Spike (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
idolpire) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
riverviewlogs2017-06-15 02:32 am
idolpire) wrote in riverviewlogs2017-06-15 02:32 am
Open - AU Event
who: Spike and whomever
what: AU event - Spike has a soul and is a little crazy because of it
when: 15-24 June
where: His crypt, the abandoned city, alleys in Quarantine.
warnings: Spike is going to be going through some 'stuff' with regaining his soul for this event and will have been tormented by a canon evil for months beforehand, so he'll be semi-lucid to completely off his rocker. This will involve language, mentions of violence and things he's done in the past, self flagellation/self harm, possibly sexual propositions (easily turned down), and unpredictable reactions from him.
In Town - Resouled:
[It happens while he's in town on the evening of the fifteenth. He'd opted to show up for work that night, wanting to see what all the fuss was about and whether or not he could pull it off, or if he wanted to. Heading into the market to pick up something to eat, he felt it. Felt as if he was lifted up off the ground, then turned upside down and tossed around like a rag doll. Images flooded his mind, time passed that he didn't remember. Moments involving the bane of his existence, then a searing, blinding pain that had him dropping to the ground in an aisle, both hands to his head as he struggled with memories and pain. It wasn't the chip. It couldn't be. He hadn't even been thinking about hurting anyone. No, the pain was deeper, moving into the core of him. His hands scrabbled under his shirt, clawing at his chest as if he could get it out. With the pain and confusion came the realization of what it was. What had happened.
Buffy. Sunnydale. The pair of them. Her death. Her resurrection. Them. That moment in the bathroom -- nausea from that, then... the trials. That bloody demon. The burning pain of his soul. Oh. Oh, god no. No. Months in the basement of the new highschool. Months of memories of reliving all his sins, of an evil power whispering things into his ear to drive him mad.
Then reality shifted and he was there, back on that place he'd found himself in, on the ground with the shop keeper coming over to ask him if he was well.]
Not well. Not ever well again. It burns.
In Town - Lost:
[There wasn't the same power here to whisper in his mind, but the damage had been done. Spike finally left the market, wandering out into the city, confused about what was reality and what was all the noise and clutter in his head. A part of him was trying to tell him he had a place here, somewhere to go where it was quiet, but it was hard to hear that part over all the other things clamoring for attention in his mind.
For the next few days/nights, Spike could be found in town in a worsening state. During the day, he might find himself down in the sewer, or windowless rooms or places that would let him stay safe from the sun. He'd be ignoring the device tucked in his pocket, and might be found at any point of the day/night talking or yelling to himself. There's also a possibility of him hurting himself or bearing visible attempts at it. He'll have moments of lucidity that will get longer the longer he's away from The First Evil.]
Home:
[Eventually, he'll remember where he's staying and wind up going there. Anyone who knows where he lives or follows him home will easily find him holed up as he tries to figure out how to exist with a soul now. All in all, Spike's going to be a pathetic wreck of a loser for the rest of this event.]
[Note: As this event will deal with self harm and questionable topics, please let me know what you are or are not comfortable dealing with. I'm available via PM to hash out the specifics.
what: AU event - Spike has a soul and is a little crazy because of it
when: 15-24 June
where: His crypt, the abandoned city, alleys in Quarantine.
warnings: Spike is going to be going through some 'stuff' with regaining his soul for this event and will have been tormented by a canon evil for months beforehand, so he'll be semi-lucid to completely off his rocker. This will involve language, mentions of violence and things he's done in the past, self flagellation/self harm, possibly sexual propositions (easily turned down), and unpredictable reactions from him.
In Town - Resouled:
[It happens while he's in town on the evening of the fifteenth. He'd opted to show up for work that night, wanting to see what all the fuss was about and whether or not he could pull it off, or if he wanted to. Heading into the market to pick up something to eat, he felt it. Felt as if he was lifted up off the ground, then turned upside down and tossed around like a rag doll. Images flooded his mind, time passed that he didn't remember. Moments involving the bane of his existence, then a searing, blinding pain that had him dropping to the ground in an aisle, both hands to his head as he struggled with memories and pain. It wasn't the chip. It couldn't be. He hadn't even been thinking about hurting anyone. No, the pain was deeper, moving into the core of him. His hands scrabbled under his shirt, clawing at his chest as if he could get it out. With the pain and confusion came the realization of what it was. What had happened.
Buffy. Sunnydale. The pair of them. Her death. Her resurrection. Them. That moment in the bathroom -- nausea from that, then... the trials. That bloody demon. The burning pain of his soul. Oh. Oh, god no. No. Months in the basement of the new highschool. Months of memories of reliving all his sins, of an evil power whispering things into his ear to drive him mad.
Then reality shifted and he was there, back on that place he'd found himself in, on the ground with the shop keeper coming over to ask him if he was well.]
Not well. Not ever well again. It burns.
In Town - Lost:
[There wasn't the same power here to whisper in his mind, but the damage had been done. Spike finally left the market, wandering out into the city, confused about what was reality and what was all the noise and clutter in his head. A part of him was trying to tell him he had a place here, somewhere to go where it was quiet, but it was hard to hear that part over all the other things clamoring for attention in his mind.
For the next few days/nights, Spike could be found in town in a worsening state. During the day, he might find himself down in the sewer, or windowless rooms or places that would let him stay safe from the sun. He'd be ignoring the device tucked in his pocket, and might be found at any point of the day/night talking or yelling to himself. There's also a possibility of him hurting himself or bearing visible attempts at it. He'll have moments of lucidity that will get longer the longer he's away from The First Evil.]
Home:
[Eventually, he'll remember where he's staying and wind up going there. Anyone who knows where he lives or follows him home will easily find him holed up as he tries to figure out how to exist with a soul now. All in all, Spike's going to be a pathetic wreck of a loser for the rest of this event.]
[Note: As this event will deal with self harm and questionable topics, please let me know what you are or are not comfortable dealing with. I'm available via PM to hash out the specifics.
no subject
I'm a bad man. I'm not good. Not clean. Shouldn't want to touch the bad man.
no subject
We've touched before... Did you get me dirty then?
no subject
[Dru had owned many dolls over the years, and some of them had been shattered spectacularly in some of her fits. He'd always felt a sense of dread over it every time. Broken dolls. Wasn't that all they were, they vampires? Dolls with bits of nasty in them.]
no subject
I'm not broken. Just... alone right now. Are you alone?
no subject
[Yes, Cain. Spike was alone. Spike was, as far as he knew, always alone. Which wasn't necessarily true, but at this moment, he was lost. He wasn't even sure what part of this was real, or if it even was. It was too much. Too long.]
no subject
[ Yeah, perhaps not the best question to as, but it feels like they're kind of getting somewhere? Maybe eventually Spike will take his hand just to be contrary to himself. That would be nice. ]
no subject
no subject
He scoots closer, shifting his hand but keeping it outstretched for him. ]
You're you, right? That's all. Do you remember me?
no subject
[But he's frowning as he looks at the hand. He knows that hand, doesn't he? He looks up at the face that's teasing the edge of his memory.]
Yes? I don't know. Do I?
no subject
[ So clearly Spike will have to remember him. At this point he's pretty sure it's in there somewhere. Much as he doesn't want to use it, confusing this man by using the right name is not going to help. So... ]
Do you remember Jacob Kane?
no subject
[Quiet mumbling to himself, he seems to fixate on the hand in front of him, looking up at Cain after a moment.]
What do you want? I have nothing.
no subject
[ He shakes his head, eyes dimmed in some understanding of what he was getting at. ]
no subject
[That might be the better question. Why did this man he didn't know want to offer him anything? Who was he to deserve more than loathing?]
no subject
[ It's a really difficult question, because Romulus himself doesn't quite understand. This is not a good idea, and it's probably dangerous, and really he should just keep his head down and head off. There's something to it, though, and he's speaking even as the thought forms. ]
... I can choose to, so I'm going to.
no subject
Slowly, his hand came out and touched at Cain's. Slowly, he just touched and waited for the pain.]
Not always the right choice...
no subject
But... it's my choice. I don't get a lot of those.
no subject
[There was no pain, no beatings, no lashes coming out to surprise him with bright spots of pain. Just... a hand. A warm hand. A living hand. Spike's finger traces over one of the lines etched in the palm, curious.]
Why not?
no subject
I'm a slave. ... I guess, back home, but I'm not-not a slave here.
no subject
[The finger trails up along the end of the life line all the way to his wrist, Spike looking up at Cain as he feels the pulse there.]
Living...
no subject
[ Just because his master isn't here doesn't mean his life is suddenly invalidated. When Spike's hand moves, his breath hitches and he looks at the other man uncertainly. ]
Right. Living. We're living right now.
no subject
[A correction as Spike shakes his head.]
You're living. I lost that too long ago to count now. Dead and buried and crawled out myself. Do you know what worms and earth taste like? What fear is when you wake and there's nothing but a box above you and no one hears you scream? Clawed my hands bloody against it before I got out. Bloody and to the bone and she stood over me laughing to welcome me to the night.
[Spike took his hand back, both lifting to cover the back of his head as he curled it into his knees, hiding it from Cain.]
The things I did. The things I did for her...
no subject
She's not here. You can do what you want.
[ Will that even work? Because it hasn't for Romulus, but he doesn't know what else to say. Maybe it's different when you regret it. ]
Spike, please.
no subject
[A sing-song voice spoken quietly to himself, muffled against his knees as he rocked for a moment. Then stopped.]
Please what?
[Said this time to Cain as he looked up at him.]
no subject
[ It sounds trite but being out alone and hidden in the dark is never a good place to be. ]
Don't you have somewhere to go?
no subject
(no subject)
(no subject)