riverviewlogs | (closed) god, it’s been a hell of a week

(Her gaze shifts momentarily to Taako as he sits, then back to Magnus; likewise, she too gives no indication that he's joined their conversation but her hands, which have dropped to her lap underneath of the table, are twisting together, gripping tightly.

This can't be a good first look to Magnus. Lucretia tries to relax, but she feels so rigid.)

You could say that. Magnus, we have a proposition for you, of sorts.

[The only reason he doesn't snap something about how this isn't a goddamn business proposal is that it would prove Lucretia right, about him not being able to keep his anger under control, so he bites down on it.

He even tries to relax, doing a better job of it than Lucretia, by focusing on Magnus.]

There's a... creature, where we come from, and it, uh, when it's fed information it erases it. Shit like music or art or - or memories. I dunno if you've ever felt like there's stuff missing when you try to think about your past but that'd be why. You had— some of your memories were fed to that creature. And... [The flask of ichor feels like lead in his pocket, weighing him down. He glances at Lucretia, then carries on:] We can undo it, there's a way, but it'd mean you get everything back, even the shitty stuff and I gotta be honest with you, there's a lot of that.

[Most of this is going over Magnus's head. Obviously it's not their fault, but how would he know? Why are they being so cryptic? ... There's an awkward pause where Magnus feels like he's expected to have a cooperative response, but he simply does not.]

I'm... mostly following. [He's not.] But y'all are kind of talking gibberish to me. What's—hm. What's this thing called, then?

That's the tricky part. We can't... tell you.

(She sighs, and pinches the bridge of her nose. This is going to be the hardest part of the sell.) As Taako mentioned, it erases information; if we mentioned the name, you would only hear static in place of the words. I know that sounds like– like bullshit, frankly, and it is, but it's an unfortunate constraint with which we have to work in.

(After exchanging a look with Taako, she continues, carefully.) It's a lot of information that you'll have to process, Magnus, and it's– a lot of it isn't good. We're not going to force you into anything, but we'd like you to... to consider it.

I know this sounds fucking insane, bubbale so don't-- It's okay if you don't want it.

[Which is just repeating what Lucretia has already said, but he wants to make sure Magnus really knows that it's okay.]

I've been where you are but you don't have to choose the same way.

[As always, he wants to believe them, but this is even more out of left field than what is typical of them. It's getting hard to give them the benefit of the doubt.]

I'm... gonna level with ya here, it does kind of sound like bullshit. It just comes out as static? Forgive me for being skeptical here, but that sounds kinda made-up.

And what exactly am I supposed to do to get my memories back?

(Lucretia rolls her eyes but at the same time, this type of exchange with Magnus is wonderfully familiar.)

Okay, fair. It's called the

.

And as for how you end up remembering, Taako– (she gestures awkwardly, glancing over at him.) Taako has some of its... ichor.

[That's the same thing Taako was going to go for, as a way to prove that they're telling the truth, but Lucretia gets there first, so all he does is take his flask out of his pocket and set it on the table.]

If you wanna go for it, I'd uh, recommend not doing it here, cause it's kinda rough. It's very rough. [He nearly died, it wasn't fun.] But this is the stuff.

What—

[He's not even sure what he's trying to ask in regards to the noise that just came out of Lucretia's mouth. So he doesn't.

He glances at the flask, then to Lucretia, then to Taako.

What he says next, he says painfully slow, as if he wants them to examine what he's saying very carefully.]

You're telling me there's a thing called a kkxshhkksxxkhshhh and drinking this sketchy liquid you have in a sketchy flask will help me remember all the things you claim to know about my past that I don't remember.

Well when you put it like that it sounds– godawful.

(She laughs, humourlessly. What else is there to say?) But yeah, that's pretty much what we're getting at.

(Lucretia wishes she could tack on something to this to make it seem less cold and impersonal, something about how no matter what he chooses they'll always love him but she doesn't want to weird him out. So she just shrugs a shoulder, and smiles. It doesn't reach her eyes.)

[For his part, Taako takes a second to scrub a hand over his face, as he realises that this is going exactly where he was worried it would go. He had time to build up suspicions, he had lich Barry telling them what he could and Magnus's fucking picture of himself in a red robe. He already knew what a voidfish was and what it was capable of.

Magnus has nothing, just three idiots who love him too much to leave him alone.]

It's your choice, always will be. I won't take that away from you.

[I not we, because Lucretia already has.]

And it's not- this isn't a one time only, you know? If it's too much just give it some time or, I dunno, talk to other people about it if you want a second opinion. We'll always be here.

[Magnus takes a hard look at the flask again. He's not contemplating—he'd already made up his mind—but he still has to take another moment to consider how messed up this entire conversation was.

He sighs, pushing his chair backwards so he can exit the table.]

I'm gonna have to pass.

[...and he stands to leave.]

(Lucretia sucks in a sharp breath and straightens her shoulders, uncertainty creeping into her expression. She had expected the initial prickliness, the aversion to the idea. But she had sincerely thought that the curiousity might have swayed Magnus in the end.

It hadn't. So that's it. They walk away, like she'd said, they leave him be.

She's already done this once before, so why is it still so hard?)

... Okay. (She says, quietly, after a moment's pause.) We understand. But thank you for coming to meet with us, Magnus.

[Everything he said suddenly feels like a big old fucking lie, because he's not fine with Magnus walking away from this, it's not even remotely okay, there's just nothing he can do about it.

He's so, so angry at Lucretia, and all he can do is sigh.]

Sure.

[It's all he's got, and he has no plan to stop Magnus from leaving.

Even the thought of leaving himself doesn't occur to him, just yet, he's too tired.]

Yeah, sure.

[Honestly, he feels like shit just standing and leaving like this. He really does. But now he's convinced these people he's thought of as friends for the past three weeks are trying to poison him and it's all he can do not to flip out in this cafe right now.

So he shrugs, averting his eyes from the both of them.]

... See ya, then.

[Magnus rushes out.]

(In the terrible silence that follows Magnus' departure Lucretia sinks back into her chair, gripping her hands tightly together again: half as a coping mechanism, half to keep herself from touching Taako's shoulder, from putting a hand over his. From here she can almost feel hurt and anger radiating off of him.

She wants to talk to him, but what is she supposed to say? The truth, she supposes.)

I'm sorry, Taako. I really did think he'd take it.

[He doesn't think he's ever seen Magnus look at him that way before, not even when they barely knew each other and they were fumbling their way through Wave Echo Cave, and that hurts more than the rest of it. The fear that they've absolutely fucked this up now, beyond repair.

They should've kept their mouths shut.]

Spare me the bullshit, Lucretia. You've got what you want, yet again.

(That makes her wince, nails pressing into her palm. Of course: now she has to bear the fallout from this. Taako won't hesitate to drop all of it onto her, because he knows she will take it. Is this how it's going to be, from now on?)

I know that you're angry with me, but I wanted him to drink the ichor just as much as you did. He's my family, Taako.

No, nuh-uh, nope. You don't get to fucking call him family when you're the one who did this to him.

[They've already had this fight, and they'll probably back to Aebir-Toril and have it again, but right now this isn't so much about what Lucretia did as it is about Taako wanting to yell at something.]

(Goddamnit if Taako doesn't always know exactly what buttons to press. The downside to knowing somebody for over a century.

Her voice is deadly calm.)

This isn't about you, or how you feel about me. It's about him, and we can't force him to remember us if he finds us suspicious.

[That calmness just infuriates him more. He wants her to be angry and upset like him, instead of passive, as if none of this can touch her.]

Better to make them work for you, right? Send 'em off to their death every couple of months so you don't have to get your own hands dirty?

[He knows that this version of Lucretia hasn't done that yet, but it's so easy to see her now, the Director.]

Like you did with Cam.

[There it is.]

I–

(Her calm falters then, a wave of cold dread stealing over her. How does he know about that? But then– he's been to Wonderland, of course. Did... did Cam never make it out, after everything? Perhaps she had been terrible and naive to assume he would have found his way eventually but...)

You don't know what you're talking about.

Yeah I fucking do, Lucretia, cause we met him. [There's a pause, for dramatics, because he's still Taako, even when angry.] Well, what was left of him.

[He thinks that should sting, the reminder of another one of her betrayals.

It's what Taako would've done in her place, but that's not the point. The point is that she's a lot less selfish than him, or at least thinks she is.]

(It stings a lot. For a brief moment her expression crumples, guilt creeping in.)

I had to go, (she says, and she's talking to herself more than to Taako now, staring at a fixed point in the distance. She still remembers with brutal clarity repeating this to herself over and over and over as the elves waited for her answer.)

If I had died there everything would have been lost. I don't– no future for me exists in which I don't regret my actions but I– I had no other choice. It was him, or all of you.

[Good.]

And why was that, huh?

[If she hadn't erased their memories in the first place, she never would've had to go to Wonderland alone, never would've had to sacrifice Cam to get out of there. They could've fought the liches together, all seven of them, but instead thought she could handle it all by herself.]

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