[closed] there goes my hero

[causational]

who: Eddie Thawne and Cisco Ramon
what: A short trip outside the walls to test some equipment.
when: June 9th.
where: One of the wall gates and outside.
warnings: monster attacks, violence, probably some injuries



[Eddie had been aware of what Cisco is doing for a job, that it was similar to what he'd been doing in STAR Labs when he'd been helping out with Team Flash, but he hadn't been aware that Cisco was making gear for the Perimeter Guard and the Police until he'd called Eddie up to ask him to help out with some testing once the Prijata holiday was over. Eddie had easily agreed, basically without thinking too much about it, and they'd arranged to meet up near the Perimeter Guard to debrief Eddie and do a test run before heading out to try the gear against a monster.

Feeling pretty hopeful about the day, Eddie stops at a coffee shop to grab something for himself and Cisco before he heads over, walking up to the agreed-upon spot with a tray bearing two cups - one a nonfat latté, the other a triple-shot extra-sweet concoction that had been on offer at the shop, with lots of caffeine and candy sprinkles on the whipped cream. When he sees Cisco, he lifts his free hand, grinning broadly.]

Hey Cisco! How's it going? I brought some coffee.

[He gestures with the tray vaguely, still smiling.]

So how do we start this?

Comments

[causational]

[Cisco is quiet, in the wake of what Eddie says to him, and he gets it. It's a lot to deal with, to digest, and he can tell that it's challenging some pretty deeply ingrained worldviews. He hadn't exactly been expecting Cisco to say a lot about it. Still, he holds eye contact while Cisco processes a little, works it through his mind, swaying on his feet and catching his breath, his leg warm against Eddie's shoulder. And finally, Cisco responds, he admits that there's a possibility that Eddie is right and then deflects to getting him back to the city.

That's fine. It's more than Eddie had been expecting, so he manages a wan smile as he struggles to his feet, leans on Cisco, and they keep moving.]

Thanks, Cisco...

[It's a little slurred, but he offers a weak smile, and then they're going again, and it takes all of Eddie's concentration to keep moving. He's aware, in a vague way, of how Cisco stumbles, of his breathing, of how tired he is, of the fact his own body is moving on auto-pilot, on sheer instinct and momentum, while blood keeps oozing out of the slashes on his chest, the strips of T-shirt bound across it soaked through. He can feel hot drips sliding down his belly, soaking into the waistband of his jeans, can feel the sharp grinding pain in his ribs with every breath. But he keeps his focus on the sound of Cisco's breathing, puts one foot in front of the other, and keeps moving. Moving. Moving.

The pattern of pain surges in his chest and drips of blood sliding down his belly and Cisco's breathing is the only thing that marks time passing for him, he only vaguely hears his name, in a sort of far-off way, and despite the heat, despite how sweaty he is, his face dripping with it, he's shivering, feels cold and a little outside himself. Somewhere, far away, he hears Cisco shout for help, and then he's crumpling and it's soft under him, and the moment he lies down, Eddie is gone.

What feels like a few seconds later, he starts to come back to awareness - warm and hazy, on his back with a blanket draped across his legs and belly, his head slowly throbbing and his connection with his body a little disjointed. It's like he's floating above himself, and it takes a few slow moments to work through his brain that he recognizes the feeling as being high off painkillers, remembers it from when he'd been shot by Tockman, from when he'd arrived in Riverview and woken up after a few days of sleep, instead of never waking up the way he'd anticipated.

Eddie groans softly, and only then realizes how dry his mouth and throat are, and how hard it is to breathe, the slight sounds of people moving in the hospital room. Slowly, his eyes slide open, and he groggily looks around, first to his left, where he sees the IV wire snaking from a bag of clear liquid. After a few moments of staring at it like he doesn't know what it is, he turns his head the other way, and is surprised to see Cisco there. Blue eyes widening, he swallows a few times, then speaks in a raspy voice.]

Cisco?

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco had made an absolute nuisance of himself at the hospital, hovering and asking questions, getting in everyone's way even though they insisted there was no cause for concern. Eddie had lost a lot of blood, but once they got him a transfusion and some sutures, all he would need were rest and fluids and time to heal up. Eventually, one of the nurses convinced Cisco that he was doing more harm than good, that he should go and get himself cleaned up.

So Cisco had done that; he'd gone back to the communal housing, showering and throwing on clean clothes completely on autopilot. He grabbed a bag of candy on the way out, for sustenance, and showed up to the hospital once again. By that time, Eddie had been moved into a room with a few beds separated by curtains, which meant that Cisco could stay with him and not bother anyone. He sat in the chair right by the bed, ate some of the candy, and went over all of it again in his mind, from the first moment they'd heard the monster right up until they were rescued. And then again. It was hard, convincing himself to shift out of crisis mode.

At some point, exhaustion solved that for him; Cisco leaned over to rest his head against the edge of Eddie's bed, and before he knew it he'd fallen into a shallow, fitful sleep. The moment that Eddie says his name he sits back up, startled but still half-asleep. ]

Wh-

[ He's disoriented for a few seconds; he hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep, but the light in the room is different and his head aches a little. But he tucks his hair back out of his face and manages a small smile. ]

Hey, Eddie, you're awake.

[causational]

[It's obvious that Cisco was asleep before Eddie said his name, judging by the way he lifts his head, the disoriented groggy expression on his face, and how big of a mess his hair is, hanging over his face. Eddie can't help it - he smiles slightly as Cisco pulls his hair out of his face and tucks it behind his ears. There are pressure marks on the side of his face, from Eddie's hospital blanket, and there's something incredibly endearing about it.

There's no denying the incredible relief about not waking up alone in the hospital, cold and scared, and he exhales slow and measured, nodding a bit and then wincing.]

Yeah. Kinda dying of thirst, but...

[He licks his lips, his eyes warm and bright, and lifts his hand, shaky, to rest over one of Cisco's on the side of the bed, wanting contact with another human being.]

I'm awake. Alive. Thanks to you.

[franciscoramon]

[ When Eddie said he was thirsty, Cisco's response is automatic - he starts to stand up, so he can go get Eddie a water bottle or something. It's just automatic, to him; if Eddie needs a drink, he should get it. But he pauses before he's even really out of his chair, because Eddie's hand comes down on his, and Cisco doesn't want to pull away from that. ]

I was really worried you weren't gonna make it, that last mile or so.

[ He doesn't know how much of that Eddie had been entirely conscious for. Cisco swallows, flipping his hand over so he can hold Eddie's hand, sitting back down, but at the edge of his seat. ]

They all acted like I was making a big deal out of nothing. But I think working in a hospital they're probably so used to this shit they lose perspective, y'know? Anyway, the nurse said you could probably leave in a day or two, if you wanted. Lemme get you some water, okay?

[ Cisco squeezes Eddie's hand, leaving the room to get him something to drink and tell a nurse that he's woken up again, in case they need to know that. He comes back a moment later with a little styrofoam cup with a purple bendy straw, which he holds out for Eddie, saying:]

Here. You should probably try to stay still, they had to stitch you up a bit.

[causational]

[Eddie notices how Cisco moves to stand up, and then sits back down heavily when he slides his hand against his - then Cisco is flipping his hand over, holding Eddie's in return, and Eddie closes his fingers against it, squeezing gently. It's nice, having that connection, the warm press of skin on skin to comfort and reassure him when he's feeling so disoriented, so dizzy.]

Yeah...I was too.

[It's soft, mumbled a little, and he tilts his head, looking up at Cisco.]

I just kept listening to you breathing, and my body moved on its own. You know? And it probably wasn't...wasn't that big of a deal, compared to what they see every day.

[When Cisco squeezes his hand and then leaves, Eddie perseveres through it, his lips pressed hard together, his teeth closing on one of them, doesn't realize how tense he is until Cisco comes back and suddenly he's melting into the bed. The water tastes like heaven when Cisco brings the cup close to his mouth and he shakily takes it, closes his lips around the straw. For a few moments, he just drinks, until the cup is empty, and then he relaxes back against the pillow.]

Purple's my favourite colour...

[It's mumbled out, he's aware that it's stupid, but it comes out anyway, and he does know this feeling, high off painkillers. Unable to stop himself from saying dumb things.]

Thanks, though. For being here. I really hate being alone in the hospital...

[franciscoramon]

[ Even though the room isn't too cold, Cisco shivers a little when Eddie describes how thin the thread was that he'd been holding onto. What would Cisco have even done, if Eddie hadn't made it? How could he have lived with it? Surely he would never have forgiven himself...

But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Eddie lived and he'll be okay. Cisco tries to shove those awful thoughts away from his mind. ]

It was sure as hell a big deal to me.

[ After he comes back, he holds the cup steady, patient as Eddie drinks it all. It's pretty clear he's a little dopey, from the way he just proclaims that purple is his favorite color, and Cisco doesn't even get what prompted it for a moment before he notices the color of the straw. But he has to smile, then. He's glad Eddie's got enough painkillers that he's happy and blurting out silly cute things that enter into his mind. ]

Really? I would've thought blue, I feel like whenever I see you you're usually wearing blue.

[ Cisco pulls the chair a little closer to the bed and, after a moment of obvious indecision and deliberation, slips his hand easily back into Eddie's. Maybe it's a bit sappy and possibly crossing some kind of boundary, but Cisco is still riding high on the "holy shit I can't believe you're not dead, thank god" wave. ]

I guess it must get pretty boring, huh?

[ The way he says it makes it pretty obvious it's not something he's ever experienced for himself. ]

[causational]

[How Cisco manages to keep doing that, Eddie isn't sure. Just when he's brushed off his own issues, swept them back so other people can take precedence, Cisco is, again, dragging them back to the surface. Insisting that the things Eddie is feeling and the things that happen to him are important. And it isn't that Eddie doesn't think that his own issues are important, or that his own safety isn't important - he's just used to other people not acknowledging that.

Funnily, he hadn't even really realized that that was a pattern in his life until he'd started hanging around with Cisco here, and Cisco hadn't done it. There's something very affecting about the blunt way Cisco says that Eddie being hurt was a big deal to him. It's a relief to have the water to drink, that he can buy himself the time to formulate a response to Cisco. When he's done and Cisco puts the cup away, Eddie clears his throat, relaxes a bit more, then exhales softly.]

Thanks. I mean. I'm glad it was a big deal to someone, I guess.

[He's avoiding eye contact when he says it, and so he doesn't notice the hesitation before Cisco takes his hand again, and it startles him a little, the contact. Turning his head, he blinks down at their hands, curled up together on the bed, and then smiles, squeezing Cisco's gently.]

Ah, yeah. I mean. I look better in blue. And you have to use purple sparingly, or at least that's what the guys in high school told me.

[Eddie cracks a tiny grin, sliding his thumb idly across Cisco's knuckles and the side of his hand. When Cisco asks if the hospital is boring alone, Eddie's expression falls, he licks his lips and sighs softly, lashes shading his eyes.]

Not really, I mean. They have TV. It's more that there's a lot of bad memories around being in the hospital, you know? Like when I first arrived and everything.

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco worries for a moment, when Eddie looks down at their hands, that it was a misstep, that he should let go right away. But then Eddie squeezes his hand back, and so, a touch nervously, Cisco leaves their hands linked. He makes a skeptical face, when Eddie says he wears more blue because he thinks he looks better in it and there's some kind of purple quota. ]

I don't do sparingly. Like, as a rule. And I have another rule that if there's anything guys at high school told me not to do, I should definitely do it as much as physically possible.

[ Spite is a pretty powerful motivator, and that kind of attitude was what had led Cisco to break free from dressing and acting the way he thought other people would like best, and to actually find his own style and flair. ]

Have you really never seen my bright purple pants? I was so psyched when I found those. It's too bad you're tall, or I'd totally loan 'em to you. And let's be real here, I don't think they've invented the color that wouldn't look good on you.

[ And, oh, he didn't think that through before he said it. Cisco feels his face going very hot, and suddenly gets very interested at looking around at the curtains and also the IV bag and basically everything that's not Eddie. They've been getting to be better friends, and opening up to each other about some things, but until now Cisco's managed to avoid even alluding to the obvious fact that Eddie is a gorgeous specimen of a human being and he has the eyes to see it. Honestly, the whole thing would probably stand out less if he just owned it, played it up as a joke, but he's way too embarrassed for that.

So it's fortunate, in a way, that Eddie changes the subject. Even if what he changes it to makes Cisco's heart sink a little in his chest. He can't imagine what that must have been like; being here all on his own, away from his world, away from his whole life. Cisco's hand tightens in Eddie's, unconsciously. His voice is a little lower as he says: ]

That must've been really awful.

[causational]

I've noticed.

[Eddie says it fondly, in response to Cisco saying he 'doesn't do sparingly' and honestly, that's a very good way of phrasing it. It's not just about colours or clothing either, it's about everything - supporting heroes, pop culture, mechanical engineering, caring - he's passionate about everything in his life. It's really appealing for someone like Eddie, who's ambitious but making the attempt to fit in, to be someone who doesn't stand out unless it's in a good way, who wants to fade into the background unless he's excelling. To Eddie, Cisco seems beyond brave, courageous, and he smiles a little as he says that he tries to do anything that the guys in his high school told him not to do as much as possible.]

Mmm, you're right. You really don't do anything sparingly. I think that'll make you a great superhero, you know? When you train and get confident and really go all out. You're gonna be great.

[Eddie smiles at him, and it doesn't register that that wasn't something he normally would've said out loud, just something he'd have thought and left unsaid, too afraid of whether it might have a negative effect when he didn't mean it to. After all, he knows that Cisco's feelings about his powers are connected to his relationship with Eobard. After a moment, though, it registers that Cisco had said that there isn't a colour that wouldn't look good on him, and he laughs, abruptly.]

Oh come on. There's no colour that wouldn't look good on you. I mean, I've seen you wear all of them and you looked good in all of them, so.

[He shrugs a little, smiling still, as he looks up at Cisco, too high on painkillers to notice how Cisco's cheeks have gone a shade pinker. He does, however, notice that Cisco is avoiding eye contact, but he doesn't realize why. Instead, he squeezes his hand, gently.]

I'm sorry if I shouldn't have said you're gonna be a great superhero. I just think you would be if you did it, you know? I'm sorry if I shouldn't have said it, I'm really high.

[He licks his lips, expression softening a bit.]

Yeah it was pretty bad...I was really lonely, you know? It didn't feel real. I thought maybe I was wrong about not believing in the afterlife. But I mean. I was okay.

[franciscoramon]

[ It's probably a little bad, that Cisco is relieved when Eddie admits he is as high as a kite. Not just because he's glad Eddie's not in pain, but because it lends an air of plausible deniability to this conversation and any accidental embarrassing things he might say or do during it. Eddie seems to have completely missed the fact that the compliment Cisco gave him was maybe a little too much; when he returns it, Cisco grins and shakes his head: ]

Uhhh, not true. You've never seen me wear orange, and you're never gonna see me wear orange, because it's just- it's a disaster, trust me.

[ Eddie's certainty that Cisco is going to be a superhero - and a great one - is startling. Cisco doesn't even know what to say to it. The thought had honestly never crossed his mind. Sure, working with superheroes is his thing. And yeah, okay, so maybe he has powers that could be useful now and then, in a really bad crisis. But him? Cisco Ramon? A superhero?

He only has a little while to think about it, and it's still churning around in his head when Eddie apologizes, and Cisco shushes him, smiling to show that it's okay, that he hasn't offended Cisco. Just... confused him. ]

Hey, don't worry about it, okay? You just relax and ramble all you want while they've got you on the good stuff. Mind if I get out my phone and record some of this?

[ Cisco is clowning around, fake-innocent, trying to get Eddie to laugh. He even fake-reaches for his pocket, as if he's about to take a video of Eddie, but he doesn't complete the motion, breaking off into a grin instead.

He wants to make Eddie happy, this time, because he can picture it all too easily; Eddie disoriented, Eddie lonely, Eddie in the quiet of a hospital room not knowing what his future could possibly hold and grappling with his death. ]

Well, I'll stay and keep you company this time. I promise, I'm not going anywhere.

[causational]

[The thing is, Eddie knows he'll remember this. He's processing, just slowly, and it takes a while to catch onto things. When Cisco contests that he looks terrible in orange, Eddie smiles slowly.]

I look terrible in orange too. Believe me.

[It's only after he says it that what Cisco said earlier and the context and the reaction registers in his brain, and abruptly he's laughing, his cheeks going a bit red. Cisco's saying that he should relax and ramble and something about recording, and Eddie just laughs, abrupt and a little breathless and light-headed.]

Oh my god. Did you just call me hot?

[His eyes are bright as he squeezes Cisco's hand, and he laughs again.]

Whoa, if you did, does that mean I called you hot back?

[An innocently mischievous little grin, and he tilts his head back, the smile softening but staying in place as Cisco promises not to go anywhere.]

Oh, good, I'm really not feeling like I want to be alone right now. I think this high would be really bad if I didn't have someone around making me laugh.

[franciscoramon]

[ There's a little while there, when Eddie is just laughing and Cisco doesn't actually get what it's in reference to. Maybe there's a funny story coming about people wearing orange. But then Eddie asks if Cisco had called him hot and Cisco shifts guiltily, flushing and stammering, trying to clarify but kind of making things worse: ]

I- what I meant was- look- I mean, obviously... but-

[ Nope, this is really just digging himself into a deeper hole. Cisco stops trying, shaking his head back and forth and smiling from ear to ear. And as embarrassing as all this is, it's just so good that Eddie's alive and okay. So Cisco gives up, shrugs, and says with a laugh: ]

Okay, you caught me. I may have made the observation that you are a handsome dude, who could definitely pull off some purple if he wanted to.

[ It's good to see Eddie's eyes sparkling with amusement, to see the color in his face. He'd gotten so pale, back in the woods. Way too pale. He looks much better with some pink in his cheeks. ]

And you don't have to worry, I'll let it slide. I mean you are on pain meds, I just didn't know they affected your vision, too!

[ And Cisco waves his free hand in front of Eddie's face, a foot or so away, as if to indicate he's having trouble seeing and that is the reason he said Cisco looks good in all colors, too. A joke, as if that's the only explanation for why Eddie might say something so flagrantly inaccurate. ]

So it works out perfectly. Just got don't rip your stitches or anything. I mean it'd be pretty impressive if I could say I made a dude laugh so hard he actually started to bleed, but I'm pretty sure the nurses wouldn't be too happy. So... did I ever tell you about the time I tried to make Barry's suit bulletproof?

[causational]

[When Cisco stutters out that response, grinning and shifting and flustering a little, Eddie's smile only grows, warm and happy. Because this is nice, having someone here with him, teasing each other and keeping company. Or at least he thinks so until Cisco starts getting all self-deprecating, and Eddie rolls his eyes, squeezing Cisco's hand a bit.]

Come on. I can see perfectly fine. 20/20 vision, good enough to tell that you are definitely a handsome dude yourself, and you have the extra bonus of really fantastic hair. Like. Really good hair.

[Eddie grins at him, tilting his head against the pillow and humming a bit.]

I think my stitches are fine. My ribs are a little sore though.

[The story is fun, something he's never heard before, and the way Cisco tells it, his expression and voice and eyebrows all animated, energetic, seems to fill the empty space he'd usually be all too aware of in the hospital room. Cisco's good at that, taking up a lot of mental and emotional space in a good way, a way that fills up all the emptiness inside his head, assuages the loneliness. Eddie spends his time laughing until his ribs are sore and he's exhausted, his hand in Cisco's, and he's ready to fall asleep before the pain meds wear off.

It occurs to him that it might be time to take a nap when he dozes off halfway through one of Cisco's stories, vaguely aware of the sound of his voice, if not the shapes it makes, the words formed, and his presence in the room. A few moments into it, he startles slightly, his eyes flick open, and he smiles wanly up at Cisco.]

Sorry. I think...think I'm falling asleep. Didn't mean to. You don't have to hang around with me...if I'm gonna be asleep...

[franciscoramon]

[ It isn't fair, because it's just so obvious that Eddie is stoned on painkillers, and that being that way makes him honest and affectionate and takes away his verbal filter. Which means, when he says Cisco is handsome, there's really no way for him to think his way out of it. And when he says Cisco's got fantastic hair, he can't help remembering (because his brain is a traitor, and evil) the way Eddie had praised Taako's hair as something he found extremely attractive about him. He grins, hot-faced and a little uneasy, and does his very utmost to shove that errant thought to the farthest deepest corner of his mind.

And Cisco's smile goes even softer when Eddie startles back awake and apologizes for nodding off, as if Cisco couldn't see that that was what was happening before Eddie was even aware of it. There's something so innocent and kind of vulnerable about it, as his blinks grow gradually slower and his head falls to the side a little. Cisco keeps his voice low as he says: ]

Nice try. You're not gonna get rid of me that easy.

[ And then, without missing a beat, cutting Eddie off before he can think to object, Cisco goes right back to telling silly stories and anecdotes, about geeky midnight movie premieres and cosplay and whatever else it takes to lull Eddie into a complete, restful sleep. ]