riverviewlogs | So what if you can see the darkest side of me..

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So what if you can see the darkest side of me..

who: Jason Todd
what: October Catch All & Memeshare
when: 9th-22nd
where: All around.
warnings: This post will be full of triggery things as Jason's life has been a horror show. A quick overview, child abuse, drug use/overdose, under-aged smoking, child death, buried alive, and murder, illusions to drowning. Angst, buckets of angst. Anything else will be updated.
Note: Unless otherwise stated or plotted, each person who tags in will get a new memory. Feel free to poke me at

opticon Dreamscape's can and likely will get more than one memory. Some memories will not only have text, but also pictures in which they were pulled from.

A: Mom checked out (Drug use and violence implied)
It looked like a abandoned room. No power, a dirty wooden floor, bare wooden walls and a mattress on the floor surrounded by candles. The most beautiful thing in the room was the woman laid on the mattress. A bandage on her arm. Her red lock's dyed black. He hated when she dyed her hair, but what she does when he's out he can't stop, out of everything she does with her life a bit of dye was the least bad.

"You see, Mom... I hurt someone today. I was getting us food." He spoke to the unconcious woman as he held her hand. She was the full focus of his attention. Guilt laced his voice. "I know you're not hungry much right now, but you need to eat something. Some guy came out of the alley. He tried to take it from me. From you. From us. I just got so angry, I couldn't think. I started hitting him over and over. When I caught my breath I saw blood on my hands. I let him run away... I mean, I think he's fine...but I didn't mean to do that. I didn't want to..." He rambles before tears start streaking his face falling from his eyes.

He knows she's not listening and he feels helpless. Nothing he does is helping her. "I wish you would stop taking that stuff. I wish you could hear me... I miss you." She wasn't going to answer...

[ Image]

B-Meeting the Bat

It was like any night, for Jason anyway, moving quietly through the streets of Crime Alley. People left him alone for the most part. Which in return got him left alone, again for the most part. Taking a turn down one of the desolate alleyways when he saw it. The Batmobile in all of it's glory. Well, why not. He thought as he moved forward with his tire iron. The big bad Bat's car didn't look like it was that protected. So he kneeled and got to work.

Once he had one tire off he heard someone clear their throat. Looking up his eyes went wide. "You do realize thats the Batmobile, right?" The voice spoke Batman was bigger than life. But he didn't run, no he did what he did best. He smarted off.

"Duh, you do realize you parked your car in Crime Alley, right?" Batman moved forward towards him and Jason swung out at him with the tire iron, he really didn't want to go to Gotham Lockup with his old man. The man dressed as a bat caught the Iron like it was nothing

"You wanna beat up on a kid, go enlist in the GCPD like every other bully in this city." He hissed at the man, who was now lifting him like he weighed nothing. That deep voice spoke again.

"I'm only going to ask you this once. So give some serious thought to your answer." Then he smirked, when Jason spat out a quick reply of 'what?'. "Are you hungry?"

---
Now sitting on the hood of the Batmobile Jason was scarffing down a burger and fries. It was like heaven at the moment.

"Slow down, Jason, You're going to lose a finger."
"Sorry" munch munch "This is the closest thing I've had to a home-cooked meal I've had since..." chomp "... I had a home."

He looks up realizing where the hillside their parked at is. "Funny, I was here once. Looking for Wayne Manor. Trying to case the place but I got lost."

The Batman looks his way. "Why do you think its okay to steal from other people?"

"You kidding me? Look at this view. Freaking "billionaire playboy" think's he's king of the world. Pfft." Jason grumbles as he eats.

"Sometimes you have to give people a chance, Jason. They'll usually surprise you." The bat spoke before silence swept over them and both ate quietly.

C: Dig Lazurus Dig (Buried alive, illuisions to drowning, and pain)

Darkness, darkness all around. It was hot and stuffy this much was clear as Jason opened his eyes to the purest blackness. Trying to sit up he knocked his head into wood before realization sank in. "BRUCE!" panic building in his chest, he knew exactly where he was. It was a coffin. "BRUCE!" His hands moved looking for anything, ANYTHING. His belt buckle was all he could find, Forcing himself to calm down. Instinct taking over, if he panicked he would run out of air.

The belt buckle was used to tear the silk and hit the fine wood above. It took what felt like forever his nails long ripped off as he dug himself up, forcing himself to breath slowly. His hand shot up through the dirt, he was lucky Gotham was always so rainy.

He pulled himself up out of the dirt taking deep breaths now, nothing seemed focus anymore. A few steps and down he went....

His eyes opened again, green liquid obscuring his view. For a moment he sees a beautiful woman above the water, her eyes wide... was that fear? What was happening? Then the pain rushed through like fire.

It burned, and yet he felt like he was drowning and couldn't escape. Her and reached down and pulled him up. "Come now." She spoke quickly. He knew her.

"Talia."

"Yes, your story is not yet over, Jason." She spoke in that beautiful middle eastern accent of hers. Next they were running, he had so many questions.

"Whats happening!" He called to her as they reached a cliff-side and she shoved a duffle bag in his hands. "You are unavenged! Do not go back to him, learn before you react." She spoke quickly, dragging him up and kissing him fully on the lips before shoving him off the cliff. Him and the bag falling as she turned and ran the other way. Jason watched the world spin around him....

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I won't argue with that. I wonder, if we wake up are we going to be in our own beds? How lonely.

[ He doesn't want to leave Jason alone with these horrid memories. ]

Likely so, it makes the most logical sense. Though, with this place we could end up cuddled on a roof or something and not know until we wake up.

[ Jason looked up as his breath caught in his throat.

A tiny Jason in ripped jeans was walking around the filthy streets. 'Mom!' He called out, worry on his young face. He didn't have a jacket on and his breath could be seen as he looked through alleyways.]

...Fuck.

... You used to be so small.

[ He holds Jason securely so that he can distinguish semi-reality from a sad dream. ]

Do you want to wake up now, Jason? Is this too much?

Yeah, I was. I was tiny until after I died.

[ It made no sense even now. And despite the pain he shook his head, holds Loki back.]

Yes and no... I don't have anything left of her but my memories.

[ The boy turns a corner, and leaned against the fence with her face covered by long beautiful strands of red hair sat the woman. She was breath taking even in death. The needle was on the ground near her as the boy already had tears falling as he kneeled down next to her pushing her hair from her face. He knew it was to late.]

That was the last time I saw her... I ran, I knew they'd ship me off to an orphanage if they found me. It was better roughing it on the streets.

[ Something in Jason's voice is softer, as his look mirrors the child's, only he kept his dream self from looking ready to cry.]

Edited 2017-10-09 15:48 (UTC)

Brave heart, Jason.

[ Mortals die so often that Loki doesn't pay much attention to the workings or ways of it, familiar with the drug scene but distanced without an anchor such as Jason had growing up. He does think Jason's mother was very pretty, aside from the overdose.

Selfish of her to leave her little boy all alone in the world, though. ]

Can you show me where you went next, what happened?

[ It feels like Jason's memories are a runaway train, so Loki chooses to hop on board. ]

[ Jason had taken over the drug trade to try and keep this kind of thing from happening to any more street kids. Even if his time as a drug lord had been short lived.

He takes a breath, he hadn't tried to control it, but with Loki's encouragement he keeps the hand holding the other's and focuses. Skipping over some of the worst, not wanting Loki to see him trying to process his moms death or dealing with the guilt that he didnt know where her body went.

Time moves and the boy is in a dilapidated apartment, there are tires sitting around as he sits on a mattress, and of all thing's the tiny boy is smoking a cigarette as he reads from a novel in the dim lights. ]

I found an abandoned building, I stayed there boosting tires to get by until I made the mistake that changed my life.

[ Still focusing, the memory played of him still just as small, dressed in red and blue seeing the Batmobile and grinning as he looked around before heading into the alleyway with his tire iron. ]

I stole Batman's tires. [ Yeah, that's pride in his tone Loki.]

[ ... That is so very mischievous, Loki approves. ]

You were rewarded with fast-food, I see. I like his teaching techniques.

[ As the memory runs on and displays Batman catching Jason, he chuckles. ]

What can I say, food is the way to my heart.

[ He smiled a bit still even if it hurt a little.]

Ready to wake up before this gets embarrassing or sad?

If you want to, darling boy.

[ His own smile is supportive of whatever Jason desires, stripped bare as he has been tonight. ]

Want some company when you awaken?

I would. I'm tired of living in the past, even if my mind disagrees.

[ He ran his free hand through his hair.]

Yeah, give me about ten minutes first before you pop in.

Okay. See you soon.

[ He pecks him on his cheek in the dream and dispels it with his reality-warping power, effectively waking them both up. He waits fifteen minutes before teleporting in, wearing his slacks and a tee. ]

Jay?

[ He's sure Jason mentioned living with youngsters and doesn't want to wake them up. ]

[ Floor six was mostly quiet at this time, some lights were on, surely Ed was still up and working, and god knows who else, Jason moved around a corner, buttoning up his jeans, a t-shirt tossed over his shoulder. He had had combed his hair back in place. ]

Hey, Loki.

[ He walked up to meet him.]

Wanna lay down or go out and paint the town?

[ Surely somethings open at 4am.]

I don't mind. I have a club that is at your disposal.

[ He shrugs, barefoot in his pyjamas but willing to go out if Jason feels the need. Trying to assess him with a subtle look that he's sure Jason won't miss. ]

Actually, fuck it. Come on, this way.

[ The idea of going out was less tempting once he spoke it. He turned motioning for Loki to follow as he made his way back towards his bed. It was easy to see which one was his, given the books around it. The shirt was tossed on the trunk and he started to undo the jeans again. He was more tired than he cared to admit but he didn't want to sleep.]

This looks almost identical to floor five's bedroom. My bed was there, next to Anthony's here.

[ Gesturing to the respective beds, he takes a seat on the edge of Jason's and waits for him to finish undressing. ]

No one's going to walk in and faint at the sight of me with you, are they?

Yeah, mine's sadly in the middle, I should see if I cant take Yuffie's old spot, it would make window access easier.

[ He looked over to where her bed had once been. A little sad that his new partner in crime was gone just days after they finished her outfit.]

I should stop being cheap and get my own place, but, I honestly think I'd stop talking to people if I did.

[ Jason kicked his jeans off and slid into the bed, in just the Wonder Woman boxers. Before shrugging.]

Everyone on this floor that knows me thinks I'm super easy anyway, they'll judge me not you. So, dont sweat it.

Oh dear, whatever made them think that?

[ Chuckling, he climbs into Jason's bed to sit at his side. Those boxers are awfully bright, he notes absently. ]

I told them I was.

[ Jason grinned, as he rolled on his side to offer more room and pull the covers around them.]

I start all the rumors about me. It's great for my bad reputation.

Very clever, you're the baddest of boys.

[ Rolling onto his side, Loki offers a shoulder for Jason to snuggle up in if he wants to. It'll save them room on the small bed, anyway, as will lacing their long legs together. ]

Come here and be sweet just for me.

That I am.

[ He spoke playfully, mindful of how loud he spoke. He didn't care what people thought but he wanted to stay on good terms with people he sleeps around. Jason moved into the hold quiet easily to, snuggled up against him, with legs tangled. He grinned, pressing his forehead against Loki's forehead.]

Shall I recite Shakespeare or Keats to make you melt?

Please, don't trouble yourself.

[ Snorting, he tucks back Jason's stray hair and settles in with him. His view is of blue eyes and the slight shadows beneath, a jawline that he traces with a fingertip which roams further backwards over Jason's neck.

Loki basks in the simple reassurance of touching him. ]

Other people must be experiencing the dream-phenomena too.

[ He couldn't help the grin that crossed his face as he kept lose eyes locked on Loki's, he hated having such a thing for lovely trouble making green eyed monsters. ]

Don't trouble myself you say, but I bet you'd love it any other time. I'll surprise you one day.

[ He drapes one of his arm protectively around Loki.]

Probably, which means I need to go spy on the kid tomorrow. [ Talk to Bruce like a reasonable adult? NEVER.]

Which kid? And if you'll promise not to threaten me with literary snores, I'll sing you an Asgardian lullaby later.

[ Squirrelling down into Jason's embrace, he plants affectionate kisses on his lips. ]

[ The kiss was returned, sweet but firm. It was only once he pulled back that he answered the first question.]

Bruce, Bruce is here, but as a kid. I'll be good for a lullaby, I can literally say sing me a song of your people.

[ Gonna pinch Jason's hip for that pun, even as he licks his own lips to savour the kiss. ]

What's he like?

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cw; drug over does/parental death

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