riverviewlogs | [open] i can't forget it

Entry tags:

[open] i can't forget it

who: cisco + anyone!
what: catch-all & soulmate stuff
when: september
where: anywhere; if you want a starter, please hit me up at

platoapproved!
warnings: will add as needed

[will add here]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[ The moment that Eddie started making vague noises about feeling like he wanted to start training with his powers, Cisco began making preparations. The first, and most important step, was finding a proper space. He's definitely not going to repeat his earlier mistake of going out past the wall for space and privacy: they'd both nearly died the last time they did that. But his workshop has too many breakable things, even though Eddie's powers don't seem as potentially explosive as his own. Who knows what more might lie in store?

So instead he makes a handful of phone calls (a real sacrifice, because is there anything worse than making phone calls to arrange things, with official people doing their official jobs?) and gets permission to use the room in the basement of a gym nearby his workshop - normally the space is set aside for big aerobics classes or yoga or whatever. It's ideal: large, and with high enough ceilings, but no windows and only one door, without a window. Discreet. They can go in and just look like they're there to work out.

He also makes other preparations - first aid supplies tucked away discreetly in a duffel, plus snacks (of the healthy and the colorful and sugary types), sports drinks, painkillers, and even a tiny old boombox he'd found that will play the inspirational mix cd he has made for the occasion. He also has the goggles that he thinks, maybe, should work now. Just in case they decide, at any point, to make this a joint training type arrangement.

Once everything is set, he texts Eddie the basics - the where, the when, the what - and then shows up early, fiddling with the boombox as he waits for Eddie to show up. He feels unaccountably nervous. After all, he can't even really control his own powers at all. He's hardly the most qualified to help Eddie with his. ]

[ Cisco has really been trying not to be on his phone quite so constantly, recently. It used to be he would waste way too much time just refreshing the network, looking for distractions, procrastinating stuff. But he's been on a kick these last few days where he's trying not to do that so much. But the consequence is that he misses Lup's post, for the first thirty or so minutes that it is up.

When he does pull up the network and sees it, he feels like his stomach has turned to lead. Normally, reading other people's conversations isn't really his style (in fact he avoids it to a perhaps paranoid degree), but he is too freaked out right then to quite keep to his principles. He reads all the responses; the knot of panic in his chest loosens a little when he sees that Taako's healed, now, thank goodness.

But he had still gotten hurt. Badly enough that Lup had had to get a healer. And that's all Cisco needs to know.

Cisco can feel himself shaking a little - extra adrenaline - as he throws on his coat and just heads right over to Taako's house. Maybe he ought to send a text in advance, ask if he's there, warn that he's going to show up. But he's not thinking straight enough for that.

He just comes right over and knocks on the door. ]

Edited 2017-09-01 03:33 (UTC)

[It's Taako who opens the door; he asked Lup to go pick up some supplies, which took a little bit of push and shove until she finally agreed, but he really just needed some time to be alone. He's showered and changed into comfortable clothes, including a hoodie that may or may not have been stolen from Magnus, because if he's going to wallow he's going to do it properly. That might be the same reason he hasn't put his glamour back on.

He knows it's Cisco, which is the only reason it gets answered.]

Hey, bubbale.

[He's expecting either a hug or a flurry of questions, so he's sort of bracing himself for either.]

[It's kind of amazing to Eddie that Cisco had come up with all of this just because Eddie finally felt ready to train. That kind of treatment is usually something reserved for Barry and Oliver and the other real heroes, not for someone like him. So when Cisco tells him about it, he probably comes across as almost hesitant about it, though it's mostly shyness at what he sees as treatment he doesn't really deserve. Hasn't really earned.

But he decides it's worth it, to give it a try, to see if the shield and whatever he'd done to help heal Dodger is something he can develop consciously, and actually use. So he shows up at the agreed-upon time wearing athletic gear and walks in just as Cisco is fiddling with a boom box, getting it set up. Smiling, Eddie clears his throat, and then walks into the space, peering around thoughtfully, letting out a slow whistle.]

You were right when you said this place was perfect. Wow. It really is.

[He claps his hands together, taking a deep breath and then letting it out.]

So were are we starting?

[ Cisco has seen Taako without his glamor before, just once, during that game of truth or dare months earlier. But that had only been for a few seconds, during a long and eventful day. The fact that Taako's wearing a too-big hoodie, rather than any of his usual cute ensembles, only enhances the difference.

Taako just looks small, and tired, and unhappy, standing there in the doorway. Cisco's first instinct is to throw himself on Taako, to hug him tightly, but he holds himself back. He doesn't know how Taako had been injured, and to what degree he'd been healed. Enough to be home, sure, but that doesn't mean there's no pain. And if it had been something very frightening, he might be even more than usually disinclined to hugs at the moment. So Cisco doesn't touch him, though there's some sign of the restraint, in the way he's holding his arms. He swallows, heart still beating fast, and says as normally as he can: ]

Hey, dude.

[ He tries to smile, and mostly it's worried and wan, but he does try at least. There's no covering the worry, the fretful affection and concern in his eyes. ]

Can I come in for a bit?

[ For Cisco, fear often manifests as anger, but when nervousness manifests as big smiles and a profusion of nervous babbling. And since he's a bit nervous about this whole situation and his responsibilities when it comes to helping Eddie, he first beams and goes over to give Eddie a hello hug (and okay, maybe that wasn't only because of nervousness) and then starts speaking quite quickly: ]

We're starting off with the pep talk, then stretching, then we're going to get you in the right headspace, then I've got an assortment of soft foamy balls I'll probably end up chucking at your head, and then we'll see how it goes from there, alright?

[ Cisco walks over and, decisively, locks the door to the room. The last thing they need is for anyone dropping in, both for security and privacy reasons. Then he turns and begins, and it's clear from the way he talks that, although he hasn't practiced this speech, he's been thinking about it for some time. ]

I don't know if I should've called it a pep talk 'cause it's actually more like a disclaimer, but... I saw Barry's training, and you didn't. By the time you all at the CCPD really knew about him, Barry had had months of practice and almost constant training at S.T.A.R. Labs during all his free time. You just saw the finished product, but I was there from the beginning, back before he was even sure that he had powers. The first day he tried to use his powers? He crashed into a dozen water barrels and broke, like, multiple bones. So don't feel like you're a fraud or not hero material or whatever it is you might think, if you're not super amazing on the first try. Just remember those hours and hours and hours I spent staring at a treadmill or designing him fancy robots to practice fighting, and give yourself a little bit of time. Okay?

[ Cisco meets Eddie's eyes, looking to see if he's really listened and absorbed the message behind the words, and not just dismissed them out of hand. He's starting to figure out that Eddie asks a lot of himself, at all times, but Cisco thinks he'll do a lot better if he can set that aside a bit, for these first hard crucial stages. ]

[Well, that's neither of the things he was expecting, though he can tell that Cisco is holding off on the urge to hug, which is greatly appreciated. He's a little sore in places, not enough to need to avoid contact, but he'd really rather... not, just yet.]

Sure thing.

[He steps back and turns around, gesturing for Cisco to follow along, but not quite looking at him as he offers:]

Can I get you like, a drink? Water? Tea? A put a pot of coffee on when I got home if you want in on that.

[The pleasantries come out a little automatic, a little rote. He doesn't mind Cisco being here, he's just not sure what to say.]

[ After their conversation on the network, Cisco is expecting Ginko to drop by. He starts a fresh pot of coffee brewing, clears away some of the schematics and general mess, and generally thinks over the things that Ginko had told him about mushi.

And hardly for the first time, and certainly for the last, he wishes he had a better sense of what is a proportional, sane, normal reaction to something new like this. He doesn't trust his own responses, anymore. Not after everything that happened with Dr. Wells had left him so deeply paranoid, particularly when it came to surprises or things he couldn't control. Is he right, to be freaking out about these mushi, and unsure about Ginko himself? Or is he just being completely, totally bonkers? Maybe he should send a few messages to friends, get some second opinions...

But before he has a chance to, there's a soft knock at the workshop door, and Cisco hurries over to answer it, regretting a little that he hadn't told Ginko to meet him at some very public place. Here's hoping this didn't go bad. ]

Hey! Ginko, right?

[The hug is unexpected but welcome, and Eddie squeezes him back, some of the tension leaving him as Cisco hugs and then starts chattering, bright and quick and obviously a bit nervous. Eddie's nervous too, and he shifts a little bit, watching and following everything Cisco says - he smiles when Cisco says that they're starting with a pep talk, and then stretching and the various tests and such that he has in mind.

Eddie still feels like he doesn't quite merit this whole thing, but he manages not to say anything, because Cisco is pretty definitively telling him that that's not the case at all. That Barry started out the way Eddie is now, uncertain and unpracticed and not really sure of the extent of his abilities. That he'd failed a lot before he got even remotely comfortable with his speed, and Eddie shouldn't judge himself if he's not perfect and amazing on the first try.

When, he thinks, did Cisco learn so much about him and how his mind works? It's like he can see exactly where Eddie's mind is going to go and is nipping it in the bud.

Ducking his head, he smiles a little, and shrugs.]

Okay, okay. I promise I'll do my best to not judge myself too hard.

[But Cisco is moving in, and when Eddie glances up, he meets Cisco's eyes, and holds his gaze.]

I can't promise I'll feel totally okay if I screw up, but I promise I'll do my best. Okay?

Water, but I can get it, I know where the cups are and all.

[ He doesn't want to say you should sit down, but the implication is there. Cisco isn't really thirsty, but it's an excuse to delay while he tries to figure out what to say, and it will give him something to hold so he isn't so awkward with his hands. He reaches down a glass and fills it from the tap, then comes back to Taako, not really sure where he'd like to sit, feeling awkward and uneasy on a lot of different levels at once.

In the end, Cisco just opts for honesty. ]

I came as soon as I saw. I wasn't looking at my phone and I didn't know anything had happened and then when I did it had already been so long but you were posting so I figured you weren't dead so I just ran over-

[ He cuts himself off, looking up at Taako who seems to be not really looking at him, torn between his own intense worry and his desire not to make things any worse than they clearly already are. Cisco takes a deep breath, a drink of the water, and then asks: ]

I'm not gonna interrogate you right now, but like... scale of 1 to 10, how bad?

[ Cisco leaves it up to Taako to determine how much - physical, emotional, etc - is being encompassed in that score. ]

[Implication or not, Taako doesn't sit, instead finding a spot against the kitchen table to lean back against, arms folded across his chest in a way that's more protective than defensive.

When Cisco starts talking, he already feels tired, and that's- that's not fair, because he knows Cisco is just here because he cares, and he tries to ignore the urge to snap at him. That's not even remotely fucking productive, especially not when it's what he's being doing all day.

So rather than all that, when Cisco finally actually asks a question, Taako just smiles.]

It's fine, bubbale, Lup overreacted.

[Even he's not buying that lie, but he doesn't know how to put the mess of the last couple hours into words.]

[ (continued from here)

Cisco cleans himself up a little, too. At least, he manages to pull himself together enough to put on non-pajama clothes and to splash some water on his face. One of the nice things about living with Eddie is that the apartment is pretty much always spotless, regardless of Yuri's messiness and Cisco's own habit of leaving schematics and soda cans everywhere.

So there's no real tidying to do. He brings down what's left of the beignets that Taako had made to cheer him up, and also a bottle of wine he'd been thinking about opening. It's really just a damage control kind of a day. Cisco's still trying to wrap his head around the Doctor just being gone. Poor Bill. He doesn't know what he'd do, if Eddie left. If he was the only one from his world left in this place.

When Bill shows up Cisco lets her inside, saying: ]

Hey, Bill, c'mon in. Love the shirt, by the way.

[ He leads her over to the couch and then flops on it himself, sitting cross-legged and looking both wan and concerned. ]

So today sucks, huh?

Cheers.

[ She comes inside, drops her bag by the door, and shrugs out of her jacket. If she were in a better mood, she'd look around and say something nice about Cisco's apartment. As it is, she's too numb to see outside herself. ]

It's not the best day, that's for sure. You mentioned wine?

[ It's such an honest answer - anyone else would have probably waved it off, lied and said of course, but Eddie doesn't. He might be too harsh in his expectations of himself, but at least he seems to be somewhat aware of it. And, it sounds like, potentially worrying about not being perfect at accepting that he is not perfect. What a headache that thought is.

But Cisco just smiles, all warmth and bright-eyed fondness, reaching forward to touch Eddie's arms lightly as he says: ]

Deal. Your best is all I can ask.

[ With that, he goes over to the boom box and hits the switch, and the tape starts playing some appropriately inspiring Queen song, and Cisco claps his hands together, rubbing them as he says: ]

Okay. Stretching, aka time to laugh at Cisco not being very flexible, and also try to not pull a muscle later or whyever it is people stretch before they do this kind of shit.

[ And Cisco sits on the ground, tucking one foot against the inner thigh of his opposite leg and leaning forward, just barely touching the toe of his shoe on the outstretched leg. There's no reason he should need to stretch, too, but it feels weird to make just Eddie do it. He wants this to feel as little like a student-teacher thing as possible, and more like two friends just working together. ]

[There's something intensely soothing about Cisco's presence, Eddie could swear that part of his meta-human powers involves a calming aura that makes him feel relaxed, at peace. Cisco is soft but strong, supportive, encouraging, a constant positive presence always pushing him forward, gently but firmly. Eddie wonders, now, how he ever survived without that presence, without Cisco in his life. He can't remember Iris or Taako ever making him feel this way, like it's okay to be himself, like it's okay to be imperfect, like it's okay to struggle before accomplishing things instead of just accomplishing them without effort.

Cisco turns on the inspiring soundtrack, and Eddie laughs out loud.]

This is perfect.

[As Cisco talks about stretching and plops down on the floor to cross his legs and then start reaching out in a stretch, Eddie grins a bit.]

If you're not feeling flexible enough for really intense stretches, you can do leg and arm swings. It's like this...

[He demonstrates, standing on one foot and canting his hips slightly so the other leg can swing free, and does so a few times, then repeats it on the other side, before rotating his arms all the way around a few times.]

It's almost like a pre-stretch stretch. And yeah, stretching is definitely meant to help you not pull a muscle. I think I'll be fine, though. This will probably be good for me too, as a cool down. I did some pretty heavy weight lifts earlier.

[His brows raise, though, as he moves and starts doing a series of stretches, leaning over to touch his toes - or rather, to place his palms flat on the floor in front of him, lifting each leg to stretch his hamstrings, tugging at his arms to relax the muscles in his bicep and tricep.]

So you're gonna throw things at me and see if I can produce that shield again, right?

[ Cisco just nods, once. If Taako isn't even willing to lie and pick a middling or low number, then it must be quite bad. Probably not a random accident, then, or a monster or anything else environmental. Taako isn't acting like he's covering up embarrassment, the way he might if he'd gotten chewed on by a giant lizard or whatever. This is something worse. Personal, maybe? ]

Lup doesn't seem like the kind of person who overreacts a whole lot.

[ Which is another way of saying that he knows Taako is full of crap right now. Cisco looks up from the water at Taako, and that fake smile, and the way he's hugging himself like that. Most of the time, Cisco tries to find the good in the world, even when it's hard. But right now he hates that he lives in a world where things hurt Taako, and he can be standing here seeing him hurt, and not do anything to stop it or make it better.

Cisco sighs, and pulls out one of those kitchen chairs, sitting down and hanging his head for a moment. Just a moment, before he's looking up again, speaking frankly: ]

I can play along, if you'd like. But I think we both know that I can tell it's not fine.

[ It feels risky, saying this. He's afraid he'll hurt Taako more, afraid he'll drive him away. But ultimately, he thinks that saying this might be what's best for Taako, and right now that's all Cisco cares about. If it makes him the target of anger or scorn or annoyance, then so be it. ]

You know one of the reasons why we became friends? Like, real friends? You never let me get away with the fake smile shit. Every time I tried it, you called me out. Nobody had ever done that to me, before. I... kinda hated it. That you could see through me like that, when I didn't want to be seen.

[ Cisco keeps looking at Taako, his dark eyes steady; the fear has slipped away and left a sort of weird calm in its wake, making Cisco more grave than he usually is inclined to be. ]

You're my friend, Taako. You don't gotta talk about it... but you don't need to put on a big production, either. If you want me to leave, I'll go. All I wanted to do is see you were okay, with my own two eyes.

[ Cisco leans forward, scooping the wine from the coffee tables and pulling a corkscrew from his pocket, going to work on the cork as he says: ]

Beignets, too. Care of my friend, who I totally yelled at for trying to tell me the truth about the stuff I'd forgotten. Not really sure how that works - I was a dick and he brought baked goods, but...

[ He trails off with a shrug, pulling the cork free with a satisfying pop and then realizing: ]

Right. Glasses. I don't think we're quite at a drinking straight from the bottle level of crisis, are we?

[ He had been, earlier, but he's trying to keep at least a semblance of not being a total hot mess, for Bill. Cisco goes into the kitchen and returns moments later with two large wine glasses, one of which he hands to Bill before saying: ]

Say when.

[ And he starts pouring the wine for her. ]

[This would be so much easier if Cisco wasn't so fucking honest all the time.

Most of the time it's something that Taako appreciates, it's what makes Cisco easy to read and easy to understand; he never has to worry about ulterior motives with a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, and he never has to worry if he's going to annoy Cisco by being honest in turn (although it's usually a different kind of honesty).

Right now all he wants to do is pretend that everything is perfectly fine, but Cisco isn't going to let him get away with it. He''s giving him an out, sure, to tell him to leave, but that doesn't change the fact that Cisco knows that something is wrong and is going to keep knowing that something is wrong, regardless of what Taako says or does. It's frustrating, as much as he knows he should appreciate it.]

We talked to Magnus, tried to explain all the bullshit with the voidfish, and now he thinks we're fucking crazy people.

[That doesn't explain how Taako got hurt, but it's the set up for the shitty punchline.]

[ Cisco watches as Eddie demonstrates leg and arm swings, somehow making them look graceful and easy, even though Cisco is absolutely sure that if he tried to do them, he would be uncoordinated and also look like a complete dork. Eddie just has that about him - an ease with moving his body that Cisco knows he lacks. Sure, he's good with his hands when it comes to putting together tech or sewing, and he can dance alright, but everything else? Hopeless.

And he watches as Eddie moves through a bunch of stretches, fluidly and easily, like he could do them in his sleep. Cisco abandons even the pretense that he is stretching, too, just watching as Eddie gets himself loose (or rather, cooled down, because he'd apparently been lifting earlier, and Cisco could've done without that distracting mental image). ]

Not just yet. First we're gonna get you into the right headspace.

[ He climbs to his feet again, waiting for Eddie to appear done with his stretching, before he reaches out a hand to gently touch Eddie's arm. ]

Okay, I want you to close your eyes for me. Focus on my voice, alright? I'm gonna ask you to remember some stuff, and I know it might sound silly, but I want you to really try, okay?

[ Cisco might not know what he's doing, but he can certainly improvise, and also fake it. He'd seen this kind of thing work, after all. How many times had Dr. Wells talked to Barry over the comms, helped spur him to new heights simply with his words. And as loathe as Cisco is to be anything like him, it had been a crucial part of Barry's training, and he doesn't know how to help Eddie without somewhat replicating that. ]

I want you to remember that time we were in the woods, outside the wall. When we were running from that- that thing, and you stopped, and told me to keep going. I want you to think about how that felt. How much you wanted to be able to stop that thing, and- and protect me.

[Eddie can feel Cisco's eyes on him the whole time he's stretching, and he doesn't mind even a little, in fact, he makes a point of moving a little more slowly, a little more languidly, showing off a little bit. He takes his time, and enjoys the attention, at least until Cisco says that they need to get him into the right headspace.

At that moment, the anxiety comes back, and he licks his lips, standing and facing Cisco as the younger man reaches out to touch his arm and looks into his face.]

Okay.

[Closing his eyes, he listens to what Cisco is saying, and as Cisco mentions that time in the woods outside the wall, he brings it up in his mind. He remembers how he felt, with Cisco running ahead of him, and stopping, turning to look at the monster, ready to face it and fight it so Cisco could get away. The feeling is intense and overwhelming as he relives that moment, his breath speeding up, his heart beating a bit hard, and he opens his eyes, swallowing hard.]

I remember.

[Luckily, even if Ginko was harboring some kind of sinister intentions, he's also like...the least threatening person possible short of an actual child or something. The man who walks through Cisco's door is tall but fairly slender, the build of someone who's mostly spent his life hiking through mountains and woods and such rather than fighting or doing manual labor. The sort of person a large enough dog could bowl over, basically.

Ginko smiles lightly, raising a hand in acknowledgment when Cisco greets him. In person, as on the network, the place where his left eye would be is covered by the shock of white hair, but the breeze coming in through the window might be enough to get a glimpse of the fact that there's nothing there behind it but an eerie blackness.]

That's right. And your name was...Cis--

[He...tries to pronounce the label that had come with Cisco's video when they'd spoken, anyway. Struggles a little bit, making evident a Japanese accent that was previously hidden by the translation magic.]

[ Cisco waits, breath held, for Taako to tell him to go. He's pretty sure it's what's going to happen. But then, Taako starts talking. It's not a full explanation, or even close, but it's a start. And he's trying - that's what is important. Cisco's heart sinks when he hears that Magnus had turned down the ichor. He'd been hoping, for Taako's sake, that he would say yes. Apparently, it's just more bad luck. Nothing can ever just go well, can it? ]

Did he... attack you?

[ Magnus hasn't seemed overly aggressive to Cisco, but you can never tell with some people. Certainly, he is a guy who reacts without hesitating. If Taako (and maybe Lup and Lucretia? he doesn't know who all is encompassed in that 'we') had seemed crazy and menacing enough, Magnus might have flipped out and ended up hurting Taako. It would explain why Taako is so deeply not okay, too. ]

[ Cisco is hyper aware of every little change in Eddie, right now. He hears the small high in his breath as he closes his eyes and thinks about that situation. Eddie keeps on breathing a little faster, and Cisco doesn't let him linger too long. He doesn't want him frightened - just remembering a situation where he had wanted more power, had wanted to change a bad situation and keep someone safe. ]

Now, keep hold of that, and think about how your arm felt when you summoned that shield. The way it felt pulling on that other energy and channeling it into your arm, into that shield. Think about the blue, picture your arm starting to glow...

[ He is barely breathing himself, now, in anticipation of whether this will work or not. He knows it won't do any good, but he wishes as hard as he can that it will work, that Eddie won't need to be terrified or in danger to summon up a shield. Cisco doesn't want that to be a part of this, for him. He wants things to be easy, for Eddie, for once... ]

No, god, Magnus couldn't fuck me up if he wanted to, and he's not that kinda guy.

[Magnus rushes in and all that, but he rarely hurts people unless they've done something to deserve it. He have Lucas so many chances before finally turning on him; it'd take more than a vaguely unnerving conversation for him to turn on Taako.

But Taako realises he's explaining this poorly, mostly because he doesn't want to get into it, doesn't want to actually say the words out loud. Telling Loki he picked a fight and lost is different than telling Cisco, someone who knows the backstory and understands what it all means.

He sighs, scrubbing his hands over his face.]

I started shit with Lucretia, and she finished it.

[ Cisco gestures Ginko inside and then shuts the door behind him, beckons the man to follow him inside past the various tables full of half-built tech, the shelves of parts and fabric and a bunch of boxes of assorted junk that might be useful someday, or might be magical, or might be alien tech. He gestures towards the free chair and sits back down in his own chair, rolling a bit closer as he confirms: ]

Cisco Ramon! Just Cisco's fine. Or 'hey you' works, too. So... you said there's no phones where you come from, right? Not even landlines? You want me to run you through the basics of what you can do with this bad boy, and then maybe you can tell me some stuff about mysterious floating sentient kinda inanimate mushi things?

[ He could have just said 'mushi' but where is the fun in that? Cisco's faint nervousness is just contributing to make him a little brighter, a little bubblier than normal, which right now is translating into a lot of smiling and speaking just a little faster than usual. ]

I mean obviously you already worked out how to post videos on the network, so you're already a lot ahead of some people I've talked to here.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 1 of 9

[open] i can't forget it

for eddie

for taako

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

for ginko

no subject

no subject

no subject

for bill

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject