[closed] I can't help this awful energy

[seeingscarlet]

who: Wanda and Loki
what: Magical shenanigans and training.
when: July 18
where: Gramarye
warnings: None

[Wanda pauses outside Loki's office the day after their conversation, biting her lip before knocking. Of course she's a little nervous. How could she not be? Loki's the only other person she knows of who has both real experience with the Mind Stone and the magical knowledge to understand it. He's her best hope.

If he can't help her, at least there's still Stephen and Billy's books, but her powers are still some degree of different. She's not a sorcerer or a mutant...she just is, and whatever this power is, it's hers. Wanda doesn't know if she'll ever reach a point of absolute comfort with them - she has such an odd relationship with them. Some days it really feels like they're as much a part of her as any limb, but then something will happen and everything feels wrong and off, like her foot's asleep or she's having to remind herself to breathe. Still part of her, but uncomfortable and sometimes frightening in its potential.

But deep down, Wanda knows he's right - she can't keep going like this indefinitely.

She manages to school her expression into something more neutral before the door opens. Thankfully, her voice doesn't betray her.]


Hi. [Not her most eloquent but she's here at least.] Is this a good time?

Comments

[dothelokimotion]

[ In all honesty, Loki isn't sure why he offered. He doesn't think it's a good idea, not when his throat continues its phantom aches. He hasn't spoken to Thor since their fight and Loki just wants to retreat deeper and deeper, until every mark of his existence has been erased. Before, his greatest fear was being forgotten. Now he recognizes it for the boon he is.

But he's given up too much time to Gramarye to give it up fully. He flicks his hands, the door opening to reveal his office. It's filled with a soft light, shadows draped across the room. A small bowl of gems submerged in water remains on his desk, casting ripples of coloured light across the room. There's a strange plant, growing and curling around its support. It seems like a room that is quiet, drawing you into its solitude. Loki has risen from his seat. ]

It is as good a time as any.

[seeingscarlet]

[The room's oddly soothing in the low light. Wanda's not sure what she was expecting but it suits him, or at least it suits the Loki she knows from here and her previous peek into Thor's memories.

But as she steps into the room Wanda herself could almost be swallowed up by the shadows - she liked blacks and grays before this witch business, okay, and when her powers aren't active she's the least physically imposing of all the Avengers. She could almost be any other student looking for help.

Except Wanda highly doubts Loki offers to teach just anyone, and she hasn't quite worked out the whys of this. A question for another time - she's not in any position to be looking at his motives too closely.]

How do you want to start? Do you want to see it again?

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki nods. ]

Gather the magic in your palm. That way, I can assess it.

[seeingscarlet]

[That's simple enough. Wanda extends a hand, a small ball of scarlet energy in her palm.]

You can touch it. It won't hurt you.

[Not like this, not without Wanda actively willing it to.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki blinks. ]

Why would I think it would hurt me?

[ But he reaches out to it all the same, eyes closing. ]

[seeingscarlet]

Most people do.

[She wouldn't expect him to avoid touching her altogether (well, for that reason, anyway) like some people at home, but it still would have been a fair assumption.

The scarlet power's a very clearly living energy - it parts and curls around his fingers of its own accord, and just like before it feels more like Wanda than the Mind Stone. The similarity is there, a variation on a theme, but she isn't tied to it.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ He wonders who most people are. The Avengers don't exactly mingle with normal people very often. But Loki dismisses it. After all, it's not important. Instead he focuses on the energies of the mind stone. For him, the Mind Stone was merely an extension of his own abilities. He could do the same thing, albeit with less reach.

Finally Loki pulls back. ]

You have the same abilities I do. Somewhat enhanced and changed via the magical properties of the stone and how they used it.

[seeingscarlet]

[The scarlet energy vanishes and Wanda's hand falls back to her side. She has so many questions - how, for one (and always, why them although she 's not asking that).]

You can read minds too?

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki hesitates. ]

Yes. Working with perception and mental scapes is my ability. It is not often advertised though and very few know of it.

[seeingscarlet]

[Well, since she's tried so hard to keep her own mental abilities quiet, she really can't blame him.]

Don't you ever get lost in...in everyone else? It wasn't so bad when my brother was alive but now...

[dothelokimotion]

I used to, when I was younger. But I've had centuries of practice.

[ And getting lost is something Loki does in abundance. He's always found his way back. ]

[seeingscarlet]

How did you stop it?

[Easier to start there rather than jumping straight into 'how do I not get overwhelmed and explode again.']

[dothelokimotion]

For one, "stopping" is the wrong way to do it. You cannot hope to fight every mind, win every battle.

[seeingscarlet]

[That's still not going to stop her from trying.]

Then how should I think of it?

[dothelokimotion]

You can't treat the mind as a battle between yourself and another. You have to treat it like a river. Do not submerge yourself but swim alongside it.

[seeingscarlet]

Easier when it isn't so...loud? That's not...

[She shakes her head. There aren't words in any language she knows that can properly describe it.]

What about pain? Is that any different for you?

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki frowns, mulling that over. ]

It might be. I have a large threshold for pain. I don't acknowledge it very often.

[seeingscarlet]

Every time I've tried to push through it something bad has happened. It doesn't matter if it's mine or someone else's.

[For all her power she's no stronger than an average woman her age, the Avengers' very own glass canon.]

Maybe that's why my...problem was so obvious last time. [The only way she'd been able to find anyone was to reach out and follow the source of the pain, and the distraction made her control less sure.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ His expression flickers briefly. He's still working through his own grief, his own inability to truly do good. But Loki pushes it away. Now was not the time for his own sentiments. ]

It's possible that you're trying to force the connection and that's where the problems occur. You have to be distanced in your use. You can't let yourself be overwhelmed.

[seeingscarlet]

[She notices the way his expression shifts and files that away for later. Now doesn't seem like the best time to ask.]

I could be doing it wrong, [she agrees with a shrug.] I was taught to do whatever got faster results.

What does it feel like for you when you read someone?

[It's one of those things that might be easier to show rather than tell, and Wanda might very well let him. It's not like she has much to lose, and no one could possibly hurt her more than she already has been famous last words.]

[dothelokimotion]

I feel whatever they feel. But I never lose sight of myself.

[ Such was the way when Loki pulled out Valkyrie's memories. He felt every cut, every measure of pain. But he never gets sucked in to the point that he forgets himself. Otherwise it is a worthless power. ]

[seeingscarlet]

[...ah.]

Maybe that's the problem.

[Her voice is quiet, small. There's been so much upheaval in her life since the fall of Sokovia, but no, her powers haven't been the same since Pietro's death. She'd thought it was grief.

Maybe it's something more, something deeper.]

I am used to holding on to someone else, like an anchor. I don't...know how to do it alone yet.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki has no context for that. He's unfamiliar with the newer Avengers and prefers it that way. ]

Then you have to learn. People are no anchors. They cannot last.

[seeingscarlet]

[Harsh, but deep down Wanda knows he's right. If she wants to go forward, she's going to have to start over from scratch. Just like she's still trying to find out who she is on her own.]

How should I start? You say not to fight it so much...you ground in yourself, yes?

[dothelokimotion]

[ He hums. ]

You need to gather up all that you are. Not simply the parts you are content to live with, but the bitter and angry thoughts as well.