[closed] I can't help this awful energy

[seeingscarlet]

who: Wanda and Loki
what: Magical shenanigans and training.
when: July 18
where: Gramarye
warnings: None

[Wanda pauses outside Loki's office the day after their conversation, biting her lip before knocking. Of course she's a little nervous. How could she not be? Loki's the only other person she knows of who has both real experience with the Mind Stone and the magical knowledge to understand it. He's her best hope.

If he can't help her, at least there's still Stephen and Billy's books, but her powers are still some degree of different. She's not a sorcerer or a mutant...she just is, and whatever this power is, it's hers. Wanda doesn't know if she'll ever reach a point of absolute comfort with them - she has such an odd relationship with them. Some days it really feels like they're as much a part of her as any limb, but then something will happen and everything feels wrong and off, like her foot's asleep or she's having to remind herself to breathe. Still part of her, but uncomfortable and sometimes frightening in its potential.

But deep down, Wanda knows he's right - she can't keep going like this indefinitely.

She manages to school her expression into something more neutral before the door opens. Thankfully, her voice doesn't betray her.]


Hi. [Not her most eloquent but she's here at least.] Is this a good time?

Comments

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki has no context for that. He's unfamiliar with the newer Avengers and prefers it that way. ]

Then you have to learn. People are no anchors. They cannot last.

[seeingscarlet]

[Harsh, but deep down Wanda knows he's right. If she wants to go forward, she's going to have to start over from scratch. Just like she's still trying to find out who she is on her own.]

How should I start? You say not to fight it so much...you ground in yourself, yes?

[dothelokimotion]

[ He hums. ]

You need to gather up all that you are. Not simply the parts you are content to live with, but the bitter and angry thoughts as well.

[seeingscarlet]

And the parts that frighten me.

[It's not a question.

Wanda knows she'll never be quite like the others - she has too much of a vengeful streak that she can't quite leave behind and there's always someone out there cruel enough to wake it.

She makes a face. This sounds like one of those eyeroll-inducing maxims from the books Billy let her borrow.]

...is this something I need to stop being afraid of before it will stop giving me reasons to be afraid?

[dothelokimotion]

No.

[ If that had been the case, Loki wouldn't be able to function at all. He would have been stopped at the gates. ]

You cannot expunge fear. You can only choose when it affects you the most.

[seeingscarlet]

[Well, it's good that it isn't necessary, because Wanda's pretty sure she can't. She makes a face.]

There aren't enough 'positive affirmations' in the world for that. I don't think they're helping.

[Or meditation, but that's for completely unrelated reasons. Quieting her mind is a struggle when it's constantly bombarded by everyone else's thoughts and feelings, but it sounds like she's not approaching it the right way.]

If I am thinking about all of this wrong, then how should I practice?

[dothelokimotion]

[ He takes a moment to work it out mentally. ]

You have to start from the bottom and work your way to the top. Start with the worst before you can deal with the better parts. Find a space and start projecting that outwardly.

[seeingscarlet]

I think I can try that.

[It's a better place to start - actually feels like she's doing something.]

Do you think there is anything else I can do? I've learned to use the energy to move things or attack or make shields, but I know other magic users can do much more.

[dothelokimotion]

You should find other abilities. Relying on the ones that the Mind Stone provided can be a double-edged sword.

What would you be interested in?

[seeingscarlet]

I've seen Stephen and Billy open doors to other places? But I'm not sure my powers work like that.

[She fidgets again. Part of the oldest fear rears its head again: what if she really is no more than a weapon? What if her powers are only really good for one thing?]

I want to learn something that can help people. Something less...destructive.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Ugh, portals. He rolls his eyes. The most flashy and ridiculous of spells. Some people don't need glowing holes to get to places. ]

I could teach you a few healing spells.

[seeingscarlet]

[Wanda smiles and her eyes light up despite his eyerolling. That's perfect.]

I'd like to try.

[dothelokimotion]

Then I shall see what I can do.

[ Teaching is . . . still not his calling. He still misses Ava. He wonders if his daughter knew magic. All those opportunities have slipped away, but it wasn't his fault. He tried.

He rubs his neck quietly. He tried. ]

[seeingscarlet]

[Wanda tilts her head in concern. Why does that seem to make him uncomfortable?

He gets one freebie before she's going to start asking questions. She doesn't know him so well as to be comfortable going straight into worry.]

How do we start?

[dothelokimotion]

We'll start with the basics.

You need to take care of a plant.

[seeingscarlet]

I assume you want me to do more than water it.

[...and keep Zora from eating it if this is going to turn into a take-home project.]

[dothelokimotion]

Do your best to nurture it. Touch it with your magic. Then bring it here after a week so I can see the results.

[seeingscarlet]

[Yep, definitely something to keep in her own office. No one wants to try to explain that their cat ate their homework.]

I'll try. [He doesn't need to elaborate. Wanda's used to experimenting with her abilities, and really, she needs guidance, not handholding.]


((ooc: time skip?))

[dothelokimotion]

[ Just as well. Loki isn't the hand holding type. ]

Good. I will check on you later.

(( sounds good! ))

[seeingscarlet]

[Wanda's mood is much brighter the next week when she shows up with the plant and a small box of chocolate chip cookies.

She adopted one of the lavender plants from Gramarye's collection and she hasn't managed to kill it. It's actually doing pretty well, and several shoots are beginning to flower. Wanda had left it alone for the first two days to focus on getting a sense of its energy and what happened when she touched it with her power. Only when she was sure she had a decent grasp of it did she try to feed it small amounts of her power.

This is probably the first time she's actually been happy to explore her powers.]

Look, [she says excitedly when he opens the door.] I didn't kill it.

[...setting the bar real high for yourself there, Wanda.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ To be fair, he'd treat not killing it as a high bar too. It's not as though Loki has a skill with keeping people alive. Today, he seems to be lounging in his suit, without the black jacket. ]

So you did not. Bring it closer. I need to examine it.

[seeingscarlet]

[She crosses the room to set the plant and box of cookies on the desk.]

These are for you. For your help.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki blinks, confused. ]

I haven't done much.

[seeingscarlet]

You offered to help and you didn't run away.

[Just accept her friendship (and chocolate), Loki.]

[dothelokimotion]

Why would I be running?

[ And he's totally going to gloss over the helping bit. ]