riverviewlogs | june closed prompts

[ Genji steps over to him, a soft little smile on his face. He reaches out to help him finish with his obi, his touch lingering.

He hasn't noticed yet, too focused on his face and making sure he isn't uncomfortable. Genji sees the apprehension. ]

I know this is difficult for you. If you need to stop, or take a break, let me know. You don't need to be uncomfortable for my sake.

[ He brings a hand up to brush the warm pads of his fingers against his cheek. ]

O-Of course. [ It's not about that, is what he wants to say. But he doesn't want to ruin the moment...doesn't want to lose this feeling and this happiness he's feeling in his chest right now.

He'll move in a little against Genji's fingers as he brings a gloved hand up to hold Genji's hand. ]

It's not...about that though. [ He'll look away then as he brings his hand down to the bracelet with it's LED light switched to the white deactivated mode. ]

A few weeks ago I...after I broke up with Dodger I went beyond the wall to t-train, just to take my mind off of things. But I... [ he looks so...defeated there and then and a soft sigh escapes his lips as he runs a gloved finger of the bracelet. ] I lost control again and I almost hurt Cisco in the process.

[ He looks back at Genji, his expression upset and uncertain now. He doesn't know what that'll make Genji do. He loves his more than anything and telling him all of this is honestly the scariest thing he's done in awhile. ] I meant to tell you sooner. But things just kept getting in the way and I-I didn't want to worry you. But it's not right to keep this from you. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. [ But he is scared that Genji will leave him as he wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. ]

I'm turning into a monster and I don't know how to stop it. [ Ugh. He hates how his voice cracks when he says that. It's the bad thing about having a voice now...sometimes he thinks it's better to not have one in instances like this. ] You're the only reason why I snapped out of it, but it's not fair to put that burden on you.

[ His hands are shaky now as he looks back at Genji briefly before adverting his eyes again. ] But you're the only that can bring me back from Malnemnious's possession.

[ Genji tilts his head a little, not sure what he's going to say. He'd been so sick before, had something happened? Had he said something in his fever addled state? His stomach clenches in worry—

And it bottoms out when he sees the power dampening bracelet, like the one he'd wore when he was getting used to his newfound powers. His brows raise slightly, although internally he's quite alarmed. His systems warn him for the sudden spike in his blood pressure. ]

You lost control...?

[ He knows what that means, when it comes to Shigeru. His circumstances. Initially he wants to be mad; for some reason the main target is Dodger. He remembers the time he came over and was covered in bruises and he knew, he knew, he should have—

Genji swallows. No. Anger has no place here. He takes in a deep breath. His heart is starting to ache. Why didn't he notice? What kind of lover is he? What kind of friend?

Shigeru continues before Genji's negative thoughts can continue to spiral. ]

I, Shigeru— [ His voice sounds hoarser than usual and he swallows. Still touching his cheek, he moves his hand so he's gently cupping the back of his neck, fingers tangling at the end of his hairline. ]

I wish you had told me when it happened, but I understand why you didn't. [ He looks a little pained, his pale eyes suddenly very piercing. ]

When I tell you I love you, I mean every part of you. Even the parts that aren't nice, or pretty. It isn't— conditional. If— If this demon is a part of you, then I love it as well.

[ Genji looks down, swallowing a lump in his throat. His doubt, his insecurity that he tries to hard to hide with his bravado and armor, bubbles to the surface. His voice is quiet. ]

I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn't tell me.

I-I think I was knocked out and after everything that happened at the hospital I was just so hurt and angry that I couldn't...stop myself.

[ He just rubs at his hands as he swallows thickly. ]

But why? [ He shakes his head as he closes his eyes, fighting back those tears that seem to come anyway. ]

Why do you love me, even when I'm a-a monster. You-you could be with someone so m-much better then-then me. [ Ugh he should stop himself from saying any more but he can't, and the words just come out before he has a chance to stop himself. ]

I couldn't tell you because I was being s-selfish. I didn't want you to hate me. I'm the worst. [ Ugh he really is horrible, isn't he? He doesn't deserve someone like Genji at all. ]

I never loved anyone as much as I love you, I didn't want to ruin things. I just...didn't want to worry you. [ He wipes at his eyes as he looks back at Genji again. ] And I already ruined enough with Dodger so I...just put it off. I don't...deserve someone like you.

[ Because he's a monster and monsters like him should be alone and locked away. ]

Shigeru. My love.

[ Genji shifts, bringing both of his hands up now to gently cup his face. It's what he always does, when he's so tender with affection for him. There's an achiness to it now, but the sentiment is always the same. ]

You are not a monster. Someone is monstrous for what they do, not what they are.

[ Genji swallows again, his eyes still wide and raw. ]

You know about my past, about what I was born into. I was not a good man, before I became a cyborg. I killed people for my family, and then I killed people for Blackwatch. I felt no remorse.

[ He closes his eyes, then opens them. Genji brushes his thumbs against his face. ]

Sometimes I feel like the one who doesn't deserve you. I have so much blood on my hands, Shigeru, and I have the rest of my life to make up for it.

[ Genji lets out a shaky breath, swallowing again. ]

I still struggle with things. There have been moments where I wanted to kill him. Dodger. Wanted to find him and make him pay for hurting you. [ He shakes his head. ] But I don't, because I know it would break your heart.

[ He doesn't even realize it, but a tear slips out of an eye. ]

We temper each other. There is nothing wrong with that.

[ Shigeru looks away his eyes red now from crying. ]

You're not m-mad...about any of it, at me?

[ Shigeru wouldn't really be surprised if he was. But he knows Genji and how tranquil he is about everything. ] The bracelet...it-it'll help if something happens. I asked Cisco to make it f-for me.

[ He looks guilty and uncertain now. ] I really did scare him, Genji. It's most horrible feeling in the world.

[ He doesn't know what he can ever do to repair that or fix it. Probably nothing but he's going to try his hardest to make sure it never happens again. ] I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...make things awkward for tonight. [ He'll lean in to kiss Genji on the lips, though his motions are tentative and uncertain now. ]

It's fine if you...don't want to stay. We-we can go back to the city if-if you want. [ He can understand if Genji wants some space after everything that's been said. Though his chest aches a little because he really wanted to spend a romantic few days with Genji. ]

[ Genji shakes his head. ]

I am heartbroken that this is something you must deal with, that this is something that is so hard for you to talk about. That you worry about it. But no, I am not mad.

[ He drops a hand, gently brushing his fingers against the bracelet. ]

I understand, but you cannot hide from this forever. Sometimes if you suppress something for too long, it comes back even stronger... [ He takes his hand, squeezing it. ] And I know you would never intentionally scare any of your friends.

[ Genji, finally noticing his watery eyes, wipes at them with the sleeve of his yukata. He returns the kiss after, gently, and shakes his head when they part. ]

No, I want to continue with our plans. [ If anything, this cements his decision in his mind and heart... that he feels so strongly for him, instead of getting angry. That he's sad for him instead of wanting to blame him. ]

I love you, Shigeru. This doesn't make me care any less. [ He squeezes his hand. ] Like I said, I love every part of you. Being with someone, it's about accepting the good and the bad.

[ Genji looks almost abashed, still heartsick but now hopeful. ]

I mean, goodness knows you've seen plenty parts of myself. My memories and when I was younger... you didn't judge me any for it.

But I...I don't know how to stop it, how to stop him from taking over me. I'm scared that it'll last forever and that I'll be lost forever if I change again. I can't help but w-worry about it and hide from it. How am I supposed to fight something as powerful as Malnemnious? [ He shakes his head and closes his eyes. He'll take a deep breath to calm himself down before he looks back at Genji again.

Shigeru lets out a small huff as he wipes at his eyes and then runs a thumb along Genji's cheek to wipe away his own tears. ]

I love you too. [ Ah he really does love Genji so much. ] You're just so...perfect and understanding. I-I don't know how I got so lucky m-meeting someone like you.

[ He'll lean in to give Genji another kiss, this time a bit more heated and needy, before he pulls away. His face is flushed as he looks away, fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt. ]

Th-then we should go. I-I think it'll be good for us both.

Then let's work on finding out a solution together. You don't need to carry your burdens all on your own. [ He squeezes his hands again. ] That's why I'm here.

[ He returns the kiss, matching the heat. Genji hums in the back of his throat, bringing his hand up to cup his cheek again. He licks his lips slowly before speaking again. ]

I am hardly perfect, but I am flattered you think so. [ He brushes his thumb against his skin. ] I am forever thankful we met, my love.

[ He pulls away and wipes at his own eyes one last time. They get bloodshot easily, so they still look a bit red. ]

Yes. I think some relaxation will do us both some good. As well as a temporary distraction.

Sorry. I-I know you're here to help. I really do appreciate it. I'm just so used to handling things on my own that I...forgot. I'm sorry for-for not telling you.

[ Of course Genji would help him. He's such an idiot sometimes. But it's just a defense mechanism he's built up over the years and it's a hard one to break.He'll get to his feet then, tugging Genji's hand to help him stand as well. ]

Japan is...known for it's hotsprings isn't it? This much remind you of home quite a bit. [ The he pauses before he continues. ]

It's not uncomfortable for you, is it?

You don't need to beat yourself up over it, my love. We're on the same page now. [ He trails a hand, tangling his fingers in his hair gently. ] I cannot blame you for it, because it was much the same for me. I've become so accustomed to being on my own, so I understand.

[ He leans down to kiss him on the forehead. ]

But we're not alone anymore.

[ Genji stands up with him, a fluid movement. He pats down the front of his clothing and smiles with a nod. ]

It is. My family owned one, actually. [ ...well, 'owned.' More like 'threatened original owners.'

He blinks then shakes his head, reaching to give Shigeru's cheek a light pinch. ]

No, it isn't an issue. Thank you for asking though. [ He grins a little cheekily. He's still a little red around the eyes, the crows feet around them a little tighter than usual, but his mood is gradually getting better.

So, flirty. ] If anything, it's like I'm taking you on a date at home... I've thought about that quite a lot.

I still f-feel really terrible, especially since I think Cisco is-is afraid of me now. [ He fiddles with his hands, eyes staring down at the floor. But at least he told Genji and it's a huge weight off his shoulders. He smiles as he listens, of course he should have known Genji's family would have one. He knew Genji's family for affluent but to what degree he never actually asked. It wasn't that big an issue or concern for him. After all phrobiest families were rather well off as well.

He'll let out a small noise at the pinching of he cheek as he lets out a laugh rubbing his face with a gloved hand.

Though his blush is super apparent as he looks away again. Genji has this ability to make him super flustered super fast. It's so embarrassing.

It doesn't help that he's remembering that one time they shared that dream together and what that led to. Oh gosh. ]

I-I've thought about it a lot too. About going back to your world with you. I wish I could.

[ Genji cups his face gently. ]

Cisco is kind and understanding, I do not think you have to worry about that. You can talk about it with him, if it's something you're worried about.

[ Genji chuckles, always glad to make him blush. He doesn't think he'll ever tire of seeing his cheeks light up with warmth. ]

One day, I hope we can. There is so much I want to show you, so many people to meet. They would all love you.

[ He leans in a bit more, brushing his lips against his forehead. Genji's mind is on the same dream... ]

We couldn't go back to the castle but...

[ Shigeru just...looks away a little defeated in his posture and expression. ]

I-I guess so. It didn't seem like that when we last spoke. He looked at me like...everyone else back home.

[ Like he was a monster and ready to snap and turn into a monster at any moment. Still he can't help but give a waning smile back at Genji. ]

I want to meet everyone too. We could go traveling I guess? Where exactly do you live back home? Nepal, right? We could stay there.

Cisco has his own circumstances that make him struggle with... anxiety. But I do not think he is terrified of you.

[ Genji thinks, that if he had been, Cisco would have mentioned what happened to him anyway.

He reaches down to take Shigeru's hands. ]

Nepal is my home, but I had been traveling quite a lot before I was brought here. I was heading back to Gibraltar, actually. Some of my former colleagues in Overwatch have regrouped, so it would be very easy for you to meet a lot of people.

[ He grins a little. ]

You would get along amazingly with Winston, I feel. And Dr. Ziegler.

I-I wouldn't blame him if he was. [ After all Shigeru is rather terrified of himself so other people being terrified isn't all that big a stretch. ]

I'd love to meet people from Overwatch. They all sound really amazing. Dr. Ziegler they were the one that...helped you right, after everything that happened? I'd definitely have to thank them for doing that.

[ Shigeru would of course have to thank them for saving Genji. ]

I wonder if we keep our memories of this place if we go back?

[ Genji's expression softens at that, even more so. So so sappy. ]

Yes, she was the one who stabilized me and kept me alive until the cybereticists could work on me. I owe her a lot and she has become a great friend. I'd love for her to meet you.

[ Her hands had quite literally been around his heart at one point, trying to keep him alive. It only makes sense that she knows who he's given it to in the end.

But Shigeru's musing... it's a hard thought, and only makes his decision even stronger in his mind. He brings their hands up, brushing his lips against the back of his hands. ]

I could never forget you. I don't think my heart would let me.

[ Shigeru beams happily as he leans in to kiss Genji before he tugs him towards the hotspring's baths. ]

Then I definitely have to meet her. If she's someone who saved you and makes you happy.

[ He wonders if she would ever show up here. ]

I don't think mine would either. When we turned younger it certainly didn't change how I felt about you. I-I remembered the feelings you gave me, even if my younger self couldn't believe it at the time.

[ He blushes as he turns away to watch where he's going. ] I never want to forget you, no matter what.

[ Genji lets himself be tugged, smiling gently. He's excited at the thought of slipping into the springs with Shigeru, tugging him close... ah. A warmth is pooling in his stomach already.

And Genji's heart squeezes. Brushing his thumb against the back of Shigeru's hand, he brings it up again to kiss the back of his gently. ]

I couldn't forget you either. I was so immature when I was younger, all I knew was that you made me feel warm and my heart wouldn't stop racing. You'll always be a part of me, my love.

[ Shigeru isn't going to lie. He's excited as well. He could use a good soak and having the pool all to themselves is a surprisingly nice bonus.

His cheeks turn pink as he laughs and looks away, sheepish and embarrassed. ]

You always say such romantic things, even when you were younger. I guess that'll never change, not that would ever want it to.

[ Genji can't help a little laugh at that. He remembers how confused he was when he was young for a day, not emotionally literate enough to understand what he was feeling. Just that Shigeru seemed important and he cared and he didn't know what to do with the feeling. ]

I only ever speak the truth. I'm just glad my younger self didn't get frustrated, I didn't handle myself very well back then.

[ Once they're by the side of the spring, Genji moves to start slipping off the shoulder of his yukata. He might also be doing it very slowly, with a cheeky little look on his face. ]

I-I'm really grateful that you didn't. You didn't even...care about the fact that I couldn't speak.

[ Shigeru's so red right now but he gives Genji a loving look Still his eyes might look away briefly as Genji starts to remove his clothes. Ah, he's not embarrassed, not really, but it is a turn on to watch him do that in such a fashion. Totally not fair! ]

Well I-I appreciate you being so-so understanding and patient with me...not a lot of people would have been. So...thank you. [ He'll move in to press his body against Genji's as he gives him a warm kiss. He'll huff a small laugh as he looks away before he starts to remove his own clothes. For some reason doing it like this is just so...embarrassing?! He's fumbling with his own yukata mostly out of inexperience more than anything. ]

[ Genji slips one shoulder out of the sleeve, on the side with his mostly still flesh chest. He returns the kiss warmly, leaning into him. ]

Truthfully?

[ He keeps himself close, raising a hand to start helping him peel away the fabric. Genji's voice is already very low and husky. ]

You were so very distracting, I could think of little else. Much like right now.

[ With that, he leans down to press a kiss to the curve of his neck right where it meets his shoulder.

Of course. You know how I was treated back home. I-I wish that you were there with me sometimes.

[ There's an unconscious shiver that runs through him when Genji kisses the nape of his neck. Shigeru will let out a soft husky sigh as he gives Genji an adoring look, running his hands through his hair as he smiles, face flushed. ]

I want you to m-move in with me. But only if-if you want. I know Hana left recently...but I think moving in together would be nice.

[ Is that moving too fast?! He doesn't know, and maybe just saying that in the heat of the moment isn't a good idea, but he can't help himself?! ]

[ Ah, that gets a hum that turns into a faint moan at the fingers in his hair. Genji presses another kiss to his neck, not too harshly, and starts to slowly trail his lips upwards.

At his question he stutters in his movements, pulling away to look at him. His upper lip is already red, the scars across it a noticeable contrast. Genji lets out a hoarse sigh and smiles. ]

I'd love to. But I don't want you to be uncomfortable, I know you need your space. [ With that, he goes back to 'work' on Shigeru's neck, mumbling into his skin. ]

We can make those kinds of decisions later. [ Uh oh, his voice is Very Husky now. ] I have a bit of a one track mind right now...

[ Genji slips a hand around Shigeru's waist, tugging him closer. ]

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