the only company she has. Her stomach growls, wanting more food, but she forces herself to ignore it. Just a little of food then sleep..maybe she'll have a pleasant dream this time.]

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Four...

[A vision. The Force calling out to Rey until she touches a lightsaber that brings so many images, of people she has never seen before, of things that haven't come to pass--or at least she believes hasn't happened. It's confusing, disorienting. The scenes only last a handful of moments until they switch. When all is said and done, she stubles back from a creature in a black mask, landing on her rear, and she's back in the basement of a castle.

Her heart is racing. Every nerve is exposed and her feelings all over the place. She's afraid, confused, and wants nothing to do with what she saw. No. It was a mistake to leave Jakku. She's come this far to get BB-8 to the Resistance. Han, Chewie...they can take BB-8 back. They can do it, she...she needs to head back. She needs to wait on Jakku for a family that--No. They're coming for her. One day...one day they would.]

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[ it could be a story from her own life, abandoned (again) by people thought to care. but this isn't jyn's life, it's not saw abandoning her on tamsye prime with nothing but a knife and a promise he didn't keep. this is some other hungry girl in a desert wasteland being betrayed by people she thought were friends.

jyn's stomach twists, thinking of cassian. she breathes out a deep breath and looks around and there is the girl, older now, closer to jyn's age than a young teenager. ]

Was that a freighter?

[ jyn has the emotional fortitude of a potted plant so. she's not going to offer comfort after the fact. she'd much rather be at home in her own nightmares, tyvm. ]

[ Rey doesn’t say anything for a moment, collecting her thoughts and trying not to let her anger and frustration get the best of her. She isn’t sure what happened. If she unknowingly tapped into the Force and projected memories for someone else to see. Or if this was entirely something else. Either way, she doesn’t want anyone to know of her past—not that she is ashamed of it, but so that it can’t be used against her.

The question is innocent enough...]

Yes, it was.

[ If they could not talk about what just happened, that would be nice. ]

[ jyn is curious by both nature and nurture -- although saw's version of curiosity was called recon -- so she can't help wondering about what she just saw but she so wants to wake up in her own bed, in her own head, that she doesn't want to know more, lest she get stuck.

but still. ]

How'd it crash? Looked old.

[ she isn't a connoisseur of freighters, but she'd hitched rides on more than one in her life and the model looked familiar to her, recent to her, but it was a heap of scrap that this girl somehow managed to put back in the air so it couldn't be that new. ]

Edited (whoops no spell check!) 2017-10-11 04:52 (UTC)

Don’t know. It was in the sand for years probably.

[ Guven that there was a war at some point, and there still is but the age of the ship? Probably older than Rey, which is why it was such a rare find. A good fine that, if she didn’t drop her guard, she would’ve been able to sell the damn thing and get her portions, but one cannot linger on the past. It doesn’t do anyone any good. ]

Is this a test or something brought on by the Force?

[ An honest question because she has no clue. She doesn’t know if this is the will of the Force, a strange dream or maybe....maybe something Kylo Ren cooled up to mess with her. Who knows. ]

[This is more familiar, with what he's seen on the moon since he arrived - the broken-down machine and her little home inside. The wind howls outside, and the girl huddles inside, her stomach growling and her body curled up for heat, with a little doll that looks homemade.

For a moment, Eddie just watches, throat tight, before he's looking around for the girl. He wants to know who she is, what person here has suffered like that so he can do something about it. He can't stand to think of a person who's suffered this kind of thing to be alone.]

Hello?

[ There isn't an answer, not right away. Rey is hesitant because no one should be here. ]

Who’s there?

[ The scene shifts back to that old, broken home, the doll placed on a mattress that’s much too thin and a tattered sheet for a blanket. There are soft foot steps until Rey comes into view. She’s the same girl, and the tally marks seem to have grown. It’s hard to say how many there are, but it’s clear she’s made each and every tally. ]

Who are you?

[ And why was this person in her dream? Or was this a figment if her imagination?]

Edited 2017-10-11 07:33 (UTC)

Hell if I know. [ and there is some bitterness to the comment that jyn can't hold back in a dream. ] The Force and I haven't been on speaking terms for years.

[ even now, after scarif, after everything cassian told her about his conversations with the jedi obi-wan and the girl rey, she's still... reluctant. the force let her suffer, that seems needlessly cruel. chirrut never explained that part to her.

distantly, some part of her recognizes that she and this girl are from the same galaxy. if the freighter hadn't given it away, this certainly cemented it. ]

[ Cassian hadn’t mentioned to Rey about his companion to her. As far as Rey knew, the only ones from her world were Poe, Obi-Wan, and Cassian. Granted, they were all from different points in time, but they shared somethings in common. Be it growing up in a war, or learning about wars and of the Force.

Rey knits her eyebrows together, confused as to why this person? Or specter? Would say such a thing. It’s still unclear if the other is real or not. ]

But you know of it? Not many do, or are able to access it. [ The Force is what binds them together or something of that nature and it’s powerful and it’s....

Confusing and frustrating all at once. ]

Who are you?

I can't access it, I'm not a Jedi. [ jyn pulls her necklace free from her shirt, kyber crystal glinting in the desert sun. ] My name's Jyn.

[ no rank, no title or accolades, just jyn, orphan and tired of being fucked with. first the ghosts, now this. she just wants to sleep in peace. ]

And I don't know what I am doing in your dream.

[ Rey is close to saying that the Jedi have been gone for years. That there’s only one left, but she holds her tongue. If this person is with the Jedi, she didn’t want to upset them—even though it is her dream. And because there’s something that catches her attention. The crystal around the other’s neck...it’s stirring something near her. Like a glimmer of something, but Rey isn’t sure what. ]

Rey.

[ Two women who have no ranks to them and seemingly no surnames. Nothing but sand and sun, and being stuck with each other. ]

I don’t know either, and I didn’t want anyone to see this. [ It’s painful to her, but she pushes her feelings aside. Usually hunger would wake her up but that won’t be the case right now. ]

Edited 2017-10-11 07:05 (UTC)

I wouldn't either.

[ which maybe isn't the right thing to say, but it's true. if this was jyn's memory she wouldn't want anyone to see it, let alone experience it like this. her fingers curl around the crystal, feeling the sides dig into her palm with familiar sharpness. ]

Cassian told me he met a woman named Rey from our galaxy. [ obviously it is this woman in particular, but while it is said as just a passing comment, the idle statement also offers that she knows cassian. and if the natural, comfortable tone of her voice around his name is any indication, it's not a new friendship. it's clear they knew each other Before. ]

[Rey doesn't take offense to it. Who would want their memories out and about for everyone to see? They're private and she wouldn't show her memories or go into her past unless it was with someone she trusted, not someone who may or may not be real.

Her eyes are drawn back to the crystal Jyn's holding, but doesn't comment on it just yet. Rey's still trying to figure out what she's feeling or reading from it.

Then she tilts her head at the mention of a familiar name.]

Cassian Andor?

[Just making sure they are talking about the same man who worked for the Rebellion. Never know.]

Yes, I met with him. It was...nice to talk to someone who is familiar with what's happened. [There's a pause, it shouldn't be any of her business, but she she needs to ask.] Were you part of the Rebellion?

[Well, this is new.

So far, all of Taako's fucked up dream experiences have involved his friends or family, people he's close to, even if they're not BFFs or whatever. But he doesn't know the little girl in the dream, or the woman beside him.]

Shit. [Very eloquent. He shoots Rey an apologetic look; this is worse than intruding on the memories of people he knows.] Sorry about this, I'd go if I could.

[It's...hard to rewatch this scene. A day that would be infamous in Rey's mind, and then to have someone else see it. To have someone bear witness to the pain she endured as a child, it's private and shouldn't be shared unless she wants it.

Maybe this was a work of the Force? Or maybe she conjured this person into existence? They could be a figment of her imagination, it's hard to tell.]

It wasn't your fault.

[It was directed at them, but at the same time, directed to the young girl that was her all those years ago.]

Why are you here?

I dunno, pumpkin, this is just like a thing that's happening now. I was way more into randomly turning up in people's beds.

[If he's ranking the weird shit that happens here, having people in his head (or having to be in other peoples') is definitely one of the worst experiences. Even the things he was responsible for, the mess with the chalice, was better than this.]

I'm Taako, bee-tee-dubs.

[Normally he forgets manners, but it's a distraction here, instead of watching a little girl cry.]

[Rey looks at him, eyes narrowing a little. Pumpkin? Really? Why start with a nickname? To her, it came off a little condescending, but given how painful of a memory it was, she was sensitive....just a little bit.

And she didn't need to know that last little detail.]

I didn't need to know that.

[She regards his name with a slight nod of her head, ignoring the sounds of her crying and Unkar Plutt telling her to be quiet.]

Rey.

[She would rather not pay anymore attention to the memory, trying to will it to fade away. Hopefully he won't say anything about it.]

[He waves away her protest, planning to say something about how he didn't mean it like that; because he didn't, but her name distracts him from explaining himself.]

Rey who knows Cisco or another Rey, cause it's not an uncommon name but this place feels real small sometimes?

[There's no good way to handle this stuff, seeing someone else's pain, but his instinct is to ignore it and follow another thread of conversation, giving Rey as much privacy as he can when he's stuck here.]

[Brown eyes blink rapidly. Had Cisco been talking about her? He didn't look like the type to gossip...but it's unnerving.]

Yes, I know Cisco. Why?

[Regardless of how small or big this place feels like...or was there something else going on? It was hard to tell, but she didn't know how she felt about this. She thought she found someone she could trust outside of Poe, was she proven wrong?]

Haven't had much time to explore to determine how big or small this place is.

He mentioned he was heading out with a Rey once, thought that might be you.

[He can tell she's not super pleased with that information, so he's trying to diffuse it a little. Just a name, no pertinent details, and it had just been in the context of Taako wanting to see if Cisco was free to get a coffee.]

I just mean like, everyone kinda knows everyone? I guess all us new arrivals flock together.

[He's been here for six months, but that's still a relatively short time for him.]

..Oh. [There's a bit of relief in the single word. Her trust may not have been displaced, but it still left her feeling wary. She had trusted others before and considering the beginning of her track record, this moment, trusting others hadn't paid off for her.]

I suppose? I haven't met too many people, and I don't know how many people are actually here.

[Not that she would want to count each and every person. However, as long as the First Order isn't here, or Kylo Ren, that's fine. The moment either of them step foot on this rock then she'll start to worry.]

Pretty sure it's less than a million, but I'm not, you know, a city planner or anything. I did some reading when I showed up but for bored of that hella quickly.

[Unless it's something he really enjoys, Taako has the attention span of a three year old, and studying definitely isn't something he enjoys.]

The whole barrier thing doesn't help, makes the city feel even smaller when there's nowhere else to go.

[By default, Taako is a chatty kinda person, but he's making an effort to do it even more now, to keep both their focus off the memory.]

[Their conversation is distracting, something Rey is grateful for. Even more grateful that he's not asking questions. Not that she was ashamed of her past, but it's a sensitive subject for a reason.]

Pretty sure it's less than that...possibly less than a thousand. [There's a small shrug of her shoulders. There doesn't seem to be a lot of people around, from what she's seen.]

When you've flown in space, everything else seems a bit small in comparison. [Which was true. Going from one planet to the next, it was exhilarating. Now, being grounded...it wasn't that much fun.

But there is a question that's on her mind..]

Are you...actually real? [Because in thinking about it, he could be a figment of her imagination. If he isn't, if he's real, she could try to force him out of her mind, she did that with Kylo Ren. Either way, best to know that way when she wakes up, she won't be freaked out as much.]

You gotta get out more, my man, unless you're just talking about the lot of us who've shown up in the past ten months.

[He would've gone stir crazy by now if the Quarantine was that small, because even on uninhabited worlds at least he knew it would only last twelve months, instead of something indefinite.

The space thing isn't missed, either, but he decides to file it away for a moment and focus on the actual question.]

I'm real, for sure, you can hit me up on phone later if you wanna make sure.

[There's a slight roll of her eyes. No, she doesn't need to get out more. She's doing fine on her own. Mostly. Rey is focused on what she needs to do to survive and trying to figure a way back to her home world.]

I haven't kept track of who has come and gone. Besides, it's doubtful this place could hold too many people. [Life entertainment and all that, but that's a pretty big assumption on her part. Considering she doesn't know how big this hunk of rock really is.]

Maybe...after this is all done.

[The scene finishes playing out with Plutt dragging Rey by her arm to Niima Outpost. Her life as a scavenger begins then.

Maybe after this, she'll need to find Obi-Wan and figure out a way to make this stop.]

[For a few moments, Eddie looks around him, his breath catching in his throat as the scene shifts and a girl's voice calls out. Turning, he catches sight of her speaking to him, older along with the place they're in, the tally marks on the walls more numerous, her face older.]

I'm Eddie Thawne. I don't think we've met.

[His voice is a little soft, a little gentle, and he smiles warmly at her.]

I'm sorry, I know this is awkward. I didn't mean to come here and see your memories, but...are you okay?

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Hold on, hold on...

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three; dreamscape

Why you give me feels?

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one

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I can't be tamed