riverviewlogs | june closed prompts

Entry tags:

june closed prompts

who: genji + various
what: closed prompts for specific characters
when: throughout the month
where: all throughout the quarantine
warnings: none yet, will edit accordingly!

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[ Thankfully, in his haze of sickness, Genji remembers their plans to go to the new hot springs for a weekend. He's excited, glad to finally not be ill, and even more excited to spend some private time with the person he loves.

That he loves so dearly... some talk as of late, has made him think of things. Think of a good gift for the current season to give him. Nothing so... serious... as it may seem but. A promise for a promise. It really hasn't been that long, in the scheme of things, but he can see a future with him. Can see many possible futures and he's thrilled for any of them.

Ah. He's so in love. He should have known that when he fell he would trip and fall so very hard.

So there they are, in their room for the weekend, and a certain little box tucked into his luggage. Genji stretches needlessly, his joints clicking, as he turns to Shigeru with a smile. ]

What would you like to do first? Rest a moment or head into the spring?

[ Shigeru also has Genji's gift. He figured that giving it to him here would be a good idea. It was rather romantic being here with Genji and he loves the other man so much that doing something like this is like a dream come true for him. His blush is readily apparent as he fiddles with the kimono's they were given. He nods mutely, shyly, as he looks away for a moment.

He's going to try his best to go entirely into the hot springs. He knows that last time at the pool he wasn't able to but...with Genji with him he feels like he can do anything. ]

We...we can head to the hot springs if you'd like? [ Though there's some apprehension in his features. He hasn't forgotten what he and Cisco talked about and Genji might see the bracelet underneath his glove as he fiddles with the hem of his shirt. He hasn't had the chance to talk to Genji about it at all but he feels like he needs to do that tonight. He can't keep putting it off any longer. ]

[ Genji steps over to him, a soft little smile on his face. He reaches out to help him finish with his obi, his touch lingering.

He hasn't noticed yet, too focused on his face and making sure he isn't uncomfortable. Genji sees the apprehension. ]

I know this is difficult for you. If you need to stop, or take a break, let me know. You don't need to be uncomfortable for my sake.

[ He brings a hand up to brush the warm pads of his fingers against his cheek. ]

O-Of course. [ It's not about that, is what he wants to say. But he doesn't want to ruin the moment...doesn't want to lose this feeling and this happiness he's feeling in his chest right now.

He'll move in a little against Genji's fingers as he brings a gloved hand up to hold Genji's hand. ]

It's not...about that though. [ He'll look away then as he brings his hand down to the bracelet with it's LED light switched to the white deactivated mode. ]

A few weeks ago I...after I broke up with Dodger I went beyond the wall to t-train, just to take my mind off of things. But I... [ he looks so...defeated there and then and a soft sigh escapes his lips as he runs a gloved finger of the bracelet. ] I lost control again and I almost hurt Cisco in the process.

[ He looks back at Genji, his expression upset and uncertain now. He doesn't know what that'll make Genji do. He loves his more than anything and telling him all of this is honestly the scariest thing he's done in awhile. ] I meant to tell you sooner. But things just kept getting in the way and I-I didn't want to worry you. But it's not right to keep this from you. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. [ But he is scared that Genji will leave him as he wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. ]

I'm turning into a monster and I don't know how to stop it. [ Ugh. He hates how his voice cracks when he says that. It's the bad thing about having a voice now...sometimes he thinks it's better to not have one in instances like this. ] You're the only reason why I snapped out of it, but it's not fair to put that burden on you.

[ His hands are shaky now as he looks back at Genji briefly before adverting his eyes again. ] But you're the only that can bring me back from Malnemnious's possession.

[ Genji tilts his head a little, not sure what he's going to say. He'd been so sick before, had something happened? Had he said something in his fever addled state? His stomach clenches in worry—

And it bottoms out when he sees the power dampening bracelet, like the one he'd wore when he was getting used to his newfound powers. His brows raise slightly, although internally he's quite alarmed. His systems warn him for the sudden spike in his blood pressure. ]

You lost control...?

[ He knows what that means, when it comes to Shigeru. His circumstances. Initially he wants to be mad; for some reason the main target is Dodger. He remembers the time he came over and was covered in bruises and he knew, he knew, he should have—

Genji swallows. No. Anger has no place here. He takes in a deep breath. His heart is starting to ache. Why didn't he notice? What kind of lover is he? What kind of friend?

Shigeru continues before Genji's negative thoughts can continue to spiral. ]

I, Shigeru— [ His voice sounds hoarser than usual and he swallows. Still touching his cheek, he moves his hand so he's gently cupping the back of his neck, fingers tangling at the end of his hairline. ]

I wish you had told me when it happened, but I understand why you didn't. [ He looks a little pained, his pale eyes suddenly very piercing. ]

When I tell you I love you, I mean every part of you. Even the parts that aren't nice, or pretty. It isn't— conditional. If— If this demon is a part of you, then I love it as well.

[ Genji looks down, swallowing a lump in his throat. His doubt, his insecurity that he tries to hard to hide with his bravado and armor, bubbles to the surface. His voice is quiet. ]

I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn't tell me.

[ Genji is not a person who makes many requests. Cisco has plenty of friends who do, for frivolous reasons (Taako, in his obnoxious endearing way, or Dorian, who doesn't seem to be able to help it), but Genji isn't one of them. So when Cisco gets a text saying 'I heard about what happened' - ominous in the extreme, until Cisco realizes he'd probably had a talk with Shigeru - and asking him to come over and share a bottle of sake, he doesn't take it lightly. He texts back, arranging the time, the place.

Drinking at one of their homes just seems kind of boring, and Cisco is the one who says they should go somewhere else. It is Genji who ends up choosing the place, and Cisco has some doubts - not that he voices them. But once Cisco is up on the roof of the building, one that is overlooking all the holiday decorations and the bustling early nighttime crowds in downtown, he knows it was a good choice. He's pretty sure they're not supposed to be up there, strictly speaking, but there was an old fire escape and no one seemed to mind. It's nice, sitting on the crates stacked there and looking down at the city.

Once they've done their hellos and talked about how nice the view is, Cisco pulls out the small jar of hot pink liquid, offering it to a Genji with a reassuring: ]

I tweaked the formula, so hopefully it won't get you too wasted.

[ It had worked WAY too well on Shigeru, that one time in the bar, and Cisco had figured some adjustments were needed. ]

I-I think I was knocked out and after everything that happened at the hospital I was just so hurt and angry that I couldn't...stop myself.

[ He just rubs at his hands as he swallows thickly. ]

But why? [ He shakes his head as he closes his eyes, fighting back those tears that seem to come anyway. ]

Why do you love me, even when I'm a-a monster. You-you could be with someone so m-much better then-then me. [ Ugh he should stop himself from saying any more but he can't, and the words just come out before he has a chance to stop himself. ]

I couldn't tell you because I was being s-selfish. I didn't want you to hate me. I'm the worst. [ Ugh he really is horrible, isn't he? He doesn't deserve someone like Genji at all. ]

I never loved anyone as much as I love you, I didn't want to ruin things. I just...didn't want to worry you. [ He wipes at his eyes as he looks back at Genji again. ] And I already ruined enough with Dodger so I...just put it off. I don't...deserve someone like you.

[ Because he's a monster and monsters like him should be alone and locked away. ]

[ Even though things worked out, it still brought up quite a lot of... hard thoughts, for Genji. He hasn't felt like this since the time he disassociated when he was alone in the apartment, just... emotionally exhausted and drained.

He'd usually speak with his master, but that wasn't an option. So, instead, he's going to drink with one of his closest friends. Sure, not ideal, but he needs to vent. And to hear Cisco's side of what had happened. He's not angry, genuinely, he doesn't have to ask to know why Cisco didn't bring it up. It was something between both him and Shigeru.

Still. Genji's progress doesn't mean he can't have a bad day every now and then.

He frequently scaled the rooftops, and he's noticed this one's view was particularly grand. (Thankfully there was a fire escape for Cisco to use.) Once they've settled and Genji takes a deep breath, exhaling, letting the cool night air fill his lungs he turns to Cisco.

He chuckles a little, although it's not quite as peppy as it usually is. ]

For the best, I feel. I don't want to get black out drunk anyway.

[ He had poured the sake into two serving bottles, one for each of them. He puts a couple drops in his own and lets it sit a moment, swirling it. Then he pours a glass from Cisco's for him, and one for himself.

He huffs again, a deep exhale that hits servos and gears in his chest with a whir. ]

For the record, I am not angry with you for not mentioning it. Just to get that out of the way.

Shigeru. My love.

[ Genji shifts, bringing both of his hands up now to gently cup his face. It's what he always does, when he's so tender with affection for him. There's an achiness to it now, but the sentiment is always the same. ]

You are not a monster. Someone is monstrous for what they do, not what they are.

[ Genji swallows again, his eyes still wide and raw. ]

You know about my past, about what I was born into. I was not a good man, before I became a cyborg. I killed people for my family, and then I killed people for Blackwatch. I felt no remorse.

[ He closes his eyes, then opens them. Genji brushes his thumbs against his face. ]

Sometimes I feel like the one who doesn't deserve you. I have so much blood on my hands, Shigeru, and I have the rest of my life to make up for it.

[ Genji lets out a shaky breath, swallowing again. ]

I still struggle with things. There have been moments where I wanted to kill him. Dodger. Wanted to find him and make him pay for hurting you. [ He shakes his head. ] But I don't, because I know it would break your heart.

[ He doesn't even realize it, but a tear slips out of an eye. ]

We temper each other. There is nothing wrong with that.

[ Shigeru looks away his eyes red now from crying. ]

You're not m-mad...about any of it, at me?

[ Shigeru wouldn't really be surprised if he was. But he knows Genji and how tranquil he is about everything. ] The bracelet...it-it'll help if something happens. I asked Cisco to make it f-for me.

[ He looks guilty and uncertain now. ] I really did scare him, Genji. It's most horrible feeling in the world.

[ He doesn't know what he can ever do to repair that or fix it. Probably nothing but he's going to try his hardest to make sure it never happens again. ] I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...make things awkward for tonight. [ He'll lean in to kiss Genji on the lips, though his motions are tentative and uncertain now. ]

It's fine if you...don't want to stay. We-we can go back to the city if-if you want. [ He can understand if Genji wants some space after everything that's been said. Though his chest aches a little because he really wanted to spend a romantic few days with Genji. ]

[ Genji shakes his head. ]

I am heartbroken that this is something you must deal with, that this is something that is so hard for you to talk about. That you worry about it. But no, I am not mad.

[ He drops a hand, gently brushing his fingers against the bracelet. ]

I understand, but you cannot hide from this forever. Sometimes if you suppress something for too long, it comes back even stronger... [ He takes his hand, squeezing it. ] And I know you would never intentionally scare any of your friends.

[ Genji, finally noticing his watery eyes, wipes at them with the sleeve of his yukata. He returns the kiss after, gently, and shakes his head when they part. ]

No, I want to continue with our plans. [ If anything, this cements his decision in his mind and heart... that he feels so strongly for him, instead of getting angry. That he's sad for him instead of wanting to blame him. ]

I love you, Shigeru. This doesn't make me care any less. [ He squeezes his hand. ] Like I said, I love every part of you. Being with someone, it's about accepting the good and the bad.

[ Genji looks almost abashed, still heartsick but now hopeful. ]

I mean, goodness knows you've seen plenty parts of myself. My memories and when I was younger... you didn't judge me any for it.

But I...I don't know how to stop it, how to stop him from taking over me. I'm scared that it'll last forever and that I'll be lost forever if I change again. I can't help but w-worry about it and hide from it. How am I supposed to fight something as powerful as Malnemnious? [ He shakes his head and closes his eyes. He'll take a deep breath to calm himself down before he looks back at Genji again.

Shigeru lets out a small huff as he wipes at his eyes and then runs a thumb along Genji's cheek to wipe away his own tears. ]

I love you too. [ Ah he really does love Genji so much. ] You're just so...perfect and understanding. I-I don't know how I got so lucky m-meeting someone like you.

[ He'll lean in to give Genji another kiss, this time a bit more heated and needy, before he pulls away. His face is flushed as he looks away, fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt. ]

Th-then we should go. I-I think it'll be good for us both.

Then let's work on finding out a solution together. You don't need to carry your burdens all on your own. [ He squeezes his hands again. ] That's why I'm here.

[ He returns the kiss, matching the heat. Genji hums in the back of his throat, bringing his hand up to cup his cheek again. He licks his lips slowly before speaking again. ]

I am hardly perfect, but I am flattered you think so. [ He brushes his thumb against his skin. ] I am forever thankful we met, my love.

[ He pulls away and wipes at his own eyes one last time. They get bloodshot easily, so they still look a bit red. ]

Yes. I think some relaxation will do us both some good. As well as a temporary distraction.

Sorry. I-I know you're here to help. I really do appreciate it. I'm just so used to handling things on my own that I...forgot. I'm sorry for-for not telling you.

[ Of course Genji would help him. He's such an idiot sometimes. But it's just a defense mechanism he's built up over the years and it's a hard one to break.He'll get to his feet then, tugging Genji's hand to help him stand as well. ]

Japan is...known for it's hotsprings isn't it? This much remind you of home quite a bit. [ The he pauses before he continues. ]

It's not uncomfortable for you, is it?

Okay, that's good to know. 'Cause I did bring a second, in case that was what you had in mind.

[ Cisco didn't think so, but he couldn't be sure, and he certainly wasn't going to judge one way or another. Certainly, the impression he'd gotten from the texts - that Genji was a little out of sorts - is only strengthened by his demeanor. Still cheerful, but with a tiredness behind it. Like it's taking more out of him than it should. That, in turn, makes Cisco a little quieter, a little less boisterous. Sometimes, he thinks, if your friend is feeling down it can be good to fill that silence and stillness with a lot of banter and cheer and jokes. But right now he doesn't think that's the case. He doesn't want to drown this quieter Genji out.

He lets Genji pour the sake - he clearly knows more about it and how it should be served. Before he can even reach for it to take his first sip, Genji is reassuring him that he's not mad, and Cisco's stomach feels as if it has dropped a few inches. Oh. So they are diving right in, huh? He draws his hand back again, twisting his fingers together in his lap. Just because Genji isn't angry doesn't mean he's not disappointed, or that everything is okay between them. The thought makes Cisco feel just awful. ]

He asked me not to. I thought... he was going to do it a lot sooner. I'm sorry.

[ The words sound pretty weak, to Cisco. Paper-thin excuses. ]

I know it isn't saying much, but - but if you'd asked directly, I wouldn't have lied.

[ As if a lie of omission were any better than a direct one. Cisco picks up the glass of sake, just so he can hold it and resist the temptation to fidget with his hands, the way he knows he does when he's feeling guilty. ]

You don't need to beat yourself up over it, my love. We're on the same page now. [ He trails a hand, tangling his fingers in his hair gently. ] I cannot blame you for it, because it was much the same for me. I've become so accustomed to being on my own, so I understand.

[ He leans down to kiss him on the forehead. ]

But we're not alone anymore.

[ Genji stands up with him, a fluid movement. He pats down the front of his clothing and smiles with a nod. ]

It is. My family owned one, actually. [ ...well, 'owned.' More like 'threatened original owners.'

He blinks then shakes his head, reaching to give Shigeru's cheek a light pinch. ]

No, it isn't an issue. Thank you for asking though. [ He grins a little cheekily. He's still a little red around the eyes, the crows feet around them a little tighter than usual, but his mood is gradually getting better.

So, flirty. ] If anything, it's like I'm taking you on a date at home... I've thought about that quite a lot.

I still f-feel really terrible, especially since I think Cisco is-is afraid of me now. [ He fiddles with his hands, eyes staring down at the floor. But at least he told Genji and it's a huge weight off his shoulders. He smiles as he listens, of course he should have known Genji's family would have one. He knew Genji's family for affluent but to what degree he never actually asked. It wasn't that big an issue or concern for him. After all phrobiest families were rather well off as well.

He'll let out a small noise at the pinching of he cheek as he lets out a laugh rubbing his face with a gloved hand.

Though his blush is super apparent as he looks away again. Genji has this ability to make him super flustered super fast. It's so embarrassing.

It doesn't help that he's remembering that one time they shared that dream together and what that led to. Oh gosh. ]

I-I've thought about it a lot too. About going back to your world with you. I wish I could.

[ There are a great many things that Genji is subtle in, but he sees no need for it now. Or rather, he doesn't have the energy to dance around the subject. He's in the mood to rip off the band-aid, get to it right away so they both can move on.

Although by Cisco's tone of voice, Genji can tell maybe he should have... worded it a little better. He takes a sip of sake, swallowing it slowly. He can't really taste it, but he can feel the pleasant burn. ]

You don't have anything to be sorry for, Cisco. You did the right thing. There is nothing wrong with respecting someone's boundaries.

[ He puts down the cup and looks up at the sky. ]

Shigeru's circumstances were very... difficult, back in his home world. I have no problem being patient with him.

[ Genji shakes his head and turns back to look at Cisco. ]

My issue isn't with the delay it's... what he has to deal with.

[ Genji's reassurance helps a little, although Cisco thinks it's a pretty generous reading of what he'd actually done. No matter the motives, he had been keeping things from Genji. Deceiving him. Acting dishonestly. Even if there are good intentions involved, lying to your friends isn't exactly great. And he knows better than to let affection and loyalty and good intentions to lead him in the opposite direction of his moral compass. ]

Yeah. He's... told me a little about his world. Not a whole lot, but. Enough to get the point across how shitty it was there for people like him.

[ And as much as Cisco now understands (vividly in fact) that Shigeru's powers are very frightening, enough that some steps might be necessary for Shigeru's safety and everyone else's, that didn't mean he deserved to be discriminated against, and outcast, and all the other things that had led to him being the way he is. It's a vicious cycle; Shigeru so sure that the slightest misstep will make everyone hate him; Shigeru isolating himself and not seeking out help when he needs it, so that his powers lash out, and generate more guilt, more fear. ]

I gave him the names of a couple therapists. I don't know if he mentioned that. 'Cause I know... that stuff is tied to his emotions, and sometimes- no matter how much you love your boyfriend, sometimes it's better to have somebody to talk to who isn't involved, you know?

[ It's on Shigeru to actually follow through and call those numbers, of course; Cisco doesn't know whether he will or not. He doesn't have the greatest track record when it comes to taking steps to prevent things from escalating. ]

[ Genji cups his face gently. ]

Cisco is kind and understanding, I do not think you have to worry about that. You can talk about it with him, if it's something you're worried about.

[ Genji chuckles, always glad to make him blush. He doesn't think he'll ever tire of seeing his cheeks light up with warmth. ]

One day, I hope we can. There is so much I want to show you, so many people to meet. They would all love you.

[ He leans in a bit more, brushing his lips against his forehead. Genji's mind is on the same dream... ]

We couldn't go back to the castle but...

[ Secrets and 'lies' are an entirely different animal to someone like Genji. From his family to his time in Blackwatch, Genji doesn't have much of a problem with a 'good intentioned' lie. He's seen the results of the other kinds. (Been the the liar himself more than enough.)

Genji nods. ]

He has been told all of his life he should be scared of himself. I do not get the feeling the people in charge in his world particularly want them to be able to fully control their powers.

[ Genji sighs and takes a long sip from his sake, putting it down on the concrete in between them. He shoves his hands into the front pocket of the orange hoodie he was wearing, the breeze brushing his hair off of his forehead. There's a scar along his hairline and a cybernetic node. ]

You're right. I am under no illusion that just the fact that I love him will 'fix' anything. It would be arrogant and naive of me, and not fair to either of us.

[ He chuckles hoarsely, a little self deprecatingly. ]

I know I said I wanted to vent, but I feel like such a downer. Between this and Hana leaving, I just have a lot on my mind.

[ Shigeru just...looks away a little defeated in his posture and expression. ]

I-I guess so. It didn't seem like that when we last spoke. He looked at me like...everyone else back home.

[ Like he was a monster and ready to snap and turn into a monster at any moment. Still he can't help but give a waning smile back at Genji. ]

I want to meet everyone too. We could go traveling I guess? Where exactly do you live back home? Nepal, right? We could stay there.

[ Cisco had never considered the possibility of that, but if Genji thinks it might be that way... well, it makes a kind of twisted sense. One of those things that could be a conspiracy theory, but then, Cisco knows from experience that sometimes people do have secret evil far-reaching plots they are hiding. There would be benefits, to keeping people like Shigeru from being settled and established and happy and parts of their community.

He sips at the sake, eyebrows raising a little at the taste. It's a good one, though strong. ]

Well, you can help. Like... bugging him to try calling if he doesn't. Or talking him into not chickening out if he gets as far as setting up a meeting. Eddie had to do that a few times with me. [ A pause, then: ] Okay, more than a few.

[ Cisco looks out across the rooftops, the bustle of people moving along the streets, the sound of cars, doors closing, music, conversation. It's peaceful, looking down.

Genji mentions Hana and Cisco looks over quickly; she'd said her goodbyes to him, and it had been bittersweet, but he knows it must be different. Hana is Genji's friend from home, his connection back there, and his housemate. It's got to be hitting him pretty hard, even if he doesn't let it show much. ]

Hey, don't worry about it, man. You're allowed to be down. I got plenty of up for both of us. 's what friends are for.

[ He leans over just close enough to bump his shoulder against Genji's, a small wordless gesture of comfort. ]

How're you doing with that by the way?

Cisco has his own circumstances that make him struggle with... anxiety. But I do not think he is terrified of you.

[ Genji thinks, that if he had been, Cisco would have mentioned what happened to him anyway.

He reaches down to take Shigeru's hands. ]

Nepal is my home, but I had been traveling quite a lot before I was brought here. I was heading back to Gibraltar, actually. Some of my former colleagues in Overwatch have regrouped, so it would be very easy for you to meet a lot of people.

[ He grins a little. ]

You would get along amazingly with Winston, I feel. And Dr. Ziegler.

[ Genji manages a genuine, soft little smile after he takes his first sip. ]

What do you think?

[ He nods at Cisco's suggestions, taking one hand out of his hoodie pocket and brushing at his hair. His roots have gotten out of hand and now he can't quite bring himself to have it touched up, it a reminder of time spent with Hana. Perhaps he'll cut off the remaining green and go back to his salt and pepper temples for a while. ]

I intend to do just that, try to help him at every step. He just needs to be reminded that he doesn't have to do everything alone anymore. It's hard to learn how to rely on other people.

[ He sighs again and slips his hand back in his pocket. Genji's had a few sips so he's not tipsy yet, but he can 'feel' it more than he usually can. His mouth is warm in that pleasant sort of way.

The little nudge gets another genuine smile from him, and he returns the gesture, the hoodie softening any sharp edges he has on his elbows. ]

I know, my friend, and I appreciate it. I wouldn't share this bottle with just anyone. I would be a hypocrite if I told everyone to talk about their problems but did not give myself the same courtesy.

[ He looks a little sad again, corners of his eyes pinched. Genji understands duty, understands how hard it was for Hana to be here and know that her home was in danger. He was, is, proud of her and knew it was the right choice. But he is human and flawed and it still hurts.

The apartment seems so empty now.

So he sighs again, shrugging. ]

It will be alright, I know I'll see her again one day. She had just become like family to me.

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june closed prompts

closed to shigeru 💖

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