5 times Spider-man helped + 1 time Peter Parker didn't (open)

[madeupnames]

who: Spider-Man!!!!
what: Being friendly and in the neighborhood
when: IDK now, tomorrow, some time, he's always working
where: Around Riverview.
warnings: Look out for purse snatchers, fam. They're out there.

Just a collection of inspired hero-help from the big spider boi truly.

I. It's Part of My Wardrobe

[When you see petty crimes as Spider-Man, you have to handle it — no ifs, ands, or buts. So it goes without saying that when he sees a dude running his ass off holding a purse, he has to consider two things: one, is the guy just into purses, which is 100% cool, and two, if he's not, then is he frantically racing to give a lady in his life her purse back that she had left at his place? Okay, no, he very clearly stole it, he's rifling through it on a park bench and trying to sniff out the money.

Suffice to say, the guy ends up danging from a tree by his butt, and Spider-Man is now wearing a fashionable purse on his shoulder as he swings around the neighborhood. He may even come swinging over to a fellow character (hey, hi, howdy) and hold up the purse in question (this purse is getting famous).]

Hey, excuse me! You know who this belongs to?

["It's totally your color!" Someone yells from the sidewalk as they go, and he gives a thumbs up.]

Thanks!!

II. The Case of the Cat-Callers.

[Oooor maybe you've got some weirdo following you, whistling or being a general nuisance. Spider-Man's got you covered there, too. He's got a sense for these things, y'know, and not just spidey sense. When you're in New York at 2 in the morning, you see plenty of assholes trying to be funny or gross. So he crawls along the side of the nearest building and goes PSSST at you, like it's totally normal for a dude to crawl on the wall and PSSST like he's so incognito (he's not, he knows, but it's formalities).]

Hey! Sorry, Perimeter Guard guy here. Is that guy giving you any trouble? You want me to walk with you or, like, knock his hat off his head? Maybe get his feet stuck to the ground?

[This seems to be the most logical choice in retaliation for harassment.]

III. A Doggy, I Love Doggies

[Spider-Man is also very helpful to the strays! I mean, they usually hiss and scratch him, because he's a weirdo in a onesie spandex suit with bug eyes, but not always! See: him walking a very large and almost cloud-like fuzzy dog — that is apparently as tall as he is — on a leash clearly made out of spider-webbing material.]

Excuse me! D'you know which way the shelter iiisSSSS—!!

[If you're wondering why his voice got all crazy there at the end, it's cuz the dog has seen a cat run by, and is currently whipping the poor spider dude to the left sharply as it gives chase. Don't worry, he plants his sticky feet and stops the excitable creature from dragging him into the distance.]

S-sorry, where was I — the shelter? Down, doggy! Good doggy! No cat murder!

IV. A Spider-Man and a Drunk Angry Alien Lady Walks In a Liquor Store...

[Oh, yes, the drunk and disorderly! Spider-Man knows them very well, too! He's just not used to the drunk, disorderly person to be a refugee alien lady with eight arms (heh, samesies, but also not) who is having some kind of existential crisis outside of what amounts to a liquor store. She's waving around a bottle of something S T R O N G and is throwing literal globs of acid in every which direction. Sorry if he swings in and picks ya' up from out of the way of the gal, he'll try to put you down carefully.]

Hey, c'mon, I'm sure there are better ways to handle this-

[Ow, ow, that's acid, that burns my arm.]

Note to self, avoid the green sizzling stuff—!! Look out, everyone, back up!

[Maybe he should just web her up, maybe get some water into her? Wait for the authorities to get her sober? Seems like a plan! Just watch y'alls steps while he gets her settled down oh god please don't projectile vomit at me— He maybe catches something about a no good dirty cheater? Oh honey, there are better ways to cope—]

V. Wildcard

[Got your own personal crisis? Need directions? Got a tire that needs changing? Maybe you need help with your math homework at a park. I dunno, man, but Spider-Man's good for that stuff, too. Or he'll try his best to be.]

+I. PSA on Naps



[Peter Parker is not Spider-Man, at the moment, so he's not helping anyone out.

But he is splayed under a tree at the park, so exhausted from dealing with the drunk acid-throwing lady that he has passed out unceremoniously with his legs and arms akimbo in the grass; one of the arms appears to be bandaged, and there's a little burn mark on his cheek and other hand, but nothing too concerning. Though he does look like he might as well have been knocked out by an acorn that hit him on the head, from how dead to the world he is.

It's just another day, another weird night, but boy it's hard when you're not remotely used to the terrain... And you're, like, dealing with way tougher crowds than you're used to...

Judging from the bag opened up and half-dumped of books, he was gonna try to do some reading and relax. He'll get up at some point. Just. Give him a few... minutes... hours. Thank god there's no school right now.]

Comments

ii

[breqintopieces]

[The first time that the friendly neighborhood street harasser tries to catch her attention, Breq doesn't pay him any mind, mostly because she doesn't realize he's trying to talk to her at all. So she continued on, which was apparently the wrong thing to do with this particular jerk.

By the third incident and the second block, Breq knows exactly who the guy is trying to get a reaction from. She's not giving it to him. She's walking, hands held loose and ready at her sides in case he tries to step up the harassment, and is reviewing her options. Shooting him isn't an option, but ignoring or confronting both have their own risks. She's readying herself to finally move when that 'psst!' catches her attention.

The mask makes her wary, the clinging to the wall even more so. She doesn't look ready to throw a punch, at least. Probably for the best. Peter won't have to explain an awkward bruise when he returns to the communal housing floor.]

Who's offering?

[madeupnames]

Oh! Oh, ha, right. Silly me. I'm Spider-Man!

[He sounds so very cheery, crawling along with no real effort; he clearly just sort of sticks to the wall.]

I'm used to New York City streets, actually, but since I got whisked off to a whole new place, I figure I'd just keep doing my usual gig, you know? And man, I deal with waaaay too many people like bozo over there.

Again, I can definitely web his feet to the ground if you want.

It dissolves in two hours, so it's, like, perfect contemplation time.

[breqintopieces]

Spider-Man.

[It's like she made her tone as bland as possible to convey all the incredulity she can possibly hint at. It's a model of perfect skepticism.

It doesn't last for long, though. The sound of staggering footsteps coming closer has her half-glancing over her shoulder, checking on the position of the bozo, before turning back to Peter with a slightly more serious cast.]

My solution to the problem will break [Here, a nearly-imperceptible pause] his nose. If you have something better, then by all means.

[madeupnames]

Ah. Breaking a nose. That's — I mean, it's a totally cool reaction to creeps.

But I'll handle this, no worries!

[And really, Peter isn't one to break noses or seriously hurt people, not if he can avoid it. So he does a happy little flip, shooting a web to swing over to the catcaller in question. The guy looks more than a little confused, but it just takes one Spider-Grenade for his feet to end up entirely plastered to the sidewalk.

Listen to those sweet complaints and demands streaming from the dude. Ah, lovely.

He points a finger at the guy as he swings away, back towards the walking Breqin.]

That'll disintegrate in two hours! You deserve it!

[Task complete. There is no dude following.

He is too busy being stuck. And speaking of sticking, look how nicely he sticks his landing to return! He even does a little bow, like the closing of a show, because he's a big dumb nerd.]

[breqintopieces]

[Breq raises an eyebrow.]

That is why I'm letting you try.

[Annnd off he goes. He certainly doesn't move quite like the average human, as far as she knows, between that climbing and the webs and the swinging from place to place. A modified one, perhaps, or some strange technology in the suit-uniform?-he's wearing.

She doesn't applaud when he returns, but she does incline her head, a little twist to the corner of her mouth.]

My thanks. My name is Breq. Is there any way I can return the favor?

[madeupnames]

[Oh good, she seems appeased!

Though the instant she offers him a returned favor for the work, he's quick to be confused.]

Huh? Oh, no way, none needed! It's my job, anyway.

Nobody should have to pay anything for their own safety, you know?

[breqintopieces]

[She tilts her head quizzically. Not something she's used to hearing. Maybe she's just been living on the cynical edge of space for too long. Or maybe she's just used to a different way of doing things than the quarantine offers.]

I can at least offer my thanks, then. I wasn't aware the quarantine had a job with... those qualifications.

[madeupnames]

I'm part of the Perimeter Guard, but I kinda did this back home, too.

Just sort of a... calling. I guess.

[On a scale of 1 to 10 of cynical edges, Peter is a -5.]

[breqintopieces]

This? Vigilante justice?

[Not that Breq can really talk, and not only because Spider Man just helped her keep from having to physically assault another resident.]

[madeupnames]

Yeah! Though to be fair to me, I at least am sorta signed up now.

[It's not quite as vigilante. But still.]

But not just justice, y'know. Sometimes it's just helping out someone who needs it.

Like helping someone change their tire when they don't have anything to lift the car with!

[breqintopieces]

Multi-talented, I see.

[Were she in the Radch, she would call him a modified human, but here, there are so many factors it's impossible to say. Including the fact that he's being entirely nonchalant about his costume.]

Is this a common pursuit where you're from? Or here, for that matter?

[madeupnames]

I got a few tricks up my sleeve.

[Which is to say, yeah, the spider powers are quite multi-faceted.]

I like to think helping the community is pretty common, though. Sure, I do it differently, but I'm not exactly any better than someone who works at a soup kitchen, or who runs low-income clinics, or fosters kids. You just gotta apply what you can do where you can do it, right?

[breqintopieces]

[Breq nods. That is a sentiment she can agree with. She gestures agreement.]

As one can, in one's own way, yes.

However--the mask and the climbing walls effortlessly and the substance you used, however. I assume those aren't simply everyday things.

[madeupnames]

[He cocks his head to the side and shrugs, a 'you got me there'.]

I guess not, no. But way more ordinary here than back home, I think.

I mean, people here react a little funny to the idea of superheroes, but.

At least powers aren't that weird, right?

[breqintopieces]

Here, I am beginning to realize they are not, but it's not so where I'm from.

[Or at least, not in the Radch, where too many body alterations would be considered impure. Breq's not really human by some standards, even without being an ancillary.]

Magic, strange powers-- those are things out of stories and dramas.

[madeupnames]

Really? So — no magical superhero types, at all?

I mean... I guess that's actually pretty normal. There weren't a lot of heroes like that even ten years ago, in my world. [He rubs the back of his head, almost bashfully.] I'm also kind of a weird situation. A lot of heroes are pretty normal physically.

[breqintopieces]

In the parts of space I'm most familiar with, extensive physical modifications are taboo. I've seen it elsewhere, but I never spent long there. [Not to mention asking people about it directly would be unspeakably rude. Still,] I saw those who could survive in vacuum, or who had extra limbs, or had integrated almost entirely with technological enhancements.

Still, nothing I would describe as magical. ...Or as a superhero.

[madeupnames]

Oh, cool, so your place is a sci-fi haven kind of deal.

...

I've always wondered if I'd look cooler with robo-spider-arms.

[breqintopieces]

I doubt the word 'haven' applies.

[Maybe she's cynical but there's no place she would call a haven in all of space. You can only ever escape what's haunting you from so long.

But that's also clearly not where this boy's mind is going, if robot arms is what comes to him first.]

This seems like the kind of city where you could find out.

[madeupnames]

... That's true. Maybe I should start investing in them.

But ugh, I might scare the arachnophobics. Just imagine, me swinging down trying save somebody, and they run away while throwing their shoes at me.

[breqintopieces]

If they don't already, the addition of a few more limbs isn't likely to change it.

[Seeing him crawling on the wall was enough to make her instinctively react, though she managed to curb it. She can't imagine he hasn't already had a few aggressive reactions sent his way.]