[closed]

[krasnaya_vdova]

who: Ava & Loki
what: Ava needs help. Badly enough to go looking.
when: Post-fire
where: Gramarye Magic Research
warnings: None? I'll add if needed.

[It's a few days after the fire before she starts looking for answers to the problem of how to make sure she doesn't do this again. Initially, she just throws herself into the repair efforts. She's the first to show up and the last to leave, hauling debris and collecting buried personal items for others to distribute or repair. Anything she can. Part of it is guilt, and the other part is that it's something she can do, something to focus on, something to escape from the thoughts she doesn't want to face.

But when that's gone? There's nothing for it except to try and find solutions. Gramarye seems the best place to start. She's not sure if what she does counts as magic or not, but there's not exactly a place advertising help for people with powers liable to hurt people. It's somewhere to start, at least. She settles for looking for someone to talk to, that looks like they work here. It's probably a dumb idea, but it's at least better than asking on the network-- even if she posted it anonymously, there are a few too many people sharp enough to probably make the connections.

But the person she finds is not exactly who she was looking for. There's a brief moment where she almost considers turning around, but she's never been good at giving up. Instead she nods at him in some kind of acknowledgement.]

I didn't know you worked here.

Comments

[krasnaya_vdova]

[She's not entirely truthful, and with people she thinks she can get away with it, sometimes she recreates herself as someone else. But all in all it's less appealing than she thinks it ought to be.]

Give me an hour. If that works for you?

[He's already guessed at what's hanging over her head here, no use in pretending she's not desperate. But she does want time for a cup of tea and maybe to hit something a few times. Settle her nerves, since her control gets worse the more on edge she is.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ He nods quietly. ]

Very well.

[krasnaya_vdova]

Later, then.

[She nods, leaves him. Not quite sure what else to say.

But she returns, as she said she would, almost down to the minute. She left her bag at the loft, and doesn't bother with the over-sized coat she usually wears.

She's still maybe overthinking things, but she does come back (as if she has somewhere else to go), and despite that near-invisible tension in how she always holds herself, is maybe a little less raw edges than she had been at first. Trusting him is reckless, but she's done worse.]

Loki.

[dothelokimotion]

Spider.

[ Loki wears his armor. Which is probably unsettling to most, but his reasoning is simple. Training must be dealt in a serious manner. You cannot undermine a person when they require to learn. It serves no purpose. While he has nothing to fear from her, it is a consideration that, at least, he treats her powers as a potential threat. A real thing rather than shadows. He adjusts the gauntlets on his arms absently. ]

Are you prepared?

[krasnaya_vdova]

[It's strange, perhaps, but there is something reassuring about being taken seriously. Tony seemed curious, but like he didn't quite get the scope of what she'd been talking about.]

Yes.

[She nods, her blue eyes even. Ava tends to commit herself once she's decided on something, sometimes to the point of stubbornness. Hopefully it doesn't get her in trouble.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ With a hum, Loki twists the space around them. The walls go bare. Every inch seems immutable, unreal. Loki designs it specifically to tests the senses. The instincts that tend to rise up in an unfamiliar blank zone. Now, he wonders as the magic seeps into his veins, battle-ready, what will you do? ]

[krasnaya_vdova]

[Ava doesn't quite know what to expect, but she doesn't expect the way the space around them twists, making things seem unfamiliar and not-quite real. Her eyes glow ice blue and there's a whisper of blue energy that curls along her fingertips. She watches him, sharp and careful.

The energy is a little less precise, because using her powers while limiting it is always difficult, but in small gestures most people miss it. She doesn't lash out, more trying to get a sense for the space, not quite sure what angle he's taking here. She'd never really had anyone else try to teach her before; aside from telling her to push it all down, at least.]

Is that an illusion?

[dothelokimotion]

It is.

[ Loki moves smoothly. A knife appears which he twirls absently in his fingers. ]

Ultimately, it matters not what the power is. It matters how you handle it. Unfamiliar situations, fears, instincts. Those are the aspects that need to be tested, not the powers themselves. They are a tool. You are the handle.

[krasnaya_vdova]

[She nods, a slight tilt of her head. Even knowing that doesn't help, the space still seems unfamiliar and strange. But she finds that more curious than scary, once she has a touch of a grasp on what happened.

She cups her hands together briefly, shapes a small blade out of the blue energy that curls along her fingers. Parlor tricks, admittedly.]

That's the hard part. If I'm under attack or anything like that, they spike, almost? Makes it harder to keep everything down. Especially if I'm actually trying to use them.

[dothelokimotion]

Perhaps you should not keep it down. Perhaps you merely need to let it breathe.

[ Casually, he flings his knife at her point blank. ]

[krasnaya_vdova]

[She flicks her fingers, trying to catch the blade in the air and toss it back at him. But more than that, she frowns slightly, a tilt of her her as she looks up at him.]

Well. I could stop. If you want to see why they wanted me to hide it.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki catches the knife by the handle and two long fingers. He has nothing to fear from projectiles. His natural telekinetic field protects him from the deadliest attacks. ]

I don't need to. I merely need to see it come alive. Why they hid it is obvious. To you and to me.

[krasnaya_vdova]

[ He catches the blade and there's a sliver of a smile. This isn't really a fight, not even sparring, but pressing at edges, she supposes. Her expression turns a little thin, because he's not wrong. She knew since she first realized energy crackled in her skin what their response would be. ]

Alright, fair enough.

[ It takes her a moment, to convince herself this isn't a vulnerability. Or not one she can't handle. And then she just... stops. That invisible tension drains from her as she stops hiding behind the lie of being something normal, something acceptable that people won't turn away from. The shift starts at her chest and radiates outward; down her arms and spreading as her skin turns sea blue, rippling with energy, the glow in her eyes devouring her pupils down to pinpricks, and that core of energy that seems centered in her heart.

There's that lift of her chin and the hardness in her eyes; defiant, because she knows what she looks like to most people. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Blue. Thankfully Loki catches him almost immediately, not letting a reaction slip. It hits too close to one of the more guarded spots in his heart and it is even harder to press down the instinctive reaction to cut her down. As he'd be taught. As he had been raised. His fingers flex quietly. What was Midgard going? What were they trying to do? He didn't want to be here anymore. He wanted to see Steve, he wanted to avoid this confrontation, didn't want to reveal —

Enough. Loki keeps his grip on his knife. ]

Well. I wasn't expecting blueness.

[krasnaya_vdova]

Most people don't.

[ She doesn't flinch, but her voice is bitter, because she knows that people look at her and see a monster, a freak. She tries to keep that self-hatred pushed down, invisible, cultivated from her own guilt and the way people that know look at her, the way they talk about her, how no matter how good she is it's never good enough because she's not normal. ]

But, this is what I have to hide.

[dothelokimotion]

[ For a long time, there's nothing but silence. Loki does not move or act. She's right, of course. Loki wholly agrees with it. Hiding was the only way to get by with this horrendous skin. She is right and Loki agrees and he wants to flay himself alive with the mere thought of it, how low Asgard has brought him, how much damage that they will never take responsibility for. His throat is rubbed raw from the scream that builds.

( I hate this, I hate you, I hate that you made me this way and you don't understand what it's like, you don't understand why it won't stop, why I can't come home, how could you make me live in a world full of my enemies? ) ]

They will not.

[ His gaze is sharp and unreadable. Not welcoming but not . . . judgmental. Not cowed. Loki is his own person now, scabs and all. He'd tear the throat out of anyone who decided otherwise. ]

There is always more that they will never see. These are your claws. Hide them if you must, but remember to use them when they turn their backs on you. Make their weakness your strength.

[krasnaya_vdova]

[He's quiet, and Ava waits, silent and watching him. She feels the weight of it, that silent trial. On the good days it was people who in the end tried to treat her like she wasn't something abhorrent, but couldn't help the nicknames. The shudders, the horror in the eyes of people that looked at her; that was always worse.

So when she doesn't see judgement in his eyes, it's unexpected. She nods, watching him, like she's not quite sure what to make of it. And his words are almost a comfort. A reminder that what others see as a frailty is power, no matter what her feelings about it might be.

She nods, taking a breath as she tries to relax into it a little, but she is far from comfortable in her skin, likes the lie better.] You're right. It's just hard to see it like that.

[She cups her hands together, forming a ball of blue light between her fingers and lets it float between them.] I just need to get better. Claws aren't much good unless they're sharp.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Of course it's hard. Loki bites back the instinctive response. You do not know how hard it gets. But it was unhelpful and pointless. It is not something that is understood. Sympathized, perhaps. Thor would attempt to rationalize it, tell Loki how he had every comfort imaginable so what difference does his colouring make? What difference is there to remember Thor's jests about monsters, remember the callous way he dispatched Frost Giants with a grin, that will be him, someday, someday Thor will kill him —

He does not bite on his lip, does not draw blood. At least this time, he would have earned it. ]

You will.

[krasnaya_vdova]

[She has her own hangups about what she is beneath the pretense that go deeper than just the looks and the names. The questions she can't quite shake of if this was intentional, deeper machinations by Ivan. If her mother had known what would happen, another facet of the torture and experiments. She doesn't understand, their pain isn't the same, but things still hurt.

There's a slight twitch of her lips at the encouragement, surprising as it is.]

I'm trying, anyway. Parlor tricks are easy enough, but the more power I put into something the harder it gets to modulate it. And sometimes even my dreams will trigger it.

[It's easier to talk about her powers.]

[dothelokimotion]

Of course. Because your power stems from you, no matter what the origins may be.

[ People often try to disconnect from their power. Loki does it all the time. He wants nothing to do with the Frost Giants, but Loki recognizes control to its littlest detail. ]

Try harder. Let it go. Lest I bring it out.

[krasnaya_vdova]

[She's quiet for a moment. There's something a little scary about the idea that the power stems from her, no matter how she tries to pretend otherwise. And he's not wrong.]

I tried to stop a train once. I miscalculated. Instead, I stopped every train in New York City, overloaded all of the substations. I still don't know how I got lucky enough to not actually kill anyone.

[She figures he's smart enough to know just what sort of distance she's talking about here. She quiets, looking at him, electricity crackling over her fingertips. She tries to slow her heartrate, keep her control.]

You're sure the shields will hold?

[It's less that she doesn't trust him, thinks she's too strong, or anything at all to do with Loki. It's just that she's scared of what could happen. It makes it hard for her to willingly let go.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki snorts lightly. ]

Your power is electric in nature. I grew up with the God of Thunder. My shields will hold.

[krasnaya_vdova]

[She eases, then. Takes a breath, and her power is a little less contained as she allows herself to trust him- at least on this. The way the energy ripples in her skin comes faster, the thrum of it that seems twined into her heart. There's a slight twitch to her expression, something a little lighter.]

Fair enough. Okay then.

[Being able to trust that she's not going to hurt someone is clearly new, almost tentative. But she relaxes into it, and her power almost seems to leak off her skin and into the air.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki tilts his head, assessing the slow crawl of power threading itself around his illusions. There is no hint of fear or frustration on his face, a cool blank slate. After a few minutes, he nods to himself. ]

Now.

[ He creates a target. An unassuming vase appears out of nowhere. ]

Your energy is a limb. Reach out and destroy this and then reign it back.

[krasnaya_vdova]

[She takes a breath and looks a little rueful. This is hard for her: directing it, making it go where she wants it to. At SHIELD they'd given her a gun; no clip, no bullets, but the act of point and click, having something to channel the energy through had made it easier. But it had been a cheat.

So when she reaches for the vase, there's blue light from her fingertips, but it makes a spiderweb of the air, branching and forking. Destroying the vase isn't difficult, even if it's not clean, but when she tries to pull it back in, she fails.

It's like lightning in a snow globe for a moment, even as she reaches out to try and catch it. There's frustration. Globes of energy are easier, but creating a clean line, an open connection between her power and the world around her and controlling the flow of it-- it was difficult. Too many connections, paths, the way the air sings.]