riverviewlogs | So what if you can see the darkest side of me..

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So what if you can see the darkest side of me..

who: Jason Todd
what: October Catch All & Memeshare
when: 9th-22nd
where: All around.
warnings: This post will be full of triggery things as Jason's life has been a horror show. A quick overview, child abuse, drug use/overdose, under-aged smoking, child death, buried alive, and murder, illusions to drowning. Angst, buckets of angst. Anything else will be updated.
Note: Unless otherwise stated or plotted, each person who tags in will get a new memory. Feel free to poke me at

opticon Dreamscape's can and likely will get more than one memory. Some memories will not only have text, but also pictures in which they were pulled from.

A: Mom checked out (Drug use and violence implied)
It looked like a abandoned room. No power, a dirty wooden floor, bare wooden walls and a mattress on the floor surrounded by candles. The most beautiful thing in the room was the woman laid on the mattress. A bandage on her arm. Her red lock's dyed black. He hated when she dyed her hair, but what she does when he's out he can't stop, out of everything she does with her life a bit of dye was the least bad.

"You see, Mom... I hurt someone today. I was getting us food." He spoke to the unconcious woman as he held her hand. She was the full focus of his attention. Guilt laced his voice. "I know you're not hungry much right now, but you need to eat something. Some guy came out of the alley. He tried to take it from me. From you. From us. I just got so angry, I couldn't think. I started hitting him over and over. When I caught my breath I saw blood on my hands. I let him run away... I mean, I think he's fine...but I didn't mean to do that. I didn't want to..." He rambles before tears start streaking his face falling from his eyes.

He knows she's not listening and he feels helpless. Nothing he does is helping her. "I wish you would stop taking that stuff. I wish you could hear me... I miss you." She wasn't going to answer...

[ Image]

B-Meeting the Bat

It was like any night, for Jason anyway, moving quietly through the streets of Crime Alley. People left him alone for the most part. Which in return got him left alone, again for the most part. Taking a turn down one of the desolate alleyways when he saw it. The Batmobile in all of it's glory. Well, why not. He thought as he moved forward with his tire iron. The big bad Bat's car didn't look like it was that protected. So he kneeled and got to work.

Once he had one tire off he heard someone clear their throat. Looking up his eyes went wide. "You do realize thats the Batmobile, right?" The voice spoke Batman was bigger than life. But he didn't run, no he did what he did best. He smarted off.

"Duh, you do realize you parked your car in Crime Alley, right?" Batman moved forward towards him and Jason swung out at him with the tire iron, he really didn't want to go to Gotham Lockup with his old man. The man dressed as a bat caught the Iron like it was nothing

"You wanna beat up on a kid, go enlist in the GCPD like every other bully in this city." He hissed at the man, who was now lifting him like he weighed nothing. That deep voice spoke again.

"I'm only going to ask you this once. So give some serious thought to your answer." Then he smirked, when Jason spat out a quick reply of 'what?'. "Are you hungry?"

---
Now sitting on the hood of the Batmobile Jason was scarffing down a burger and fries. It was like heaven at the moment.

"Slow down, Jason, You're going to lose a finger."
"Sorry" munch munch "This is the closest thing I've had to a home-cooked meal I've had since..." chomp "... I had a home."

He looks up realizing where the hillside their parked at is. "Funny, I was here once. Looking for Wayne Manor. Trying to case the place but I got lost."

The Batman looks his way. "Why do you think its okay to steal from other people?"

"You kidding me? Look at this view. Freaking "billionaire playboy" think's he's king of the world. Pfft." Jason grumbles as he eats.

"Sometimes you have to give people a chance, Jason. They'll usually surprise you." The bat spoke before silence swept over them and both ate quietly.

C: Dig Lazurus Dig (Buried alive, illuisions to drowning, and pain)

Darkness, darkness all around. It was hot and stuffy this much was clear as Jason opened his eyes to the purest blackness. Trying to sit up he knocked his head into wood before realization sank in. "BRUCE!" panic building in his chest, he knew exactly where he was. It was a coffin. "BRUCE!" His hands moved looking for anything, ANYTHING. His belt buckle was all he could find, Forcing himself to calm down. Instinct taking over, if he panicked he would run out of air.

The belt buckle was used to tear the silk and hit the fine wood above. It took what felt like forever his nails long ripped off as he dug himself up, forcing himself to breath slowly. His hand shot up through the dirt, he was lucky Gotham was always so rainy.

He pulled himself up out of the dirt taking deep breaths now, nothing seemed focus anymore. A few steps and down he went....

His eyes opened again, green liquid obscuring his view. For a moment he sees a beautiful woman above the water, her eyes wide... was that fear? What was happening? Then the pain rushed through like fire.

It burned, and yet he felt like he was drowning and couldn't escape. Her and reached down and pulled him up. "Come now." She spoke quickly. He knew her.

"Talia."

"Yes, your story is not yet over, Jason." She spoke in that beautiful middle eastern accent of hers. Next they were running, he had so many questions.

"Whats happening!" He called to her as they reached a cliff-side and she shoved a duffle bag in his hands. "You are unavenged! Do not go back to him, learn before you react." She spoke quickly, dragging him up and kissing him fully on the lips before shoving him off the cliff. Him and the bag falling as she turned and ran the other way. Jason watched the world spin around him....

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ He couldn't help the grin that crossed his face as he kept lose eyes locked on Loki's, he hated having such a thing for lovely trouble making green eyed monsters. ]

Don't trouble myself you say, but I bet you'd love it any other time. I'll surprise you one day.

[ He drapes one of his arm protectively around Loki.]

Probably, which means I need to go spy on the kid tomorrow. [ Talk to Bruce like a reasonable adult? NEVER.]

Which kid? And if you'll promise not to threaten me with literary snores, I'll sing you an Asgardian lullaby later.

[ Squirrelling down into Jason's embrace, he plants affectionate kisses on his lips. ]

[ The kiss was returned, sweet but firm. It was only once he pulled back that he answered the first question.]

Bruce, Bruce is here, but as a kid. I'll be good for a lullaby, I can literally say sing me a song of your people.

[ Gonna pinch Jason's hip for that pun, even as he licks his own lips to savour the kiss. ]

What's he like?

[ Jason playfully twacks Loki's arm for the pinch.]

He seems happier as a kid, but still a condescending asshole. I'll admit though, and just to you. It kind of hurts him not knowing who I am. I really hope this place doesn't let him see any of our life. He's better off without me... even if I am technicallystalkingateenager.

[ He muttered most of it before, speeding the last bit into one word before dipping down to reclaim Loki's lips. An old nervous tick from his childhood. Speak fast and no one has time to judge.]

[ Yowch! ]

You're, mmph? [ A laugh bubbles up through the kiss, which he breaks to get a better look at Jason. ] You're keeping tabs on the teenage version of your father, there's nothing wrong with that.

[ An embarrassed look was what Loki got to see, Jason seemed to both ease and look a touch troubled at Loki's words.]

Something like that, but more keeping an eye on the teenage version of someone I used to care about. [ He always tried to lie to himself. ]

He's not my father, he doesn't want me.

[ To be kind, he doesn't touch that big stinking lie or point it out. Instead, he waggles his brows and tries to make Jason feel better in the wake of a terrible night's sleep. ]

So, if I want you, does that make me your father? Scandalous!

[ Well, that worked, Jason couldn't help bursting out into a full loud laugh. Give him a second.

His poor roommates.]

[ Grinning, he tucks his head under Jason's chin and shudders with his own, quieter laughter. ]

Shhh, shhh ... And you told me to keep it down.

[ Jason forces himself to quiet but his chest still shakes a few seconds before he manages to calm himself enough to speak.]

Look. I'm not above it, but I'm not calling you daddy.

You're so gross.

[ Everyone in the bed has too many daddy issues for that kink to work. Loki places a palm over the broad chest before him as Jason's giggles peeter out, soft downy hairs running under his caresses. Scars, too. ]

I don't think I'll ever have sex again, anyway.

I'm utterly filthy and you love it.

[ He joked, but in truth, it was true there was to many issues all around for that kink, Jason mostly used it as a joke to make situations lighter, or to be a jerk.

A low hum escaped him, Loki's hands always seemed to find the best places.]

So you say, as you feel me up, wanna explain?

I miss Tony, [ is it even a surprise, ] he's all I can think about.

[ Loki's petting stills and he huffs against the warmth of Jason's neck. ]

[ Jason's arm around Loki tightened a little. Looking a touch more sympathetic.]

Maybe he will come back for you. I know it hurts, I don't know the pain you feel, but I know pain, and pain eases with time. [ He moved the arm from around Loki, to push a piece of hair back looking down at him as he tried to ignore the pleasant feeling of Loki's figures on his skin and his breath so close to his neck.]

He won't come back for me. [ Secure in Jason's arms, he rubs his forehead against a shoulder and stays tucked in tight under the covers. His voice is smaller when he doesn't have to look anyone in the eye on this subject, thin and tired from too many hours of grieving. ] Some other reason in the future, perhaps, but he never craved me the same way I needed him.

Maybe you should shoot Steve Rogers in the groin, see if that brings Iron Man sailing out of the portal to protect America's precious jewels from harm.

[ Oops, did someone spill the salt. ]

[ Jason's arm went back around Loki, holding him like he was something precious and breakable. Which, at the moment he could see plain as day. Loki was hurting that much was clear from not only the words but the threat to. It sounded more like something he would threaten, but again. He only knew so much about his bed-mate.]

I wish I knew some beautfiul thing to say to ease it all away, but there are no words for that. Nothing reverent enough for the pain that you feel, nothing justifiable for the void left. People say it's better to love and lose than to never love, but, I don't know, I feel like it takes the strongest of people to crawl back out of that hole unscathed.

Also, you can use my gun if you want.

[ It feels so overdramatic and yet so accurate, his insides ache with Jason's summary and Loki doesn't object to turning into his friend's teddy when he gets swept up close.

Gods never love lightly. Not like that. ]

What a gentleman. [He reaches up to brush through Jason's hair, finally dredging up the courage to look him in the eye. A little anxious. ] You're not disappointed, are you? That I don't have any enthusiasm for ...

[ He glances down to his deceased sex-drive. ]

[ He wasn't sure what kind of reaction to expect, beyond tears. Which he is thankful haven't come. He always got so uncomfortable around people crying, that and he didn't ant to make Loki cry. ]

You inspire me, what can I say?

[ The blue eyes meet green, and there's no judgement. No irritation.]

Loki, I doubt I could even get it up after having to watch myself find my mother dead again, tonight. I'm not disappointed, I'm not put off by your love of Tony, none of that. Your my friend, probably the best friend I have in this or any world anymore. [ Then he gave a slight shrug of his shoulders.] The sex is just a bonus, so, yeah. Don't sweat it.

[ He melts at that, tipping his head back on the pillows once he pecks Jason on the lips again. Under the blankets he rubs his calf behind Jason's affectionately. ]

Alright, just checking. I'll try and be a less toxic friend to you than I've been to others, you have my word.

Jason gives another slight shrug and returns the quick peck before settling into the bed a bit more. A squeeze given to Loki's arm as he closed his eyes.]

Your not toxic, not in my eyes. You do you, I'm not judging. You have more reason to judge me. Now, lets go to sleep.

If we have weird dreams again, should I wake you up?

[ The dreams seem to be getting incredibly personal, the longer they go on. ]

Yes, please spare anyone else seeing the shit in my head as long as your next to me.

[ He spoke, his eyes still closed, he was ready to drop back into sleep again. He never sleeps enough.]

Can do. Goodnight, Jason.

[ Tucked in anew, Loki yawns and resolves to actually get some sleep, which is much easier to do when cradled in protective arms. He hums contentedly and settles down, steady breathing evening out by a warm neck with a reliable heartbeat. ]

[ Luckily if Jay's dreams went to anyone else that night he didn't make any sounds or move unhappily he slept pretty calm, at least until a few hours after dawn he shifted to roll into a move comfortable position... and started to roll off the bed before reality caught up. Two big guys on a little bed...]

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