[open] Here I am

[talentedscavenger]

who: Rey and OPEN
what: TDM Prompt (dreams), canon update, and February catch all
when: End of January through February
where: Dreams, around Quarantine.
warnings: Spoilers for The Last Jedi, and will update with more warnings as needed.


Splitting things up as not to bog down this area. If you want something different, feel free to PM this journal or reach out via plurk @riamix.

Comments

Good Dreams--I never wanted anything so much

[talentedscavenger]

I.

"Ben…"

How many times has she whispered that name? One that was supposed to stay buried. One that should be forgotten because it belonged to a ghost. Yet, when it leaves Rey’s lips, it’s spoken in a soft tone. As though he’s real, as though he’s alive and didn’t die at the hands of another. The name is whispered to a head with thick black hair as Rey curls up against a body that’s taller than hers. She looks content, happy as she holds 'Ben' close to her. His long arms come around her, holding her close while his head rests on top of hers.

Or maybe you see her covered in snow. Someone dumped all of it on her. There’s no movement for a few seconds that seem to drag on for what feels like an eternity, but her arm sticks out and little by little, Rey comes out. She’s cold, wet, but she doesn’t look upset. She’s looking at the man with a scar on his face not with anger, but with surprise. Soon, Rey starts to laugh and Ben slowly joins in with her. It’s not a shallow laugh, one done out of awkward pretense, but a full belly one. She can’t believe Ben—Kylo Ren, used the Force to dump snow on her in order to win their little snowball fight.

"Next time I'll wear my gloves and…who knows, maybe I'll best you." she tells him, and he offers her his hand to help her stand up.

Regardless of the scene, Rey was the first one to pull back and say goodbye. As she leaves, she wonders if maybe there was a chance he could be more than what he thinks his ‘destiny’ should be. She wants to know more about him—not Ben Solo, son of Leia Organa and Han Solo, not Kylo Ren who studied under Snoke and member of the First Order. No, she wants to know who Ben was…and see if his path could change.

"…It’s nothing..." she tells the person next to her in a soft tone, preparing herself to defend what they saw and what feelings surfaced.

II.

It’s their first night together, all of them: Finn, Poe, BB-8, and Rey. They’re all crashing together at Poe’s apartment, and Rey wouldn’t have it any other way. Though, space was cramped, it’s the first time she feels safe and at peace with things. Poe was back, not the same as before, but he was back. Finn was alive and doing well, especially after his fight with Kylo Ren. Then there was BB-8, the droid who unintentionally changed her life. All of her friends were together again.

She was on the couch, laying down and using her arm as a pillow. Her mind was trying to comprehend how impossible it was that all of them were together. The odds of it were astounding, and really, they were needed to be with the Resistance, but for right now…she could be happy. Though she’s made friends here at the Quarantine, none of them could replace the ones she first made back home. Her mind can’t wind down, too excited, too happy about the moment. Unable to fall asleep, she gets up to head to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

It wasn’t until she entered the kitchen that she felt someone behind her.

"Did I wake you?"

Bad Dream -- SPOILERS FOR LAST JEDI

[talentedscavenger]

It’ll be okay, Rey tells herself, as she’s walking down the halls of Snoke’s ship. Her hands are cuffed together and her saber isn’t by her side. It’s been taken away from her. She had given herself to the First Order in the hopes of persuading Ben to leave Snoke. He was more than that monster. He was powerful on his own. He could come back to the Light.

"I had a vision. When we touched, I saw you and you wouldn’t bow down to Snoke. You can turn against him, I know you can, Ben."

Ben—Kylo Ren ignores her, staying silent as he brings her into Snoke’s throne room where the rest of his red guards—The Elite Preatorian Guards stand waiting for any sudden movements. They were there for Snoke’s protection, as though the monstrous creature needed it. Snoke was impressed by her, but Rey wasn’t going to take his flattery. She refused to tell him where Master Skywalker was. The word ‘no’ wasn’t in the monter's vocabulary.

He sneered at her, opting to reach into her mind instead and claw the information out. Pain flooded her senses as her body is levitated off the ground. He’s more powerful than she expected. No matter how hard she tries to fight, no matter how loud she screams, no one moves. Snoke gets what he wants and it leaves her feeling hollow. He could get to Skywalker now...but she wouldn’t be deterred. Rage and fury fill her instead, a determination to bring him down, no matter the cost. Even when he releases her, she summons the lightsaber to her side, trying to strike him down. Her lightsaber is knocked out of her hands, and she summons Ren’s, but that’s not enough.

Snoke uses the Force to make her kneel before him. Her body is useless against him, and she’s presented to Kylo Ren for him to make an example of her. Her heart is beating out of her chest, her eyes looking into his, pleading with him to do the right thing.

This was it. She was going to die.

Canon Update--SPOILERS FOR THE LAST JEDI

[talentedscavenger]

It felt like a dream, everything Rey experienced—her memories of what happened after landing on Ahch-To seemed so far off. She had met Luke, she had returned his lightsaber to him and he simply tossed it aside. He wanted to be the last Jedi. He wanted it all to go down with him. She learned how to connect to the Force, gave into the Dark Side to learn more...and she was able to come back from it. There were things that she understood, and things she couldn’t grasp.

Luke and Ben...their historywas more complicated than she ever thought possible. How a man could give into his rage for a split second, and change a young man’s life forever.

Kylo Ren—Ben, had the chance to walk away from everything. Snoke was dead, killed by Ben. He was finally given a choice and yet he clung to the Darkness like an old friend, and stayed with the First Order. She had trusted him—she had placed so much faith in him, at the Quarantine and then on Snoke’s ship. Rey had gotten into a fight with her friends over him, over the belief that he could come back...but she was wrong.

Part of her wanted to scream, wanted to cry out at the injustice of it, but life was never fair. At least now, she knew her place in this war, knew what she had to do. Her hope in Ben was gone. Their connection—the lie that Snoke had spun so well between the two of them—was dead. She was alone...but she was not nothing.

She was more than an abandoned girl on Jakku. She was a scavenger, a survivor—she was a Jedi.

The next few days are a blur for her, preferring to bury herself in work either by going to the Abandoned City by herself and returning to Cisco’s place with more items, or training more with the Perimeter Guard. She doesn’t keep her hair up in the three buns style anymore. Now, she only wears her hair half up in a pony tail and the rest down. Around others, she’ll wear a small smile, keep up the appearance that she’s fine.

It’s only when she’s alone, or believe she’s alone, that the smile is gone and she looks distant...almost lonely.

[bluechampion]

Link was one to out alone rather than be along with a group. It was more out of convenience than preference. He was used to travelling alone with Hyrule, and he liked having the freedom to make his own decisions out on the field. There was no waiting for anyone to catch up, and no one to question his actions regardless of how reckless they might be.

He was looking around the Abandoned City, collecting plant and fungi samples both for himself and Zelda if she was interested, as well as keeping an eye out for any monsters that might decide to show up. He scaled a ruined wall and took a moment to look around for anything of interest when he saw someone in the distance. From where he was, he couldn't tell if they were in need of help or not, so he jumped off the ledge and glided over on his paraglider, touching ground a couple yards behind her. "Hi."

[talentedscavenger]

Rey was wandering the Abandoned City, trying to sort out things in her mind, while looking for anything she could bring back to either Tony or Cisco. She was aware of her surroundings, keeping an eye on the area around her and listening to the Force for anything menacing. Her speeder was parked a few yards away from her with some scraps already strapped to it.

She was preparing to walk back when she felt a shift in the Force. Turning around she saw someone...drift? down to her. Someone who looked familiar, but not enough for her to recall a name.

"..Hello?" she called back out, bringing a hand up to shield her eyes from the sun.

"Can I help you?"

[bluechampion]

"I was just about to ask you the same thing," Link replied as he drew a little closer for conversation. He glanced at the scrap she was collecting. His own pouches were full of plants and herbs that grew wild among the ruins, though he kept an eye out for anything that might be interesting to bring back to the city. He didn't know much, if anything about the various machines of the city though, so he had no idea of what was valuable and what wasn't.

"Can I ask what this is for," he asked as he gestured to her collection. Perhaps he could learn a little something today.

[talentedscavenger]

"That?" Rey followed his gaze back to her speeder where there were some scrap metal pieces on the side of it.

"It's scrap metal, something that could be repurposed. I didn't have any luck with finding other old tech to bring back," she explained, thinking the other person before her had some idea of technology. Old pieces could be altered, reshaped to become something different. Or, if there were old circuit boards, those could be reused for other things. She looked him over, trying piece together if she had met him or not. Something in the Force was nudging her, but she couldn't quite place her finger on it.

"Did you...fly down here? Or were you behind some of the buildings?" Because he wasn't there a moment ago.

[bluechampion]

Link silently nodded. He could follow repurposing something, even if he didn't know how such parts could be worked with. He knelt closer to what she had collected and picked a piece up. If it wasn't clear before, it should be now that he was tumbling the thing in his hands that he had little to no idea about this level of technology. After getting absolutely no information from his fiddling, he placed the piece back where he picked it up. "The technology here is a lot different from where I'm from." The equipment on his back was another hint. The sword, shield, and bow on his back probably said a lot about what kind of world he came from.

"I glided," Link answered, pulling out his paraglider and unfolding it to let her see. "Did I startle you?"

[talentedscavenger]

If he broke the piece he was fiddling with, it wouldn't upset Rey. She could attempt to repair it, and better he break one piece than mess with the rest she managed to gather together. Better to keep her mind off of things, and if he broke it, she could attempt to repair it. Though, it looked as though he had no idea what any of the items were, and looking at the items he carried...it was tugging at the corners of her mind, trying to get her to remember.

"No, I wasn't startled, curious how you got down here."

Wait a moment...the item he pulled out.

"...What did you say your name was?"

[bluechampion]

"I'm Link." He paused. "Have we met before?"

Link was starting to get that feeling he had had when he first went to Zora's Domain. People had recognized him there, but with his memory gone, he had no idea who they were. Link was sure this young woman wasn't a Hylian. For one, her ears were too short, and she seemed very familiar with this technology that didn't exist in Hyrule. Link couldn't recall meeting her, and yet her reaction showed that perhaps they had run into each other before.

Wildcard! Night at the bar--after canon update

[talentedscavenger]

The weight of what Rey has learned has left her feeling...numb.

Luke was gone. The Resistance was done to a handful of people...and Ben. The man she thought could come back. The man she had a vision of; him not bowing down to Snoke, that he would leave the Darkness for the Light. She thought he could come back. She had risked so much--at Quarantine, and even going to him willing--breaking the trust between Finn and Poe. Could she tell them what happened? Could she bring herself to say that she was sorry and they were right? No...she wouldn't know where to begin if they didn't remember the same things as her.

And Leia....how would she be able to face her? Face the General who had lost so much of the Rebellion, and only member of her family left. She had given Leia hope that Ben could come back, and now she would need to tell her there was no hope left. Ben made his decisions, and now he was the face of the First Order. Snoke was gone...and left behind was his apprentice, more than likely calling himself Emperor...or maybe Supreme Leader. Who knows.

Running, or any physical activity wouldn't help her now. She was trying to come to grips with things, so where does one go to be around others, but be alone at the same time? The bar. Rey left her hair down, grabbing her keys and headed out.

When she does arrive at the bar itself, she opts for a seat in the back, asking for water, and a glass of something strong. As Rey waited for her drinks memories of what happened filtered through her head.

"I thought I would find answers here. I was wrong. I'd never felt so alone--"

"You're not alone."

"--this isn't going to end the way you think it will!"

"You were born nothing. You are nothing. But not to me."

By the time her drinks came, Rey instantly went for the shot of clear liquid, unfamiliar with the name of it, but knocks it back. The alcohol burns down her throat, but at least she's able to feel that. Better than the pain of loss. Better than feeling her hope dwindle.

Better than hearing the way Ben's pleading voice when he held out his hand to her.

"Another shot..please.."

For Alexander Pierce

[talentedscavenger]

[Rey manages to get to Alexander's place at 7 sharp. Having dinner with the older man didn't seem strange to her. It gave her a chance to get out of her apartment, out of her own head space. She curled up her hand into a fist and lightly knocked on his door. Compared to when she was at the hospital and now, she looked healthier. More color to her cheeks, her hair in a half up and half down state, and wearing her normal clothes--the jeans and blouses were something she would wear once or twice a week...just to put them to use.

Right now, she wanted to feel normal and that started with wearing her usual attire. At her hip is a holster for the lightsaber that, thankfully, wasn't broken like the memories she received.]

[peacemongering]

[Cooking was one of those skills one didn't entirely forget even after living the kind of life where many meals had been made for him. His wife, bless her soul, had insisted that he cook with her, that it was one of the few activities that they did together when he was home. She was a mean cook, able to whip up many delights and often would spend a day in the kitchen with the cooking staff when it came to large events.

Food was relatively the same if one knew where to look. The items might vary and there was definitely different plants and animal meats available. He had whipped up a simple chicken (or equivalent) and vegetable stir-fry on a bed of rice that had a rich tangy sauce. He was just setting out the plates full of food when the knock came.

He was wearing casual clothing of sweat pants and a hoodie where the sleeves were pushed to his elbows. His apron was draped over the back of his chair, but his communal area was neat and tidy. The most prominent item in the room was an old and dented pocket watch with a screaming eagle etched into the protective casing face.

He opened the door and smiled at Rey, pulling it wider to admit her.]

Welcome, Rey. Please, make yourself at home. I was just setting dinner out.

[talentedscavenger]

[It was interesting to have the door open to reveal Alexander, someone who she was instantly suspicious of when she first woke up in the hospital. He wore a button up shirt when they met, something professional and well put together. Now, in his home, he looked different. He was in comfortable clothing, which was the complete opposite of the business attire he had before. It caught Rey off guard a little, but she didn't let it show on her face.]

Thank you. Do you need help with anything?

[She stepped inside, the scent of a cooked meal wafting through the air. Though she was a guest, she didn't like sitting still for too long. She had been doing enough of that. A lot of self reflecting, and a lot of thinking. She was grateful for the distraction.]

[peacemongering]

Well, if you would like to go and pick out something to drink, and grab some glasses for that, I would appreciate the help.

[His outside persona was one that he kept rather strictly business-like. He didn't wear comfortable clothing beyond this room, and it was all to present a very specific appearance. There were many who would be interested in that aspect of his life, but this one - in the quiet of his rented apartment - was to throw people off their game.

Like he was simply a man like anyone else. Comfortable in his own place of residence.

He shut the door after she had entered and padded to the kitchen to finish grabbing a few items: salt and pepper shakers, soy sauce and a few extra napkins. He returned to the table to set them out.]

If you would be kind to grab me a glass of water, I would appreciate it.

[talentedscavenger]

Water would be fine.

[She isn't one to drink sodas, though she had started to take a penchant for tea. And drinking...she wasn't in the mood for alcohol. Plus, it would be doubtful that Alexander had anything she would like. He didn't look like the sort to drink, but then again, neither was she.

The brunette nodded her head, heading into his kitchen, carefully opening his cabinets in search of glasses, taking out two.]

Sure, I'll have both glasses set on the table.

[It doesn't take long to do just that; filling the glasses up with water, and then moving to the table to place them down at their respective seats.]

Did you need help with anything else before sitting down? [Please excuse the awkward air around her, she was trying to find things to do to keep herself busy...and it wasn't like she's shared a meal with anyone in a few weeks.]

[peacemongering]

[He finished setting out the items he considered important for a good meal and didn't make any motion to assist Rey in the task that he had assigned her. She would either figure it out or inquire, but he knew she was a smart young woman and likely would have no need. So they both had a glass of water, warm food waiting for them and three unoccupied seats.]

No, I believe that will be all. Please, sit and enjoy yourself.

[He took one when Rey had found them the water, waiting for her to do the same before he picked up a napkin and laid it across his waist. He wasn't a heathen after all, and even in casual attire, he considered manners important especially at the dinner table. Of course, he held no one else to such standards.

He looked over at Rey and smiled, waiting to see what she would do.]

Do you pray before meals, or just dig in?

[talentedscavenger]

[Rey moved to sit at Alexander's right, letting him sit at the head of the table. It felt right to have him be at the head of the table, as this was his home she had walked into. She had her water glass by her food, and waited for Alexander to eat first, thinking that was the polite thing to do.

Manner and etiquette were things that scavengers didn't necessarily have. They were more concerned about working, and where their next meal would come from. She learned to eat with utensils rather than her hands. She learned when she needed to use a napkin, learned how to adapt...and at the Ball, she leaned that a napkin should be placed across her lap to avoid getting food on her dress.

Really, at this point it was trial and error.]

No, typically it's when you're done with work, you make your food and that was it. [Praying might be something another scavenger would do, or maybe the Teedos, but she can't say she's seen much of it in practice.]

A lot of things are different here compared to Jakku, but you learn to adapt... [And you make mistakes...and then you get memories of what else laid beyond this place. No, no, she was not going to think about that now. She wanted to focus on that, enjoy a momentary distraction and simply...deal with the rest.]

And you?

For Ben: Force bond shenanigans

[talentedscavenger]

Rey was slowly piecing together bits and pieces of her sanity back together after learning the bond with Ben was back. It was suddenly brought back to life, like a flame reigniting after it had been snuffed out. She wasn't sure why it had happened, or how it happened. It was all too raw for her, to be connected to Ben in such an intimate way. How they were able to speak to one another even when they were far apart. Didn't matter how many lightyears apart they were, but they could zero in on each other and simply talk.

She was still trying to grasp his words. He wanted to stay here. He wasn't interested in going back. Which was good, or maybe bad. It was too soon to tell. What she did know, was he said she killed Snoke to Hux. When Hux brought the information to her, she....went along with it. Still protecting or defending Ben for reasons that weren't clear to her.

For now, she was putting her focus on following the instructions on baking a small chocolate cake. It required a 'lb' of butter, and scoops of flour--and not the petal kind. After everything that Cisco has done for her, the least he deserved was something sweet. Not store bought, but something made with her own two hands--and she wasn't about to buy the 'instant' stuff.

It was a learning experiment for the former scavenger. She was gathering ingredients that had similar properties to the recipe she found. Now it was a matter of decoding the weird language and following the steps. Eggs were cracked, flour was mixed in, now she was trying to figure out the difference between baking soda and baking powder. In the midst of it, she felt something tug at her A presence growing stronger with each passing second until it was near...in her own home.

The bond was acting up...and Ben was around. He would be able to see her small studio apartment and see her sitting at a table with various ingredients placed about. A mixing bowl off to one side with the spatula nearby. Rey's hands dusted with flour and hair tied back in a messy bun. She could just....ignore him, right?

[killthepast]

He doesn't see Rey's surroundings, exactly. Just her, sitting at the same table he's at, ingredients set in front of her as she goes about her business. Of course, the reality is they're in opposite ends of the city-- most likely, anyway. Himself, he's alone in the dining area on his floor, back in the communal housing building. Just Ren, and a mug of tea.

Like Rey, he'd rather just ignore this connection right now. With so much left unresolved from their last encounters, the emotional wounds haven't healed yet. So he lets out a sharp huff of breath and drinks his tea, frowning, tersely ignoring their bond, even as they sit across from each other.

Except he knows well enough by now that it won't go away just because he doesn't feel like talking. So, watching as Rey tries to decide which ingredient to use, Kylo breaks the silence.

"You have a recipe, don't you?"

[talentedscavenger]

Rey continued to read and then reread the two different containers. There was a difference between the two items, but she didn't know why the words 'baking' were on their boxes. Different properties, one for cooking and the other....she was still trying to figure out. It was better to study the containers than deal with the man she could see in front of her.

At least, that was the plan until he spoke. Her eyes looked up at him, keeping a calm expression on her face rather than let him see anything else. Her stress, her frustration over their situation, and the sadness she felt seeing him. She briefly looked over him, looking for any signs of injury. He seemed physically wounded last time they 'spoke.'

"I do. I was wondering why something was named 'baking soda,' and the other 'baking powder'.." She explained softly, adding the small measurement of baking powder to the mixture before starting to stir it with a spatula. Next came another ingredient... a 'lb' of butter. As she pondered over what a 'lb' actually meant, she looked back at him, thinking if she should ask him if he was well...

"..You look better." Than last time.

[killthepast]

He listens to her explanation, his own defensive coldness thawing somewhat, giving way to a sense of... appreciation. That bright fire of curiosity within her is as intriguing as ever. And though it's not enough to get him to forget about their disastrous argument, or the events leading up to it, it does spark his own curiosity. He leans forward a little, eyes brightening with interest.

"Soda..." He's pretty sure that's relating to sodium, so... "A baking salt?" he ventures. But what does he know; he doesn't bake. Ren tilts his head, watching Rey continue with her tasks, feeling some sense of her confusion regarding the butter.

"The packaging will tell you how much is in each stick," he supplies. He doesn't know how much she needs, but clearly she's trying to measure it. Ren may not be a baker, but he cooks frequently enough here that he knows some things.

As far as how he looks... Ren looks up from Rey's hand, eyes locking on hers. "Do I." Noncommittal, a neutral response to see what else she might be leading up to.

[talentedscavenger]

"Possibly a baking salt, but why bother name it baking soda when it's not used for baking?" Because the recipe called for baking soda, and really, Rey would have to investigate this further with other chemicals, or baked goods. One or the other. When Rey wanted to find out why something the way it was, or what purposes it could have, she went for it. Her mind was intrigued, and someone else's curiosity was tickled too. Interesting they could have a conversation about different components than what was bothering both of them.

"I can see the measurements here.." she pointed to the side of the butter packing, showing how much was there and the little tally marks too. She placed the down the butter in favor of taking out her comm to look up what 'lb' actually meant. Her eyebrows knitted together in more confusion when she found the answer.

"It's short hand for pound." So odd, so very odd, but she'll follow the instructions and take out a pound of butter and try to mix that in.

...But she didn't leave the butter out to soften so it's cold, hard and difficult to mix.

Her eyes look up from the mixing bowl to meet his and nods her head a little.

"Your arm...or shoulder. It looked strained before." a simple observation. To anyone else it might show she was trying to make conversation, but there was a hidden meaning there. She had been paying attention, and she still cared. Rey was the first to break eye contact then, looking down at her bowl and trying to focus on mixing in the hard butter with a lot of effort, spilling flour and baking powder on her table, and on herself. Maybe she could just use the microwave and melt the butter....that might work.

[killthepast]

"You have to let that soften, first," he points out, after watching Rey struggle to mix the butter in with everything else. And then, curiously, he asks, "What are you making?"

He can smell, faintly, some sweetness, and it's obviously a dessert of some kind. But beyond that, he doesn't know what it is or who it's for. Herself? One of her Rebel friends?

The observation is some surprise to him. Indeed, he hadn't thought she'd noticed the way he was carrying himself that day. "It was strained," he confirms, "because I'd been shot."

Which might also explain why he'd been keeping an even lower profile than before. He really hasn't been doing much besides recovering and getting to know Leonard. It's only recently that he's even ventured back to work.

[talentedscavenger]

"Right...I didn't think of that." Soften the butter, well..now she's in this mess and she needed to figure out what to do. Putting it back in the fridge wouldn't work. The butter would only remain solid so then what?

"I'm trying to make a cake. Never made one before." She said simply, taking a step back from the bowl of flour, sugar and a stick of butter--and of course, baking powder. "It was a friend's birthday and I didn't know what to get him. Thought a cake would be nice."

There's a soft shrug of her shoulders as she moved away from the table to take out a smaller bowl from a cabinet and turned on her oven to a low heat. Rey took out the stick of butter and moved it into the bowl she grabbed and placed both in the oven, thinking a minute or so would be enough to soften the butter. He didn't need to know who shew as baking for, like hell she was going to put Cisco in that kind of danger, but she was trying to open up and still be guarded about her feelings.

Only to have that plan go out the window hearing he had been shot.

"You were what?" This is a surprise--not too surprising, but still a surprise. He had a knack for getting into trouble. "Who shot you? Hux?" Why was she even asking? Why was she still caring?