genji shimada | 島田源氏 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
flowlikewater) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
riverviewlogs2018-06-05 06:26 pm
flowlikewater) wrote in riverviewlogs2018-06-05 06:26 pm
Entry tags:
june closed prompts
who: genji + various
what: closed prompts for specific characters
when: throughout the month
where: all throughout the quarantine
warnings: none yet, will edit accordingly!
what: closed prompts for specific characters
when: throughout the month
where: all throughout the quarantine
warnings: none yet, will edit accordingly!
no subject
He'd usually speak with his master, but that wasn't an option. So, instead, he's going to drink with one of his closest friends. Sure, not ideal, but he needs to vent. And to hear Cisco's side of what had happened. He's not angry, genuinely, he doesn't have to ask to know why Cisco didn't bring it up. It was something between both him and Shigeru.
Still. Genji's progress doesn't mean he can't have a bad day every now and then.
He frequently scaled the rooftops, and he's noticed this one's view was particularly grand. (Thankfully there was a fire escape for Cisco to use.) Once they've settled and Genji takes a deep breath, exhaling, letting the cool night air fill his lungs he turns to Cisco.
He chuckles a little, although it's not quite as peppy as it usually is. ]
For the best, I feel. I don't want to get black out drunk anyway.
[ He had poured the sake into two serving bottles, one for each of them. He puts a couple drops in his own and lets it sit a moment, swirling it. Then he pours a glass from Cisco's for him, and one for himself.
He huffs again, a deep exhale that hits servos and gears in his chest with a whir. ]
For the record, I am not angry with you for not mentioning it. Just to get that out of the way.
no subject
[ Cisco didn't think so, but he couldn't be sure, and he certainly wasn't going to judge one way or another. Certainly, the impression he'd gotten from the texts - that Genji was a little out of sorts - is only strengthened by his demeanor. Still cheerful, but with a tiredness behind it. Like it's taking more out of him than it should. That, in turn, makes Cisco a little quieter, a little less boisterous. Sometimes, he thinks, if your friend is feeling down it can be good to fill that silence and stillness with a lot of banter and cheer and jokes. But right now he doesn't think that's the case. He doesn't want to drown this quieter Genji out.
He lets Genji pour the sake - he clearly knows more about it and how it should be served. Before he can even reach for it to take his first sip, Genji is reassuring him that he's not mad, and Cisco's stomach feels as if it has dropped a few inches. Oh. So they are diving right in, huh? He draws his hand back again, twisting his fingers together in his lap. Just because Genji isn't angry doesn't mean he's not disappointed, or that everything is okay between them. The thought makes Cisco feel just awful. ]
He asked me not to. I thought... he was going to do it a lot sooner. I'm sorry.
[ The words sound pretty weak, to Cisco. Paper-thin excuses. ]
I know it isn't saying much, but - but if you'd asked directly, I wouldn't have lied.
[ As if a lie of omission were any better than a direct one. Cisco picks up the glass of sake, just so he can hold it and resist the temptation to fidget with his hands, the way he knows he does when he's feeling guilty. ]
no subject
Although by Cisco's tone of voice, Genji can tell maybe he should have... worded it a little better. He takes a sip of sake, swallowing it slowly. He can't really taste it, but he can feel the pleasant burn. ]
You don't have anything to be sorry for, Cisco. You did the right thing. There is nothing wrong with respecting someone's boundaries.
[ He puts down the cup and looks up at the sky. ]
Shigeru's circumstances were very... difficult, back in his home world. I have no problem being patient with him.
[ Genji shakes his head and turns back to look at Cisco. ]
My issue isn't with the delay it's... what he has to deal with.
no subject
Yeah. He's... told me a little about his world. Not a whole lot, but. Enough to get the point across how shitty it was there for people like him.
[ And as much as Cisco now understands (vividly in fact) that Shigeru's powers are very frightening, enough that some steps might be necessary for Shigeru's safety and everyone else's, that didn't mean he deserved to be discriminated against, and outcast, and all the other things that had led to him being the way he is. It's a vicious cycle; Shigeru so sure that the slightest misstep will make everyone hate him; Shigeru isolating himself and not seeking out help when he needs it, so that his powers lash out, and generate more guilt, more fear. ]
I gave him the names of a couple therapists. I don't know if he mentioned that. 'Cause I know... that stuff is tied to his emotions, and sometimes- no matter how much you love your boyfriend, sometimes it's better to have somebody to talk to who isn't involved, you know?
[ It's on Shigeru to actually follow through and call those numbers, of course; Cisco doesn't know whether he will or not. He doesn't have the greatest track record when it comes to taking steps to prevent things from escalating. ]
no subject
Genji nods. ]
He has been told all of his life he should be scared of himself. I do not get the feeling the people in charge in his world particularly want them to be able to fully control their powers.
[ Genji sighs and takes a long sip from his sake, putting it down on the concrete in between them. He shoves his hands into the front pocket of the orange hoodie he was wearing, the breeze brushing his hair off of his forehead. There's a scar along his hairline and a cybernetic node. ]
You're right. I am under no illusion that just the fact that I love him will 'fix' anything. It would be arrogant and naive of me, and not fair to either of us.
[ He chuckles hoarsely, a little self deprecatingly. ]
I know I said I wanted to vent, but I feel like such a downer. Between this and Hana leaving, I just have a lot on my mind.
no subject
He sips at the sake, eyebrows raising a little at the taste. It's a good one, though strong. ]
Well, you can help. Like... bugging him to try calling if he doesn't. Or talking him into not chickening out if he gets as far as setting up a meeting. Eddie had to do that a few times with me. [ A pause, then: ] Okay, more than a few.
[ Cisco looks out across the rooftops, the bustle of people moving along the streets, the sound of cars, doors closing, music, conversation. It's peaceful, looking down.
Genji mentions Hana and Cisco looks over quickly; she'd said her goodbyes to him, and it had been bittersweet, but he knows it must be different. Hana is Genji's friend from home, his connection back there, and his housemate. It's got to be hitting him pretty hard, even if he doesn't let it show much. ]
Hey, don't worry about it, man. You're allowed to be down. I got plenty of up for both of us. 's what friends are for.
[ He leans over just close enough to bump his shoulder against Genji's, a small wordless gesture of comfort. ]
How're you doing with that by the way?
no subject
What do you think?
[ He nods at Cisco's suggestions, taking one hand out of his hoodie pocket and brushing at his hair. His roots have gotten out of hand and now he can't quite bring himself to have it touched up, it a reminder of time spent with Hana. Perhaps he'll cut off the remaining green and go back to his salt and pepper temples for a while. ]
I intend to do just that, try to help him at every step. He just needs to be reminded that he doesn't have to do everything alone anymore. It's hard to learn how to rely on other people.
[ He sighs again and slips his hand back in his pocket. Genji's had a few sips so he's not tipsy yet, but he can 'feel' it more than he usually can. His mouth is warm in that pleasant sort of way.
The little nudge gets another genuine smile from him, and he returns the gesture, the hoodie softening any sharp edges he has on his elbows. ]
I know, my friend, and I appreciate it. I wouldn't share this bottle with just anyone. I would be a hypocrite if I told everyone to talk about their problems but did not give myself the same courtesy.
[ He looks a little sad again, corners of his eyes pinched. Genji understands duty, understands how hard it was for Hana to be here and know that her home was in danger. He was, is, proud of her and knew it was the right choice. But he is human and flawed and it still hurts.
The apartment seems so empty now.
So he sighs again, shrugging. ]
It will be alright, I know I'll see her again one day. She had just become like family to me.
no subject
[ Not exactly the most eloquent description, but he doesn't know all the fancy official terms that people tend to use when talking about fancy alcohol. All he knows is that he likes it, that it makes his throat and chest feel warm despite the slight unseasonable chill of the evening.
Cisco feels significantly more optimistic about Shigeru's wellbeing, now that he's finally told Genji. Because he knows that Genji will be able to help, will insist on it - gently, but will still insist. And Shigeru needs to be able to turn to other people for help, rather than letting things get so bad because he's afraid to reach out.
He takes another sip of the sake. He debates letting the matter go, minding his own business. But the uncertainty bothers him too much just thinking about not asking. So, he does. ]
How much did he tell you? I mean- did he tell you what finally snapped him out of it, when he was... y'know?
[ He's not proud of the fact that he can't just talk about it plainly, without the trailing off and the gaps to be filled in. Still it seems important to drive home to Genji how it had gone down. It involves him, after all. ]
I miss her, too.
[ Genji hadn't said that out loud, but then, he didn't need to. Cisco can see it in him. Knowing he is going to see Hana again does not change the fact that, for the time being, he doesn't have her in his life. And that sucks. It's something Cisco can't fix, can't make better with a witty joke or a piece of clever tech.
He'll just have to try harder, make sure Genji doesn't have too much free time in which to feel lonely. ]
If it ever gets too quiet over there, you know you're always welcome to come visit Eddie and me. Door's always open. Proverbially speaking, I mean, we lock it, but, we'll open if for you.
no subject
I'm glad you like it, I know it's not exactly for everyone.
[ He pours a little more into his own cup and cradles it gently, taking another sip himself. Genji swirls it a little and sighs again. ]
He did tell me. But he knows it's something that shouldn't be all on my shoulders. [ He takes another drink. ] I want him to be able to pull himself out of it for himself.
[ He sudden chuckles in a tired, slightly achy way. Genji looks up at the sky. ]
I never really realized how hard it is to get someone to see the person you see when you look at them. Especially someone you love.
[ Genji fell for Shigeru because he was kind and caring and brilliant. He only hopes he can help him start to see himself that way. ]
Me too. I hadn't... had a real friend in a long time when we met. [ He smiles a little. ] She recognized me from news headlines when I was in Overwatch. I was so surprised because she's quite the celebrity back home. I hadn't felt flattered in years.
[ He turns back to look at him and his smile gets a little more genuine, less tired. ]
Thank you, I appreciate that. I'm sure I will take you up on that. [ Another sip. ] Truthfully, I will probably move. It's a bit too much space for one person and a dog.
no subject
I think him doing it for himself is the only thing that's ever gonna really stick.
[ The whole thing was caused by Shigeru's negative emotions in the first place, so heaping on some fear and guilt over Genji being disappointed by his behavior isn't going to fix anything at all. It is a good sign, though, that Shigeru had been thorough in his recounting. A little more of Cisco's tension bleeds from his shoulders.
And Genji's next comment has Cisco laughing softly, shaking his head. ]
If you figure out how to do that, tell me. Eddie's still got some pretty whack ideas about his own self-worth that I'd really like to just-
[ He doesn't finish the sentence, but then he doesn't have to. The situations aren't exactly the same, of course. Eddie's self-esteem stuff doesn't have quite such devastating consequences (well, apart from contributing to the whole sacrificing his life thing, but Eddie's in a better place than he was then at least).
Cisco's smile turns bittersweet as Genji talks about meeting Hana, feeling flattered by her admiration. ]
Yeah. She's got, like. I don't know. She makes you feel special. I kept telling her she was too cool to be my friend, and she'd just laugh like it wasn't 100% true.
[ He swallows, drinks a little more of the sake. He knows that she went back home for good reasons, and he has always known that his friendships in this place are going to come and go. But Hana... he is going to miss. He would be more distraught, if he weren't determined to figure out a way to communicate with her, across dimensions. But he doesn't want to bring that up yet, to get Genji's hopes up, when he doesn't know how long it might take him to figure out. ]
Oh?
[ It makes sense that Genji would move, but Cisco still feels a pang of sadness, thinking about Genji leaving that apartment where Cisco had become friends with both of them. ]
You gonna find a studio or something?
[ For a moment it occurs to him that he could offer up his own apartment. They've got a spare room, still. But he thinks better of it a moment later. The truth is, he and Eddie like their privacy, and if Genji accepted, he would likely end up feeling like a third wheel. That could be lonelier than having his own place, probably. ]
no subject
[ Genji takes another sip, almost finishing that glass in one sip. ] I don't want him to love an idealized version of me. I have blood on my hands as much as anybody else, and I'm not proud of it.
[ He pours some more but doesn't immediately pick it up to down it again. He can get drunk this time, no point in getting wasted right away. It's a feeling he should savor considering the rarity.
Genji chuckles hoarsely at that. ]
She does. For all she's seen and her status, she never looks down on people. It's quite admirable. [ Then he gives Cisco a look, a brow quirked. ] And you are plenty cool, Cisco. Do not sell yourself so short.
[ He rolls his shoulders with a whir and picks his cup back up, peering at it in the moonlight. ]
Perhaps. Something that at least has enough space for my plants.
[ His gloominess is starting to fade, that last bit the peppiest he's sounded yet. With that, he tips back his head and downs the entire glass in one go, apparently already giving up attempt at savoring it. ]
Enough of this seriousness, it's making me get grayer. This sake is too good to waste on tears.
no subject
He can feel a pleasant sort of lightness starting up in his head, and thinks that he should slow down on the sake. It's tasty, but stronger than beer, which is what he's most used to. He is quiet for a few solemn moments, thinking about how he will be able to help Genji move, how when he finds a new place maybe he'll get him another plant... ]
Hey, come on. You're rocking that gray and you know it.
[ But he takes the cue for what it is, and lets those subjects - Hana leaving, Shigeru's struggles with his powers - fall by the wayside. There are a few moments of silence, the two of them looking down at the bustle of people, before Cisco breaks the silence, voice warm and light: ]
You wanna go shopping for crop tops again?
[ He doesn't really think that Genji will, but Cisco figures the reminder of that strange they spent together, Cisco and the younger version of Genji, might lift his spirits a bit. ]
no subject
He chuckles and runs a few fingers through his temples, roughing up the gray. It puffs out a bit, his hair very similar to his brother's, and he smooths it back down. His roots are terrible and the green is starting to fade. ]
I couldn't stand it at first, but I've grown to like it. Shimada men always go gray once we hit thirty.
[ He goes to take another sip and— almost chokes. At least it only stings the back of his throat a little and he clears it, looking back over to Cisco.
An interesting mélange of facial expressions quickly flit across his face and he sighs, rubbing between his eyes. If his ears were still visible, they'd be very pink. ]
I was so obnoxious. I'm surprised I didn't get arrested.
[ But he drops his hand, smiling a little. ]
Another night we aren't drinking, for sure.
no subject
Naw, come on, you were-
[ He stops midway, because he can't really in good conscience say that Genji's younger self hadn't been obnoxious. Even after his initial suspicion and abrasiveness, when he was comparatively friendly and happy, he'd still been a bit... well... ]
Okay, you were a little obnoxious, but I don't know, man. I liked hanging out with young Genji, for a little while. Saw a whole different side of you.
[ Genji had told Cisco, of course, how different he had been earlier in his life, but seeing is believing. And he'd seen a lot more similarities than he'd expected. Genji has changed, sure. Matured, grown more serious, more respectful, more peaceful - but his sense of humor had always been there. His generosity and wit. The seeds of everything Cisco likes in the Genji he knows now were already present. ]
For what it's worth, I think younger me was pretty obnoxious, too. I made my fair share of unfortunate decisions. Just more ill-advised hook-ups than arrests.
no subject
I was very obnoxious, you don't need to pretend. I was a textbook example of a spoiled kid who wasn't getting enough attention. I've long since come to terms with it.
[ He dips his head back, taking another drink of sake. Genji takes the moment to think how he's quite fortunate to have met Cisco. He would be well within his rights to not want much to do with Genji upon learning his history. ]
But you're right, everyone has... youthful indiscretions. Although I made a good number more than most. The drunk tank in the police station essentially had my family on speed dial after a certain point.
[ He puts the cup down, then eyes Cisco playfully. Now he's starting to feel tipsy. ]
The thought of you being a bit of a playboy is interesting, though.
no subject
I can't think of any other way I woulda wanted to spend the anniversary of me showing up here than hanging out with your punk past self. 'Cuz if I never came here, I wouldn't have ever met you. So... yeah.
[ He belatedly realizes that he is, possibly, progressing to that stage of intoxication where he gets a little too inclined to go on long speeches about how much he loves everyone and how important his friends are to him. But he thinks a little of that wouldn't go amiss tonight, for Genji. ]
Uh-uh. Nope. You got it twisted. I wasn't a player, I was a just a lil' bit slutty: there's a difference.
[ Cisco says it with a preciseness and delicate dignity that he can only maintain for a few moments before he's snorting with laughter. ]
I feel like playboy implies a sorta... I don't know. Thinking I was too good for anybody. And that was definitely not, y'know. The situation.
[ Which is as close as he's going to come to saying that his self-esteem was in the dumpster. But he wants to focus on sunnier things, so he pushes his hair back, swaying just a little as he sits and admitting: ]
Y'know that is kinda what led to me and Eddie getting together? Back when there was that big blackout... I don't know if you were here, yet. It was before we met. But there was this big ol' blackout 'cause of some acid rain and we were stuck inside with nothing to do, so we just started talking about our pasts and I think he thought before that- I don't know, he had a different image of me.