riverviewlogs | [closed] there goes my hero

Entry tags:

[closed] there goes my hero

who: Eddie Thawne and Cisco Ramon
what: A short trip outside the walls to test some equipment.
when: June 9th.
where: One of the wall gates and outside.
warnings: monster attacks, violence, probably some injuries

[Eddie had been aware of what Cisco is doing for a job, that it was similar to what he'd been doing in STAR Labs when he'd been helping out with Team Flash, but he hadn't been aware that Cisco was making gear for the Perimeter Guard and the Police until he'd called Eddie up to ask him to help out with some testing once the Prijata holiday was over. Eddie had easily agreed, basically without thinking too much about it, and they'd arranged to meet up near the Perimeter Guard to debrief Eddie and do a test run before heading out to try the gear against a monster.

Feeling pretty hopeful about the day, Eddie stops at a coffee shop to grab something for himself and Cisco before he heads over, walking up to the agreed-upon spot with a tray bearing two cups - one a nonfat latté, the other a triple-shot extra-sweet concoction that had been on offer at the shop, with lots of caffeine and candy sprinkles on the whipped cream. When he sees Cisco, he lifts his free hand, grinning broadly.]

Hey Cisco! How's it going? I brought some coffee.

[He gestures with the tray vaguely, still smiling.]

So how do we start this?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Eddie can see it, how close Cisco is to tears, because his eyes are bright and wet with them, and he feels a surge of empathy and fear all at once. Eddie is injured and Cisco is obviously extremely upset, and beyond the desire to make Cisco feel better, there's also a little spike of panic because Eddie knows his body, he can tell that while he'll be able to move for a while, it won't be long. He's relying on Cisco to help get him out of here and if Cisco is paralyzed with fear and regret, that won't happen.

But then Cisco seems to realize the same thing, and he takes a breath, gets to his feet, and starts working to help get Eddie to his feet too. The concentration it takes to grit his teeth through the pain, to keep himself coordinated so he doesn't add to Cisco's worry, distracts him from wanting to argue back when Cisco says he should've stayed behind again. It doesn't occur to him that it's a worrying pattern or any of the other things Cisco was thinking - in his mind, it's what he signed up for when he became a police officer, to put himself between civilians and danger. It also doesn't occur to him that any of this might be Cisco's fault. Neither of them were paying attention to how far they'd gone, neither of them had thought to bring a pulse rifle or a first aid kit. In fact, Eddie is a police officer and should've been the one to come up with that kind of idea.

But it happened. There's no use in dwelling on it now.

He's about to open his mouth about the direction they'd come when Cisco turns them that way and starts moving. Smiling a little, he glances over at Cisco.]

You're way better at this than you think you are. Dealing with emergency situations. Things are gonna be fine.

[He truly believes it, and even if he's shivering while he walks, trembling a little from pain and weakness, he feels like they're going to make it. They're going to be okay.

When Cisco starts talking about his meta abilities, Eddie listens. It registers the moment Cisco says about his dreams why he hadn't been surprised when Cisco said he was a meta-human, because he knows that it wasn't a normal human thing to remember erased timelines. He hadn't remembered it, neither had Joe or anyone else, but Cisco did. At the time, they'd brushed it off, Barry had said it didn't matter why he could do it, just that he could, and Eddie had let it go at that. Had never really mentally dug deeper. He's kind of regretting that now.]

Visions? What kind of visions? Other erased timelines and stuff? I hope...I hope they're not all bad like that one was.

[They're moving, now, almost back to the clearing where the stuff is, and Eddie furrows his brows. They'll have to come back for it later, but thankfully it doesn't seem like anything the monsters will have much interest in. Neither of them can carry it right now. Leaning a little on Cisco for support, he takes a measured breath, and then keeps walking past it, lifts a finger to point.]

I remember we came from that direction. There was a dry creek bed or something, with moss in it, that we were walking along. Right? Or am I crazy?

[ Even in this terrible situation, Cisco is not immune to praise; when Eddie says he's better at dealing with crises than he thinks, the words echo in his head, stick there and add a little incongruous scrap of pleasure amidst the fear and guilt.

They fall into a rhythm together - one foot in front of the other. Keep going, keep breathing. Eddie starts off strong, but as they go, Cisco can feel it beginning to take a tool. He stumbles once, twice, but Cisco's there to steady him and keep their momentum going. One foot, then the next. The forest around them is silent. Maybe some of the birds had seen what Cisco did to that giant lizard, and they'd told all the other little birds and woodland critters to steer clear. ]

Not really- they're- you see bad isn't exactly-

[ After several stuttering false starts, Cisco stops, takes a moment to two to regroup. They keep walking, and he eventually breaks the silence: ]

Sorta weird to talk about it. You're the first person I've told. Barry doesn't know. Even Caitlin doesn't.

[ Stein had realized it, but he's the only one Cisco had spoken to about this, and that conversation had been short, and painful, and not something he had chosen. But there's no hiding this from Eddie. After what he'd seen... talking about a few visions doesn't seem entirely impossible. ]

I don't really understand them. Sometimes it's just... watching myself get murdered over and over, which is just as fun as it sounds. That's how it started, and I thought I was going crazy, until we found out all that really happened and Dr. Wells told me remembering it means I have to be a meta. And I didn't wanna believe it but a while after that I started getting visions that weren't just about me. I see... other people. People I've never met, in places I've never been. And they just sort of happen. I can't control them and once they start I can't stop them.

[ At which point, Cisco runs out of breath, and also runs aground against a knot of complicated emotions that he isn't even going to try to put into words right now. He refocuses on their surroundings, feels a pang of regret, as they pass the pack with all those things he'd worked so hard to make. But there's no way to carry it and Eddie, and those things are replaceable. Eddie isn't. ]

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Keep an eye out for it.

[ They head in the direction Eddie indicated, and Cisco can feel his trembling getting worse. Eddie is leaning more weight on him than before, his breathing a bit louder, and Cisco's gut twists with worry. ]

You saw me have a vision. I had one in your room, after I had that panic attack because of that stupid firefly bite. Or- while I was having it? Or, I don't know. And I don't even know if you could tell. I don't have a clue what it looks like from the outside.

[It's only after that false start that Eddie realizes Cisco isn't a big fan of his meta powers, and his head turns to look at Cisco, eyes studying his face curiously. It doesn't make a lot of sense to him, considering how helpful they'd been just now, though when Cisco clarifies that at first they'd only shown up as watching himself get murdered over and over, it makes sense that he'd had a rocky start with them. When Cisco goes on to explain that he has visions that aren't just about him, but about other people, other realities, that he can't control them.]

Huh.

[It's a sort of grunt, and Eddie winces as his foot comes down hard, cracks a branch on the ground, and his ankle rolls to the side. Gasping slightly, he stumbles slightly, but then keeps moving. The ankle doesn't hurt, but his ribs do from where his muscles went tight from trying to counterbalance himself. Pulling breath hard through his clenched teeth, it takes him a few moments of dogged walking to get the pain under control, and he knows he's pale and sweaty from the tension, the effort it takes, from the blood loss. But it's good, to listen to Cisco and think about what he's saying instead of how cold he feels despite the sunny day and wondering how long it's going to take to get back to the safety of the walls, to the hospital, then feeling awkward and uncomfortable at the idea of being in the hospital, because it reminds him of his stay there after the incident with Tockman. It reminds him of his stay there after he'd first arrived, doped up for days and only able to think about how much he wanted to go back home to his life, about Iris and Joe's face while he'd died.

That train of thought is most of the reason his breathing is a bit louder, and he tries to keep his attention focused on Cisco. This is important, it's vitally important, because if this is something Cisco hasn't even told Barry or Caitlin, it's something that's worth paying attention to. Worth really listening and digesting what he's saying and all the implications of what he's not saying. That serves to get his mind off of his own problems, and his gaze clears, some of his pain fades.]

So...so it's visions of other timelines, or other...places. I wonder if you could see home from here with it.

[A moment, and he lifts a hand to vaguely gesture toward the space between trees they'd come through from the dry riverbed, starts moving toward it. After another pause, breathing heavily as he maneuvers himself over some rough terrain, he finally speaks again, answering that last part.]

You just...you sort of go blank. Your eyes go empty, like you're not focusing on anything and your expression goes kind of slack. [A pause, and he bites at his lower lip, eyes tracking down to the ground.] It was kind of scary, because I didn't know what was going on. I was worried you were having a seizure or something.

[ Cisco gasps under his breath, quietly but sharply, when Eddie fumbles his footing and nearly falls. Perhaps it's strange, but he can feel the effort it takes for him to keep moving, the pain that he is in. It's a mix of the way his breathing sounds, and seeing him clenching his jaw, feeling how he shakes, the way he leans more of his weight on Cisco's shoulders after that. And it's automatic, for Cisco to reassure: ]

You got this, you're okay, keep going...

[ They still have a long way to go, such a long way, but it's easier to be a little optimistic, now that they're moving. They just need to keep going. That's all. Just to keep on and endure until they make it to safety. He never wanted this, any of this. But it does have the unintended effect of making talking about his powers feel less disastrous, less overwhelming. ]

Maybe. I- I don't know. It's not like I can pick what I see, it just happens and I can't stop it.

[ Eddie's description of how he seems during a vibe isn't really a surprise; he knew it must be something like that. But still, hearing it, and the way Eddie says he thought he was having a seizure... it's not very easy. Cisco's voice is tight, and not just from the exertion of helping Eddie to walk, when he says urgently: ]

You can't tell anyone. I mean... please, please don't tell anyone, Eddie. I don't want anybody to know.

[ Just then, they come across a felled tree by a little stream, that is the perfect height for sitting. Cisco stops walking, easing Eddie down to sit and catch his breath for a moment. Cisco is breathing hard, too, and brushes some wisps of hair from his face that have fallen from his bun. ]

I think we might be halfway. Just a little longer.

[ He walks to the water, kneels down and washes the dried blood from his hands. Then, carefully, he cups them and gets to his feet and coming back to Eddie, holding as much water as he can between his hands. He holds them up so Eddie can take a sip. It's not much, but it's the best he can do. ]

[Eddie can tell his energy is flagging, and every movement makes another little trickle of blood seep out into the remnants of Cisco's t-shirt wrapped around his chest, which is slowly making him feel a little dizzy and light-headed. But he keeps moving, because there's not really anything else to be done, he has to keep moving - Cisco probably can't carry him all that way, and he doesn't want to stay in the forest alone, reeking of blood, unless it's absolutely necessary. But part of him is starting to think it might end up being necessary.]

It just happens? You don't...don't know what triggers it?

[Tilting his head, Eddie glances over at him, and then suddenly Cisco is speaking in a rush, his voice tight and urgent and with a slight hint of hysteria, as he asks Eddie not to tell, says he doesn't want anyone to know.]

Hey, hey...it's okay Cisco. I promise I won't tell

[He's about to continue speaking when Cisco stops them, helps Eddie sit down on a fallen tree, and he presses his hand to his chest, wincing, face pale as he looks up at Cisco. The water is a bit of a surprise, but Eddie drinks it despite feeling like drinking from a stream might not be a great idea - he's too thirsty to turn it down. Rubbing the back of his hand against his face, he pins Cisco with a serious expression.]

I'm not sure why you want to hide it. There are a lot of people with powers here, who can do things regular humans like me can't. Maybe someone could help you get control of it? But...but I get it. That has to be on your time. I'm not going to tell anyone but...just think about it, you know? About getting some help with it? And if you don't want to go to someone else, maybe I can help, somehow.

[A moment, and he exhales haltingly.]

But...real talk. I don't...think I can keep going. I think I'm just going to sit down under this tree and maybe you can bring the search and rescue back?

[ It's a relief, when Eddie promises he won't tell anyone Cisco's secret. He believes him, too. Trusts that he'll keep his word. He'd kept Barry's secret from Iris, and that had been a much more personal, more disadvantageous situation for himself. Eddie is an honest man, but he's loyal, too. He's a good man. And Cisco isn't going to leave an honest, good, loyal man out here in the jungle while he goes off on his own to get help.

Maybe it's the smart strategy, but everything in him recoils from the idea. He can't leave Eddie here. He just can't. ]

No. No. Eddie, you gotta keep going. I'm not gonna leave you here, okay? Not happening. Now, come on. We're doing this.

[ He wipes the excess water from his hands and then he is wrapping an arm around Eddie's back and hauling him to his feet, whether he likes it or not. He'll keep going. He has to keep going. They have to get to safety, now. They've come too far to lose. Their progress is more halting, and wobbly, and Cisco can hear the pain in every one of Eddie's breaths. And it's like he can feel it, too. He knows it's psychosomatic, some kind of stress-response empathy thing, but it actually hurts, knowing how much pain Eddie's in.

Cisco's almost carrying him, after a while, and starts talking again just to keep himself going, not really sure how much of it Eddie is even going to hear, in his current state. ]

It's not about. Needing time. I wish I didn't have these powers.

[ Cisco's arms and shoulders are really feeling the strain of Eddie's weight, but oddly enough, it makes it easier to tear the words out, the ones he hasn't really dared to say before. They come out ragged, bitter, and painful: ]

And it's not about. Having powers. It's... these powers. In this way. Dr. Wells said these powers were his gift. To me. That he changed me, and now, they're my destiny. And so basically, he made my destiny. And he said whenever I use them. I should remember him and. That my powers, which are this key to- to who I am, and my whole life from now on. Come from him. And from his- his love.

[ It's a tangled, repetitive jumble, and Cisco can barely get that last word out. ]

So I don't want people to know about them. I don't want them to be a part of me. Because I don't want him to be a part of me.

[ He'd never said it quite like that before, never realized with the clarity he feels at that moment just how intensely linked are his antipathy for his powers and his revulsion at the ways he had been shaped as a person by Harrison Wells. Cisco can feel his legs shaking, and then, as if on cue, one of his knees buckles beneath him. Cisco manages to catch himself and not fall, but it's a near thing. ]

Fuck!

[Honestly, he hadn't really been expecting Cisco to leave him behind, and he'd been very prepared to protest, to insist, to explain how okay he'd be. But Cisco doesn't really give him room to do it, he just wraps an arm around his waist and helps him up, and Eddie's body moves in response, he stands with a soft groan and keeps going, forcing his muscles to work even as he shakes slightly, his weight slowly leaning more and more against Cisco as they walk.

At first, Eddie is quiet because he's focusing on keeping himself going, his body moving almost on instinct, all vertigo and momentum, but then he's quiet because Cisco is talking again. Explaining what it is that makes him hate his powers. And finally, Eddie gets it, he understands why Cisco would be afraid of his powers, why he'd keep them a secret. Because of Eobard, because Eobard ruined everything good in all the lives he'd touched; in Barry's, in Eddie's, and now in Cisco's too. The wave of combined shame and guilt and raw anger is almost a little dizzying, nauseating, and Eddie makes a soft noise in his throat, eyes on the ground.

He doesn't know what to say. How can he apologize for this? How can he make it right, that his descendant had destroyed something that Cisco should, for all intents and purposes, been so excited about. For a moment, all of it flashes through Eddie's head, Cisco in the Labs, discovering his abilities early on, all on his own, before the erased timeline, with something positive instead of something so incredibly awful. How his face would've lit up, how he'd have trained beside Barry, his best friend, fought crime, how natural it would've been for him.

Eddie's throat feels choked up, he can barely breathe, his vision is blurry with tears, and he feels a little bit like he's going to throw up. And then Cisco pitches forward, manages to catch himself, but Eddie keeps going, crumples to the ground and hisses in pain as he sits there on his knees, arms coming up around his chest. It takes a few moments, but then he speaks, his voice tight and hard.]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry he did that to you. I'm sorry he made it all about...all about him. He did that to me too, you know? When he kidnapped me. I was nothing but his ancestor, the only point of my whole life was procreating so he could exist. That's what he does. He makes it all about him.

[Struggling to keep his composure, he sits on his haunches, catching his breath despite the sharp pain in his ribs, and looks up at Cisco. It's good, that they're still. He needs a break, and so does Cisco, and he needs to be looking at him when he explains it.]

It's easy to believe him. He's from the future. He knows how things turn out. And he has this way of looking at you and making you think it really is all about him. But it's not, Cisco. You hear me? You saved me today, you're a goddamn hero. It's not about him. Not you, not your powers, not your destiny.

[For a moment, he's quiet, and then he speaks again, his voice firmer, even though it hurts, every word hurts to say.]

I think I proved that, when I shot myself. It's not all about him. If my destiny wasn't about him, yours sure as hell isn't either. You choose. You do. It's only about him if you make it about him, Cisco.

He did?

[ It's startling; Cisco had never thought of Eddie as someone who really knew Dr. Wells, who had ever had cause to spend any amount of time around him. But of course, that's wrong, isn't it? There had been all that time when he had Eddie captive, and of course, he must have spent some of that time in Eddie's presence, even while he finished up the repairs he was doing to the particle accelerator.

And the way Eddie put it rings true. Because he's right. Dr. Wells had always been like that, even before he showed his true colors. He'd been good at making it all about him - with Cisco he'd done it so carefully and so gradually he had never even noticed it happening, until S.T.A.R. Labs was the center of his world and Dr. Wells was someone he was completely devoted to. And then, when he'd killed Cisco, it was like a switch being flipped, and he'd gone from being someone Cisco loved to his worst nightmare all at once. But one thing he had never been was insignificant, or irrelevant. ]

Yeah... yeah he did.

[ Cisco stays there, swaying a little, doubled over and catching his breath, close enough that his leg is pressed up against Eddie's shoulder. What strikes him most is not the words themselves so much as the passion in Eddie's voice as he says them. The simplicity, the conviction, the utter lack of pretense or cynicism or fear. Cisco doesn't think he's a hero. He doesn't think it's as easy as all that - that he can just decide he's good and his powers are good and that his destiny is his own. But what he is sure of is that Eddie Thawne is a good man. Even now, in this awful situation, in pain and exhausted and all of it Cisco's fault, he still thinks like this. Still is willing to spend his energy trying to make Cisco feel better. ]

Maybe.

[ He wants so badly to believe what Eddie says is true. But it's all so big, so confusing, and his head is really starting to ache. He doesn't know if that's from exhaustion, or dehydration, or an aftereffect of his powers. But either way, he's caught his breath, and he pulls Eddie up to his feet, the muscles of his arms aching. If they survive he is going to be very sore. ]

If it's my choice.... I choose. Not letting you die in this stupid forest. Come on. Just lean on me, okay? I can take it. Just keep going.

[ They are both of them too tired to talk, when they get moving again. Cisco's breaths are loud and ragged with exhaustion, and he hangs his head forward, just watching where he puts his feet, just keeping going. He looks up every few minutes to check he's going in the right direction, and when he does and sees the walls, his heart leaps. ]

Eddie- !

[ He isn't sure Eddie hears him - he looks like he might be pretty out of it. A few more paces takes them within shouting distance, and Cisco is shocked by how thin and pathetic his voice sounds as he calls, as loudly as he can: ]

Help! Somebody help! Help us!

[ By the time he tries calling a second time, some people are rushing towards them, and Cisco laughs breathlessly in relief. Two of them are carrying a stretcher, and the moment they get Eddie onto it, Cisco's legs buckle and he topples down. It's embarrassing, but once some of the others pull him to his feet he insists he can stand on his own: ]

Just- just show me where you're taking him. I gotta make sure he's okay. He lost a lotta blood...

[Cisco is quiet, in the wake of what Eddie says to him, and he gets it. It's a lot to deal with, to digest, and he can tell that it's challenging some pretty deeply ingrained worldviews. He hadn't exactly been expecting Cisco to say a lot about it. Still, he holds eye contact while Cisco processes a little, works it through his mind, swaying on his feet and catching his breath, his leg warm against Eddie's shoulder. And finally, Cisco responds, he admits that there's a possibility that Eddie is right and then deflects to getting him back to the city.

That's fine. It's more than Eddie had been expecting, so he manages a wan smile as he struggles to his feet, leans on Cisco, and they keep moving.]

Thanks, Cisco...

[It's a little slurred, but he offers a weak smile, and then they're going again, and it takes all of Eddie's concentration to keep moving. He's aware, in a vague way, of how Cisco stumbles, of his breathing, of how tired he is, of the fact his own body is moving on auto-pilot, on sheer instinct and momentum, while blood keeps oozing out of the slashes on his chest, the strips of T-shirt bound across it soaked through. He can feel hot drips sliding down his belly, soaking into the waistband of his jeans, can feel the sharp grinding pain in his ribs with every breath. But he keeps his focus on the sound of Cisco's breathing, puts one foot in front of the other, and keeps moving. Moving. Moving.

The pattern of pain surges in his chest and drips of blood sliding down his belly and Cisco's breathing is the only thing that marks time passing for him, he only vaguely hears his name, in a sort of far-off way, and despite the heat, despite how sweaty he is, his face dripping with it, he's shivering, feels cold and a little outside himself. Somewhere, far away, he hears Cisco shout for help, and then he's crumpling and it's soft under him, and the moment he lies down, Eddie is gone.

What feels like a few seconds later, he starts to come back to awareness - warm and hazy, on his back with a blanket draped across his legs and belly, his head slowly throbbing and his connection with his body a little disjointed. It's like he's floating above himself, and it takes a few slow moments to work through his brain that he recognizes the feeling as being high off painkillers, remembers it from when he'd been shot by Tockman, from when he'd arrived in Riverview and woken up after a few days of sleep, instead of never waking up the way he'd anticipated.

Eddie groans softly, and only then realizes how dry his mouth and throat are, and how hard it is to breathe, the slight sounds of people moving in the hospital room. Slowly, his eyes slide open, and he groggily looks around, first to his left, where he sees the IV wire snaking from a bag of clear liquid. After a few moments of staring at it like he doesn't know what it is, he turns his head the other way, and is surprised to see Cisco there. Blue eyes widening, he swallows a few times, then speaks in a raspy voice.]

Cisco?

[ Cisco had made an absolute nuisance of himself at the hospital, hovering and asking questions, getting in everyone's way even though they insisted there was no cause for concern. Eddie had lost a lot of blood, but once they got him a transfusion and some sutures, all he would need were rest and fluids and time to heal up. Eventually, one of the nurses convinced Cisco that he was doing more harm than good, that he should go and get himself cleaned up.

So Cisco had done that; he'd gone back to the communal housing, showering and throwing on clean clothes completely on autopilot. He grabbed a bag of candy on the way out, for sustenance, and showed up to the hospital once again. By that time, Eddie had been moved into a room with a few beds separated by curtains, which meant that Cisco could stay with him and not bother anyone. He sat in the chair right by the bed, ate some of the candy, and went over all of it again in his mind, from the first moment they'd heard the monster right up until they were rescued. And then again. It was hard, convincing himself to shift out of crisis mode.

At some point, exhaustion solved that for him; Cisco leaned over to rest his head against the edge of Eddie's bed, and before he knew it he'd fallen into a shallow, fitful sleep. The moment that Eddie says his name he sits back up, startled but still half-asleep. ]

Wh-

[ He's disoriented for a few seconds; he hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep, but the light in the room is different and his head aches a little. But he tucks his hair back out of his face and manages a small smile. ]

Hey, Eddie, you're awake.

[It's obvious that Cisco was asleep before Eddie said his name, judging by the way he lifts his head, the disoriented groggy expression on his face, and how big of a mess his hair is, hanging over his face. Eddie can't help it - he smiles slightly as Cisco pulls his hair out of his face and tucks it behind his ears. There are pressure marks on the side of his face, from Eddie's hospital blanket, and there's something incredibly endearing about it.

There's no denying the incredible relief about not waking up alone in the hospital, cold and scared, and he exhales slow and measured, nodding a bit and then wincing.]

Yeah. Kinda dying of thirst, but...

[He licks his lips, his eyes warm and bright, and lifts his hand, shaky, to rest over one of Cisco's on the side of the bed, wanting contact with another human being.]

I'm awake. Alive. Thanks to you.

[ When Eddie said he was thirsty, Cisco's response is automatic - he starts to stand up, so he can go get Eddie a water bottle or something. It's just automatic, to him; if Eddie needs a drink, he should get it. But he pauses before he's even really out of his chair, because Eddie's hand comes down on his, and Cisco doesn't want to pull away from that. ]

I was really worried you weren't gonna make it, that last mile or so.

[ He doesn't know how much of that Eddie had been entirely conscious for. Cisco swallows, flipping his hand over so he can hold Eddie's hand, sitting back down, but at the edge of his seat. ]

They all acted like I was making a big deal out of nothing. But I think working in a hospital they're probably so used to this shit they lose perspective, y'know? Anyway, the nurse said you could probably leave in a day or two, if you wanted. Lemme get you some water, okay?

[ Cisco squeezes Eddie's hand, leaving the room to get him something to drink and tell a nurse that he's woken up again, in case they need to know that. He comes back a moment later with a little styrofoam cup with a purple bendy straw, which he holds out for Eddie, saying:]

Here. You should probably try to stay still, they had to stitch you up a bit.

[Eddie notices how Cisco moves to stand up, and then sits back down heavily when he slides his hand against his - then Cisco is flipping his hand over, holding Eddie's in return, and Eddie closes his fingers against it, squeezing gently. It's nice, having that connection, the warm press of skin on skin to comfort and reassure him when he's feeling so disoriented, so dizzy.]

Yeah...I was too.

[It's soft, mumbled a little, and he tilts his head, looking up at Cisco.]

I just kept listening to you breathing, and my body moved on its own. You know? And it probably wasn't...wasn't that big of a deal, compared to what they see every day.

[When Cisco squeezes his hand and then leaves, Eddie perseveres through it, his lips pressed hard together, his teeth closing on one of them, doesn't realize how tense he is until Cisco comes back and suddenly he's melting into the bed. The water tastes like heaven when Cisco brings the cup close to his mouth and he shakily takes it, closes his lips around the straw. For a few moments, he just drinks, until the cup is empty, and then he relaxes back against the pillow.]

Purple's my favourite colour...

[It's mumbled out, he's aware that it's stupid, but it comes out anyway, and he does know this feeling, high off painkillers. Unable to stop himself from saying dumb things.]

Thanks, though. For being here. I really hate being alone in the hospital...

[ Even though the room isn't too cold, Cisco shivers a little when Eddie describes how thin the thread was that he'd been holding onto. What would Cisco have even done, if Eddie hadn't made it? How could he have lived with it? Surely he would never have forgiven himself...

But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Eddie lived and he'll be okay. Cisco tries to shove those awful thoughts away from his mind. ]

It was sure as hell a big deal to me.

[ After he comes back, he holds the cup steady, patient as Eddie drinks it all. It's pretty clear he's a little dopey, from the way he just proclaims that purple is his favorite color, and Cisco doesn't even get what prompted it for a moment before he notices the color of the straw. But he has to smile, then. He's glad Eddie's got enough painkillers that he's happy and blurting out silly cute things that enter into his mind. ]

Really? I would've thought blue, I feel like whenever I see you you're usually wearing blue.

[ Cisco pulls the chair a little closer to the bed and, after a moment of obvious indecision and deliberation, slips his hand easily back into Eddie's. Maybe it's a bit sappy and possibly crossing some kind of boundary, but Cisco is still riding high on the "holy shit I can't believe you're not dead, thank god" wave. ]

I guess it must get pretty boring, huh?

[ The way he says it makes it pretty obvious it's not something he's ever experienced for himself. ]

Edited 2017-06-24 01:27 (UTC)

[How Cisco manages to keep doing that, Eddie isn't sure. Just when he's brushed off his own issues, swept them back so other people can take precedence, Cisco is, again, dragging them back to the surface. Insisting that the things Eddie is feeling and the things that happen to him are important. And it isn't that Eddie doesn't think that his own issues are important, or that his own safety isn't important - he's just used to other people not acknowledging that.

Funnily, he hadn't even really realized that that was a pattern in his life until he'd started hanging around with Cisco here, and Cisco hadn't done it. There's something very affecting about the blunt way Cisco says that Eddie being hurt was a big deal to him. It's a relief to have the water to drink, that he can buy himself the time to formulate a response to Cisco. When he's done and Cisco puts the cup away, Eddie clears his throat, relaxes a bit more, then exhales softly.]

Thanks. I mean. I'm glad it was a big deal to someone, I guess.

[He's avoiding eye contact when he says it, and so he doesn't notice the hesitation before Cisco takes his hand again, and it startles him a little, the contact. Turning his head, he blinks down at their hands, curled up together on the bed, and then smiles, squeezing Cisco's gently.]

Ah, yeah. I mean. I look better in blue. And you have to use purple sparingly, or at least that's what the guys in high school told me.

[Eddie cracks a tiny grin, sliding his thumb idly across Cisco's knuckles and the side of his hand. When Cisco asks if the hospital is boring alone, Eddie's expression falls, he licks his lips and sighs softly, lashes shading his eyes.]

Not really, I mean. They have TV. It's more that there's a lot of bad memories around being in the hospital, you know? Like when I first arrived and everything.

[ Cisco worries for a moment, when Eddie looks down at their hands, that it was a misstep, that he should let go right away. But then Eddie squeezes his hand back, and so, a touch nervously, Cisco leaves their hands linked. He makes a skeptical face, when Eddie says he wears more blue because he thinks he looks better in it and there's some kind of purple quota. ]

I don't do sparingly. Like, as a rule. And I have another rule that if there's anything guys at high school told me not to do, I should definitely do it as much as physically possible.

[ Spite is a pretty powerful motivator, and that kind of attitude was what had led Cisco to break free from dressing and acting the way he thought other people would like best, and to actually find his own style and flair. ]

Have you really never seen my bright purple pants? I was so psyched when I found those. It's too bad you're tall, or I'd totally loan 'em to you. And let's be real here, I don't think they've invented the color that wouldn't look good on you.

[ And, oh, he didn't think that through before he said it. Cisco feels his face going very hot, and suddenly gets very interested at looking around at the curtains and also the IV bag and basically everything that's not Eddie. They've been getting to be better friends, and opening up to each other about some things, but until now Cisco's managed to avoid even alluding to the obvious fact that Eddie is a gorgeous specimen of a human being and he has the eyes to see it. Honestly, the whole thing would probably stand out less if he just owned it, played it up as a joke, but he's way too embarrassed for that.

So it's fortunate, in a way, that Eddie changes the subject. Even if what he changes it to makes Cisco's heart sink a little in his chest. He can't imagine what that must have been like; being here all on his own, away from his world, away from his whole life. Cisco's hand tightens in Eddie's, unconsciously. His voice is a little lower as he says: ]

That must've been really awful.

I've noticed.

[Eddie says it fondly, in response to Cisco saying he 'doesn't do sparingly' and honestly, that's a very good way of phrasing it. It's not just about colours or clothing either, it's about everything - supporting heroes, pop culture, mechanical engineering, caring - he's passionate about everything in his life. It's really appealing for someone like Eddie, who's ambitious but making the attempt to fit in, to be someone who doesn't stand out unless it's in a good way, who wants to fade into the background unless he's excelling. To Eddie, Cisco seems beyond brave, courageous, and he smiles a little as he says that he tries to do anything that the guys in his high school told him not to do as much as possible.]

Mmm, you're right. You really don't do anything sparingly. I think that'll make you a great superhero, you know? When you train and get confident and really go all out. You're gonna be great.

[Eddie smiles at him, and it doesn't register that that wasn't something he normally would've said out loud, just something he'd have thought and left unsaid, too afraid of whether it might have a negative effect when he didn't mean it to. After all, he knows that Cisco's feelings about his powers are connected to his relationship with Eobard. After a moment, though, it registers that Cisco had said that there isn't a colour that wouldn't look good on him, and he laughs, abruptly.]

Oh come on. There's no colour that wouldn't look good on you. I mean, I've seen you wear all of them and you looked good in all of them, so.

[He shrugs a little, smiling still, as he looks up at Cisco, too high on painkillers to notice how Cisco's cheeks have gone a shade pinker. He does, however, notice that Cisco is avoiding eye contact, but he doesn't realize why. Instead, he squeezes his hand, gently.]

I'm sorry if I shouldn't have said you're gonna be a great superhero. I just think you would be if you did it, you know? I'm sorry if I shouldn't have said it, I'm really high.

[He licks his lips, expression softening a bit.]

Yeah it was pretty bad...I was really lonely, you know? It didn't feel real. I thought maybe I was wrong about not believing in the afterlife. But I mean. I was okay.

[ It's probably a little bad, that Cisco is relieved when Eddie admits he is as high as a kite. Not just because he's glad Eddie's not in pain, but because it lends an air of plausible deniability to this conversation and any accidental embarrassing things he might say or do during it. Eddie seems to have completely missed the fact that the compliment Cisco gave him was maybe a little too much; when he returns it, Cisco grins and shakes his head: ]

Uhhh, not true. You've never seen me wear orange, and you're never gonna see me wear orange, because it's just- it's a disaster, trust me.

[ Eddie's certainty that Cisco is going to be a superhero - and a great one - is startling. Cisco doesn't even know what to say to it. The thought had honestly never crossed his mind. Sure, working with superheroes is his thing. And yeah, okay, so maybe he has powers that could be useful now and then, in a really bad crisis. But him? Cisco Ramon? A superhero?

He only has a little while to think about it, and it's still churning around in his head when Eddie apologizes, and Cisco shushes him, smiling to show that it's okay, that he hasn't offended Cisco. Just... confused him. ]

Hey, don't worry about it, okay? You just relax and ramble all you want while they've got you on the good stuff. Mind if I get out my phone and record some of this?

[ Cisco is clowning around, fake-innocent, trying to get Eddie to laugh. He even fake-reaches for his pocket, as if he's about to take a video of Eddie, but he doesn't complete the motion, breaking off into a grin instead.

He wants to make Eddie happy, this time, because he can picture it all too easily; Eddie disoriented, Eddie lonely, Eddie in the quiet of a hospital room not knowing what his future could possibly hold and grappling with his death. ]

Well, I'll stay and keep you company this time. I promise, I'm not going anywhere.

Edited 2017-06-25 04:31 (UTC)

[The thing is, Eddie knows he'll remember this. He's processing, just slowly, and it takes a while to catch onto things. When Cisco contests that he looks terrible in orange, Eddie smiles slowly.]

I look terrible in orange too. Believe me.

[It's only after he says it that what Cisco said earlier and the context and the reaction registers in his brain, and abruptly he's laughing, his cheeks going a bit red. Cisco's saying that he should relax and ramble and something about recording, and Eddie just laughs, abrupt and a little breathless and light-headed.]

Oh my god. Did you just call me hot?

[His eyes are bright as he squeezes Cisco's hand, and he laughs again.]

Whoa, if you did, does that mean I called you hot back?

[An innocently mischievous little grin, and he tilts his head back, the smile softening but staying in place as Cisco promises not to go anywhere.]

Oh, good, I'm really not feeling like I want to be alone right now. I think this high would be really bad if I didn't have someone around making me laugh.

[ There's a little while there, when Eddie is just laughing and Cisco doesn't actually get what it's in reference to. Maybe there's a funny story coming about people wearing orange. But then Eddie asks if Cisco had called him hot and Cisco shifts guiltily, flushing and stammering, trying to clarify but kind of making things worse: ]

I- what I meant was- look- I mean, obviously... but-

[ Nope, this is really just digging himself into a deeper hole. Cisco stops trying, shaking his head back and forth and smiling from ear to ear. And as embarrassing as all this is, it's just so good that Eddie's alive and okay. So Cisco gives up, shrugs, and says with a laugh: ]

Okay, you caught me. I may have made the observation that you are a handsome dude, who could definitely pull off some purple if he wanted to.

[ It's good to see Eddie's eyes sparkling with amusement, to see the color in his face. He'd gotten so pale, back in the woods. Way too pale. He looks much better with some pink in his cheeks. ]

And you don't have to worry, I'll let it slide. I mean you are on pain meds, I just didn't know they affected your vision, too!

[ And Cisco waves his free hand in front of Eddie's face, a foot or so away, as if to indicate he's having trouble seeing and that is the reason he said Cisco looks good in all colors, too. A joke, as if that's the only explanation for why Eddie might say something so flagrantly inaccurate. ]

So it works out perfectly. Just got don't rip your stitches or anything. I mean it'd be pretty impressive if I could say I made a dude laugh so hard he actually started to bleed, but I'm pretty sure the nurses wouldn't be too happy. So... did I ever tell you about the time I tried to make Barry's suit bulletproof?

[When Cisco stutters out that response, grinning and shifting and flustering a little, Eddie's smile only grows, warm and happy. Because this is nice, having someone here with him, teasing each other and keeping company. Or at least he thinks so until Cisco starts getting all self-deprecating, and Eddie rolls his eyes, squeezing Cisco's hand a bit.]

Come on. I can see perfectly fine. 20/20 vision, good enough to tell that you are definitely a handsome dude yourself, and you have the extra bonus of really fantastic hair. Like. Really good hair.

[Eddie grins at him, tilting his head against the pillow and humming a bit.]

I think my stitches are fine. My ribs are a little sore though.

[The story is fun, something he's never heard before, and the way Cisco tells it, his expression and voice and eyebrows all animated, energetic, seems to fill the empty space he'd usually be all too aware of in the hospital room. Cisco's good at that, taking up a lot of mental and emotional space in a good way, a way that fills up all the emptiness inside his head, assuages the loneliness. Eddie spends his time laughing until his ribs are sore and he's exhausted, his hand in Cisco's, and he's ready to fall asleep before the pain meds wear off.

It occurs to him that it might be time to take a nap when he dozes off halfway through one of Cisco's stories, vaguely aware of the sound of his voice, if not the shapes it makes, the words formed, and his presence in the room. A few moments into it, he startles slightly, his eyes flick open, and he smiles wanly up at Cisco.]

Sorry. I think...think I'm falling asleep. Didn't mean to. You don't have to hang around with me...if I'm gonna be asleep...

[ It isn't fair, because it's just so obvious that Eddie is stoned on painkillers, and that being that way makes him honest and affectionate and takes away his verbal filter. Which means, when he says Cisco is handsome, there's really no way for him to think his way out of it. And when he says Cisco's got fantastic hair, he can't help remembering (because his brain is a traitor, and evil) the way Eddie had praised Taako's hair as something he found extremely attractive about him. He grins, hot-faced and a little uneasy, and does his very utmost to shove that errant thought to the farthest deepest corner of his mind.

And Cisco's smile goes even softer when Eddie startles back awake and apologizes for nodding off, as if Cisco couldn't see that that was what was happening before Eddie was even aware of it. There's something so innocent and kind of vulnerable about it, as his blinks grow gradually slower and his head falls to the side a little. Cisco keeps his voice low as he says: ]

Nice try. You're not gonna get rid of me that easy.

[ And then, without missing a beat, cutting Eddie off before he can think to object, Cisco goes right back to telling silly stories and anecdotes, about geeky midnight movie premieres and cosplay and whatever else it takes to lull Eddie into a complete, restful sleep. ]

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[closed] there goes my hero

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