riverviewlogs | [open] i can't forget it

Entry tags:

[open] i can't forget it

who: cisco + anyone!
what: catch-all & soulmate stuff
when: september
where: anywhere; if you want a starter, please hit me up at

platoapproved!
warnings: will add as needed

[will add here]

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[It's silly, that the question catches him by surprise, considering this is Cisco of all people, but Taako was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to consider it. So he glances up, a little startled, and then looks away.]

I don't- you don't have to do that.

[It isn't a real answer one way or another, but maybe it is, since Cisco knows him well enough by now to know that if he was hurt and wanted to actually avoid a hug, he wouldn't have hesitated to use it as an excuse.]

I know. But I really want to.

[ Cisco can tell the difference between Taako not really understanding being offered comfort, and Taako not wanting to be touched. It hurts a bit, how Taako sort of defaults to thinking Cisco is offering to hug him out of obligation, that he feels the need to point out he is fine on his own, doesn't need anything from anyone. It's not the sort of thing Cisco would ever point out, but it's something he's noticed.

He uncrosses his legs and moves across the couch, close enough that he can reach out and draw Taako against him for a hug. He doesn't cling too tightly, worried about hurting him despite what Taako said, but he also doesn't let go right away. Or at all. He presses his cheek against the side of Taako's head, smoothing a hand over his hair and just holding him for a moment or two. Cisco doesn't make a production about it; he just does it, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. ]

[There's a moment of hesitation, not because of anything to do with Cisco, but because Taako's not sure if he trusts himself to keep it together in the face of someone being kind. But he also can't resist the need to seek out a little bit of comfort, so he quickly relents, shifting so it's easier for Cisco to pull him into a hug.

There's not really anything he can say, or anything he trusts himself to get out without doing something stupid like crying, so Taako just shuts up and holds onto Cisco and does his very best to keep his shit together.

And despite his minor protest and even more minor hesitation, he has zero interest in pulling away. If Cisco lets him get away with it, he's going to be there for at least ten minutes.]

[ There is a part of Cisco that wants to ask Taako never to pull shit like that again. That wants to point out how selfish and reckless it was, when there are so many people who care about him, to cast a spell on himself. What if Lup hadn't found a healer in time? What if he'd been permanently injured, or died? In a way he couldn't be brought back from?

But Taako had already said it was a stupid call. He already seems like he's feeling embarrassed, so why heap guilt on top of that. Besides, Cisco might not know her as well as Taako, but he'd bet on Lup giving a much better version of that speech.

The fact is, he isn't going to make Taako feel any better with words, and he knows that. So he just holds him, staying uncharacteristically silent, running a hand down Taako's hair or across his back every now and then. He only breaks the silence after a while, to murmur: ]

I know I probably say this too much, but... if you ever need anything... place to hide out for a bit... drinking buddy... hour-long hug... all you gotta do is say the word, I'm there.

[ Despite that disclaimer, Cisco doesn't really think it's the sort of thing that can be said too often. Particularly to someone like Taako, who seems to default to hiding his weaknesses. ]

Want me to brush your hair?

[It's not that he doesn't know that Cisco would easily offer any of those things, it's just hard to accept it sometimes. There's a reason he went to Bryn, not Cisco or Lup, after Lucretia first changed, and it was because he didn't want to be around someone who was going to make him actually open up and talk about it. Not that Cisco would've pushed it, but he is, by nature, that kind of person and even Taako isn't immune to it.

It's exactly what's happening right now, even if logically he knows that immediately burying everything and putting on a front isn't the greatest way to cope, sometimes that seems preferable to actually opening up and being any kind of vulnerable. But right now Cisco's the person who's here and he's - grateful, even if he also hates it a little bit.]

I know, bubbale. [If he sounds a little choked up, maybe Cisco will ignore it.] Um, I don't-- Not right now? Not really into like, doing anything. At all.

[He's .2 seconds away from tears and he's pretty sure that almost anything will trigger it at this point.]

I'm just fucking tired.

[Of all this bullshit, really.]

Okay. We don't have to do anything.

[ Cisco can hear it in Taako's voice - how weary he is, how close to breaking down. Under certain circumstances, he might have tried to encourage that, to get Taako to just purge those bad feelings and hope that he would feel better afterwards. But his instincts are telling him that right now isn't one of those times. Not when Taako is so weary, when he'd just gone through the indignity of being so angry, and being beaten in a fight, and being hurt, and having his sister spread all that on the public network.

So Cisco doesn't push him. He just keeps holding onto him, not showing any signs that he is going to let go until Taako wants him to. They sit like that for a moment or two in silence, before Cisco says quietly: ]

I ever tell you about the time I got blown up by Pied Piper, aka my least favorite coworker of all time?

[ He had done this sometimes with Caitlin, in the first awful month after the particle accelerator explosion, when she was a wreck over Ronnie (and Cisco was trying to pretend he wasn't a wreck over Ronnie, too). He would just hold her for a while and talk about complete nonsense - bad 80s movies he loved, or awful conferences he'd attended, the personal quirks and foibles of the professors he'd had in college. Anything to get her mind away from the present, to fill up the silence with words that didn't really matter all that much.

And he thinks maybe that will help Taako, too. So he picks a story that seems harmless - Hartley Rathaway, with all his privilege and spite and stupid grandiose plans involving sound waves - and starts to recount it. He starts right around the beginning, how much he'd hated working with Hartley, how he'd thought he was finally free of him once Hartley was fired. He dodges some bits of the story, for his own reasons; it's pretty clear, that most of the parts he's glossing over heavily revolve around Eobard, but there's still plenty to tell that doesn't involve him much. Cisco talks about how he'd missed the implants in Hartley's ears being explosives, how he'd gotten his ass blown up and had to deal with all the concussion bullshit afterwards.

He talks at a steady pace, but his attention is divided - only half of it going into the story while the other half is focused on Taako, and his breathing and whether he seems tense or uncomfortable. The point here isn't to tell this tale because it's important, but because he wants to give Taako a little slice of escapism, something to focus on that is not his life and how miserable he is right now. ]

[It's a relief to have something else to focus on, something that he doesn't have to actually think about or respond to, because both of those things are a long way away from something that he's capable of doing. Listening, though, he can do, and it's helping to take the edge off the tension that had settled in his chest even after the fight is long over. His breathing, which had been a little rough, evens out as Cisco talks, slowing down to a more sedate pace that says a lot about how worn out he is.

If he was human this might be where he'd doze off, but he isn't so he doesn't, though it's a near thing. Cisco isn't family, not the way the IPRE are, not the way Lup is, but he's someone that Taako trusts enough to truly let his guard down around. There's still a part of him that expects that to bite him in the ass someday, but he hopes it doesn't.

By the time Cisco's story is wrapped up, the urge to cry has (mostly) passed and the shitty feelings have subsided to a manageable level, at least for the moment. Taako gently extracts himself from the embrace, leaning back and scrubbing at his face to try to shove away a little of that exhaustion.]

Thank you.

[Thank you and I'm sorry are two things that Taako doesn't say a lot, but this is important enough to break his own little rule about owing people shit or admitting he needed help or whatever the issue with showing gratitude is.]

[ Cisco has been holding Taako for long enough that it feels strange for the first moment or two, after he moves. But when Cisco gets a look at him, Taako looks... better. Not good, by any stretch, but less fragile. Less like he is holding himself together with both hands.

He can tell the difference, between that thank you and the kind of casual thanks pumpkin that Taako would toss out easily if Cisco handed him his hat or brought him a mug of tea. This is a thank you with some weight, and he doesn't take that lightly. But he doesn't want to make a fuss over it, either, so he just smiles softly and says: ]

Anytime.

[ It's only a moment after that that Cisco hears the sound of the door open - Lup, returning from her errands, which seems like a good time to excuse himself. He wasn't about to leave Taako on his own, but if Lup is there, Cisco knows she will take care of her brother. So he says a quick goodbye and, with one last glance over his shoulder at Taako sitting on that couch, looking small and wan, he leaves. ]

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