riverviewlogs | (closed) god, it’s been a hell of a week

Of course not, that'd mean you'd actually fucking apologized.

[He hasn't given her a chance to, but that's not the point of any of this, the point is that he's lashing out and trying to get a rise out of her.

The last thing he wants right now is for her leave, because that would ruin all of this.]

I would if you'd let me. Would it mean anything to you if I did?

(She unclenches her fists; there's a little ring of soft, crescent moon indents where her nails had dug into her palms on both sides. She's dimly aware of the people around them, the conversations that have paused. If they're going to fight it should at least be in private.

She stands, pushing her chair back in with her ankle.)

We should go.

[He asked for an apology, when the chalice fucked with them all and at the end of the day he still doesn't know if it made it better or worse, or if it changed anything at all. An apology can't undo what she did.]

You should go fuck yourself.

[Taako's never claimed to be smart, but usually he at least doesn't let his emotions get the better of him, unlike Lup and Magnus, who act so quickly based on their feelings.

But right now he's definitely not thinking, and he's certainly not being smart, because instead of getting up to leave, he shoves a hand towards Lucretia and casts thunderwave.]

(It's too sudden a move for Lucretia to get a shield up, but turns out her constitution fields the hit for her instead: the thunderclap hits her arcane ward for a measly five damage, and she keeps her footing despite the wave of sound that threatens to knock her over. Their table and chairs aren't so lucky: in fact, a good number of tables in the area are flung backwards out of the radius of the spell to land on their sides in the street.

Well, if people hadn't been looking at them before they certainly are now. The spell might not have affected her directly but Lucretia is still shocked, wide-eyed and rigid, locked into place. She hadn't considered that Taako would attack her.)

What are you doing? (She says, and her voice sounds too loud in the ringing silence following Taako's thunderwave.)

[The rest of the crowd has all but disappeared as far as Taako's concerned, all he can focus on is Lucretia. He stands as the table in front of him goes flying, raising the umbra staff to point it directly at Lucretia.]

What, you don't know a thunderwave when you see one? Here, lemme try something else.

[And with that, he casts a good old fashioned magic missile.]

Edited 2017-08-31 07:18 (UTC)

(She instantly casts shield to absorb the damage, flicking the magic missile aside with a wave of her hand like she doesn't even have to think about it.)

Taako, stop.

Don't tell me what to do!

[He casts again, this time a witch bolt, something with a little more bite than magic missile, and something that her shield won't instantly stop.]

You fucking took everything from me! [They're words he's spoken before, the same pain in his voice as he repeats them now, but this time there's no Merle to question him, no Hunger bearing down on them to draw his attention. Just him and Lucretia and this roiling anger inside him.] We were alone for over a decade, you left her trapped and alone and you tossed me aside like you'd never even given a shit about me.

(Oh, the decade remark stings, especially since that information is still raw and fresh to her. She winces, distracted, and has to let her arcane ward take that hit.)

I know– (and her voice breaks as she's overwhelmed with guilt. She feels like she's calling out to him across some great divide; her hands are shaking. Lucretia doesn't know if she can take much more of this.) I didn't– it was only ever going to be temporary Taako, just while I put everything back into place! I didn't mean for it to take so long. It was only supposed to take a year.

I love all of you so dearly. I know that I fucked up and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please, stop.

I don't care.

[The stretch of time hurts, it's a wound that he'll carry with him forever, the person he was for those long ten years and the way that still lives inside him. But he'd be angry whether it had been a year or twelve, she still betrayed them, still took Lup from him, regardless of the time.]

I killed Barry because of you! I killed him and I watched him fall and by the time he hit the ground I couldn't remember him!

[He just wants to hurt her, to keep hurting her, the way she hurt him.]

(She hadn't been privy to that moment; she'd assumed that Barry had pitched himself off the side of the ship, so learning this brings her dangerously close to tears. To have put him through that– it's unforgivable, really. She's finding it increasingly hard to look at him, his furious and betrayed expression. Lucretia could say sorry for the rest of her life and never feel absolved of this sin, no matter how much anybody might forgive her, let alone Taako.)

I'm sorry, (she repeats, and it's half in reaction to what he's saying, half about what she's going to do next, which is casting hold person just to try and tamp any future attempts at spells.

Leaving would be cowardly of her, but she can't handle it. She's scared something will happen that she will regret later, be it a spell flung in his direction just to get him to stop, or something more akin to a breakdown in front of him.)

[If nothing else, at least this brings him a moment of clarity as she apologizes. He realizes that he doesn't want it, he's never wanted an apology. It really, truly, changes nothing for him, not what she did or how he feels about it, not the life she ruined.

He feels the grip of hold person and pushes back against it, overpowering her spell and tossing another witch bolt in her direction, this one at a higher level.]

Sorry doesn't give me my life back. Sorry doesn't give Lup her life back.

I know– (she takes the witch bolt damage again on her ward, trying to emphasize that she really isn't going to fight him. She's going to have to step it up a notch to get him to stop, though)

But I don't know what else to do. What's done is done, matter how much I wish I could undo it. And Lup is– Taako, I never wanted to use that against you. I was only trying to protect you from missing her– you were so sad.

(And then she casts antimagic field around him, encasing him in a slightly see-through bubble to hold him off casting any more spells.)

[This isn't a spell he knows, not the way he knows everything written down in his spellbook, because he's not powerful enough for this and that means he can't magic his way out of it. All he can do is keep yelling, keeping hurting her that way, even as he stalks towards her.]

What was the plan, Lucretia? Wipe our memories so you could go find her and have her all to yourself?

[It's a horrible thing to say, a low blow that he wouldn't even dare to make any other time, but Magnus just walked away from them and she took away his magic and he's so, so angry.]

(It's so low that Lucretia is startled by it, a horrified anger leaping in her immediately. She can feel her heart beat in her ears. To think he would use that against her, of all things–)

How dare you.

(Her face feels hot; she's so ashamed of herself. It's more than clear that he's just trying to get a rise out of her, and unfortunately, it works. She dispells the bubble with a practiced wave of her fingers, and casts sunbeam directly at him, an orb of sunlight bursting into life in the palm of her hand.)

Edited 2017-08-31 11:10 (UTC)

[There's a brief moment of satisfaction as he realizes he's made her angry enough to cast something at him, until the spell actually hits him and then he's not thinking about a whole lot at all. It hurts, Lucretia is far more powerful than him and he doesn't think she held back on that one, judging by the way the bright light feels as though it's burning him up.

And then the light clears, except for how it doesn't.]

Oh, get fucked!

[He's blind, a terrifying thing, but he knows this is part of the spell, knows it won't last, and he doubts Lucretia is going to move too far away. Now he can break out the big guns; he was casting lower level spells while he tried to get her angry, wanting the satisfaction of the fight itself, not just a win, and now he's got what he wants.

Taako casts chain lightning, pointing the umbra staff where he last saw Lucretia, before she fucking blinded him.]

Hit a little too close to the mark, did I?

(That last hit to her arcane ward all but destroys it for good, but Lucretia doesn't stagger or give any indication of concern. In fact, she takes another step towards Taako. Why does he keep needling? Why is he doing this?? For him to use Lup against her is to strike her where she's most vulnerable. She wants to stop, she wants to run and run and run until she can't see his mocking face any more.

Instead, she raises her hand threateningly, her eyes wide. It's so tempting to cast a delayed blast fireball and end this for good but something in her heart won't fucking let her, not after she's just shaved a large chunk of health from him with one spell alone. Despite everything, she couldn't live with herself for causing him further harm.)

You have no right– (she tries, and her voice is low, shaking with fury,) you–

(Her next spell is instead globe of invulnerability, sealing him back into a bubble to keep him from both his spells, and any more of her own.)

[This bubble isn't like the last one, it's more solid, something he can slam a hand against as it closes around him.]

You had no right. [He doesn't know when he started crying, whether it's from the pain of spell she cast or from his own fury, but his voice cracks with it.] What the hell did I do to you that deserved that? You couldn't even give me a goddamn home!

[Magnus was taken to Raven's Roost to build a life for himself, Merle had family on the beach, and Taako had a stage coach and his vanity and his loneliness and he wonders why Lucretia didn't love him enough to do more.]

Did you-- Was-- [The words are choking him and he's not trying to hurt her anymore, he's pleading for answers. This whole thing backfired so spectacularly.] Did you hire Sazed?

(The sight of him crying tamps the anger so suddenly she feels like she has whiplash. She stops in front of the bubble, staring at him and his fist slams into the surface near her face. She doesn't flinch; her expression crumples, and she reaches out, touches the curve of the bubble with her fingertips.

She can hardly speak for the lump in her throat.)

I couldn't– (She has to stop, close her eyes for a long moment, try to collect herself. She can hear him crying on the other side of the shield, slightly muffled, and her heart feels like it might break from the pain of it.)

I didn't know where to put you. I– you deserve, always, to be loved, Taako, and I couldn't think of anywhere else to leave you but at the stagecoach. I wanted you to be– (she blinks, hard, and has to thumb away a tear that snakes down her cheek,) surrounded by people who would always adore you, admire you. I wanted everybody in the world to see you, or to have a chance to know you as I did.

(But she can understand the loneliness of that decision, the absence of Lup tearing at him. A life on the road that was, perhaps, not always so glamorous. She exhales shakily and wipes her eyes before closing them, exhausted. But his tone turned pleading makes her eyes snap open again and she slowly shakes her head.) I didn't.

[When she touches the bubble he jerks back as if it might burn him, because he doesn't want anything like sympathy from her, doesn't want her to even see him like this now, pathetic and vulnerable and everything he hates being. It was easier to be angry until he pushed it too far into something else, until he took such a low blow that something like guilt started to creep in.

The answers that come don't change anything. So she thought that fame could cover the hole in his heart that Lup left behind? That's no better than thinking he didn't deserve a home, both are wrong, so staggeringly wrong that he can't even begin to put it into words. Lucretia will never know what it felt like, to be without half of himself, she can be sorry and she can feel guilty and she can try to understand, but she'll never truly know, and that's what it all boils down to.

Taako steels himself, raising his hands to cast cone of cold.

Freezing air swirls in the bubble, biting at his own skin, hurting him, but he's putting his faith in this: Lucretia will do a lot of things, but she won't let him kill himself.]

(She can't tell if anything she's saying is having an affect on him, but she's guessing probably not, the way he's pulled back from the edge of the shield and looked away from her. There's only so much she can do, Lucretia thinks dully, and rests her forehead on the surface of the bubble for a moment, and then– what else is there? It is desperately hard to think that she'll have to get used to the reality of him never forgiving her. It's not unreasonable of him by any standard, but Lucretia knows there will always be a very small and miserable part of her that will forever wish things could some how be different. Some how she must learn to smother it. But how is she supposed to let him go for good? The anguish is near crippling; the loss of a brother, one sixth of her heart.

The bubble is cold underneath of her skin and when she opens her eyes, Taako half-frozen in its center.)

Taako– (Panic explodes in her chest, catching in her throat and she dissolves the bubble immediately,) Stop! Stop– (Dispel magic puts an end to the cone of cold no problem but when she puts her hands on his arms his frozen skin stings her palms and she jerks back, horrified, tears springing into her eyes anew.) What are you doing–

F-fuck you.

[He doesn't even know why he's still fighting her when all the red hot anger has turned to ashes in his mouth, when all he wants to do is go home to Lup and hold onto her until he stops feeling like she's going to slip through his fingers. Hurting Lucretia won't make him hurt any less, but he's put so much into this fight now that he wants to win, as if somehow that justifies what he's done and what he's said to her in the heat of the moment.

So he's out of the bubble and he's pretty sure he's on the edge of passing out but he gathers the last of his strength to cast prismatic spray, right in her face.]

(She's desperately trying to think of something she can do as he sags where he stands, running through her spell slots in her head and for anything that will help. Why do so many of her spells have to be defensive? They are good for nothing once the damage has already been done.

His prismatic spray comes out of nowhere and hits her solidly in the face, momentarily blinding her with a flash of green light. Lucretia staggers backwards, stunned, blinking hard to try and get rid of pale green filter over her vision. Her glasses really are useless; she takes them off. Aside from the mild irritation of having taken a hit to the face, she seems absolutely fine.)

It's over, Taako. (Her voice is quiet, albeit tremulous.) You look like you're about to faint– let me take you home.

[Lucretia is almost right; he doesn't quite faint, but he does lose the strength too keep upright and he drops to one knee, managing to get the umbra staff down in time that he can brace against it, breathing hard as pain bursts across his skin.

It took longer than he expected for her to break the bubble and he took too much damage from his own damn spell in the meantime.]

Don't touch me.

[It's petulant, childish, but he doesn't care right now. The idea of her helping him up or giving any kind of shit about him makes his skin crawl, he'd rather pass out on the goddamn grass.

(He wishes he'd never asked about Sazed, now that he knows it wasn't her doing, the only person to blame is himself.)]

I won't.

(Not if he doesn't want her to. She'll message Lup to come and get him, stay there until she comes. As if she wants to be here with him either: but the shock of the whole encounter has settled over her like a blanket and she's numb now to the anger and hurt of it all, even as she brushes tears away. She did this to him. Lup is going to be furious and she'll deserve that, too.)

[Not being able to run away is killing him, especially not when he's bleeding from where some of his frozen skin has cracked, not when there are still tears stinging his eyes and mascara stains on his cheeks. Without realizing, he's lost the grip on his disguise spell, not that it matters all that much in the wake of everything else.

He knows that Lucretia will get Lup, it's the sensible thing to do, but his thoughts echo her own in that respect as well. Lup is going to furious at both of them, he's fairly sure, because there was no reason for him to pick this fight except for his own petty anger.

All he wants is to crawl away to lick his wounds in peace.

Taako reaches for the spell to pull Garyl into existence, but he doesn't have the strength for it, not when he's used so much magic and taken so much damage.]

Son of a bitch...

[It's muttered to himself, as he finally gives up on any kind of dignity and lets himself slump the rest of the way to the ground.]

(no subject)

scholiast - 2017-08-31 15:11 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

spellslots - 2017-08-31 23:15 (UTC) - Expand

(closed) god, it’s been a hell of a week

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

hey? this? is bad now maybe

this is bad now definitely

dhjsdhJDG STOP

you stop!!!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)