riverviewlogs | [ closed. ] 'cause it's once, just once in a lifetime

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[ closed. ] 'cause it's once, just once in a lifetime

who: Clarice Fong & John Proudstar
what: Two grown mutants try ( and probably fail ) to talk about their feelings in an adult manner.
when: Feb 10th.
where: Community housing.
warnings: n/a, unless you get second hand embarrassment from idiots in love.

( She's tried to leave it be, she really has, but the more the days pass, the more impossible it becomes. Clarice finds herself looking for John at the weirdest of times, hoping to catch his gaze or fire a smirk his way. And every time she remembers he's not actually there. It's weird that she still lives with all these people and yet he's floors away. Giving him space had been a good idea at first, but she can't stop part of her aching to be near him.

They probably need to talk. No, scratch that, they definitely need to talk. About everything, really. But she can still remember the feeling of his mouth against hers, the small helpless smile he'd given her after. It feels selfish to want to know how he feels about that, but maybe she's allowed to be selfish now. She's given up on enough, she doesn't want to give up on this.

( Except, she's terrified he'll say no, that they'll go back to that awkward tense space they'd occupied for so long. )

Which is why she comes armed as she heads to his dorm. He's not on shift - she checked, don't judge her - and when she moves into the common space she's got a cheery smile on her face. John's alone, which is good, and she's hoping the look of surprise on his face isn't a bad sign. )

I didn't know if you were a sweet or savoury kind of guy, so.

( Holding up a bag of chips in one hand and a pack of sugary looking donuts in the other. ) I couldn't find jelly. I'm so gonna have to lodge a complaint.

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( Fuck slow. )

Ugh.

( Clarice lets out a breathy half noise, resting her forehead against his for a moment. He's solid and strong beneath her and she wants to chase his mouth with her own, she wants to find the places she can touch that might make him shiver. She wants in ways she hasn't been allowing herself before.

But, she doesn't want to wreck this. She doesn't want to fuck it up. ) Yeah, okay.

( With a huff, Clarice slides free from his space, but this time she sits on his bed beside him, pulling her legs up to cross them. She's smiling a little, eyes flickering over his face. )

[ It feels like the most difficult thing to do, to let her slip out of his hold and not reach out again, to keep a respectful distance between them. But he's the one who's asking for it, and he can't contradict himself so quickly. There's so much he has to prove to her - that this isn't just a physical thing, and that he can be good to her, without everything exploding around them. Without the fight pushing them together.

He chuckles, tucking hair behind his ear. ]

So you want to get some more training in, soon?

Sure. Maybe if I reach my inner zen I'll be able to deal with some of my frustration.

( She lifts an eyebrow, amusement sparkling in her eyes. She's definitely making fun, her fingers drumming lightly on the denim of her jeans. )

But I have a stipulation. We're going to do something fun too. There's a nightclub. We could go and feel old and uncool. Or a winery, but I'm pretty sure I'd get kicked out. ( There's a hole at her knee and she picks at the fabric. ) Actually, I don't even know if I like wine. Oh! ( Suddenly excited. ) The Aquarium!

[ He licks his lips again, still able to taste on them. He knows exactly what she means, and yet -

Be strong, John. Got to be strong. ]

Well, I wouldn't consider a training session to be a date anyway, so yeah, we've got to go and do something fun. [ The two are entirely exclusive, in his mind. Although, the more time he spends with her, the better he'll be. ]

The aquarium, huh? Sure, sounds good to me. Especially considering I can't get drunk, and a club will just be overwhelming.

Wait, you can't get drunk? ( Surprise flickers across her face, but it's far from judgemental. That actually makes sense. ) Because of your power, right?

( It's no real loss, because she doesn't think John would blame her for it in the first place, and because she's not much of a drinker anyway. ) I don't remember the last time I even touched a beer. Probably some party or something. I had a boyfriend who'd always want me to go to these frat things, and I tried getting into it, you know, the drinking games and everything. But I just -- I didn't like feeling like that.

( It wasn't safe. People didn't hide how they felt about her face when they were drunk. )

I'd much rather go touch a starfish or something. I wonder if they have weird marine life we don't have on earth, how cool would that be?

[ He nods, relaxing by increments. They'll get back to where they were, only... more. Hopefully. John's excited about it. ]

Yeah. Metabolism burns through alcohol too fast, I don't have time to feel it. Same with any other drug, really. So no painkillers for me, either.

[ Even though he most definitely feels pain and aches. He can still feel where every bullet hit him, when he shielded her. ]

I was always the designated sober friend, in Afghanistan. The guys would get shitfaced sometimes, because it was a shitty - [He stops, clenching his jaw. Thinking back of his tours always made him swear more. ] - we saw some stuff. You have no idea how many guys I've carried to their cots. [ He smiles, looking at Clarice. ] But I'd carry you to yours with pleasure.

[ He clamps his mouth shut when he realizes how that sounds, even if it's true. ]

That'd be pretty cool. Maybe there's a zoo, too. I'd take you to the zoo if you'd like.

Oh.

( She's already half certain he feels the pain whenever he's hurt, she heard the noise he made when each bullet hit as he shielded her. Clarice has to wonder how many times that's just been ignored, that people have assumed he's fine because he's indestructible. )

You know I don't mind if you want to talk about that stuff, right? I'm not going to faint or anything.

( He's a soldier, it's just the war that's changed. Clarice knows they've both been through some things that other normal people haven't. She hasn't seen the shit he has, but she can kind of get it because she's seen her own nightmares come to life. With a hum, she rests her elbows on her knees, cups her head in her hands to talk, attention fully on John. Her smile twitches with amusement when he offers to carry her, but for now she's going to leave the joke behind. )

We could do that. The zoo, the aquarium. The kind of dates that normal people get. I'd like that.

[ He looks away when he nods, running a hand through his hair. ]

Yeah, I know. [ Well, he guesses he knows. He sort of knows. ]

Maybe, one day. Not now. [ He looks back at Clarice, reaches out to put a hand to her knee, gentle. ] It's not exactly first date conversation material, even if we're... I mean, I find it weird to consider us going on a first date.

[ He bites his lip, frowning to himself before he forces his features to smooth out. ] Because I know you, and you - you're easy to talk to.

[ Fingers squeezing her knee, he shrugs. ]

I'll take you anywhere.

( She covers his hand with her own, squeezing lightly. )

Okay, just. I want you to know you can, because I'm here if you do. ( And she's not sure he's ever had someone to listen to him. John's right though, they feel like they've passed certain levels without thinking about it. They know each other. They might have to work their way through legitimate dating, but there's already a bond there. The time is not quite right though, so she simply smiles at him, letting the issue drop. )

You look really good with your hair down.

[ He lets out a huff of amusement, tilting his head towards Clarice. If he shuffles a tiny bit closer, well. Nobody has to know, or say anything about it. ]

I've never seen you with your hair up.

( It's ridiculous how happy she feels just sitting and talking with him, how natural it is. Clarice lets out a huff of a laugh, stroking her thumb over the back of his hand. )

Oh.

( There's a band on his wrist and Clarice tugs on it until he lifts his hand, prying it free. There's something almost cautious and shy about the way she moves, pulling her hair up into a loose ponytail. She hurries through tying it, and it isn't neat, purple locks falling down over her face. But it exposes her ears, the scar across her eye. It makes it obvious what she is.

Her bravado is shakey, smile half worried. ) How do I look?

[ He looks at her, eyes traveling all over her face, then her ears, back to her scar, back up to her ears. He knew she had them, but he's never seen them in plain sight like this. His fingers twitch on her leg when he keeps himself from reaching out. ]

You look beautiful.

[ It's true, and he hopes she can tell he's sincere in the tone of his voice. She is absolutely gorgeous, scars and ears and eyes and everything. He sounds a little awed when he speaks next. ]

Just beautiful.

( It's not a thing she likes to think about, the way that she looks. Clarice isn't falling down on the floor weeping because she's hideous, she's still got it better than some mutants. She doesn't hide her eyes, even if they mean people treat her differently. But she doesn't wear her mutation quite as bravely as she should.

And while she didn't need some man to come along and fluff up her ego, she definitely needed John to help her stop hurting quite so badly.

Something warm and sweet fills her up at the sincerity in his voice, smile losing the worried edge to give way to an emotion far more pure. The self-control he's showing in not reaching out doesn't extend to her, Clarice leaning forward helplessly to cup his face in the palm of her hand, drawing him close to kiss him soft and firm. )

[ It's all too easy to lean into her touch, shift forward to kiss her right back, hand cupping her jaw, eyes closing immediately. This - this is okay, this is still gentle, just a show of appreciation and John wants it, wants to touch her all the time, kiss her for hours, keep her close and safe. Here, he can do that. Here, he's allowed.

He's reminded of their first kiss, the look on her face, the way he'd only hoped he sounded and looked as earnest and sincere as he felt as he apologized, and then - how she'd pulled him in and it lasted nearly long enough, in his opinion.

Now, he's got all the time he wants.

Softly, while still kissing her, John reaches up a little, just to trace the shell of her ear with a fingertip. ]

( The noise she makes sounds foreign to her, a startled hum of enjoyment that springs out of nowhere. It's followed by a shiver that he can't avoid the feeling of, her hand leaving his cheek to curve around the nape of his neck as though she needs to hold on, her fingers digging into his hair.

This time, she keeps the space between them, she doesn't want to push too hard. It's an awkward position, it's not detracting from how she feels.

Clarice doesn't stop kissing him, pulling his bottom lip between her own, tongue gently tracing the shape of it. The first time, they'd rushed, and the kiss just now she'd let herself lose her head. Now though, now she goes slow. She wants to experience every little bit of it. )

[ The noise she makes is delicious, runs down his spine like honey as she shifts against him, lets her fingers wraps around strands of his hair. He shifts as well, turning his body towards hers just for a better angle, for things to be more comfortable.

Especially not when Clarice sucks at his bottom lip, making him moan helplessly, breathing in a harsh breath through his nose as his hand moves down from her ear to her shoulder, fingers hooking into the neck of her hoodie.

If it'd been someone he didn't care deeply for, or someone he didn't think he had a future with, he might be pushing further. Go straight for the sex, losing themselves in it, and move on. But he doesn't want to move on from Clarice. It doesn't want sex to be just that. He wants so much more, with her, and it'd be too easy to fall into old habits, hide behind physicality to avoid intimacy.

He pulls back from the kiss gently, chasing it with another, and another, brief kisses, before he presses his forehead to Clarice's, breathing hard. ]

Where do you want to go on this date, then?

( She wants to keep kissing him, and it's probably pretty obvious in the way her gaze flickers down to his mouth and back up again. But she's behaving for now, winding her fingers in the ties of her hoodie to keep them busy. )

Can we do something really normal? Like, I don't care if it's cliche. I want to go on a date like everyone gets to go on. A walk around the zoo, a picnic in the park, I don't know. I don't want to think about whether we'll be noticed or not, I don't want to see a movie just because I won't be noticed. I want to hold your hand and be dumb and happy.

( And in love.

Telling him this feels raw, far too honest. But it's John, so. )

[ His hand slides down along her arm, curling under her elbow, unable for him to stop touching her, because he can, because there is so much baggage between them but it's also as simple as their feelings. They won't be contained, and John doesn't want to anymore, anyway. ]

The zoo it is. [ He imagines walking around, holding Clarice's hand, and his heart does a little jump in his chest, feeling bigger than it was just a second ago. He wants to be normal with her so badly. ]

You free Wednesday?

Yep.

( Even if she wasn't, she'd probably try and find a way to be. But luck is finally on their side for once. )

So we're doing this thing.

( And it's going to be amazing because it's what they deserve. God forbid anyone try to stop them. )

[ He nods, something elated and determined all at the same time taking hold of his heart. ]

We are.

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[ closed. ] 'cause it's once, just once in a lifetime

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