riverviewlogs | [open] Here I am

[Rey manages to get to Alexander's place at 7 sharp. Having dinner with the older man didn't seem strange to her. It gave her a chance to get out of her apartment, out of her own head space. She curled up her hand into a fist and lightly knocked on his door. Compared to when she was at the hospital and now, she looked healthier. More color to her cheeks, her hair in a half up and half down state, and wearing her normal clothes--the jeans and blouses were something she would wear once or twice a week...just to put them to use.

Right now, she wanted to feel normal and that started with wearing her usual attire. At her hip is a holster for the lightsaber that, thankfully, wasn't broken like the memories she received.]

[Cooking was one of those skills one didn't entirely forget even after living the kind of life where many meals had been made for him. His wife, bless her soul, had insisted that he cook with her, that it was one of the few activities that they did together when he was home. She was a mean cook, able to whip up many delights and often would spend a day in the kitchen with the cooking staff when it came to large events.

Food was relatively the same if one knew where to look. The items might vary and there was definitely different plants and animal meats available. He had whipped up a simple chicken (or equivalent) and vegetable stir-fry on a bed of rice that had a rich tangy sauce. He was just setting out the plates full of food when the knock came.

He was wearing casual clothing of sweat pants and a hoodie where the sleeves were pushed to his elbows. His apron was draped over the back of his chair, but his communal area was neat and tidy. The most prominent item in the room was an old and dented pocket watch with a screaming eagle etched into the protective casing face.

He opened the door and smiled at Rey, pulling it wider to admit her.]

Welcome, Rey. Please, make yourself at home. I was just setting dinner out.

[It was interesting to have the door open to reveal Alexander, someone who she was instantly suspicious of when she first woke up in the hospital. He wore a button up shirt when they met, something professional and well put together. Now, in his home, he looked different. He was in comfortable clothing, which was the complete opposite of the business attire he had before. It caught Rey off guard a little, but she didn't let it show on her face.]

Thank you. Do you need help with anything?

[She stepped inside, the scent of a cooked meal wafting through the air. Though she was a guest, she didn't like sitting still for too long. She had been doing enough of that. A lot of self reflecting, and a lot of thinking. She was grateful for the distraction.]

Well, if you would like to go and pick out something to drink, and grab some glasses for that, I would appreciate the help.

[His outside persona was one that he kept rather strictly business-like. He didn't wear comfortable clothing beyond this room, and it was all to present a very specific appearance. There were many who would be interested in that aspect of his life, but this one - in the quiet of his rented apartment - was to throw people off their game.

Like he was simply a man like anyone else. Comfortable in his own place of residence.

He shut the door after she had entered and padded to the kitchen to finish grabbing a few items: salt and pepper shakers, soy sauce and a few extra napkins. He returned to the table to set them out.]

If you would be kind to grab me a glass of water, I would appreciate it.

Water would be fine.

[She isn't one to drink sodas, though she had started to take a penchant for tea. And drinking...she wasn't in the mood for alcohol. Plus, it would be doubtful that Alexander had anything she would like. He didn't look like the sort to drink, but then again, neither was she.

The brunette nodded her head, heading into his kitchen, carefully opening his cabinets in search of glasses, taking out two.]

Sure, I'll have both glasses set on the table.

[It doesn't take long to do just that; filling the glasses up with water, and then moving to the table to place them down at their respective seats.]

Did you need help with anything else before sitting down? [Please excuse the awkward air around her, she was trying to find things to do to keep herself busy...and it wasn't like she's shared a meal with anyone in a few weeks.]

[He finished setting out the items he considered important for a good meal and didn't make any motion to assist Rey in the task that he had assigned her. She would either figure it out or inquire, but he knew she was a smart young woman and likely would have no need. So they both had a glass of water, warm food waiting for them and three unoccupied seats.]

No, I believe that will be all. Please, sit and enjoy yourself.

[He took one when Rey had found them the water, waiting for her to do the same before he picked up a napkin and laid it across his waist. He wasn't a heathen after all, and even in casual attire, he considered manners important especially at the dinner table. Of course, he held no one else to such standards.

He looked over at Rey and smiled, waiting to see what she would do.]

Do you pray before meals, or just dig in?

[Rey moved to sit at Alexander's right, letting him sit at the head of the table. It felt right to have him be at the head of the table, as this was his home she had walked into. She had her water glass by her food, and waited for Alexander to eat first, thinking that was the polite thing to do.

Manner and etiquette were things that scavengers didn't necessarily have. They were more concerned about working, and where their next meal would come from. She learned to eat with utensils rather than her hands. She learned when she needed to use a napkin, learned how to adapt...and at the Ball, she leaned that a napkin should be placed across her lap to avoid getting food on her dress.

Really, at this point it was trial and error.]

No, typically it's when you're done with work, you make your food and that was it. [Praying might be something another scavenger would do, or maybe the Teedos, but she can't say she's seen much of it in practice.]

A lot of things are different here compared to Jakku, but you learn to adapt... [And you make mistakes...and then you get memories of what else laid beyond this place. No, no, she was not going to think about that now. She wanted to focus on that, enjoy a momentary distraction and simply...deal with the rest.]

And you?

[There were all manner of rules when it came to etiquette and it changed with culture to culture, and this place often had fascinating differences in etiquette. He certainly wouldn't presume to know the traditions of other cultures, least of all one where malnutrition ran rampant. Besides, she was a quick learner, someone who likely could mimic where necessary. A survival instinct.

He nodded his head to her response, and it was understandable. He picked up his fork as a gesture that they could start the meal, no prayers necessary.]

There is certainly a rich clash of culture and tradition here, what with so many individuals coming from different places. [He watched her in the quiet between the initial bites, curious and interested in what she had to say.] Adapting to an ever changing way of life is very important. You seem like you do it very well.

[He smiled and glanced away, thinking.] Where I'm from... religion is often intermingled with daily life and politics. I personally don't feel like it should, but in the quiet of one's home, I only say prayers for special occasions. Grace, as it's called.

[When Alexander started to eat, so did Rey. She used her knife and fork to cut her chicken, or protein into smaller pieces, taking a bite here and there. The food was well prepared, well seasoned. Much better than portions.and hospital food.][Adapt or die. Really, for the longest time she had a survivor's mentality. If she could get through one day at a time, then she considered it a victory. Every day she survived felt like she won against the harsh environment. At least here, she didn't have to worry about food, or having to work herself to death--even if she still got into the habit of working late, or be engrossed with her work. Especially after gaining her memories...]

Wars have been fought over less. If it's not territory then it's ideology--regardless if there's religion involved.

[Look at the Empire, seeking total order throughout the galaxy, not caring who got in the way. Even with the Empire gone, there was the First Order to continue out the Empire's mission.

Rey swallowed her bite, placing one utensil down to take a sip of her water.]

But this is your home, and I don't think it would be polite of me to talk about such things. [And Stars knows, she didn't want to talk about her own life right now.]

[When one was surviving and not thriving, he understood that the need for polite mannerisms fell by the wayside. It wasn't that those people didn't appreciate it, but they hadn't the time for it when there was a family to feed, a shelter to find and safety to put in place. For many, just getting through the day having all of those things was a victory.]

Of course. It seems that the laws of nature require fighting, but some species take it to more of an extreme than others. There also have been studies where I'm from that have found that when the male side of the population reaches a certain percentage compared to the female side, war more often will break out to swing it all back into check.

[Order was necessary in the chaos, and there were many times were extreme methods were avoided for the political backlash. People had to believe they were giving up freedom for overwhelming safety.

He continued his meal peacefully, at ease in his own home and with his own cooking. He was certain that his wife would be proud of the accomplishment. He was still getting used to cooking for himself full time again.]

My policy in my home is that all subjects are on the table for discussion, even uncomfortable ones. How else can we have debate, conversation or make statements that need consideration or education? It was the policy with my girls, and it's my policy now, Rey.

[There was a pause from Rey as she looked up over her food to Alexander.]

Are you trying to state that if there were more women around in your world, then war wouldn't break out as often? Or war would be less frequent?

[An interesting theory, one that Rey sounds a bit interested in, but only because it was one she hadn't exactly heard of before. There were planets were women were the ones in power, and war didn't seem to break out as frequent. But, she was reading Imperial records from old computers. She could only take their observations with a grain of salt.]

Your girls were lucky then, to have someone like you in their lives. [To have a strong role model, and above all a parent that cared for them. Something a lot of orphaned children wished they had.] Did you ever get into fights with them? [The question seems entirely innocent, a young woman wanting to know what was 'normal' between a parent and child...and not necessarily seeking advice for her own problems.]

It stands to reason. Men, in general, are more likely to act out with violence than women, and they consider solutions to interpersonal conflict easiest dealt with in violence.

[Men had also been brought up that physically, they had something to prove and that while intellectual debate was necessary, it was not always the go to when conflict rose. Women tended to be more reasonable and even-tempered; they better managed their own risk assessment and were likely to avoid physical conflict where possible. Men gave women far too little credit for their skills.

He nodded his head, thinking his girls were lucky, but they might not have thought so a handful or so times. Teenagers were notoriously difficult to deal with even with set rules for engagement.] Good parental skills are always a work in progress, believe me.

[Ha, did he fight with his children? He chuckled and took a bite of his stir-fry, chewing thoughtfully.] Of course. I would expect no less. Fighting it part of growing up, and we were not always on the same page when it came to understanding one another's point of view. I also didn't find more young men who wanted an opportunity with them to be good enough, but that's little more than a father's opinion.

Stands to reason, but it's more of a generalized statement, isn't it? I'm sure there are some who would rather turn to other means to resolve conflict--through talks, or other means.

[Or maybe just run away to avoid conflict entirely. Or run away in the hopes that the conflict didn't follow them. But, Alexander does have a point. For most men, they would rather fight--especially when the fate of the galaxy was at risk. Especially when they were trying to keep an entire entity from controlling all of space. There could be no talks then, only action.

Rey had a little of the stir-fry, paying more attention to her friend's words. Could she really call Alexander a friend? He was an acquaintance at best, but maybe she could come to call him that, or an ally. Heaven knows it was better to have an ally here than an enemy.]

I'll take your word for it. [Considering he's one of the few people she's met here that has had children. One of the few people who didn't leave their children behind.

She set her fork off to the side, preferring to listen rather than continue to eat. Not that the food wasn't good, it was, but she was interested in his views as a father...]

But you eventually came to an understanding? With your daughters, and things...sort of fell back to how they were? [The notion of young men never being good enough causes Ben's face to flicker into her mind, but she's quick to push it away.] Wouldn't exactly know much about that--on either end. [To have someone interested in her ~~which was a lie~~, or to have a parent or a caregiver think someone was good enough.]

There are, of course. Some people are only looking for a fight though. Others simply want to have power over other people, to control their every action and thought if possible.

[He would agree that some would simply turn tail and run away, but that wasn't how one built a better world over all, for themselves or others. Conflict exposed differences and at times, allowed to greater understanding, compromise, slow agreement over time. Maybe. If they were all lucky.

He continued to eat, able and willing to balance conversation with a meal. It was something that he had plenty of practice at, and some of his best negotiations were over a meal and keeping one's cool during it all. Needless to say, he enjoyed his meal as much as he enjoyed his conversation, even if Rey decided to listen rather than eat. He took no offense.

He nodded his head to her first question.] We eventually understood one another yes, and in some cases, it allowed one or both of us to learn from the experience, to gather more information on one another. Most times it brought us closer as a family. [He smiled fondly, remembering some of the more... explosive fights that happened at the table.]

Do you have a young man that you're interested in or who is interested in you? I could give a father's opinion on the matter. Just as fun.

Oh yes, we're dealing with something similar back home. It's...annoying more than anything.

[The First Order wanting to control everything, anything, and everyone. As the Empire had done, but they weren't going to win. Though the Resistance's numbers were small, they had bought themselves some time to regroup and figure out a new plan.

It brought some comfort to know that even after a fight between parent and child, they made up. Granted, that didn't seem to be the case with Ben and his mother. It would never be the case...and his family, he was continuing to let them slip through his fingers. First it was Han, and now it was Luke. If anything happened to Leia...she didn't want to think about that. No, she already suffered too many losses to think about losing someone else that was vital to their cause. That was a big role model...and a mother figure to her.

In any case, if Alexander and his daughters were able to make-up then surely Finn, Poe, and her could. It may take time, but hopefully they could repair things. Little by little.]

That's good to know, and I'm assuming you're still close with your daughters? [She didn't realize in his world that Alexander may not still be part of it. But her mind quickly focused on his question. Her eyes widened for a fraction of a second, but then she schooled her expression to a neutral one. She cleared her throat and reached for her glass of water, taking a sip.]

No, there's no one interested in me, and no one I'm interested in. Don't have much time for either or. [Could he sense the lie there?]

Annoying, how so?

[He was curious of the kind of conflict and the severity of it, but he thought it might not be so bad if she downsized the threat of it to mere annoyance. He knew that some weren't interested in the politics and policies of some governments and organizations, and that was perfectly fine. Some conflicts weren't for everyone.

He liked to think himself close with his daughters and his grandchildren; family was important. His mother was certain to instill that lesson into him young; of course a massive war helped to bring that lesson home as well, especially when he had been taken to see some of the boxes of men coming home to their families. He hadn't entirely understood it then, but as he grew, he gathered the truth and lesson of it and appreciated it even more.

It was a lesson his own children hadn't seen much of at first, but being part of an embassy in Columbia earned more than their share of access to similar plights. It was necessary that they understand the suffering of many.]

I am, though they have lives on their own away from where I live. They are raising their own families now. [And no, he no longer existed in their world anymore, and this one here in Quarantine would be his permanent place. He didn't regret the reasons he had been brought here.] I am very proud of them always, even when being here.

[She wasn't difficult to read as lying, or that his question had put her in a difficult spot in the first place. He nodded his head in the face of her answer all the same, waiting in quiet as he ate. His silence was indication enough that he knew she was lying, but he wouldn't press her to change her answer verbally.]

Annoying...isn't the best word, but it's the first one that came to mind. The war... [Rey pauses for a moment, trying to sort out her feelings on it.] Has been going on for a while, and the ideals and principles behind it from the side that started it are ridiculous. They want to control everything, every planet, every star system.

[They wanted to follow the Empire's foot steps. To keep the galaxy under one ruler who could extort it's people and cause more people to lose their lives. One could either be blissfully ignorant of it, run away from the First Order, or join the fight to end them, just as the Rebellion destroyed the Empire, the Resistance could take down the First Order.]

Mmm, that sounds nice--to have raised your own family, then stayed close to watch them as they started their own. [Something she never really thought about; wanting a family of her own with children. It seemed so far-fetched because of the war itself and she was a Jedi. She would have new duties...like finding others like herself and try to train them as best as she could.

Rey went back to eating, trying to ignore the silence that grew between them. He knew...she wasn't the best at lying about these things. She took a few more bites before opening up again on the subject.]

There...was someone I was...interested in, but not anymore. It's...complicated.

And how would being under such control be bad? [He knew there had to be reasons behind populations fighting back. Control by outright force never worked after all.] Are their ideals for order so out of line that there isn't a benefit?

[What was happening in her part of space that required her to have to get back to so quickly? She had said that her war was more important than any other war, and he was looking to fill in the blanks of precisely why. It would also be curious on what someone who was so far against that kind of control resented about it. Learning from the mistakes of history and others was, after all, the only way that true control could be established.

He smiled warmly, setting his utensil down so that he could sip his water. He had left his family behind in coming here, but he didn't miss them, not really. They were self sufficient and that was the best a father and mother could do for their children.] It is very heart-warming. Being a grandfather is easier than being a father, I will tell you.

[Ah yes, there was the truth of the matter coming out. He nodded his head slowly, half closing his eyes as he considered. It was a common problem for youth.]

Love is always complicated. It wouldn't be worth fighting for if it wasn't. Did this young man not have the same interest in you?

[Rey's eyebrows knitted together as confusion came across her face. It seemed like such an easy answer, something that anyone should be able to see without question.]

There is a danger to having one ruler over dozens or hundreds of star systems. They seek to control everything. They treat their men like canon fodder and do not care who gets in the way of their goals. It's a regime, a cold and heartless one.

[Clearly there could be no benefit to it. The order they 'created' was based out of fear. Having power like that be at the hands of one person was too dangerous. They saw it with the Empire. There was a reason why so many gave their lives to destroy the Empire and to keep the First Order from completing the same tasks.

The topic of love makes Rey lose her appetite completely. She balked at the idea of being in love with Ben. That was utterly stupid, and he couldn't have...cared for her in that manner. He ....she didn't know what was going through his head anymore.][She will put that out there right now, even if it did...hurt a little to say that.] His interest wasn't with me, it was with...power. [That was one way of putting it without getting too technical.] He only had some interest in me because he thinks we're alike.

[Pierce wasn't denying that her reasoning wasn't sound because it was. For one, even the best laid out communication system and rank system couldn't withstand the rigors of pressure that came from owning too much land to manage. One leader was not productive, and they would likely quickly lose control. He had read too much history of it falling apart on a single planet, so the idea of multiple ones happened to be rather absurd to him.

However, he understood that there was value to playing the devil's advocate. People needed to understand the motivations of their discomfort to gain the most conviction or to recognize a bias where one existed.]

War is cruel and heartless. Foot soldiers are fodder; machinery is a means to an end. Leadership considers the reward versus loss with most of their moves. Is it the need for control that bothers you most, or the fact that they will step on anyone's throat to achieve it?

[In nature, the strong survived and the weak died. Nature was cruel, and so where almost all of the living creatures that struggled along from this life to whatever occurred afterwards. There were many intelligent populations that believed that order was the only way to provide safety in the chaos of existence. It's how humanity lived, building massive cities that were 'safe' because it displaced nature. Killing anything that touched a human life.

He watched her reaction with the different subject, continuing to eat as if this were nothing more than a usual topic that anyone had a right to. He considered the answer carefully as he chewed.] So he saw you as a kindred spirit, meaning he himself likely had power, yes? That is common, as I'm sure you know. Everyone is looking for a sense of belonging, someone who understands them fundamentally. To beat out the loneliness.

Both.

[The single word answer was spoken quickly, without any hesitation.]

The need to control everything and only a few would benefit. They care not for the people who fight for them, or the repercussions of their actions. They are willing to kidnap children and raise them as soldiers. They believe themselves to be above everything.

[Finn had managed to escape it. He realized what was going on, and it was heart breaking to hear that he didn't remember her parents. Very much like her, but at least he was surrounded by others. But he also watched his friend die in battle. Rey wouldn't know if that happened to Finn or Poe.....or maybe even to Ben. She might lose control...and wouldn't know what to do.]

...Something like that, yes.

[They had the same power. They had developed a strange sort of friendship...only for it to come to an end when he forced her to make a choice.]

He saw someone like him, but I'm not. What he wanted was very different than what I wanted, and it ended poorly. No romance or anything of the nature just....complicated feelings.

[Very complicated feelings and other things that she was still trying to sort out but failing at.]

...If one of your children were in this situation, what would you tell them? To forget about it and move on?

[That sort of logic and war antics wasn't as unusual as one might think. Children were the easiest to access and the easiest to force into service. As for the control of everything, it sounded plenty like many of the regimes that he had encountered and the whole point was to gather together power and keep a firm control. Without control or the compliance of the manipulated population, there would be no regime.]

That sounds quite a bit like how many civil wars are started from where I'm from, just on a larger scale. I wonder how much of their belief is based on fear and war-mongering.

[He raised an eyebrow at her admittance, not finding it that surprising. She hadn't given him much in the way of details, but her dilemma and pain was quite obvious with the way that she carried herself. The topic was clearly unsavory as she had stopped eating, but he thought that discussing the matter might eventually allow her some peace of mind.

He sipped his water and considered the question for a moment before he shrugged his shoulders.]

I suppose it would depend on what you wanted compared to what he wanted. Was there any common ground? Are the complicated feelings worth agonizing over, or is it better for you both to rationalize and deal with them?

All of it. Fear, war-mongering, believing them to be ultimately superior and therefore only fit to rule over others.

[Rey's tone took a hard edge to it, making it very clear her feelings upon the enemies she had back home. For now, there was only Ben to deal with. Someone she had tried to pull away from the dark side, away from the First Order, but failed. He didn't want to change. He didn't want anything of the sort. He wanted to....frankly, she didn't know what he ultimately wanted. It seemed like he wanted her dead, probably does now.

Couldn't Alexander just give her one simple answer? To get over it or put it to rest? But, Rey was looking for guidance, and considering she didn't have too many people to turn to on this subject--like hell she would tell Poe or Finn this right now--Alexander...was it, in a way. A fatherly figure, someone who has gone through this sort of thing before with his daughters.]

There was common ground... plenty of it. [They were both alone, knew loneliness so well like an old friend. They were both powerful in their own respects, smart, an interest in the Force. They wanted to have someone in their corner, and because of their similar backgrounds, she thought...it would be enough. They share many other moments too, but she wasn't willing to give that up.]

He's not the rationalizing type. Far from it. I haven't spoken to him since....things happened, and I'm planning on doing anything of the sort. He...[She took a deep breath, how to best explain it...]

Wanted more than what I was willing to give.

Many people go into politics because they feel the are superior to the common man, or that they represent the will and needs of the people. I'm certainly not condoning what you've described, but you also have to remember that every story has two sides. No one exists in this world that believes they are the villain of their own stories; in order to act, they have to believe what they are doing is just and right.

[Alexander kept his tone reasonable because he wasn't abdicating for this First Order business, but he could see how their ideals aligned with much of his own. On that front, he could gently argue for a more open mind. Then again, it could all return to the idea of colonization, that the savages of the worlds needed to be put into order in an effort to show them a better way.

It was clear that she took a personal affront to the idea though, that she would likely argue until she was blue in the face about it. That sort of conviction was worthwhile if directed productively. It was good to know that about her all the same. That was what this was about after all: getting to know people, seeing how they ticked and deciding what to do with the compiled information.]

You say that in the past tense. Has that common ground evaporated? [He was curious if she evolved while this potential suitor had not, or if the limitations of their relationship happened to be in other areas.]

If he asked for more than you could give, then you set a boundary, and it is up to him to either come to respect it or leave you be if he can't. However, you shouldn't discount the good influence you obviously are on the people around you. [He smiled at her.]

Some people need something to base themselves on, to be better people by watching and learning.

There is no other side to them. They destroyed the Hosinian Star System--planets that had billions of lives. They snuffed them out without a second thought. There is no way they can come out as the hero by doing that.

[There's a bit to her words, angry at the First order for what they did. Angry that Ben had chosen them rather than leave. But, she had an inkling of why. Snoke was very powerful. He went into her mind and clawed out the information on where Luke was. Even with her screaming, in pain, and trying her hardest to block him out, there was no point. He took what he wanted from her...and she could only imagine how many times Ben had to have gone through that.

How someone in the shadows would act as a friend, only to keep hurting him again and again.

Rey moved to sit back in her seat, the food forgotten about as their conversation continued on. Her arms were slightly folded in front of her, as if creating a barrier between her and Alexander. Something to keep them separated and to help hold back secrets and things she didn't wish to say.]

No...the common ground is still there.

[Something she wouldn't be able to erase. They both knew loneliness so well. Both of them had to survive on their own in their own harsh environments. Both of them turning to one another when they were connected...and finding someone to trust. Finding someone to be with. No expectations, nothing between them.]

Whatever influence I had on him is gone. He wanted me to make a choice, he didn't respect my decision and... [Probably wants to kill her more or less.]...and I don't think he'd want to see me again. So this...is probably pointless. Nothing really to discuss if he doesn't want to see me.

[open] Here I am

For Alexander Pierce

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)