Open - AU Event

[idolpire]

who: Spike and whomever
what: AU event - Spike has a soul and is a little crazy because of it
when: 15-24 June
where: His crypt, the abandoned city, alleys in Quarantine.
warnings: Spike is going to be going through some 'stuff' with regaining his soul for this event and will have been tormented by a canon evil for months beforehand, so he'll be semi-lucid to completely off his rocker. This will involve language, mentions of violence and things he's done in the past, self flagellation/self harm, possibly sexual propositions (easily turned down), and unpredictable reactions from him.

In Town - Resouled:
[It happens while he's in town on the evening of the fifteenth. He'd opted to show up for work that night, wanting to see what all the fuss was about and whether or not he could pull it off, or if he wanted to. Heading into the market to pick up something to eat, he felt it. Felt as if he was lifted up off the ground, then turned upside down and tossed around like a rag doll. Images flooded his mind, time passed that he didn't remember. Moments involving the bane of his existence, then a searing, blinding pain that had him dropping to the ground in an aisle, both hands to his head as he struggled with memories and pain. It wasn't the chip. It couldn't be. He hadn't even been thinking about hurting anyone. No, the pain was deeper, moving into the core of him. His hands scrabbled under his shirt, clawing at his chest as if he could get it out. With the pain and confusion came the realization of what it was. What had happened.

Buffy. Sunnydale. The pair of them. Her death. Her resurrection. Them. That moment in the bathroom -- nausea from that, then... the trials. That bloody demon. The burning pain of his soul. Oh. Oh, god no. No. Months in the basement of the new highschool. Months of memories of reliving all his sins, of an evil power whispering things into his ear to drive him mad.

Then reality shifted and he was there, back on that place he'd found himself in, on the ground with the shop keeper coming over to ask him if he was well.]

Not well. Not ever well again. It burns.

In Town - Lost:
[There wasn't the same power here to whisper in his mind, but the damage had been done. Spike finally left the market, wandering out into the city, confused about what was reality and what was all the noise and clutter in his head. A part of him was trying to tell him he had a place here, somewhere to go where it was quiet, but it was hard to hear that part over all the other things clamoring for attention in his mind.

For the next few days/nights, Spike could be found in town in a worsening state. During the day, he might find himself down in the sewer, or windowless rooms or places that would let him stay safe from the sun. He'd be ignoring the device tucked in his pocket, and might be found at any point of the day/night talking or yelling to himself. There's also a possibility of him hurting himself or bearing visible attempts at it. He'll have moments of lucidity that will get longer the longer he's away from The First Evil.]

Home:
[Eventually, he'll remember where he's staying and wind up going there. Anyone who knows where he lives or follows him home will easily find him holed up as he tries to figure out how to exist with a soul now. All in all, Spike's going to be a pathetic wreck of a loser for the rest of this event.]


[Note: As this event will deal with self harm and questionable topics, please let me know what you are or are not comfortable dealing with. I'm available via PM to hash out the specifics.

Comments

In Town

[aeturnus]

[ One thing Romulus notices over the few days since things get weird is that he finds it easier to travel around the city at nighttime. Fewer people stop him for looking nervous and out of place at night, where it's more common for those unused to the relatively safe streets to be unsure that it's real. He can't help being nervous because being separated from his brother is like someone cut his heart in two and what do you do with only half a heart? His missing him for sure, but he still has to do something and curling up in the shared floor is just as nerve-wracking. He's free here, but what does that mean?

Easier to pretend when there aren't people who expect him to be like he was before, anyway. Whatever "before" was because before was with his brother, back home, where it was simple. So he winds in and out of the streets and alleys and explores, tries out this feeling that he can go anywhere (except where it's dangerous because he does, actually, know better than that) and that's something new.

Something new is finding someone with bright white hair talking to air down the way, and he's not sure what to do with that. It seems bad. He steps forward a bit before hesitating and calling out. ]

Hello? Sir?

[idolpire]

[Was that a sound? Something breaks through those voices he hears in his head, all the ones telling him how wrong he is. How bad and stupid and wrong and oh, no, no touching the girl. His head jerks up, blurry vision from tears blocking him from seeing where a voice might come from. There's no body. No person to hurt or hurt him. Not that he can see.

Spike laughs, head falling back to hit the wall of the alley, crouching down until his back is to the wall and he's half curled up in the night, laughing up at stars he can't see.]

One spark among a thousand. A soul and a star. I wonder what Dru would have to say about that.

[aeturnus]

[ That's... concerning. Romulus has no qualms in helping others unless he's held back, and the one who usually does that isn't here (the one who usually does a lot to help complete him isn't here) so he moves forward when the figure simply curls up against the wall. He's slow to approach but doesn't hesitate, either. ]

Sir, what's the matter?

[idolpire]

No matter. No cause. No reason to be...

[Spike's rocking back and forth, arms curling around himself as he dips his head down to rest it on his knee, hearing whispers accompany that quiet question, whispers that are all floating around in his mind. Whispers that turn to screams.]

[aeturnus]

[ Well, he's not lashing out and is in fact doing the opposite so Romulus comes closer. He's concerned about someone so unwell being out on his own. Someone should be taking care of him, and Romulus isn't qualified to do that but perhaps he can find someone who is. ]

No reason to be what?

[idolpire]

To be, you prat. To be or not to be. Always a question, and I have no bloody answers.

[aeturnus]

[ Now he's close enough. Kneels down about two feet away and tries to move his head to get a better look at the man's face. ]

That doesn't sound like the right question to me.

[idolpire]

William wrote it. Wrong William. I'm William, but I'm not anymore. Both William's are cold in the ground. Dead and rotting. I should rot, but the spark just burns.

[Spike doesn't make any move to look away, but he's not looking towards the newcomer either.]

[aeturnus]

[ Both a blessing and a curse that he's not moving. Romulus stays where he is for now. ]

William... [ No, actually. Wait. Something in his mind is churning around and he knows this. The voice and the hair and a name. Not William anymore. ] Spike, this is not a good place to be by yourself.

[idolpire]

[Both names ring true for him, making him lift his head to stare at a face that was both strange and familiar all at once.]

I don't know you. I don't know you, you can't know my name. Not both names. Not the old and the new. You're not here. You're not in my head.

[A moment, another frown, another attempt to pull himself out of that shattered past.]

You're in there. Somewhere. A corner that's not supposed to be.

[aeturnus]

Right... I don't know you well, but I do know you.

[ Romulus frowns, but meets Spike's eyes and tries to hold his gaze. Whatever's there and not, he wants to help. Those who have lost their mind are oftentimes dangerous but the ones who aren't instead become pitiable. ]

I'm right here. So are you.

[idolpire]

[There was a frown, as if he was picking apart what the man in front of him was saying.]

Not supposed to be here. Wasn't here. Was with the girl. Then the darkness. It devours me -- it wants to devour her, devour them all. Bloody hell...

[His head fell forwards into his hands, a low keening sound of grief coming from him.]

[aeturnus]

I shouldn't be here, either...

[ Romulus pauses, then shifts and moves closer again. It's not a good idea but mayhap it will help. ]

But we're here.

[idolpire]

Are we? Are we?!

[He's looking at the man in front of him like he should be giving him answers, tears wet around his eyes as everything just crashes in his mind.]

Are we flesh and bone? Or are we just thoughts; flights of fancy floating in some mind giant?

[aeturnus]

[ He doesn't expect that snap and he flinches, body held rigidly still until he sees Spike's eyes. Those are the eyes of someone in pain, and those in pain might lash out to share it with others, but would it be right to just sit here and ignore it?

Okay, he's going to—without much more thought, he moves closer again and holds out his hand. ]

Feel. We're here.

[idolpire]

[Oh... Oh, he didn't want to. Feeling hurt. Feeling meant being in the now instead of the then, and sometimes, the then was comforting. But there was a man and his face was somewhat familiar to a part of him, and there was a hand held out without claws or fangs bared, and Spike was left not sure. Not sure of whether he should or shouldn't. It showed in the broken look on his face, in the way his body curled in on itself.]

Feelings are liars. The worst liars of all.

[aeturnus]

[ Air caught painfully in his chest at the reaction, Romulus's fingers curl tight against his palm. It takes a moment before he can force his hand open again and shift ever closer, just little tiny bit by little tiny bit. ]

What tells the truth?

/rolls up in here days late with starbucks [ in town ]

[couldkillthedevil]

[Monsters or no, the Quarantine seems to have its own oddities inside its walls. After the outbreak of changes some people have been going through, she's been extra cautious, and more than a little on edge. It's a mix of everything, really; being caught in a magical portal to some distant moon, finding out her partner is actually Satan himself, and meeting a whole slew of people that ranged from mutants, to teenagers sent to different worlds, or to people just like herself who were just trying to make due. All of it blows her world wide open until she's left trying to make all the pieces fit again.

So as she walks through town that day, the rummaging around in the alley catches her attention. The sudden yelling has her quietly laying a hand over her gun as she approaches, ready to pull it out at a moment's notice if need be.]

Who's there?

[idolpire]

[He thinks about that for a moment, tries to sort out the one true thing in his life, the one constant that never failed to deliver exactly what it promised.]

Pain. Pain's always true. Can't hide from it. Can't lie to it. It doesn't whisper sweet nothings to you. It burns and breaks and scars and you wear those marks forever. Even when it heals, way down, way down inside you, it's still there. Pain's true.

[aeturnus]

[ There's a pause where he tries to figure out how to work with that because it's... well, he can't deny that, but Romulus isn't one to give pain to others. He couldn't possibly. ]

Will you take my hand, Spike? It's... okay to hurt.

[ Romulus no. That's not what you meant but just. don't. say words like that. shhhh. ]

You're never too late.

[idolpire]

[Spike was going through waves of lucidity, trapped in the alley until the sun dropped low enough that he could skirt through the shadows to somewhere safer. He'd been awake since he'd woken up with that burning ember of a shard lodged inside him, which wasn't exactly making the situation better. Hands in his hair, mussing up platinum curls as he kicked at a trashcan, yelling at it as if it was the cause of all his problems. In his mind, Angelus was there, laughing at him, mocking him for being such an infant over a tiny little soul.]

Not like you did any better! You loved her. Loved her less than I did, but the soul makes you want it, you bloody git!

[He stopped when he heard a voice. A woman's voice, calling to him from further away than he was used to hearing recently. No whispers of lies in his ears. No faces that bled from one to another. Not just then. Just then, it was a woman calling out -- and he laughed.]

Dunno. Dunno who I am right now. Dunno what I am. It's not right. It's all wrong right now and I don't know.

[idolpire]

[He looks at the hand extended to him. Looks at it and wonders why anyone would want to touch him.]

I'm a bad man. I'm not good. Not clean. Shouldn't want to touch the bad man.

[aeturnus]

[ His memories are fuzzy, and it sounds like what Spike is saying is true, but it isn't the impression he has. Something about it doesn't feel right, askew, and the other man's current state makes it all the harder for him to want to take it as fact. ]

We've touched before... Did you get me dirty then?

[couldkillthedevil]

[Chloe narrows her eyes at the man, watching him kick at the trashcan and talk to himself as if someone else is there with him. She doesn't move any closer for a moment, instead opting to just assess him quietly, her hand kept at her belt. He doesn't seem dangerous to her, but he is certainly unpredictable. Drunk? On drugs, maybe? Both? She can't tell.

However, when he speaks again, it's like he's finally noticing her for the very first time. She takes another tentative step towards him, figuring he needs help. Maybe a professional.]

Hey. Sir? Just calm down for me, alright? It'll all be okay. You don't know your name?

[idolpire]

Might have. Might have. You could be soiled and not know it. All tainted and broken, like that porcelain doll on the floor.

[Dru had owned many dolls over the years, and some of them had been shattered spectacularly in some of her fits. He'd always felt a sense of dread over it every time. Broken dolls. Wasn't that all they were, they vampires? Dolls with bits of nasty in them.]