[open] Some sad chill times before he does Feast things.

[livingsymbol]

who: Steve Rogers and whomever!
what: Steve moping after Tony leaves, fixing up the extra room, and keeping busy.
when: October 1st-3rd
where: various
warnings: Sad Steve in snow? Ultimates Tony because he is his own warning.

He didn't get much warning, and it was over and done within only a few minutes, barely enough time to really register what Tony told him. And after he was gone, Steve was left with a hundred unaddressed questions and half-finished conversations. Little exchanges that promised that maybe another time they would sort things out. They never did, and he's left to think about them in the days and nights that follow. But things in Quarantine move on, and even though it is quieter than it is at home, he knows he has to keep moving too.


i. moving in (for Bucky and Ava)

They're not having any real trouble moving the room around. Cleaning up the items left behind into boxes and wiping the place down takes the longest. Bucky already has the bed half completed and when they manage to get the frame in, it's more a matter of where to put it than getting it together. But Steve is making a bigger production of the change than strictly necessary, trying to get the angle just right and figuring out what furnishings Ava might want in the room, even if she doesn't really worry about it that much herself. In the end, he takes it upon himself to help by repainting the walls. It's at least something that keeps him from "helping" Bucky and Ava do the real work of getting the furniture set up and her things moved in. He's fretting by one of the walls, pencil in hand, as he examines the blank space with serious concentration.

"Wish the window was bigger. You'd have more light."

ii. birds' paths and paper boats

Steve goes out to the parks a few times. The open air is comforting and seeing people out and active does make him feel a little better, but mostly he goes to be alone. He's trying in his own way to conceal the damage done by the loss of a close friend. He knows it's better than having Tony die, but there is a certain finality in the way Tony went that grafts stones in his heart and leaves words falling short of feelings. So he hangs around the edge of the lake, drawing charcoal sketches on sheets of paper. After he finishes one, he folds it into a paper boat and uses wax be bought to seal the bottom before setting it in the water. Soon he has a small fleet drifting one by one on a current out into the open water.

"Now you need air support. In case something drops down from the sky."

He's talking to himself. Maybe if he does it enough it will help.

iii. walk around town

Between Perimeter Guard shifts and random issues that spring up, Steve makes his usual rounds of jogs to get exercise and keep his head clear. He has varying success, sometimes managing to improve his mood by dashing across the rooftops or seeing people on his loops, and other times resorting to beating punching bags at the gym or venturing out beyond the fences to find more challenging fare. Getting into scraps with monsters and pummeling workout equipment at least provides a temporary distraction. If nothing else, he tries to outrun the thoughts plaguing him. A few days he ends up just standing in front of one of the Quarantine pet stores, looking through the glass at the puppies on display. He hesitates, considers going in, then thinks better of it and just lingers outside, waving his fingers at the puppies and playing with them through the window.

"Yeah. It's me again. You're still here too, mm?"

Comments

never ending terrible until they decide to wipe the slate

[inebriety]

There's an odd insistence here that suggests prior experience with the other version of him. He doesn't think he's done anything to warrant hearing it now, but he's certainly not going to deny it either. He's an incorrigible flirt and certainly capable of being an asshole, but he's always had good intentions.

"This is the bare minimum of being a decent person. I even suggested you talk to someone that wasn't me. You're not wrong, but your standards are shockingly low."

It almost felt like his Steve's aggressive disapproval had to be countered with aggressive praise. He misses that because at least that was familiar and he knew to expect to be brushed off every time. Despite his earlier words, he also relies on their shared history with someone else with the other's name to get through their interactions.

"However I know how to be gracious so thank you for your kind words." He squeezes Steve's shoulder before dropping his hands back to his sides.

waiting for it really

[livingsymbol]

Steve is stubborn. It's something that goes beyond being Captain America -- the hero owes that trait to the young man that first volunteered to take on the task -- and Steve has his mind made up that this is a sign Tony is a good person. He's convinced because Tony is working against his own hesitation and Steve can tell by the forced way the man smiles that it can't be easy. He's not completely oblivious.

"You're questioning my standards?" Steve raises his eyebrows, because surely Tony can't be suggesting Captain America has low standards. There's a slight smile in his expression. "If you want, I can make you run laps to see how far you get before I agree to talk to anyone."

It's a step in the right direction, he thinks. Being able to talk to this Tony without sending the man recoiling from him. He even touches his shoulder, which is more than he's attempted in a while.

"Careful, Tony. You might convince me that you're really worried. And you're welcome." See? He can also be gracious. Or just formal. But Steve is at least trying to make it funny.

[inebriety]

He wrinkles his nose and pulls away slightly. "I can tell you the answer is one lap if I'm lucky." Tony relied more on the armour than any of his counterparts due to how much more dangerous an errant blow to the head could be. His training was minimal other than whatever exercises he did with his personal trainer to keep up appearances.

Tony didn't think he was missing out by not getting gross and sweaty with everyone else. He was far happier watching everyone instead.

"I am worried." He looks stricken at the realisation that his counterpart had all these people who cared for him, but kept up a facade. "All I want is for everyone to be happy."

This isn't a joking matter for him.

[livingsymbol]

Steve is surprised by how seriously Tony takes his joke. The way the man looks like he just implied Tony might eat someone's beloved pet, hurt and offended at the thought. It makes Steve sympathize, wondering what the genius's normal relationships were like if jokes like that could wound him.

"I... I want that too," he confesses. Part of it comes in response to Tony's sincerity, echoing the sentiment with awkward agreement. "I want all of us to be happy. I guess I just don't always know how to make that happen."

It's about as honest as Steve has ever been, feeling the way Tony pulls away not only in the physical gesture, but in the distance between himself and everyone he should know.

[inebriety]

Tony's acutely aware of how much he envies his counterparts and it makes him feel awful. The people in his world weren't bad people, they just had it rough and he shouldn't be wishing that he could replace them with someone else because he wanted them to like him.

But damn, he wants his Steve to show the same awkward and honest affection.

"Tell me if you ever figure it out since that seems to be the one thing money can't buy."

[livingsymbol]

"Money can do a lot of things, but I don't think it solves our problems that easily." Steve's comment could be a judgment, since that's a thought he has held in the past, valuing work over money even if the two go hand-in-hand. But Steve has learned more than just teamwork and modern technology from the Avengers. He looks at his hands thoughtfully, then holds one out to Tony in a gesture that he is sure of. It's something small and a bit formal, but it's a decisive motion.

"We can't make it for ourselves either. I'm glad you're here. For this. And if there's anything you need, you can ask me any time."

[inebriety]

He's shaken Steve's hand before. Back when the team had first started out after Steve had come to terms that this wasn't some Nazi trick. He'd come to him much like this, determined to make the most of things. Tony had been looking forward to his future back then even if he knew there wasn't much left of it.

This was a chance to start over and hopefully he'd be able to avoid souring Steve's opinion of him. He takes Steve's hand and decides to resist turning it into a hug.

"Likewise Steve. If there's anything you need, I'll do whatever it takes to make it happen."

[livingsymbol]

Shaking Tony's hand feels like an accomplishment. He's been struggling for a while to figure out what he's missing to be able to connect with Tony. He seems to misstep, something that Steve is not used to feeling, and when he finally manages somehow to be able to offer something that doesn't upset Tony, it feels like a real victory. Like he's done something that matters. He shakes Tony's hand a little more firmly than he probably needs to, but he's feeling excited. They might be complete strangers technically, but they are still allies. That's enough for him.

"You've got it. I'll be sure to give you a call."