Peter Parker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
madeupnames) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
riverviewlogs2018-09-01 04:52 pm
madeupnames) wrote in riverviewlogs2018-09-01 04:52 pm
[OPEN] 5 Times Peter Parker Had a Baby +1 Time Spider-Man Did
who: Peter (+1 Spider-Man) And You.
what: Peter doing a fake baby project for school, save him.
when: Two Weeks in September
where: All over.
warnings: A fake baby crying incessantly. :|
1. Tramtastic Day
[Peter Parker never really gave much thought to being a dad.
He definitely wanted to be one, of course. And like, he didn't have any preferences! A boy would be easier because he'd totally understand his weird brain, and a son would maybe be a little less worried about talking to him about stuff. And a girl would be awesome because then May would have a little girl she could dress up and have make-over parties with. Not that a grandson couldn't do that, too. But like. Lord, that poor lady has had so much testosterone around her, you know?
Anyway, beyond that, he was too busy either sweating over SATs or fighting people on the side of airplanes. So it's never really been a concern, and there are literally no children in his life anyway, because Parkers have issues. And yet now he's thinking about it way too much, because he's got a crying baby in his arms, one he's trying to hush back to sleep on a tram. Don't worry, it's not real...! It's just, um. It's for a project for school. One of those plastic ones that is high-tech enough to do all the things a newborn does.
They're crazy realistic, though, and it sounds like an upset baby. And oh god, he's never had to take care of a baby before? This is literally hour 2 and he has no clue what he's gonna do. And he's so tired from all his night shifts, and—
The baby continues crying as a tram-goer looks with judgement, and Peter blushes.]
Sorry! Sorry, I'm—
C'mon, Zoe, it's cool, I got you — oh man, shh, shh.
[Peter, she can't actually hear you, stop being so weird, he thinks.
Hopefully she wants her weird fake bottle or just a good rocking, because he's not about to check if she fake-pooped. This is so weird. How is he gonna be Spider-Man and take care of an infant for a grade? But look, it's not like he can ignore the project. He doesn't have the heart to let a fake baby die in remotely any way. If there's anyone who takes this shit 100% seriously, it's Peter Parker.
...He just wishes Ned were here. He'd be a great other dad.
Pay no mind to the teenager with a car seat in hand, as he walks back to his studio apartment.]
2. Hello, I Am A Broke Teenaged Father Still In School
[To any of his trustworthy CR (you know who you are), a message comes in at 3:00 PM:]
Can you babysit for me for a sec, I gotta run to the library and I'm pretty sure crying newborns are not a good idea there. I'll pay u 20$$ and maybe get u a cheeseburger or something. ✌✌✌
[... This is not a weird or concerning request at all.]
3. Dinosaurs are the best choice here.
[Peter visits the thirft shop he really likes just a few blocks from his place — the owner is a nice lady who always has a candy jar up on the register counter. Anyway, he knows that it's not a requirement that fake babies have clothes, but he feels kind of bad about leaving his fake baby in a generic onesie all this time.
So he stands at the baby section with the car seat at his feet, combing through all these adorable girl outfits, and despite everything he's kind of getting too into this.]
Oh this one's cute... Those frills look so uncomfortable around the arms, though...
How about something flowy...? This pink and gold one's... pretty...?
[He laughs, though, reading the cursive on the front.
ALL BECAUSE TWO PEOPLE FELL IN LOVE.]
Thaaat's not... accurate...
[And it probably won't ever be. It makes him a little sad, actually. Because he supposes all of this is just some stupid fairytale daydream, for him. He's not gonna fall in love and have kids or anything like that, because he'll be —
He gasps loudly, holding up a dinosaur onesie with stars in his eyes.
Terrible Thoughts averted.]
Badass!
[HE WANTS TO BE SHRUNK SMALL AND WEAR THIS ASAP THANKS]
4. (TEXT) Children Are Scary Teeth Monsters (warning for creepy teeth stuff)
Okay but have you guys ever seen the Xray of a kid's jaw???
It's the SCARIEST THING I THINK I'VE EVER SEEN
I am deeply regretting all this studying i'm doing now 😫
ATTACHMENT PHOTO: TODDLER_TOOTH_XRAY.JPG
5. Insert Cheesy Lullaby Here
[Okay, but like, it's not a real baby. And it's just a grade. He really shouldn't get too crazy with it. If he misses a feeding, it's only gonna drop his grade a little.
He's cool with just a passing grade, right? Except he knows he's full of shit and startles awake to feed a fake baby with a fake bottle as a fake parent.
Sometime in the night ZoeThe Fake Baby (clad in her awesome dinosaur outfit) ends up going into what the teacher warned would be just "crying just to cry", which he had shrugged off at the time... but is now seriously regretting his life choices. "Shut that baby up!" comes from down the apartment's hall, so he ditches his room and decides to just walk the late-night streets. The crying persists, but it at least is not quite so intense, and he can just keep walking so nobody has to get an earful around their apartment or home for too long.
Oh! Rocking is helping. Sweet.
He's so tired.
He was supposed to go do some Spider-Man work tonight. What if he's missing someone in trouble? He has to figure out a way to do this all together.]
+1. ♪ SPIDER-DAD, SPIDER-DAD ♪
[Peter has ignored his work for long enough. So he figures he'll just do some late-night Spider-Manning with the baby. Just surveillance stuff! Nothing too wild. And if something happens, it's fine. Because Zoe's not a real baby! And real lives are a little critical to keep watch over, not a social project.
So your eyes are not deceiving you when Spider-Man swings by with a baby in a baby carrier on his chest. That's definitely a real thing.
He ends up running into a jewelry shop robber during his shift, who looks a little familiar (didn't you punch me in the face a few weeks ago?) and you know what?
This was a terrible idea.]
You could at least use a less generic robbery get-up, geez!
[Wait, there's two of them.
Peter's spider senses go off a little belatedly, as he instinctively turns so that a well-placed foot slams into his back instead of Zoe.
He goes bowling down the street with a surprised yelp as muscle-head #2 appears on the scene.
... But he makes sure to support Zoe's head, so her neck's secure.
Gonna get that A+.
Also, don't hurt my fake daughter.
"Is that a fucking baby?" the guy says, confused in the bare lighting from the streetlight.
Peter kicks him in the head, and jewelry goes everywhere from his generic-ass burglary bag.]
what: Peter doing a fake baby project for school, save him.
when: Two Weeks in September
where: All over.
warnings: A fake baby crying incessantly. :|
1. Tramtastic Day
[Peter Parker never really gave much thought to being a dad.
He definitely wanted to be one, of course. And like, he didn't have any preferences! A boy would be easier because he'd totally understand his weird brain, and a son would maybe be a little less worried about talking to him about stuff. And a girl would be awesome because then May would have a little girl she could dress up and have make-over parties with. Not that a grandson couldn't do that, too. But like. Lord, that poor lady has had so much testosterone around her, you know?
Anyway, beyond that, he was too busy either sweating over SATs or fighting people on the side of airplanes. So it's never really been a concern, and there are literally no children in his life anyway, because Parkers have issues. And yet now he's thinking about it way too much, because he's got a crying baby in his arms, one he's trying to hush back to sleep on a tram. Don't worry, it's not real...! It's just, um. It's for a project for school. One of those plastic ones that is high-tech enough to do all the things a newborn does.
They're crazy realistic, though, and it sounds like an upset baby. And oh god, he's never had to take care of a baby before? This is literally hour 2 and he has no clue what he's gonna do. And he's so tired from all his night shifts, and—
The baby continues crying as a tram-goer looks with judgement, and Peter blushes.]
Sorry! Sorry, I'm—
C'mon, Zoe, it's cool, I got you — oh man, shh, shh.
[Peter, she can't actually hear you, stop being so weird, he thinks.
Hopefully she wants her weird fake bottle or just a good rocking, because he's not about to check if she fake-pooped. This is so weird. How is he gonna be Spider-Man and take care of an infant for a grade? But look, it's not like he can ignore the project. He doesn't have the heart to let a fake baby die in remotely any way. If there's anyone who takes this shit 100% seriously, it's Peter Parker.
...He just wishes Ned were here. He'd be a great other dad.
Pay no mind to the teenager with a car seat in hand, as he walks back to his studio apartment.]
2. Hello, I Am A Broke Teenaged Father Still In School
[To any of his trustworthy CR (you know who you are), a message comes in at 3:00 PM:]
Can you babysit for me for a sec, I gotta run to the library and I'm pretty sure crying newborns are not a good idea there. I'll pay u 20$$ and maybe get u a cheeseburger or something. ✌✌✌
[... This is not a weird or concerning request at all.]
3. Dinosaurs are the best choice here.
[Peter visits the thirft shop he really likes just a few blocks from his place — the owner is a nice lady who always has a candy jar up on the register counter. Anyway, he knows that it's not a requirement that fake babies have clothes, but he feels kind of bad about leaving his fake baby in a generic onesie all this time.
So he stands at the baby section with the car seat at his feet, combing through all these adorable girl outfits, and despite everything he's kind of getting too into this.]
Oh this one's cute... Those frills look so uncomfortable around the arms, though...
How about something flowy...? This pink and gold one's... pretty...?
[He laughs, though, reading the cursive on the front.
ALL BECAUSE TWO PEOPLE FELL IN LOVE.]
Thaaat's not... accurate...
[And it probably won't ever be. It makes him a little sad, actually. Because he supposes all of this is just some stupid fairytale daydream, for him. He's not gonna fall in love and have kids or anything like that, because he'll be —
He gasps loudly, holding up a dinosaur onesie with stars in his eyes.
Terrible Thoughts averted.]
Badass!
[HE WANTS TO BE SHRUNK SMALL AND WEAR THIS ASAP THANKS]
4. (TEXT) Children Are Scary Teeth Monsters (warning for creepy teeth stuff)
Okay but have you guys ever seen the Xray of a kid's jaw???
It's the SCARIEST THING I THINK I'VE EVER SEEN
I am deeply regretting all this studying i'm doing now 😫
ATTACHMENT PHOTO: TODDLER_TOOTH_XRAY.JPG
5. Insert Cheesy Lullaby Here
[Okay, but like, it's not a real baby. And it's just a grade. He really shouldn't get too crazy with it. If he misses a feeding, it's only gonna drop his grade a little.
He's cool with just a passing grade, right? Except he knows he's full of shit and startles awake to feed a fake baby with a fake bottle as a fake parent.
Sometime in the night ZoeThe Fake Baby (clad in her awesome dinosaur outfit) ends up going into what the teacher warned would be just "crying just to cry", which he had shrugged off at the time... but is now seriously regretting his life choices. "Shut that baby up!" comes from down the apartment's hall, so he ditches his room and decides to just walk the late-night streets. The crying persists, but it at least is not quite so intense, and he can just keep walking so nobody has to get an earful around their apartment or home for too long.
Oh! Rocking is helping. Sweet.
He's so tired.
He was supposed to go do some Spider-Man work tonight. What if he's missing someone in trouble? He has to figure out a way to do this all together.]
+1. ♪ SPIDER-DAD, SPIDER-DAD ♪
[Peter has ignored his work for long enough. So he figures he'll just do some late-night Spider-Manning with the baby. Just surveillance stuff! Nothing too wild. And if something happens, it's fine. Because Zoe's not a real baby! And real lives are a little critical to keep watch over, not a social project.
So your eyes are not deceiving you when Spider-Man swings by with a baby in a baby carrier on his chest. That's definitely a real thing.
He ends up running into a jewelry shop robber during his shift, who looks a little familiar (didn't you punch me in the face a few weeks ago?) and you know what?
This was a terrible idea.]
You could at least use a less generic robbery get-up, geez!
[Wait, there's two of them.
Peter's spider senses go off a little belatedly, as he instinctively turns so that a well-placed foot slams into his back instead of Zoe.
He goes bowling down the street with a surprised yelp as muscle-head #2 appears on the scene.
... But he makes sure to support Zoe's head, so her neck's secure.
Gonna get that A+.
Also, don't hurt my fake daughter.
"Is that a fucking baby?" the guy says, confused in the bare lighting from the streetlight.
Peter kicks him in the head, and jewelry goes everywhere from his generic-ass burglary bag.]