[ closed. ] 'cause it's once, just once in a lifetime

[viatorius]

who: Clarice Fong & John Proudstar
what: Two grown mutants try ( and probably fail ) to talk about their feelings in an adult manner.
when: Feb 10th.
where: Community housing.
warnings: n/a, unless you get second hand embarrassment from idiots in love.

( She's tried to leave it be, she really has, but the more the days pass, the more impossible it becomes. Clarice finds herself looking for John at the weirdest of times, hoping to catch his gaze or fire a smirk his way. And every time she remembers he's not actually there. It's weird that she still lives with all these people and yet he's floors away. Giving him space had been a good idea at first, but she can't stop part of her aching to be near him.

They probably need to talk. No, scratch that, they definitely need to talk. About everything, really. But she can still remember the feeling of his mouth against hers, the small helpless smile he'd given her after. It feels selfish to want to know how he feels about that, but maybe she's allowed to be selfish now. She's given up on enough, she doesn't want to give up on this.

( Except, she's terrified he'll say no, that they'll go back to that awkward tense space they'd occupied for so long. )

Which is why she comes armed as she heads to his dorm. He's not on shift - she checked, don't judge her - and when she moves into the common space she's got a cheery smile on her face. John's alone, which is good, and she's hoping the look of surprise on his face isn't a bad sign. )

I didn't know if you were a sweet or savoury kind of guy, so.

( Holding up a bag of chips in one hand and a pack of sugary looking donuts in the other. ) I couldn't find jelly. I'm so gonna have to lodge a complaint.

Comments

[tanker]

[ It's not that he's trying to hide away when he's not on shift - he hasn't been. But there are times where everything overwhelms him, still, and finding a little time to be on his own, to collect himself, his own thoughts, and make some plans. He's not ignoring, or avoiding anyone, either. It's difficult, to look around and not recognize everyone, to carry the usual command he used to back home. He's starting new, here.

He could be starting new with Clarice, too.

He's trying to allow her some space. He's trying to give her a chance to live the life she can live, now, free of prejudice. He's trying not to pressure her, or push her into anything. Even if he can't stop thinking about her, looking around for her when he's out and about in the Quarantine, hoping they'll bump into each other. It's a hard line to walk.

He's surprised when she shows up on his dorm floor, and he's sure it shows. His heart immediately picks up speed, as he puts his book down and stands, smiling ruefully. ]

I wouldn't want to take donuts away from you. You might attack me.

[viatorius]

Maybe I'd share. ( Her smile is sweeter then, something private and amused in the curve of her lips. She already feels better now that she can see him, now that she can be near him. It's stupid, she should be better than this. But Clarice definitely can't control her feelings. Life would be so much easier if she could.

It's hard not to reach out for him when he stands, so she forces herself to cross the room and drop the goods on his desk, tugging free his chair so she can sit on it. It's brazen, in a way, but she can at least pretend everything's normal. That nothing has changed. ) Because I am a good person who does not fist fight over donuts. ( Because she likes him. )

What are you reading? Something enlightening?

[tanker]

Because you know you wouldn't win against me.

[ Even if he didn't fight back, fist fighting John is a bit of a lost cause for most people, and she knows it. But she is a good person, and so he nods, his smile turning a little crooked as he sits back down on his bed, fingers drumming over the book he'd been reading. ]

Just something about the culture and traditions of this place.

[ He reaches out for the bag of chips, pulling a couple out but not eating them just yet, looking at Clarice instead, more serious now. ]

You're doing okay?

[viatorius]

You know, anyone else and that cocky attitude of yours would be annoying.

( Clarice pulls one leg up to rest her heel on the edge of her seat, wrapping an arm around her knee. The other foot hooks against the bottom rung of his bunk, looking very much at ease. )

Yeah. I mean, I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whole thing, but so far so good. How's guarding treating you?

( Pleasantries. It feels a little weird to be able to talk about nothing. But it's nice too. They're actually sharing space without someone trying to kill them. )

[tanker]

[ He chuckles, shrugging a shoulder. ]

Is it cockiness, or confidence?

[ John runs a hand through his hair, loose and getting possibly a bit too long now. It's strange to not feel like every word is life or death, something he's still getting used to. ]

It's weird, not to be in charge anymore, but I'm glad I'm doing something.

[ He pauses, resting his elbows on his knees and looking up at her. ]

I know I've not been around much.

[viatorius]

Both?

( It's definitely confidence. He's easy about his power, he knows what he can do. She'd been envious of that at first, now she's kind of charmed by it. )

It's cool. We're not in each other's pockets anymore. You're allowed your space.

( A loose shrug. She's trying her very best to be easy about this. ) I've been exploring anyway. Learning the routes. ( Finding the places she'll need to visualise eventually. ) But I thought I'd check up on you anyway. Make sure you weren't boring yourself to death.

[tanker]

[ She's trying to be cool about it, but John definitely isn't. He fidgets, fingers digging into his knees as his eyes track over her face, trying to see if he's missing anything. ]

It's not - I mean, it's cool, you've been busy. But it's not about wanting space, Clarice.

[ There's longing in the way he says her name, and he closes his mouth, looking away for a second. ]

I'm okay. I really am. [ I miss you. ]

[viatorius]

Oh.

( She makes an abortive movement, a full bodied twitch like she's going to reach out for him. )

I'm not busy now?

( Her voice lifts slightly at the end, something far more honest and hopeful about it. He's looking at her like he's been looking at her, which means he probably still wants ... this. Whatever this is. )

Actually, I was thinking, there's no one here, and we're not working so maybe we could talk?

[tanker]

[ His mouth runs dry. This is what he wants, he knows this is what he wants, but it's so difficult. There's so much - or at least, there was so much going on, it's hard to think of the two of them being able to just be together. For it to be easy. ]

Yeah?

[ He's not a coward, by any means. But he wants to hear what Clarice has to say. ]

That'd be good. [ An opening. ]

[viatorius]

( There's so much they need to discuss. What happened with Lorna, the loss of their base, the fact that their war is about to become so much worse. But Clarice doesn't mention any of that. Instead she lets her foot drop back to the floor, takes a breath. )

So, we kissed.

( She exhales nosily, so obviously trying to do this right. It was easier when she just went for it. )

And I know everything kind of blew up in our faces after that, but there's like, so much time here. I keep thinking about it. And you. And how I feel about you. I know I'm probably -- I don't know. Maybe it's not fair of me to want to know, but I just --. ( Throwing her hands up. ) I want to do it again.

[tanker]

[ He bites on the inside of his lip as he listens, color coming up to his cheeks that she'd pick this as a starting point. It shouldn't surprise him - she's blunt and she wants in ways John hasn't allowed himself in so long, it doesn't come naturally to him anymore.

He waits for her to be done before leaning back a little, licking his lips as he keeps his eyes trained on Clarice. ]

For the longest time, I've told myself I couldn't - do this. Relationships. That what I'm feeling doesn't matter, not when everything else was going on. But then, you kissed me. And despite everything else, I kept on thinking about it, going back to it.

[ Sonia was the one to mention that all they have is here and now. ]

And now we're here, and I'm thinking that maybe, now you're free to meet anyone, not just the guy you ended up stuck with in a world that doesn't want either of us. Which is why I've kept my distances. But I'm still thinking about it.

[viatorius]

( He licks his lips and a bolt of pure want strikes through her stomach. It's replaced by confusion, her face a mask of incredulity. )

Are you joking right now?

( There's nothing stuck about how she feels for John, and the sharp look on her face clearly states she thinks he's an idiot. )

You're serious. You actually think I'd be like, 'cool nobody's repulsed by me now, see you later?' ( A soft, scoffing noise. ) You weren't an easy choice. You were probably the worst choice. And if I wanted it to be convenient I wouldn't have chosen someone who thinks The Cause matters more than his own feelings. I'm not --. ( She likes him. She probably loves him. She's just so scared to voice that. But she wants to give them the space to try. )

I'm not here because I think this'd be a quick fix for my loneliness, John.

[tanker]

[ The words she throws back at him make him wince. It wasn't what he'd meant, but he seemed to always be able to say the wrong thing to Clarice. To make things worse.

He runs a hand over his face, covering his mouth for a moment as he tries to find out what to say. It takes him a while, but finally: ]

I'm glad you chose me. [ His voice is soft, his eyes cast down, hair falling around his face. Because he is. ] And, for what it's worth, I think - [ A pause. ] I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

[ And it's so absolutely sincere it makes his guts clench. His voice stays soft and curious when he speaks next. ]

Then why are you here?

action; feb 14th

[tanker]

[ A first date on Valentine's Day. John wasn't much of a romantic, but still, he had to admit that was pretty amazing timing. He hasn't planned much, outside of going for a walk around the zoo, coo at animals and maybe discover species native to this moon. Hold Clarice's hand, share some ice-cream, talk about everything and nothing.

No war hanging over their heads, no Brotherhood and no Purifiers and nobody to judge them. Clarice wants normal, and John might not be the most normal guy she could have picked, but he'll try his best anyway.

He waits by the entrance of the zoo, a tiny bunch of wildflowers in hand. They both had shifts in the morning, picking to meet up at their chosen location rather than at the communal housing building. Something a little different.

He's not really dressed any different from usual - jeans, a henley, his hair tied back, all in muted colors, apart from the vibrant flowers in his hand. And he's nervous, but trying his very best not to show it.

He's fine. ]

[viatorius]

( She's almost late, having spent far too long standing staring into space in the middle of her apartment, thoughts a blur of possibilities. It's not that she's nervous, not too nervous anyway. Its just that this, being allowed to do whatever they want, is so very new. It doesn't even occur to Clarice to worry about what she's wearing beyond changing out of her dumb uniform and back into her own clothes.

The minute she spots him, a warm fizzling feeling filling her veins, a bright smile crossing her features. Clarice finds her way to him as he's frowning out into the distance, posies clutched in his hand. Her heart absolutely skips a beat. )

Hey.

( She pauses only for a second before she leans up to press a kiss to his cheek. )

You good?

[tanker]

[ His frown disappears as soon as he sees Clarice, hair blowing gently in the breeze, bright eyes warm and happy when they meet his. It feels so terribly cliché, to be standing there with flowers as Clarice kisses his cheek, and for a second, he feels like a teenager again, worried he's going to mess up and crush her hand in his.

He's in control of himself nowadays, though. This won't happen. Everything better be fine. No interruptions, no craziness, just Clarice and John.

He holds the flowers out for her, smiling gently. ]

For you. [ Obviously. ] I'm good. It's been a pretty uneventful day, until now.

[ It's been pretty uneventful every day, really. Which John isn't mad about. ]

I already got tickets. Confession? I've never been to the zoo before.

[viatorius]

( Clarice takes the flowers, feeling oddly like she might cry at the gesture. This is overwhelming, but in a wonderful way. She's glad they're here, that they get to experience it together. )

I've been once, when I was younger.

( She's still smiling at the flowers, something fortifying in them. Carefully, she tucks then into the breast pocket of her plaid shirt. )

It kind of sucked.

( Something, something, she was the one who belonged in a cage. She's not going to worry about that now. )

I hope they have bats. I'm going to take a picture of you with the bats. Album cover material right there.

[tanker]

[ When they start walking towards the entrance, John doesn't hesitate when he reaches over and takes Clarice's hand in his own, lacing their fingers together. He does it for a lot of reasons - possessiveness, and pride, and because he wants to, because he hasn't done such an easy, mundane, normal thing in so long. Because he wants Clarice to know there is no other place he'd rather be. That she's the one he wants to be with, and be seen with.

He remembers when she told him about the Purifiers, last time she went on a date. Not that he's worried about that here in the Quarantine, but let them come, John thinks fiercely.

He laughs at her jab, shaking his head as he hands their tickets to the attendant, walking into the zoo. ]

I like hard rock, doesn't mean I want to be in a band. I'm not the one who wears more holes than fabric half the time, anyway. [ He nudges her. her love for holey pullovers is kinda cute, honestly. ] Or eyeliner.

[viatorius]

Hey, we all have our aesthetics.

( But she's pulling a face at him, amusement in her eyes. There's a map stand just inside the park and Clarice plucks one free, waving it until it unfolds and she can hold it in front of them. She's unwilling to let go of his hand. )

Okay. Plan of attack. ( The zoo seems to be in a massive circle, so either way they'll see everything. ) Petting zoo or reptile house.

( Left or right. )

[tanker]

Hmm. As long as you like it.

[ He can't deny that he tends to always wear the same colors and the same styles - muted, comfortable, with pockets, practical. It's more his military mind than his rock-loving self. He doesn't really think about the other thing he says, until he does and chuckles, slightly embarrassed.

His thumb keeps on brushing along the top of Clarice's hand, absent-mindedly, as he leans in to look at the plan. He's trying - he doesn't know why he's so nervous, or so awkward; he's a confident guy, but the idea of saying or doing something wrong on this first date is churning in his stomach. ]

Reptiles first.

[viatorius]

( Clarice wastes no time in pulling him along the path he's chosen, something bright and alive in her face as she sweeps her gaze every which way. There are other people wandering around the zoo itself, but for the first time she's not focusing on anyone else but the man beside her. )

So how was your shift? Are you bored out of your mind being somewhere that you aren't getting shot at every five seconds?

( It seems natural to ask him, even if it's not exactly date material. She's just genuinely interested in how he is. )

[tanker]

It's... weird. I love it, in some ways. I get to welcome people in, and I'm still being useful, you know? And in that way, it's really good. But yeah, I'll admit there's a part of me that might miss the adrenaline rushes.

[ He bites on the inside of his lip. ]

Does that make me a bad person? How do you feel, here?

[viatorius]

I don't know.

( She laughs, because she knows it's a cop-out. ) I don't think it means you're a bad person though. When you came back from Afghanistan, I bet there were parts of it you missed. ( The camaraderie, she imagines, the satisfaction of working together, of doing something right. ) Besides, I know you, thrill-seeker or not, you'd never willingly put someone in danger.

( The reptile house is warm and humid, dark with only heat lamps to light the creatures behind the glass. She leans her shoulder against his as they pause, voice dropping to a hush. )

You could always take up a sport. Or maybe buy a bike?

[tanker]

Yeah, there were. It took a while to build the Underground into a family, and then...

[ He stops, taking a breath. He doesn't want to ruin the mood by falling back into the sadness that he felt, when Lorna betrayed them. It feels like a conversation for another time. ]

But I want to embrace the chances we've got, here. We could find a real place to live, you and I and the Struckers and every single Mutant that wants to be free, and have the same rights as everybody else. It matters.

[ Which she knows is such a big deal to him. ]

A bike, huh? I used to ride, when I was younger. Maybe I could get back into it. There's tons to explore around here.

[viatorius]

( When she looks at him, her eyes are sad but understanding. Clarice can only guess at how deeply the wound of Lorna had cut. She can't imagine the pain he's in. Squeezing his hand, Clarice hums softly. )

A mutant boarding house? ( Not for the first time, she can understand why the X-Men chose him. He wants the best for all of them. ) I guess we're going to have to pick up those extra shifts. Although, I'll take you on a bike too.

( She has needs, okay? And she can imagine him on one. )