[OPEN] 5 Times Peter Parker Had a Baby +1 Time Spider-Man Did

[madeupnames]

who: Peter (+1 Spider-Man) And You.
what: Peter doing a fake baby project for school, save him.
when: Two Weeks in September
where: All over.
warnings: A fake baby crying incessantly. :|


1. Tramtastic Day

[Peter Parker never really gave much thought to being a dad.

He definitely wanted to be one, of course. And like, he didn't have any preferences! A boy would be easier because he'd totally understand his weird brain, and a son would maybe be a little less worried about talking to him about stuff. And a girl would be awesome because then May would have a little girl she could dress up and have make-over parties with. Not that a grandson couldn't do that, too. But like. Lord, that poor lady has had so much testosterone around her, you know?

Anyway, beyond that, he was too busy either sweating over SATs or fighting people on the side of airplanes. So it's never really been a concern, and there are literally no children in his life anyway, because Parkers have issues. And yet now he's thinking about it way too much, because he's got a crying baby in his arms, one he's trying to hush back to sleep on a tram. Don't worry, it's not real...! It's just, um. It's for a project for school. One of those plastic ones that is high-tech enough to do all the things a newborn does.

They're crazy realistic, though, and it sounds like an upset baby. And oh god, he's never had to take care of a baby before? This is literally hour 2 and he has no clue what he's gonna do. And he's so tired from all his night shifts, and—

The baby continues crying as a tram-goer looks with judgement, and Peter blushes.]

Sorry! Sorry, I'm—

C'mon, Zoe, it's cool, I got you — oh man, shh, shh.

[Peter, she can't actually hear you, stop being so weird, he thinks.

Hopefully she wants her weird fake bottle or just a good rocking, because he's not about to check if she fake-pooped. This is so weird. How is he gonna be Spider-Man and take care of an infant for a grade? But look, it's not like he can ignore the project. He doesn't have the heart to let a fake baby die in remotely any way. If there's anyone who takes this shit 100% seriously, it's Peter Parker.

...He just wishes Ned were here. He'd be a great other dad.

Pay no mind to the teenager with a car seat in hand, as he walks back to his studio apartment.]

2. Hello, I Am A Broke Teenaged Father Still In School

[To any of his trustworthy CR (you know who you are), a message comes in at 3:00 PM:]

Can you babysit for me for a sec, I gotta run to the library and I'm pretty sure crying newborns are not a good idea there. I'll pay u 20$$ and maybe get u a cheeseburger or something. ✌✌✌

[... This is not a weird or concerning request at all.]

3. Dinosaurs are the best choice here.

[Peter visits the thirft shop he really likes just a few blocks from his place — the owner is a nice lady who always has a candy jar up on the register counter. Anyway, he knows that it's not a requirement that fake babies have clothes, but he feels kind of bad about leaving his fake baby in a generic onesie all this time.

So he stands at the baby section with the car seat at his feet, combing through all these adorable girl outfits, and despite everything he's kind of getting too into this.]

Oh this one's cute... Those frills look so uncomfortable around the arms, though...

How about something flowy...? This pink and gold one's... pretty...?

[He laughs, though, reading the cursive on the front.

ALL BECAUSE TWO PEOPLE FELL IN LOVE.]

Thaaat's not... accurate...

[And it probably won't ever be. It makes him a little sad, actually. Because he supposes all of this is just some stupid fairytale daydream, for him. He's not gonna fall in love and have kids or anything like that, because he'll be —

He gasps loudly, holding up a dinosaur onesie with stars in his eyes.

Terrible Thoughts averted.]

Badass!

[HE WANTS TO BE SHRUNK SMALL AND WEAR THIS ASAP THANKS]

4. (TEXT) Children Are Scary Teeth Monsters (warning for creepy teeth stuff)

Okay but have you guys ever seen the Xray of a kid's jaw???
It's the SCARIEST THING I THINK I'VE EVER SEEN
I am deeply regretting all this studying i'm doing now 😫

ATTACHMENT PHOTO: TODDLER_TOOTH_XRAY.JPG

5. Insert Cheesy Lullaby Here

[Okay, but like, it's not a real baby. And it's just a grade. He really shouldn't get too crazy with it. If he misses a feeding, it's only gonna drop his grade a little.

He's cool with just a passing grade, right? Except he knows he's full of shit and startles awake to feed a fake baby with a fake bottle as a fake parent.

Sometime in the night ZoeThe Fake Baby (clad in her awesome dinosaur outfit) ends up going into what the teacher warned would be just "crying just to cry", which he had shrugged off at the time... but is now seriously regretting his life choices. "Shut that baby up!" comes from down the apartment's hall, so he ditches his room and decides to just walk the late-night streets. The crying persists, but it at least is not quite so intense, and he can just keep walking so nobody has to get an earful around their apartment or home for too long.

Oh! Rocking is helping. Sweet.

He's so tired.

He was supposed to go do some Spider-Man work tonight. What if he's missing someone in trouble? He has to figure out a way to do this all together.]

+1. ♪ SPIDER-DAD, SPIDER-DAD ♪



[Peter has ignored his work for long enough. So he figures he'll just do some late-night Spider-Manning with the baby. Just surveillance stuff! Nothing too wild. And if something happens, it's fine. Because Zoe's not a real baby! And real lives are a little critical to keep watch over, not a social project.

So your eyes are not deceiving you when Spider-Man swings by with a baby in a baby carrier on his chest. That's definitely a real thing.

He ends up running into a jewelry shop robber during his shift, who looks a little familiar (didn't you punch me in the face a few weeks ago?) and you know what?

This was a terrible idea.]

You could at least use a less generic robbery get-up, geez!

[Wait, there's two of them.

Peter's spider senses go off a little belatedly, as he instinctively turns so that a well-placed foot slams into his back instead of Zoe.

He goes bowling down the street with a surprised yelp as muscle-head #2 appears on the scene.

... But he makes sure to support Zoe's head, so her neck's secure.

Gonna get that A+.

Also, don't hurt my fake daughter.

"Is that a fucking baby?" the guy says, confused in the bare lighting from the streetlight.

Peter kicks him in the head, and jewelry goes everywhere from his generic-ass burglary bag.]

Comments

[nobasisinfact]

[He watches Peter breathe a sigh of relief and can recall the first time Charlie cried like that, how panicked he'd been at not knowing what to do to calm her down and how terrifying it was to be alone in that panic.

He wouldn't wish this project on anyone, especially not someone as emotional as Peter.]

The disbelief in Peter's words brings Richard's brown to rise in amusement.

Is that so surprising?

[But still, he'd asked, and he didn't mind talking about Charlie to a select few. Peter happened to be one of them.]

I have a daughter, Charlie.

[madeupnames]

[Peter sure brightens up a little at that.]

I didn't know! I bet she's super smart. It's all in the genes, right?

[Look, he's complimenting you. Enjoy it before he's a little shit at some point.]

Sorry you gotta be separated from her here, though. Must be aggravating.

[nobasisinfact]

[At the comment that Charlie must be smart, Richard just smiles. She is smart, and brave enough to take to being on her own earlier than any child should ever want to emancipate herself from her father.

But then came the comment about being separated from her, and Peter doesn't know how hard that comment hit home.]

Charlie's more than capable of taking care of herself.

[madeupnames]

That comes with being smart, right?

[He smiles a little, looking at the baby.]

I dunno if Aunt May would be happy about me taking care of myself here, but I'll try to make her proud.

I even paid my own deposit, and I have money put away for rent, so... I think I'm doing pretty good!

[nobasisinfact]

I'm sure she'd be proud.

[It's hard being mean to someone like Peter. He's just so good and kind, besides, he'd thrown the boy at Simon. He owed him so much just because of that.]

[madeupnames]

[He shoots Strand a relieved little smile, like the dude totally just knows what he says to be true.

But there's also something distantly sad about it — for reasons Peter can't really just say.]

She's always worried about money, so it only seems fair I should worry more about it here, too.

I'm sure there's some quote out there about how it builds character.

[He worried about finances back home in his own way — mainly feeling bad for always eating so much with these stupid powers hitting his metabolism hard, or moving into a cheaper place after Ben died and feeling like part of that was on him — but he never really had to handle rent or any bills like that on his own. So it hardly holds a candle.]

[nobasisinfact]

A good parent wants their children not to have to worry about the same things they did.

[He knows that well.}

[madeupnames]

Yeah... but that's just wishful thinking, isn't it?

That they won't have to grow up and deal with things you do.

[Peter's already intimately familiar with worrying about mortality, anyway — and seeing it in action.

What's worse than that?]

[nobasisinfact]

Sometimes. That doesn't mean they don't hope for it any less.

[madeupnames]

Guess so.

[He sighs through his nose, looking at the plastic baby in his lap.

It makes him think; dangerous thing, he knows.]

I used to wonder if May was ever disappointed that she and Ben got me when I was already older. Not only that, they got a really sad six year old who didn't want anything to do with anybody.

[It's one thing to be uncle and aunt to a happy little boy.

It's another to be parents to a traumatized one.

... The joys of parenthood.]

[nobasisinfact]

Doubtful.

[Richard sighs, knowing he's going to regret what he says next.]

To a point, I wasn't the most outgoing of children, but you're far better than I was. I'm sure it wasn't a problem.

[madeupnames]

[He brightens a little, maybe with relief.]

Ha. Yeah, I guess so. But I'm sure you weren't so bad, Mr. Strand.

[nobasisinfact]

Perhaps not, but I was hardly the ideal child.

[Except that he kinda was, minus the whole clairvoyance and seeing demons thing.]

No child is.

[madeupnames]

Guess that's true. I just always felt the pressure to try to be?

Which is kind of dumb. Neither of them exactly expected one. I just feel like they deserved one.

[nobasisinfact]

You don't think you're ideal?

[It's interesting. Peter is, without a doubt, one of the smartest kids he's ever met. He's kind and caring and takes things very seriously (not unlike Richard at that age). If given the option, Richard wouldn't hesitate to take the boy in if he needed it, and yet, Peter seemed to not see any of that in himself.]

[madeupnames]

[He snorts.]

I dunno. I guess. It definitely wasn't ideal circumstances.

I just offer a lot to worry about. I mean, May worries a lot, I know.

[nobasisinfact]

Any decent parent worries about their kids. Charlie is a grown adult and I still worry about her.

[He'll refrain from telling just HOW old Charlie is; since she's older than Alex and that might make this whole conversation weird for Peter.]

[madeupnames]

Yeah, well, I've probably added onto that more than usual the last year.

[He smiles a little, pleased that Zoe the Fake Baby is pleased, and sits with her nestled in his arms.]

We worry about you guys, too. I mean — the kids, they worry a lot.

S'just not as obvious sometimes.

[nobasisinfact]

[The smile that Richard offers is slightly sad. Charlie probably never worried about him, not after Coralee's disappearance at least. She'd taken steps to make sure he knew in no uncertain terms that she didn't want him in her life. Everyone did, though none hurt more than Charlie.]

Sometimes that isn't always the case, but it's a thoughtful sentiment.

[madeupnames]

... You think that's the case for you?

[He wasn't gonna ask, but. You know. Richard's not quite as subtle about this reply.]

[nobasisinfact]

It's complicated, and not something a child should have to deal with.

[Especially one who he'd sent to Simon. Especially one that had freaked out over it. Peter didn't need to know about the demon in his past, real or imagined.]

Suffice to say that Charlie hasn't needed me for a long time.

[madeupnames]

... It could change, though.

I mean, things change all the time. People, too.

[nobasisinfact]

It's possible.

[How did this turn around on him?]

[madeupnames]

Definitely possible! You never know what's gonna happen in life, right?

If there's one thing I've learned all this time, it's how much something can change in such a short time. Sometimes in just a few seconds. Sometimes with a lot of time, sure, but — You just gotta be open to it and work with it. And never give up hope.

[nobasisinfact]

[He raises a brow, pushing that mask back on. Peter has gotten far too much information about him than he'd planned on revealing. But that didn't mean he couldn't still be vaguely jovial about it.]

Is that your expert advise?