this is so sad siri play despacito [CLOSED]

[nyahilistic]

who: Matsuno⁴
what: A very belated birthday.
when: End of June? At least a couple of days after the torture event.
where: Matsuno Household.
warnings: Four sweaty dicks live in this house and are having a birthday party. What more warning do you need.



[To say being kidnapped and tortured had sucked was putting it mildly. He didn't even really remember most of what had happened, being he'd been kidnapped already running a nasty fever, and once things had gotten bad he'd done his best to mentally check himself out so he wouldn't remember. He'd spent the first several days they were home silent and avoiding all three of them, sorting himself out and trying to decide if there was any actual damage he needed to discuss or be seen for-- In the end he took some NyQuil and slept on the couch for three days without waking up other than to pee and take more NyQuil and seemed to be okay.]

[So the next morning, he'd waited until the other three were all awake, and shuffled his way awkwardly into the doorway of the bedroom, one of the kittens on his shoulder.]

...so, uh. Kidnapping sucks, can we do something fun? We all kinda missed our birthday, anyway...

[He shuffles aside, and on the coffee table are three neatly wrapped presents of varying sizes. One is red, one is blue, and one is yellow.]

...or, if nothing else, I got you guys some stuff.

[ooc; I'm gonna have top levels for each one of you because I'm absolutely abysmal at group threads, otherwise be as chaotic as you see fit. ♥]

Comments

🎁 gifts

[nyahilistic]

[For Osomatsu, there is a red envelope sitting on top of a red-wrapped box. Inside the envelope are three things: another smaller envelope, and two slips of paper. One slip is a signed notice from Osomatsu's boss to approve him for a weekend entirely off of work, the other is a hand-written note from Ichimatsu.]

you work too much. take lyle or go twice, doesn't matter to me. 🐾

[The second envelope is smaller and contains two tickets to a Riverview Casino resort, assuming there is one. If there's not, well. There's tickets for some nice gambling getaway something he can share with Lyle or go on his own. Go relax and gamble, nii-san. The box, for the record, is empty. There is, however, a hole in one side, with another note taped to it.]

put your dick in the box

[For Karamatsu, there is a garment box wrapped in blue. Inside, wrapped in glittery blue tissue paper, is a jacket, the tissue taped closed around it with a note. Two of the pockets in the jacket have condoms in them, each coming with a different, vaguely snide joke about getting ass or having his ass got. He doesn't really want to think about who does what, here.]

words cannot express how much i hate the fact that i will never get the glitter this fucking tissue paper shed on me off of my body. you had better enjoy this jacket. 🐾

[And lastly, for Jyushimatsu, there is an awkwardly wrapped set of things, with a huge yellow bow tied around the end to make it slightly less obvious what it is. ...It's a baseball bat, with two softballs duct-taped to the bottom of it so the entire thing looks like a huge phallus. ...Underneath is a small box of baseballs, and a note like the others.]

the softballs were funnier, but the baseballs are for actual use. softballs too i guess, if you wanna. 🐾

[yakyuuman]

[ A BIG BASEBALL PENIS???

Clearly Ichimatsu knows him so well.

Jyushimatsu goes literally sparkle-eyed after he rips the wraps away like a feral animal and looks at the content. He grabs the whole package and for a moment he's tempted to put it over his crotch to joke about how he Grew Up nicely, but gives up because what kind of reaction to a gift is that? It wouldn't be nice to Ichi-niisan! So he hugs the bat and balls instead, cuddling them and smiling extremely bright at his brother. ]

Thank you so much, I'm gonna strike so many homeruns with these!

[ The balls will probably disappear into the Riverview sky later on, but the bat will stay. ]

[nyahilistic]

[I mean, he gave you a giant baseball penis, Jyushimatsu. He'd probably think it was hilarious. He chuckles anyway, nodding and moving to sit on the couch, setting the kitten on his shoulder in his lap.]

You beat the shit outta some guys with two of them getting me 'n Osomatsu outta Hell last week, so I thought you might need a new one.

[yakyuuman]

I stole them from the baseball stadium I work at, they weren't a big deal really! But with this one I can practice my swings properly without having to rob the place!

[ Jyushimatsu pets the bat tenderly, like he'd just adopted it. Actually yeah, it's his son now, the second one after Big League Choo (the teddy bear he got from a pretty lady not long ago). ]

When you feel better, will you help me practice too?

[ You know the Way he does it, Ichi. ]

[nyahilistic]

[He frowns, looking a little affronted.]

...Jyushimatsu, you probably shouldn't steal bats from the stadium you work for, I think? Though the sentiment is still appreciated.

[He pets the cat, nodding. What an oddly pleasant familiarity.]

...yeah. It's been forever.

[yakyuuman]

I mean, it was either that or using my bare hands, and those people seemed quite tough so I had no choice! I'm not good with swords or guns, I'm the type of guy who goes for whacking assholes!

[ He smiles, closing his eyes and sighing contently. ]

Yup. Can't wait to feel better myself, too! Never thought injuries would take so long to heal, hehe!

[ It's a pain in the neck that this world is not relying on gags, but he won't regret saving his brothers any bit. ]

[nyahilistic]

[He shudders faintly at the notion of Jyushimatsu having used his bare hands to beat the tar out of those cultists instead, cringing.]

...yeah. I guess it's kinda nice to be conscious for longer than an hour.

[yakyuuman]

[ Jyushimatsu glances a bit worriedly towards Ichimatsu now. ]

How are you feeling though? Does it still hurt anywhere?

[ He tried to reach out lately, but Ichi still hates being touched so he'd been holding back since then. A pity since all he wants is to be able to hug his best friend again. ]

[nyahilistic]

[The kitten squirms out of his grip and he draws his knees up to himself, shrugging.]

Hard to describe.

dick in the box

[relieable]

[so. Osomatsu hasn't been very well either. he got sick from being starved, and it was hard for him to keep food down for a while. there were a couple times when he'd latched onto Karamatsu or Jyushimatsu and wouldn't let go. he would have done the same thing to Ichimatsu, too, if Ichi had let him.

he gradually builds up to acting like his normal self, going to work, seeing his boyfriend. but there's a sadness in his eyes, like he feels betrayed somehow. betrayed by this wonderful world that he's come to love.

seeing Ichimatsu out and about that day causes him to worry a bit, but once he realizes what's going on, Osomatsu is happy. he moves to touch Ichimatsu, not with a firm head rub, but just a light pat on the shoulder, in case he doesn't want to be touched]

You got us stuff? You didn't have to do that. [he says as he makes a beeline over to his presents]

it's my dick in a box

[nyahilistic]

[He tenses only slightly at the hand as it comes toward him, but relaxes when it's just a pat. He'd have got get used to contact being okay again, even if he'd never really been super fond of it to begin with. He likes periodic contact, but now he was at this weird point with it where it scared him in a way he couldn't always keep himself from reacting to.]

[But he's glad Osomatsu seems to be doing better, too. Him being sick when he ate reminded him of the flu they'd had that lead to comas, and he was really quite tired of sicknesses and most everything else, thanks. He sits neatly on his knees near the table and shrugs.]

Slept through our birthday this year, so I figured better late than never.

[relieable]

[okay, let's see what we've got here! Osomatsu opens the envelope first, and finds the two tickets] Oh, no way! This place is super exclusive! [then he looks to the paper. Ichimatsu even got a note from his boss. incredible! he beams at Ichimatsu, like he's so proud of him.

but then his attention is on the box. there must certainly be more treasures in there! but then he picks up the box, sees the attached note, and finds the hole. what.

again, Osomatsu looks to Ichimatsu, eyes slightly narrowed before he bursts out laughing]

[nyahilistic]

[A very cat-who-got-the-cream smile crosses his face, and he chuckles lowly when Osomatsu bursts out laughing about the box.]

You know that weird dumb American song, right? I thought you'd find it funny. But the tickets are the real present. Your boss thought I was you when I first went in, was absolutely aghast and told me to go home and shower and brush my hair. Pretty funny.

[relieable]

Really? [hehe. that also makes him smile. he pokes his finger through the hole in the box and wiggle is, then looks back at the envelope in his other hand]

Thanks, Ichimacchan.

[nyahilistic]

[His smile stays for a bit, even if it's small, and he nods.]

Yeah, yeah. Don't get all mushy on me. [Actually please do. Maybe not for the gift itself, but there's a definite part of him that feels like a nuisance now that niisan has a boyfriend.]

[relieable]

[he won't get mushy! maybe. Osomatsu puts down the box but holds onto the envelope. he taps it against his free hand. he definitely looks like he wants to say something else. they have some unfinished business, don't they?]

...You know. When I first noticed you were missing, I got really upset. I tried talking to Karamatsu, even called that Reaper guy to see if he'd seen you. I didn't know what to do.

[nyahilistic]

[He recoils, hugging his knees closer.]

...sorry. [He doesn't... really know what else to say, he doesn't know if he should be apologizing at all, because he knows he was wrong for hiding from everyone and making himself sick sleeping in the greenhouse, but he didn't know what else to do. Feel unwanted, make yourself scarce. Feel sick, make yourself scarcer. He's a cat, through and through.]

[glitterpants]

<sub>[ Their birthday came and went away and he slept through it after experiencing both horrible blindness and falling unconscious, so Karamatsu can rightfully say it was the worst birthday ever. It was bad when he was here last year, but this 25th birthday was the worst. He hadn't brought up the prospect of exchanging gifts or anything and thought life here would just move on like normal.

He's grooming himself in a hand mirror when Ichimatsu approaches him with a wrapped box. ]</sub>

Aa? What is this, Ichimatsu?
_{[ He didn't expect any late birthday gifts! ]}

[nyahilistic]

We're twenty-five, now. I think that's supposed to be an important number.

[The box gets placed in front of him, and then Ichimatsu stiffly leans away, shuffling backward a few steps.]

Anyway Happy Birthday or something, a month and a couple days late.

[But he's definitely not gonna stand here awkwardly and watch you open it, so if you need him he'll be back out in the living room sitting on the couch with a cat.]

[glitterpants]

_{[ Give him a few minutes and Ichimatsu will hear the dramatic gasp as it quickly escalates to bosterious laughter and then..
the pitter patter of feet..
and then, Karamatsu running into the room that Ichimatsu is in, wearing the jacket. ]}

MY... BROTHER!!!!
_{[ Ichimatsu should have expected this. ]}

[nyahilistic]

[The cat scrambles away as it hears Karamatsu's approach, and Ichimatsu draws in a slow breath, sitting up and leaning against the back of the couch, exhaling as Karamatsu presents himself in the jacket.]

Fits okay? [He did. He did expect this.]

[glitterpants]

It fits perfectly! It is just my style. Ah, you know these things because you study my kind of fashion, don't you?
_{[ He does a little twirl, look at him. ]}

It makes me feel so terrible I have not gotten a present for all of you, but I suppose us being unified once more is a good enough gift for us all, non? Even so, I feel as if I should re pay you somehow!

_{[ He plops down on the sofa next to Ichimatsu, beaming. ]}

You know, I was worried when Osomatsu and I couldn't find you.

gently phone tags

[nyahilistic]

I wouldn’t call it studying, but it’s hard to not see what you wear when you prance around all the time.

[He’s grinning, at least, for a moment, but then shrugs with a quirk of his mouth at one corner.]

Kind of sprung the birthday thing on you guys without much warning, so that’s my bad.

[He goes quiet at the mention of the kidnapping, and then shrugs.] Kidnapping’ll do that to a person. [He’s annoyed, and he knows he shouldn’t be. Did Karamatsu want him to apologize for being kidnapped?]

[glitterpants]

It just means you must me the most thoughtful of us, my brother. Ha... I would have never imagined you and I to come to this kind of conclusion. Before we went to space, I was certain you absolutely hated me!

_{[ WOW, he's going in full force with this, isn't he? ]}

Trust me, I know what it is like to be kidnapped! But.. I suppose being tormented with oden is quite the child's play, isn't it?
_{[ Hmmm. ]}

A..a, never mind. We probably shouldn't talk about something so horrible.. I'm glad you are back and we all are together once more.

[nyahilistic]

[He scrunches his face, a familiar yet distant frustration pulling his shoulders tense. He scowls, shaking his head and standing up, turning around to face him.]

It's not a competition, Karamatsu! Nobody asked to be kidnapped, not you when it was Chibita and not us when it was these guys. If we're gonna throw underhanded jabs, I tried to organize this before any of this happened, and you were too busy staring at yourself in my mirror for a booty call to listen!