riverviewlogs | October Catch-All

"Um, no, just... hadn't met your new friends yet. Plus I brought some food for you guys." Lola wasn't sure how much the pair were able to, well, cook. She knew they lived on a spaceship of food goo, so that didn't really tell her much about what they could handle. Plus bringing food was the best way to never be turned away, you had food! "I mean, if you have candy, I won't say know. I can always go for something sweet."

Lola was smiling because she was usually smiling. Sometimes it was the real smile, like now. Her eyes may have had something other than candy in mind with what she said. But often it was just her way of burying her own feelings she didn't want to deal with. The memory share thing was, well, unhelpful. She noticed the banister, "Remodeling?"

Keith's smirk remained in place at her comment about candy and sweets, and he huffed out a small chuckle in response.

"Thanks," he said. "Come on in." But she did notice the banister. It was kind of hard to miss, really, considering the prominent placement of the stairs in the front living area. "Aahhh..." He scratched the back of his head, glancing over at the Black Lion a little sheepishly. "Sort of." He looked back at Lola as they walked in, and he put his hand out in an unspoken offer to take the container of food from her so she could settle in a little easier.

"Black tried to get upstairs, and we found out the hard way that they were a little narrow for its bulk." He shrugged. "It was an accident, but I think we might just end up redoing the stairs altogether at this point. It's not a bad idea to have a wide enough access so it can get up there if it needs to." Shiro hadn't unlocked the balcony that morning, and he locked it every night. Black usually used that during the day to get upstairs for now, but, if something happened again like last time, then they were going to need a second route for Black to get upstairs.

Lola looked around at the house before focusing in on the Lions. Getting a lay of the land, seeing how many giant lion scratches were in the furniture. Things like that. Trying to figure out how friendly they were before she approached one.

"It is kinda unfair to have parts of the house they can't get to, right?" She wandered around, getting a layout of the house as much as anything. New things were always worth exploring, especially since Keith lived here. And, well, she needed to keep who she had closer if people kept leaving her. Right? "So, having fun with all the memories floating around?"

Lola that is not how to approach this.

"Yeah... we usually leave the balcony door unlocked during the day so it can go that way, but it was locked that morning, and yeah..."

Keith shrugged, not sure he really wanted to get into the full details as to why it had been locked. So, he just let it drift off into nothing. He put the food on the dining table. As Lola looked around and explored, she was watched by both Lions, their unblinking robot eyes following her every move.

"Memories?" Keith looked down. Considering that was the reason Black took out the banister? Not really. He shook his head. "It hasn't been easy. There have been some... well, some bad ones."

"It's kinda weird, being forced to live through bits of other people. Although a lot of the ones I got didn't make sense." Of course Lola might have trouble understanding things too far outside her realm of experience. And without drawing a line between two items it becomes hard for her to put it into words.

She'll finally stop and sit down, waving at the two lions that have definitely been watching her. She thinks. Robot eyes are weird. "I guess it makes it harder to keep secrets, if you don't know whose seen what about your past."

Keith shrugged.

"I guess it depends on experience," he said. "I mean, if you're seeing someone's world and it's different than yours, then there might be stuff that's easy to not understand."

He sat down as well.

"I don't know who's seen anything of mine, yet..."

At Lola's wave, Red got up first and came over. She was the smaller of the two Lions, and also bonded to Keith, so it made sense. She was definitely a robot, as the sounds made with her movement reflected that... servos, gears, pumps, the metallic sound of her paws on the floor... but her actual movement and the way she looked at Lola as if judging her character were more alive, like an actual lion... maybe even a little smarter.

"I wonder if the lions have the same little tiny cockpits now that they're all small. So if you somehow shrunk you could fit in there?" Lola's attention is on Red right now. As if she's avoiding looking at Keith after his thought about what people have or have not seen.

"Keith has mostly been on his best behavior here, if that's what you're worried about." Yes, she is talking to the lion now.

That was an interesting thought. Though, talk about being small.

"I don't see why there wouldn't be, but I feel like only a mouse could actually do it," he said. "You'd have to be pretty small. I mean, just her nose here," he pointed out the black part, "is the same height as me when she's normal size."

He made a face at the comment about behaving. Red just rumbled a little, like an amused purr, poking her nose against his leg a little. After a small sigh, he did glance at Lola, considering how to approach this.

"So, uh..." Hm... "I did see one of yours, actually..." he admitted quietly. "You have a thing for bees?"

"Bees dying off is terrible! They didn't do anything and they make honey, we totally need bees." Lola... Lola why are you like this? Yes, years later she is just as adamantly attached to the idea of bee survival as she was when her hair was shorter and three colors. After a few moments she smiles, "Besides you tried to make a cheerleader pyramid of lions without enough lions. Only five lions wouldn't be stable at all."

Lola does look a little... off, even if she came up with a retort. Like there's more there. But she isn't sure how to say it.

"Well, yeah... that..." He looked a little sheepish. "We were trying to get the Lions to form Voltron again. The first time, it had been us just doing it on instinct in a battle. But, to get it to happen on purpose is a lot harder." Keith shrugged. "No one else had any better ideas, so we gave it a run. It was better than flying back and forth again and again... and again... with nothing happening."

"Trying the same thing over and over is dumb anyway. Even if stacking them didn't work, at least, it didn't from when Shiro's memory ended." Getting only bits and pieces was a little discouraging. Not sure what anything meant after where the story stopped.

"Oh... you saw that from Shiro?"

Keith nodded a little.

"We got it to work eventually. It took a while. But, now we're able to do it consistently, without relying on survival instincts." He managed a wry chuckle, but it wasn't a very happy sound. And, well, they were able to... before Shiro disappeared. Keith still wasn't sure how that was going to work out. But, he really didn't want to bring that up right now. It wasn't something he wanted to think about.

"Yeah, the memory I got from you was... different."

Now, normally you would jump right in and explain what that means. But Lola is still a little too awkward to just jump right in on that. Especially since Keith's memory from her was so... harmless.

"..."

Keith wasn't sure how to interpret that. She seemed unsure about the whole thing, and Keith was wondering just what it was Lola had seen. He knew he didn't exactly have a life full of sunshine and rainbows, either, not that he was the only one who might have a tragic past, but he knew there were things that might bother people for whatever reason. He looked down at his hands in his lap for a moment.

"Different, huh?" He frowned a bit. "How so?"

"The kind that is really personal, and even someone who understands exactly what it's like really shouldn't just get to see. Because, like, just because my mom left doesn't mean I can really know all of the stuff you went through. Especially not from just one memory rerun that wasn't even everything."

See, if Lola was fully okay with her own abandonment this might be easier. And if Lola was okay with the fact that people might just get to live through her tragic moments she might not be as awkward knowing someone else's. But she also was bad at secrets, and didn't feel she should know this and just... leave it be.

Oh.

Oh.

Keith almost cringed, looking away from her towards the kitchen for a moment.

"Uh, yeah..." He sighed a little. "It's..." He shrugged, trying to act more casual than he felt. He didn't really talk about his past all that much, and the lack of knowledge on a lot of things really didn't help at all when it came to sharing anyway, so he usually just let it alone. But whatever this... thing was that was going on had sort of forced his hand. "It's nothing I can really change now."

He said that quietly, trying to make it seem like he was okay with it... but he really wasn't. He wasn't past it at all, and was pretty aware that it affected how he interacted with other people... even his own dad.

Keith looking away from Lola is a terrible idea. You know why? I mean you should know why. You can't be surprised that Lola's just going to make this a hugging moment. It feels like a hugging moment even if Keith would never admit to such a thing.

"I know you can't change it, I also know it doesn't really go away either." Well, she would know. She's still got a lot of issues with people leaving her. And even when they don't leave by choice she still has to deal with that in her own way. "But we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

Lola you should let go of him now. Lola won't but that's just how she is.

Keith was definitely caught offguard by Lola's hug, and he stiffened up just a little. However, he managed to recover quickly enough in order to settle down before it made a huge difference. He brought one of his hands up and clasped Lola's arm, not to pull it away, but just as something of a return hug, since a full one was a little awkward at this angle.

"I never really have before," he said. "It's not exactly something that comes up in every day conversation." Being all, 'Hi, I'm Keith, and my mom left when I was young,' wasn't exactly the best way to introduce himself. "How do you even talk about something like that?" How did a person talk about anything like that, really? He just wasn't good at it. Then again, that could be one of the major reasons why...

"It comes up when you do something self destructive and stupid because of it," Lola's a little quiet, "I was dating someone, he didn't get why I felt better knowing other boys were out there. I figured out it was because mom left. I'm just... always ready for it."

She was a little surprised at the hand on her arm, but she wasn't surprised at the fact Keith is bad at hugs. He's bad at a lot of stuff when it comes to this. And now she knew why, still, maybe she can get him past it. Or be there while he figures it out. "It didn't help he broke up with me for my best friend either."

Lola is minorly redacting how that actually played out.

Lola's comment sort of struck a chord in Keith. He was quiet for a moment as he considered it.

"I guess I've done the same thing," he admitted finally. It could be where his temper came from, if it wasn't because he had bloodlines tying him to a bunch of warrior-oriented aliens, but that was a different story for another time. She hadn't seen that memory.

Either way, he'd gotten himself in trouble a few times... maybe more than a few. And he pretty much knew almost all of it was his fault in some way or another.

"How did you know if that was the reason why?"

"Well, I kept thinking about how dad was after she left. And all the times she wasn't there. It just kinda felt... like that had to be at the center of it. How dad was, how much I didn't want to be like either of them, when it came to romance," She was terrified of being alone, more than she cared to admit. She made sure to keep people around, to make new friends, to make all the friends. To be cute and likable. Or try to be likable anyway. "Oh, and while I was here someone screwed my timeline up and I got to see how I'd be a totally different messed up if my mom stayed."

There was that, that helped cement what was her mom's fault and what wasn't.

Keith huffed a little, a somewhat contemplative sound as he listened.

"I've never really thought about how it would be different," he said. "It makes me wonder now, though, if things would have been different between me and Dad... or what it would have been like to have Mom around." It hadn't exactly been a warm relationship between him and his father, but Keith was really young when his mom left. He didn't remember much from before that when she was still there. He barely even remembered her. Part of him wondered for a moment if they'd ever really been a happy family at all. Not that his dad hadn't tried, but still... everything had always felt so stilted and awkward... like Keith just reminded his dad too much of what had been lost.

"I mean, I always sort of considered it being the root of some of my problems, anyway," he admitted. "Like, I just don't trust people not to leave." And, yet, it felt like people always were...

"I always wanted to, you know, be normal. Get all that mom and daughter talks from my mom and not the waitresses at dad's restaurant." Which isn't really a thing Keith can relate to directly, but she hopes it helps indirectly in some way. He flew a giant lion that turned into a giant man and fought aliens so she was pretty sure some translation would be needed no matter what. "Cause I saw my friends and their moms."

"I dunno, it's bad but it's also part of why I'm me. Why I'm nice to everyone and keep trying to be close to people." Lola was aware, now, who she was happened to be all about who she was and how she got here. It was what it was, it hurt, but it also... wasn't really worth changing.

"Maybe." Keith could understand wanting to be 'normal', but he also wondered just what 'normal' was anymore. His idea of that was pretty skewed by this point. But the idea of not standing out and being like everyone else was something that had crossed his mind a few times growing up. He was always different, and it had made things a little hard for him.

Of course, he never knew just how different he was, but he supposed that was something for another time.

"I tend to do the opposite," he said quietly. "I push people away before they get the chance to leave."

Lola paused, looked at him, and giggled. For the blindingly obvious reason. He says he pushes people away but he has a girl hugging him and he hasn't really done much about it.

"You haven't pushed me away."

October Catch-All

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