Open - AU Event

[idolpire]

who: Spike and whomever
what: AU event - Spike has a soul and is a little crazy because of it
when: 15-24 June
where: His crypt, the abandoned city, alleys in Quarantine.
warnings: Spike is going to be going through some 'stuff' with regaining his soul for this event and will have been tormented by a canon evil for months beforehand, so he'll be semi-lucid to completely off his rocker. This will involve language, mentions of violence and things he's done in the past, self flagellation/self harm, possibly sexual propositions (easily turned down), and unpredictable reactions from him.

In Town - Resouled:
[It happens while he's in town on the evening of the fifteenth. He'd opted to show up for work that night, wanting to see what all the fuss was about and whether or not he could pull it off, or if he wanted to. Heading into the market to pick up something to eat, he felt it. Felt as if he was lifted up off the ground, then turned upside down and tossed around like a rag doll. Images flooded his mind, time passed that he didn't remember. Moments involving the bane of his existence, then a searing, blinding pain that had him dropping to the ground in an aisle, both hands to his head as he struggled with memories and pain. It wasn't the chip. It couldn't be. He hadn't even been thinking about hurting anyone. No, the pain was deeper, moving into the core of him. His hands scrabbled under his shirt, clawing at his chest as if he could get it out. With the pain and confusion came the realization of what it was. What had happened.

Buffy. Sunnydale. The pair of them. Her death. Her resurrection. Them. That moment in the bathroom -- nausea from that, then... the trials. That bloody demon. The burning pain of his soul. Oh. Oh, god no. No. Months in the basement of the new highschool. Months of memories of reliving all his sins, of an evil power whispering things into his ear to drive him mad.

Then reality shifted and he was there, back on that place he'd found himself in, on the ground with the shop keeper coming over to ask him if he was well.]

Not well. Not ever well again. It burns.

In Town - Lost:
[There wasn't the same power here to whisper in his mind, but the damage had been done. Spike finally left the market, wandering out into the city, confused about what was reality and what was all the noise and clutter in his head. A part of him was trying to tell him he had a place here, somewhere to go where it was quiet, but it was hard to hear that part over all the other things clamoring for attention in his mind.

For the next few days/nights, Spike could be found in town in a worsening state. During the day, he might find himself down in the sewer, or windowless rooms or places that would let him stay safe from the sun. He'd be ignoring the device tucked in his pocket, and might be found at any point of the day/night talking or yelling to himself. There's also a possibility of him hurting himself or bearing visible attempts at it. He'll have moments of lucidity that will get longer the longer he's away from The First Evil.]

Home:
[Eventually, he'll remember where he's staying and wind up going there. Anyone who knows where he lives or follows him home will easily find him holed up as he tries to figure out how to exist with a soul now. All in all, Spike's going to be a pathetic wreck of a loser for the rest of this event.]


[Note: As this event will deal with self harm and questionable topics, please let me know what you are or are not comfortable dealing with. I'm available via PM to hash out the specifics.

Comments

[idolpire]

Can't! Told you. It'll burn. Sunlight leaves a fire trail, then there's nothing but dust.

[He took a step back, shoulders hunching as if he expected her to land a blow or drag him out into the sun that still lit the streets.]

[couldkillthedevil]

[She stopped her movements, knowing not to approach someone who didn't want to be touched.]

Fire trail? What, you some kind of vampire or something?

[Oh, god. Was he? If the Devil could exist, then maybe...? She would've laughed at her own predicament if she weren't busy trying to calm down a madman from... dusting himself.]

[idolpire]

Some kind. Broken kind. I got it back and it's too much. It reminds me of what I did.

[A soft sigh, then he looks up at her, confused.]

Can't you see that? That it's all wrong and off and I'm not right?

[couldkillthedevil]

[If she had less of a filter, she probably would've muttered a dry 'obviously', but she wanted to actually see results here, not send him into another spiral.]

Got what back? What did you do?

[Had he hurt someone? If that was the case, then he absolutely needed to be taken in for questioning. And a mental health assessment, of course.]

[idolpire]

My bloody soul. Not meant to have one. Not meant to. It died when I did and now it's back and it's for the girl and I was bad...

[Chloe. Come on. He was a vampire. Of course he'd hurt someone. Gosh.]

And now I'm here where I wasn't before. This isn't mine. But the voices... they're not so loud. No melting liar to try to tell me things I don't want to hear.

[couldkillthedevil]

[Well, if there was a body lying around in the immediate vicinity, she needed to know that for sure before leaping to conclusions. Gosh.]

Oh. You hear voices? [Of course he did.] Look, whatever happened, it can be sorted out, alright? But it's not here in this alley. You'll need to leave here eventually.

[idolpire]

[He moved. Slowly. Carefully. Aware of him being a bad man and her being... well. She seemed like she was trying.]

All of them. All the wronged, all the dead. All the ghosts over the years all gone and then come back to remind me of what a bad thing I've done.

[The movement was to bring him over closer to the wall, where he could slump against it and start to slide down, to sit near the tipped over garbage can as he turned his face from her.]

Can't now. Even with the soul, can't hurt. Couldn't before -- not with the bit of wrong in my head. But I hurt her... hurt the girl. Had to fix it...

[couldkillthedevil]

What girl? Is she here? In this town?

[She hesitated before stepping forward, watching him slide down onto the floor, not following him but making sure he still had her within direct eyesight, were he to look up.

Alright. So far, she knows he's supposedly a vampire, burns in the sunlight, has hurt a girl and probably others, and is a tad bit touched in the head. Good lead. Whether the girl is here or a memory of someone he's hurt before, she can't quite tell yet.]

So you've done bad things. You've hurt people, and this girl, but you want to fix it. So what are you doing here?

[idolpire]

Here? No. No. She's home. She's safe. She's safe from me, but I did wrong. I was wrong. Had to pay, had to change for the girl.

[He looked up, eyes haunted as he sought hers.]

Had to change for love. It's what you do, when you feel things. Even the dead can feel.

[As to the other question, his eyes dropped and he shook his head.]

Don't know. Displaced. Wrong. They said it was... I don't belong.

[couldkillthedevil]

Yeah, that seems to be a running theme here. You're not the only one.

[Chloe moves closer now, feeling more confident that he isn't going to attack her — at least right now — as she crouches in front of him.]

This girl you love. What's her name?

[idolpire]

[She asks him a question and it makes him think of the answer, a soft, almost hesitant smile on his face as he answers, voice almost a whisper, like the name held reverence to him.]

Buffy. She's a light. My light. And I dimmed it... I was bad. I hurt her. Last thing I want. I just... I just wanted her to love me back. She liked the body, but not the lack of soul. Just a monster, you see. Just... dead skin and flesh and bone all here in one bad package.

[couldkillthedevil]

Okay. Well, then, what would Buffy want you to do right now? Sit in an alley, or do something to find your way back? Especially now that you have that soul.

[She leaves that open-ended for him, since he seems in and out of lucidity anyway. Maybe it will motivate him. Maybe it won't. Only time will tell. Either way, it's something tangible for her to hold on to while he pours through the wreckage of his own mind.]

[idolpire]

Die.

[She probably would, wouldn't she? After what he'd almost done? She had to want him dead. And yet he couldn't give her that. He was too much of a coward.]

[couldkillthedevil]

[Chloe lets out a silent breath before she tries again.]

Or she'd want you to get your ass in gear. You said she didn't like that you didn't have a soul before. Now that you do, all you can do is get up and try to make amends. Or at least be better going forward.

[idolpire]

Can't make amends here. I'm here. She's home. Can't make it right anymore. Just static in my head about all the things... all the things.

[He fades off again, staring into nothing as if there's something catching his attention.]

[couldkillthedevil]

[She follows his gaze to the whole lot of nothing he's looking at before returning her attention back to him.]

Is it about making amends with just her, though, or becoming better for you? There's a difference.

[idolpire]

For her.

[He doesn't even need to think about that answer.]

I went and got it for her. It's always for her.

[couldkillthedevil]

So pick yourself up for her, then. What if she ends up here somehow? How would you want her to see you? Probably not like this.

[idolpire]

...

[Out of anything she could have said, this strange woman with the quiet voice and the concerned but wary eyes had picked the one thing that Spike would react to.]

You're right. What if she's here. What if she gets brought here and ... oh. That wouldn't be good.

[couldkillthedevil]

It wouldn't be. But it's possible. They said this place brings people who feel displaced, right? How likely is it that Buffy feels displaced?

[She has no idea who this woman is, but it seems to rouse him slightly from his stupor. If she can motivate him, even in a small way, then that would be enough. So she reiterates her earlier point.]

You can't just sit here.

[idolpire]

[He had to think on that. Buffy belonged -- didn't she? But he'd watched her, stalked her. Heard her talk quietly to others about never fitting in. Being what she was... and then there was being dead. She'd taken a right blow after that. It was possible.]

She might. Might well. She died too, but she's not undead. Not like me. She's full of life and sunlight.

[He looked up at her, then back at the mouth of the alley, shaking his head.]

Have to. For now. Can't be dust if she shows up.

[couldkillthedevil]

Sounds like she's been through a lot.

[It's the only thing she can think to say to that. To die and come back... she can't imagine.

His comment has her following his sight, though, the edge of sunlight still peeking through into the alley. Chloe sighs, the gears turning in her head.]

Would you be dust if you were covered somehow?

[idolpire]

She has. More than most.

[Spike watched her trying to assess the situation, mind starting to lean back towards lucidity with direct conversation instead of being left alone with his ghosts and memories.]

No. Need to be fully covered. Smoke through it anyway. Can't be in it directly, yeah?

[couldkillthedevil]

So if I found you a really heavy coat—

[She recognizes how ridiculous this all sounds to her own ears, but, well. This entire place and the concept of alternate realities and timelines and magical portals also sounds ridiculous. What's helping a vampire out of the sunlight to add right to that?]

—something like that would work? If you were completely out of the sun, anyhow.

[idolpire]

Blanket's better. Can pull it up and it covers more. Coats don't do faces.

[He'd tried to hide in just his trenchcoat before, but it never covered all the bits that needed covering. And then there were his fingers... Blankets were better overall.]

Can just wait until the sun goes down.