riverviewlogs | [ closed. ] 'cause it's once, just once in a lifetime

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[ closed. ] 'cause it's once, just once in a lifetime

who: Clarice Fong & John Proudstar
what: Two grown mutants try ( and probably fail ) to talk about their feelings in an adult manner.
when: Feb 10th.
where: Community housing.
warnings: n/a, unless you get second hand embarrassment from idiots in love.

( She's tried to leave it be, she really has, but the more the days pass, the more impossible it becomes. Clarice finds herself looking for John at the weirdest of times, hoping to catch his gaze or fire a smirk his way. And every time she remembers he's not actually there. It's weird that she still lives with all these people and yet he's floors away. Giving him space had been a good idea at first, but she can't stop part of her aching to be near him.

They probably need to talk. No, scratch that, they definitely need to talk. About everything, really. But she can still remember the feeling of his mouth against hers, the small helpless smile he'd given her after. It feels selfish to want to know how he feels about that, but maybe she's allowed to be selfish now. She's given up on enough, she doesn't want to give up on this.

( Except, she's terrified he'll say no, that they'll go back to that awkward tense space they'd occupied for so long. )

Which is why she comes armed as she heads to his dorm. He's not on shift - she checked, don't judge her - and when she moves into the common space she's got a cheery smile on her face. John's alone, which is good, and she's hoping the look of surprise on his face isn't a bad sign. )

I didn't know if you were a sweet or savoury kind of guy, so.

( Holding up a bag of chips in one hand and a pack of sugary looking donuts in the other. ) I couldn't find jelly. I'm so gonna have to lodge a complaint.

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( She laughs at that, a little louder than usual, freer too. ) An immovable object, huh?

( Humming thoughtfully, Clarice is radiating amusement like it's something physical. Her limbs are loose, her voice relaxed, smile helpless. It only widens when she turns in the circle of his arms, a hand pressed against his chest like she's testing that theory out. )

See, I knew there was a wild side hiding in there somewhere. ( She tips her chin up a little, eyes tracing the shape of his face. He's beautiful, and the wave of fondness and affection that flows through her is getting stronger by the second. But, they're being careful, taking it slow and so instead of kissing him senseless like she wants to she just takes a step back, grabs his hand. )

Come on, I think the otters have a habitat around the corner. Sometimes I'd hang out in libraries with free wifi and watch dumb animal clips and they are seriously cute.

[ That moment, right there. That moment where she was looking at him, a hand on his chest, felt like time had stilled as he looked right back. That moment - it was important, in an intimate, affectionate way, the two of them opening up to each other. He hasn't had much of a chance before now, to tell her about who he used to be, how he grew up.

It takes all of his self-control not to lean in and kiss her. He wants to, so badly he aches with it - he wants to pull her to him tight and dip her and kiss her like in all the romantic movies he's not actually seen. He wants to be everything she wants, in all the ways she needs. Which is why he doesn't kiss her, right now - lets her take his hand, break the spell, pull him towards the otters. He wants to be what she needs. ]

For James' 6th birthday, my dad took us to the Phoenix aquarium, and he got to feed some otters. I still think he'd pick it as the best day of his life.

( Clarice knows she's going to collect these little snapshots of John for the rest of their time together. When he talks she gives him her undivided attention, features soft and sweet. )

That sounds amazing. ( It does. And then, careful but still casual. ) Who's James?

( Someone he grew up with, she knows that much. But she never assumes these things. The world is strange and random. She knows that. Stopping by the enclosure, Clarice leans forward a little on her toes, trying to spot one of them. )

[ His hand squeezes hers, touch still gentle. ]

Oh, he's my little brother.

[ He knows he's rarely said the name while in the Underground, either too busy, or too worried that he could get James in any kind of trouble. It was better if nobody ever thought that John had a life, outside of what he was doing. It made sense. Kinda like teachers, when you're growing up.

But it's different here and now, and especially with Clarice. ]

He's a mutant, too. Same powers as me, just stronger. But he's... doing his own thing.

[ As in, John doesn't know where James is, right now. ]

( She strokes her thumb across the back of his hand without thinking about it. Clarice doesn't have to know the whole story to know that John must have been worried about his brother the entire time. He's like that. )

Were your parents mutants?

( Clarice keeps her tone gentle. He doesn't have to give up anything more than he wants to. But she wants to know him. )

I bet that was weird though, both of you having the same powers.

No, they weren't.

[ John pauses as they reach the otters, smiling as they splash around, playing together. Otters are cute. ]

You'd think they were, but no. We both take after them a lot - I'm a lot like our dad, and James' a lot more like mom. But that, the powers? It was all just us. And yeah, I guess when they first started showing in James, it became sort of strange, but mainly we were just... boys, about it. Had contests about how big a car we could lift, how fast we could race, that kind of stuff. He always won.

( There's something charming about the story. Maybe it's because John so rarely shares, and having him open up now is special. Maybe it's because she's seen how he acts with Marcos, knows the kind of man he is around the people he cares about. Maybe it's just because they had car lifting competitions. Either way, when she laughs it's amused, leaning her shoulder against his. )

I mean, yeah. That's definitely boy stuff. ( Another huff of laughter. ) Don't worry. You're still my favourite badass.

( John's powers are impressive, sure. But they're not what define him. He'd still be the same man without them, and that's who she likes. )

Hey, did you know otters hold hands with each other? So they don't get separated when they're sleeping or eating. I think it's called a raft.

( ANIMAL FACTS WITH CLARICE FONG. )

[ His chuckle is soft, amused. ]

Well, you haven't met my brother yet.

[ Hopefully, James' prickly nature - worse than John's - would mean that he'd still be the favored Proudstar, but you never know. They can both be very charming, when they want to. Especially when it's to one-up the other.

Still, he's please and warmed up by her words, and he's pretty sure she means it that she likes him for him, which is one of these things that strikes him, when he's with Clarice. It's never about what he can do. And he should have let her know earlier that he felt the same way, but instead, he'd let her believe he mostly cared for her power set. It'd been easier.

But now he knows, with or without her powers, Clarice is who he wants to be with, and around. ]

What? That's so cute. Do you think they have favorite otters they hold hands with?

( She wants to, is the thing. Not so that she can weight the two of them up against each other, but so that she can see who John was before all of this. She knows he's been strong, that he's always been a fighter, but he sounds fond of his memories, of his family, and Clarice doesn't know what that looks like. )

Yeah. And if science tries to disprove me of this theory then I'm gonna be pissed. If I were an otter, I'd want to hold my buddy otter's hand and not, you know, the weird otter of the family.

( Then, as if struck by inspiration. )

Also, they have pockets that they store rocks in, which is cool because they know to use them as tools. ( Wait, this is nerdy. Clarice ducks her head, tucks her hair behind her ear. ) I watched a documentary on it once. It was playing in a waiting room. I guess I just retained the info.

[ John looks at Clarice, a crazy thought flashing through his brain, of him wishing he could give her a family. That maybe, one day, he'll get to. That he can be that guy for her.

It's gone as quick as it comes, but it feels like it shot right through and pierced the skin, burrowed right under, in a space in his chest that feels dangerously close to his heart. ]

The weird otter of the family? What, like the drunk uncle?

[ She's so cute, he can hardly stand it. And that's not usually the kind of thought John Proudstar has, but he's fit to burst with how much he just wants to hold Clarice close, and protect her from everything.

When she ducks her head, John reaches out, tilting her chin back up. ]

If you're embarrassed, don't be. The way you care so much about everything around you, it's so... [ He pauses, now finding himself to be the embarrassed one. ] It's beautiful.

( He tilts her chin back up, and Clarice can't help the wash of affection that rolls through her. John is --. He's so good, probably too good for the likes of her. Everytime she looks at him she has to wonder how.

This time, she smiles and it's softer and more real than usual. )

I like that you like it.

( She likes him. )

I like that you don't think it's dumb.

[ Even if he wasn’t into her, he wouldn’t find it dumb. There is much to learn about everyone and anyone, and everyone has things to show, and learn from others. But the fact that he is, indeed, very much into her, makes it even better. He can’t quite help the way he strokes her cheek, looking into her eyes. ]

There’s nothing dumb about you.

( There's a moment, singular and blinding, where she wants to tell him she loves him. It blindsides her with an intensity that's frightening. But they haven't even talked about what they are yet, nor what they want to be. She can't say it, it's too soon.

Instead she gives him a soft smile, her hand on his hip. )

I'd say you haven't seen me first thing in the morning, but you were there when I walked into those shelves last month, so.

( She can't stop looking at him, but she has to. They're in the way, and Clarice offers up another bright grin and tips her head. ) C'mon, these animals aren't going to gawp at themselves.

[ He bites his bottom lip at her words, wishing he could follow up with an innuendo about how much he'd like to see her first thing in the morning - properly - but he resists, and he resists leaning in for a kiss, even though he desperately wants to.

His heart twists, his stomach twists, but he holds strong, dropping his hand to her shoulder, before he nods, pulling back. ]

Yeah, okay.

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[ closed. ] 'cause it's once, just once in a lifetime

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