riverviewlogs | Hold on, hold on...

Entry tags:

Hold on, hold on...

who: Rey and YOU
what: Memory share event
when: Oct 9--Oct 23
where: In her head, in your mind?
warnings: Angst, loneliness, and feels.

One....

NO! Come back!

[The distant sound of an engine roars to life. A small child can see a ship hover above the ground and then take off. She continues to cry, tears streaming down her face being dried by the wind and attracting sand. She's so small, her arm being held back by a creature that's bloated and sweaty looking. He keeps a tight grip on her, saying nothing, letting her cry out into the sky, into the desert heat. She doesn't understand. She doesn't know why she's being left here. There's the faint echo of 'we'll be back for you' that races through her mind, but cannot recall if those words are spoken to her, or something that she's wishing would be said. The young girl, Rey, continues to cry out until her voice is hoarse and the tears have stopped flowing. There's a sense of abandonment, of sadness, and being heartbroken.]

-----

Two....

Keep going. [It's the only thought that goes through her mind as Rey, older now, a young teenager. Her stomach is growling, demanding she stop for food. There isn't much left, she's calculating in her mind how many portions she has left until they're all gone. She's barely spending any time eating. Her body malnourished, but she keeps going. Her work, their work is about to pay off. Once the ship is brought to Plutt, he'll give them as many portions as he can--they'd have their weight in them! A chance to go to bed with a fully belly and no fear of running out of food. She's excited, not just because of her work, but because she has friends. The other scavengers, Devi, and Strunk, are her friends. They have been working together to get the ship in order...

One more bolt to tighten. One last check of all the systems. It's fine. The ship is repaired and Rey takes in a deep breath, a smile tugging at her lips. Yes. She can do this. She takes control of the ship, guiding it off the sands and towards Niima Outpost. Once they fly in, Plutt will see them. He'll see the ship can be sold for more money and he can give them food.

At least, that's the plan. It doesn't take long for the trio to reach their destination. Strunk and Devi convince Rey to go down to Plutt to barter. She agrees to it, hungry, but determined. Rey is too blinded by new found friendship to see through their deceit. The moment she steps off the ship, the winds pick up and the other two scavengers take off with her ship. Rey can only watch, looking on in horror, embarrassment, and anger. They used her. They didn't want friendship...they didn't want her...

A pawn was what she was. She willingly let herself become one, and now? Now she has to work twice as hard. She'll have to eat less and hope what she finds tomorrow will be enough for even half a portion. All that hard work...for nothing. ]

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Three...

[It's a more recent memory. Rey coming back from a day's work of scavenging, picking apart old ships for anything useful that could be turned in for a meal. She gets off her speeder, taking off her goggles and treks towards an old abandoned AT-AT walker. She crawls into the small port that acts as the entrance. There is a series of marks, tallies along the rusted wall. Dozens, hundreds, even thousands of marks. A way for Rey to keep track of how many days she's been there. The inside of the old vehicle is turned into a small home, a small plant on a shelf and some portion packets set off to the side. Enough food to keep her full for the night, but she doesn't eat it. No, she has to safe it. The winds have picked up, and chances were a storm would come to pass.

There's no one to talk to except a small doll of a Resistance fighter she made when she was younger. She doesn't talk to it often, but it's the only company she has. Her stomach growls, wanting more food, but she forces herself to ignore it. Just a little of food then sleep..maybe she'll have a pleasant dream this time.]

------

Four...

[A vision. The Force calling out to Rey until she touches a lightsaber that brings so many images, of people she has never seen before, of things that haven't come to pass--or at least she believes hasn't happened. It's confusing, disorienting. The scenes only last a handful of moments until they switch. When all is said and done, she stubles back from a creature in a black mask, landing on her rear, and she's back in the basement of a castle.

Her heart is racing. Every nerve is exposed and her feelings all over the place. She's afraid, confused, and wants nothing to do with what she saw. No. It was a mistake to leave Jakku. She's come this far to get BB-8 to the Resistance. Han, Chewie...they can take BB-8 back. They can do it, she...she needs to head back. She needs to wait on Jakku for a family that--No. They're coming for her. One day...one day they would.]

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[ Rey is close to saying that the Jedi have been gone for years. That there’s only one left, but she holds her tongue. If this person is with the Jedi, she didn’t want to upset them—even though it is her dream. And because there’s something that catches her attention. The crystal around the other’s neck...it’s stirring something near her. Like a glimmer of something, but Rey isn’t sure what. ]

Rey.

[ Two women who have no ranks to them and seemingly no surnames. Nothing but sand and sun, and being stuck with each other. ]

I don’t know either, and I didn’t want anyone to see this. [ It’s painful to her, but she pushes her feelings aside. Usually hunger would wake her up but that won’t be the case right now. ]

Edited 2017-10-11 07:05 (UTC)

I wouldn't either.

[ which maybe isn't the right thing to say, but it's true. if this was jyn's memory she wouldn't want anyone to see it, let alone experience it like this. her fingers curl around the crystal, feeling the sides dig into her palm with familiar sharpness. ]

Cassian told me he met a woman named Rey from our galaxy. [ obviously it is this woman in particular, but while it is said as just a passing comment, the idle statement also offers that she knows cassian. and if the natural, comfortable tone of her voice around his name is any indication, it's not a new friendship. it's clear they knew each other Before. ]

[Rey doesn't take offense to it. Who would want their memories out and about for everyone to see? They're private and she wouldn't show her memories or go into her past unless it was with someone she trusted, not someone who may or may not be real.

Her eyes are drawn back to the crystal Jyn's holding, but doesn't comment on it just yet. Rey's still trying to figure out what she's feeling or reading from it.

Then she tilts her head at the mention of a familiar name.]

Cassian Andor?

[Just making sure they are talking about the same man who worked for the Rebellion. Never know.]

Yes, I met with him. It was...nice to talk to someone who is familiar with what's happened. [There's a pause, it shouldn't be any of her business, but she she needs to ask.] Were you part of the Rebellion?

[ she nods in agreement, the same cassian.

as for the rebellion: ] Not like the Captain was.

[ not even that cassian was intelligence and a spy, but simply that they were in different places in the rebellion, rebelling in different ways. part of jyn was always going to be more of a partisan than a rebel, but. it's all unimportant distinctions anyway. ]

Captain?

[Rey looks at Jyn with some disbelief, but there's a slight smile tugging on the edges of her mouth. So, he didn't tell her that. She would've remembered that lovely detail. But either way, there were two people who were part of the Rebellion, that makes things interesting. She can't look but look at Jyn with a sense of wonder and respect.]

Did he tell you about our meeting? What I told him?

[That the war was over, the Empire was defeated.. That the galaxy was doing a tiny bit better? No need to mention the First Order, not yet.]

[ it's only a shrug in answer, trying to ignore the way rey is looking at her. it feels undeserved, even if she does now know that they were successful. someone was listening. ]

He did.

[ which means, she supposes, that the dead starships here were part of the fight against the empire, the fighting neither of them lived to see and rey wasn't alive to see. still, that means her parents survived the war. it's all unsettling, thinking about the world continuing on after her own death, but it's a strange comfort.

rey is proof of their success. ]

I'm glad you grew up without the Empire.

[To Rey, the look was well deserved. Jyn and Cassian fought against the Empire. They did their part for the galaxy to be safe...and it was disheartening that, in her time, they would've never met. At least Riverview is good for something, bringing together people who've fought in the rebellion and could at least know their efforts were worth it.]

Thanks to you and Cassian.

[They gave her a future. She didn't grow up in the best of ways, or on the best of planets, but at least she was free (kind of). At least she wasn't living in fear of the Empire.]

I don't know how my life would've turned out otherwise. If I would've never been born at all.

[ that last part prompts a breath of laughter, a little shake of jyn's head. she ignores the gratitude, not capable of accepting it yet. one day. one day she'll be able to accept it gracefully, but not today, not in the middle of rey's disheartening dream. ]

I was born in the middle of the Clone Wars. You still could have been born.

[ she just might not have lived... ]

But not have lived.

[Or even if she did, considering she was Force Sensitive...it was hard to determine if she would've been found at an earlier age and taken to Vader to train. Assuming the Sith Lord was still alive. Rey shuddered thinking about it.]

I wouldn't be who I am today if the Empire had won. I'd imagine my friends wouldn't be who they are either. [Which would be very disheartening. To think of Finn or Poe or Finn as soldiers for the Empire... It was enough to make her heart ache.]

No, probably not,

[ jyn agrees. luckily the war ended, somehow -- jyn still isn't sure she believes in it, even if rey is proof standing in front of her. even if she does had hope, a very small thread. ]

[No, none of them would be the same. Rey could not have been born, or worse, been found by the Knights of Ren or by Snoke and turned to the Dark Side. It would be best...if they talked about something else.]

How long were you and Cassian with the Rebellion?

[ that's a more difficult answer than just a number and while jyn doesn't think she should share cassian's history, that doesn't mean she has to ignore the question. ]

I was with the Partisans when I was young, I was part of the Alliance for... a day.

[ less? sefla had conferred her battlefield promotion only a few hours before she and cassian had stumbled on to the beach. ]

Cassian was with them for much longer.

[If Jyn didn't want to talk about the Rebellion, she didn't have to. Rey just thought it would be a safer topic rather than discussing her own memory. Well, more of her memory and going into these things called feelings.]

Partisans? [It's clear Rey has an idea of the history of the Galactic Civil War, but not too much. The finer points were never discussed among smugglers, thieves, and scavenger.]

He does seem like the...militant type. or, someone who's served for a long time.

Pre-Alliance rebels. [ the nicest, and still accurate!, way to describe saw and his people. she doesn't feel the need to tack on that most people thought of them as extremists and part of the problem. those people were wrong.

as for cassian: ] He's given more for the Alliance than anyone should be asked, he's a good man.

[ which she wants rey to know, for some reason jyn can't quite explain. rey needs to know that cassian is a good. ]

[There's a brief nod of her head, making note of another player within the war that claimed so many lives. So Jyn was part of that before joining the Rebellion. A war didn't just have two sides to it, there had to be other factions, other groups that had some ties to the main parties, shared a common thread or two. But such knowledge was lost to time, or at least out of Rey's grasp.] Were you with them for long?

[A simple question, one that could come across prying. She wasn't trying to pry, but trying to understand Jyn a bit more. To get to know her better.

As for Cassian...] I know. Both of you did a lot for the Alliance. [She doesn't know all of those details, but she knows simply by fighting in the Rebellion, they did a lot.] He seems very in control of himself, but he's a good man. I could tell.

[Maybe it was the Force guiding her, or maybe it was her own instincts, but she could tell Cassian was good...the same with Jyn.]

[ if that isn't the most accurate sum of cassian: a good man, very much in control of himself. jyn nods in agreement as the dream flickers uncertainly around them.

is she waking up? ]

I was with them for almost a decade. [ it had been half her life at the time, only a third now. ] They found me when I was eight.

[The dream is flickering about. The images become unsteady and Jyn's form is becoming harder to see. One or both of them are waking up.]

Wow. [That's all she can say because Jyn was found by them at an early age. She knew of loss, and some where down the line, became part of the Alliance...]

Maybe we can talk to each other again, in the real world.

[She would like that. To get to know Jyn more. Someone else who had a similar past like her.]

[ jyn finds she doesn't hesitate to nod, agreeing that she would like to talk to rey again even though, as a rule, jyn prefers not talking to anyone. but there's something kindred about rey. ]

Cassian knows how to contact you?

[ she'll steal the info from him. ]

[They could meet up, not say a thing to each other. Just to be near someone who was of a kindred spirit, who knew of similar hardships as her...it would be a comfort.]

He does. My call sign isn't unique, it's scavenger.rey.

[Because why bother with creativity with call signs? You need to be creative when repairing ships.]

I'll find you.

[ jyn isn't sure she even gets it out before she's abruptly awake, huffing out unsure breaths from her perch on cassian's couch. well. that happened. texting rey can wait until morning when she realizes it's still the middle of the night, but she's going to.

eventually. ]

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Hold on, hold on...

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