riverviewlogs | A celebration of family, eh?

Entry tags:

A celebration of family, eh?

who: Ciel Phantomhive, Undertaker, Vincent Phantomhive, those invited to spend the holiday
what: Celebrating Hygge with cocoa by the fire
when: Second day (and on? maybe?)
where: Phantomhive/Undertaker house
warnings: None

He'd spent a late day in the store the day before, having several Bitter Rabbits customized to share at least a passing similarity to their recipients. And when they'd been finished, he carefully wrote out notes for each, boxed them, and set them out to be delivered the next morning. Two of them, he packed up to take home with him, to give to their new owners personally. They were in an unmarked box at least, easily covered up as something for work that he didn't want to leave.

He hoped the invitations would be accepted. At least in their own home, his father and Undertaker seemed at least a bit excited for Hygge. Even if it was something unique to this world.

Ciel also made sure the had plenty of ingredients for cocoa and plenty of marshmallows for it. His sweet tooth demanded as much. Anything else he was sure would be asked for. A shop wasn't too far away that they couldn't get anything needed or wanted. Or so he hoped.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Oh, well if it's only that." He grinned and looked over at the bunny, leaning in close as he did, enough so that his face nearly touched the soft, false fur. "I don't suppose you'd mind it, would you? No? You're a good one."

Carrying on the play, he turned back to Ciel, gesturing once again to the rabbit. "There, see? No harm done." He did love the teasing. If nothing else, it gave him something to do when he had no one else around to talk to, but it was fun to see the reactions he could get from his audience.

"A few hours from now, milord?" He tilted his head, leaning into an elbow on the table. "And here you're worried about a little thing like a dance. It'll all be quite cold by then unless we finish it ourselves." That was fine by him. He'd survive an evening with less in his stomach, but something else occurred to him as he considered the friends Ciel had invited. "I don't mind it, so long as we're not looking forward to a big dinner. What I'm thinking though is that I know less than half of those names and I know at least one likes me less than you might like. Should I make myself scarce when they arrive?"

The teasing made Ciel smile at least, and because of that he couldn't complain. He'd always known that Undertaker was peculiar but he'd always been friendly and reliable. And that made it easier for him to wave off his behavior when anyone brought it up.

That offer though, Ciel's smile immediately fell away and he reached a hand out to carefully grasp at the mortician's sleeve. He knew Undertaker could break the hold if he wanted, that Ciel could never keep Undertaker where he didn't want to be- it was why they'd never captured him back home. Maybe a part of him never wanted to.

"No." His voice might have shook a little. "You're family as well, I want you close. I want to celebrate with you as well. I wouldn't be who I am, or even here now, without you."

So much for getting that smile back on the boy. He watched in some bemused exasperation as it slipped right back off Ciel's face like butter from a hot knife and raised his hands in surrender, careful not to loosen the boy's hold on his sleeve as he did.

"I yield, I yield! My presence will be yours to command for the day, milord! You'll have what you wish!" He chuckled again, unconcerned with the hand on his sleeve as long as it didn't fall off. What Ciel had said touched and warmed a place in his chest all over again and he lifted his own hand to scritch long nails under the Earl's forearm, playing at him a little. "If it means that much to you, of course I'll stay. I only hadn't meant to put your guests off."

That Undertaker gave in so easily made him feel a little guilty for his reaction but, even more, he was relieved to know he'd stay. Not for one moment did he want Undertaker to feel unwanted.

"I doubt you could really put them off." Jason he knew, Beverly as well. And of course he knew Vincent and Ciel himself. "Jon, I doubt you could bother him. And Laura, I think more people would be put off by her sometimes."

He'd seen her memories at least. If anyone should be afraid, it was of her.

Slowly he let his hand fall from Undertaker's sleeve and his expression softened, letting himself be soothed.

"I never want you left out of something like this. You're important to me."

He nodded, perhaps a little more than he should have, curling fingers at his chin as Ciel went over the names again. "One, I can think of." Beverly, he was sure. She had tolerated him well enough over time and even agreed to help him remove his scar to see what it would be like, if the teen opted to do it at all. Then again, maybe it was because he just wanted to push a few buttons now and then.

This was a special week, and his own tendencies aside, he wasn't going to ruin it for anyone. It meant worlds to him in concept, but he still considered himself on the fringes of what Ciel obviously had in mind. He set his silliness in the background when the Earl insisted and looked at him in a moment of silence.

"You keep saying that. I do believe you. It's just an odd thing to have around after so long on my own." He lifted a shoulder, as if he'd been talking about Bill again. "You know how it is. Nothing serious or that might interrupt your enjoying this holiday. I'm still getting used to it."

Perhaps but both knew the other was important to Ciel. At least, they did by now, and they both cared about him. So he counted on that being enough that they could be cordial with one another. He didn't want to have to choose between the people he cared about.

"I know but sometimes I feel like you need a reminder." Just like Ciel sometimes did. So he reached out and grasped Undertaker's hand. For just a moment, it crosses his mind about how small he still was compared to Undertaker but he brushed it aside. He was smaller than most everyone.

"You should enjoy it too. For me?"

He curls fingers around the hand that takes his and spares a glance for the two combined, thumb roving lightly over the skin, made softer by a lack of harsh use that no one beneath nobility could escape in one way or another. Even his own hands, given a delicate touch had been needed for his customers and to preserve the length of his nails, had been made rougher over the years, handling coffins and leather reigns, among other labors.

Not that he could properly grate cheese with his palms, not yet. He didn't care for much beyond decency, but it wouldn't get to that state. "Sometimes, I do."

He sighed and stood from his seat, still with Ciel's hand in his own, and guided the boy over to where the mugs of hot cocoa sat cooling and took one to offer to Ciel's free hand. "Best enjoy this while we can. Don't worry about making more. We've enough ingredients here to last us all week if we have to."

He was glad that Undertaker didn't slip his hand out of Ciel's hold, even as he sighed and stood up. At that, he was sure he'd let go but no, instead they go back over to the cocoa and Ciel accepted his mug quietly, watching the man. He still worried a little but he'd try to make sure Undertaker didn't feel unwanted all through the holiday if he had to.

"I'm not too worried about that." Between the both of them, he was sure they had enough to make cocoa through the entire winter. And Ciel was okay with that. He loved chocolate just as much now as he did back in England.

He let his focus shift for a moment though, sipping at the cocoa and smiling. It was good. Then again, Undertaker worked as a barista here, and he'd always made tea for them when he had visited his shop, cocoa wasn't too far a cry, and he was older than anyone might guess.

"You're good at this."

Once Ciel had his own mug, Undertaker took one for himself and slowly sipped at it, enjoying the first drink from the cup. The first was always the best, always the warmest unless he drained the whole mug in one go. He turned and leaned back into the countertop, mug in one hand, Ciel's hand in the other, and licked his lips to clear away a froth of chocolate that had ended up there. Delicious.

"No, and why should you be? It isn't as if I can get away from it here, and neither can you. Not until we have this place paid off anyway." He grinned and giggled. If nothing else, Ciel was stuck with him here as long as they lived in the city. He turned the small hand lightly in his and spread his fingers, working them together for the sake of doing so. How much smaller Ciel's was than his still, even with his fingernails removed.

His mind went back to a conversation he had had with Vincent not even a few days ago and he wondered over it. If nothing, this was a perfect time to bring it up, and he still wasn't quite sure how. "Why thank you, milord. You're not bad yourself."

Ciel just sipped at his cocoa instead, enjoying the taste and the warmth. Although, he would agree that the first sip was always the best. He wondered what else they could do with the cocoa. Maybe add chocolate chips? That would probably only really appeal to him though. And others who had a similar sweet tooth.

"I mean... you could. I wouldn't ever try to keep you here. I like having you close though." Which still sounded strange, even for him. Actually wanting someone close, celebrating holidays strange and familiar. He had definitely changed.

The fingers entwined in his made him smile, glancing down at them and then back up at Undertaker. Almost as if to make sure the man had realized what he had done.

"You could run your own cafe, at this rate."

His grin widened and he shook his head. Him? Leave the Earl to pay for this house all on his own? As if he ever could. No, they'd grown too close over the months, accidental though that happening had been.

"My lord, I couldn't possibly. For one, you would be terribly upset with me and for another, I'd never get away from your father, even with my ability to step out of one place and into another." The thought amused him something frightful though. Him, teleporting down the way and Vincent hot on his heels, regardless. Oh, that was precious. He would have to tell the man about it later.

For now, he watched Ciel watching their hands and gave the boy's palm a little squeeze. Yes, he very much knew what he was doing. "I had considered it, not in any seriousness just yet. It's a whole other thing to have come from a business where I tell myself what to do only to find myself in a place where others tell me what to do. There's a position I haven't been in in well over half a century."

He'd left being a formal grim reaper some time ago, and that had been the last time anyone told him what to do, save the Phantomhives. But there was an employment he didn't mind, especially not in its last years. He lifted their hands, still held together, and made meaningless shapes in the air with them. "Milord, I've been meaning to talk to you about something. I wonder if you might give me the time now to do so."

Trying to get away from his father, now that was a thought. He was sure no one ever really escaped from Vincent Phantomhive once he'd set his mind to finding them or keeping them close. All one had to do was look at Diedrich, how tied to the family he was now over a little bet in school.

"No. You'd never escape him. He'd camp out at work or make work for you just so you'd have to show up." Really, Ciel would do at least half of that. And Undertaker hadn't really been rid of his often when they hadn't lived together. How many times had he sneaked down to Undertaker's floor just so he wouldn't have to sleep alone? More than Ciel had kept track of. Sometimes he had been too tired to even realize he was heading downstairs until he was curling up beside Undertaker's bed.

And with a cafe, well, then he'd never escape them. They'd know he'd have to be there to run the place. He was glad to know he didn't want to leave them though. And it gave him a couple ideas for the future.

Those were pushed to the side though as Undertaker started playing with their hands, and Ciel turned his good eye to watch for a moment and then back at the reaper. That sounded a little more serious than he was used to when it came to Undertaker but that just made him more keen to pay attention.

"We have plenty of time yet."

He most certainly wouldn't, and with the runaround they would all have to deal with, he'd much rather not bother with the resistance at all and stay where he was happy. He continued playing with their hands, watching them for a moment before slowly drawing them apart and away from each other as he gathered his thoughts.

There wasn't much gathering to be done, and he already had Ciel's attention. Down at his waist his chain hung, where it always was and always had been, and he looked at it, settling his now free hand over the charms. "You had asked me about this some time ago, I believe. It holds more history for you than I've told you."

Ciel would also make himself sick in trying to see Undertaker, most likely. Not that it had ever been hard for him to get sick before, but it would probably get much easier when he stressed himself out more.

There was the faintest pout as Undertaker separated them but he watched, quiet and curious, as he reached to touched the charms. He could remember asking about the chain, he'd mostly just been curious about his grandmother being on the chain.

"Mm, you told me about my grandmother. You loved her."

Even with his vision, he caught that look of disappointment. It felt wrong that he had separated them physically when, as he confessed as much to Vincent, they had been connected, one caring for the other. Why it felt wrong when he hadn't had any close familial ties in a long, long time, he couldn't say. Maybe it was this bond thing that kin sometimes spoke of like it was a tangible string, connecting them one to the other.

It didn't feel like a string, but it felt like something there. It always had, even when he spoke nothing of it and kept it all inside his own mind. He ran fingers over the charms one at a time, stopping on the one he knew so well, so recently. "That I did. It hasn't changed, but there was something I left out of it all, something I wasn't sure I ever wanted you to know."

He shrugged, feeling the same chill of anxiety that he had as he prepared to tell Vincent, though the grasp it had on him was far looser this time. "But now your father knows. I suppose it's only right I tell you as well."

Still, Ciel watched him and still he was curious. His eye moved down to watch him handle the chain, stopping on the one Ciel recognized and had looked at more than a few times back in England. He couldn't quite grasp what else Undertaker could have meant though.

"I wasn't sure you ever meant for me to know you loved her at all." He said softly, lips forming a thoughtful line. "What else could there be?"

Of course he was curious, but he was also a little unsure about just what he was going to hear. He'd never known his grandmother so his opinion of her couldn't be skewed too much.

He let his fingers rove over the charm a little longer, sipping down the last of his cocoa and set the mug aside in the sink to wash later. "No, no. I didn't want you to know, but you had my chain, and you found part of the story on your own."

Clever boy. Of course he would have found out one day, one way or another. He was a Phantomhive, after all, and Claudia's grandson. When he looked back at the boy, he found himself searching, though for what, he couldn't put his finger on at first. "A connection. I did love her - I still do, but there it didn't end."

He'd gone over this conversation a dozen times and more in his head since Ciel had given him back the chain, then a dozen more and over again when the boy asked about Claudia. It was easier to admit, now that he had already had a practice run against the boy's father, but still not quite the same. "I don't know if you would believe me or even want to accept this, but you should know. Your father is my son."

He had been told he was a genius. And the Quarantine had confirmed it enough by allowed him to open a business rather than attend school. Even if it meant tolerating a case worker. Undertaker, and now his father, made everything bearable. And it sometimes gave him a laugh, before Undertaker had moved in with him and he'd wander in the night to sleep by him, to think of her reaction at finding Ciel 'missing.'

"That's normal, isn't it? When you love someone." That you kept loving them, even when they were gone. He kept her hair and death date on a locket, always close to him aside from the incident on the ship.

He never expected the love to be mutual though. Then again, what did he know about Claudia except that she held the title of Watchdog for a time? So belief? That was a little difficult. Ciel had to make himself laugh a little, more in disbelief than anything.

"No. That can't be right." Could it? "That would mean... we're not entirely human."

Was it normal? He didn't rightly know. All around him back home, he saw men and women made to marry because their parents saw benefit to merging houses for gain in one way or another. It was all about family, all about the heritage and about what it would look like to society, how it would raise the name, and the bride and groom were to make of it what they could, regardless of how they actually liked each other in the end.

What he saw in Claudia was nothing of the sort. There was no betrothal, no family to push them together so that they would bring an advantage to their relatives. He suspected that was what Claudia loved about him most, not so much who he was or his feelings behind the robes and the hair, but that he offered her the freedom to choose to go to him or not to go to him as she willed. He was hers when and where she decided.

Ultimately, she submitted to her family's choices and carried on her duties as a daughter and wife, but he had her heart, and she had his. His smile softened. "Perhaps it is. Love isn't spoken of much in your world of nobility when you look at men and women. You're too young yet to know it and what it can be, but I wonder if you will."

Ciel had already been promised out to another, the decision made for him before he was even old enough to understand what the words meant. Now, Elizabeth had another fiancee to look forward to, and he looked at them now and saw children at play. What did they comprehend of their situation?

The grin he turned on the boy then was muted. It was almost refreshing to hear the Earl doubting his words. "What do you think? You don't have to believe me."

'Ciel' had been engaged to Lizzie his entire life, he never knew a time that the engagement hadn't been in place. And neither of the twins had ever questioned or argued it. That had just been how it was, nobles married nobles. Elizabeth was noble, and so was Ciel. It seemed normal.

Undertaker, when he'd told Ciel about his grandmother, had defied that a bit. Even if he knew that she'd had to have married a Phantomhive from their line alone. And he was right that Ciel was still young. He'd never really thought about his and Lizzie's relationship as 'love' but he'd always been fond of her. He'd always tried protecting her and she did the same for him. Love though? He wasn't sure about that.

"I don't know..." What did he think? What was he supposed to think? Undertaker as his grandfather? That would mean Claudia had been unfaithful. Even not knowing her, it was hard to think of anyone in his family behaving in such a risqué manner. Someone who had raised his aunt and father, he would have thought her more rigid when it came to behavior.

She had also been the Watchdog though. And he knew what the duty entailed, it was pretty and it wasn't kind.

"Wouldn't the otehr reapers have noticed something like that? William or Grell? Or those reapers in Germany we saw?"

Palms were placed against the counter and he leaned into them a little, resting his hips against the knuckles.

"Not with the way that we kept things hidden. We had to, to keep her husband and everyone else from finding out. Can you imagine what that would have been like for her, knowing our world like you do, if it had been discovered that she was guilty of adultery?"

Never mind what would have happened to her family, to her son and daughter. People were not kind and gossip came cheap. The lengths that they'd had to go to to keep their affair a secret had been nothing short of an ordeal, but worth it in the end.

"You don't have to believe me, milord. I only wanted to tell you. What you do with it is your choice, but I hope I haven't ruined you on me for a liar."

Just for something to do, something to distract himself even a little, he sipped at what was left of his cocoa. It wasn't easy to wrap his mind around something like that. A grandparent that was still, sort of, living- he still didn't know much about reapers aside from what he learned in a few encounters. And that hadn't taught him much.

"Does... this..." He bit his lip and then rephrased. "Is this normal..?"

Reapers and humans, falling in love, having a family. Even if it was a strange family in a number of ways. The Watchdog's and a retired grim reaper, a noble and a mortician.

Thinking of Undertaker as a liar though, that hadn't quite crossed his mind. He was still trying to come to terms with what he'd been told by itself.

If Ciel needed all the time in that world, he would give it to him, whether or not he could accept what was presented. In the end, it was up to him to decide what to make of the information, what would be done with it or what could be done about it.

"It must be, in some way. Whatever else you may have heard, all grim reapers were once human, trained out of their emotions on the other side - or tried to be. We once had lives of our own, family, friends. It's only natural for us to want that again in some way or fashion."

That was actually new information for the teen, looking to Undertaker with a wide eye, mouth opening to question and then snapping shut. He wanted to find a less impulsive way of asking about that but how did one even try approaching the subject delicately?

"I didn't know that, actually." There were few reapers he ever associated with and Undertaker had been the only one he was on amiable terms with. And he hadn't known that he was a reaper until recently.

"Why would they train reapers like that?" When it was so clearly ineffective that Undertaker had fallen in love with Claudia, when Grell so frequently meddled in human affairs.

There was the rub of it. Why, indeed? "Life is such a beautiful thing. Some of us never really appreciated it, blind to what we had. As bad as it seemed at the time, it was still worth it to hold onto until the bitter end. For grim reapers, we're just humans who took matters into our own hands."

As bad as his had been at the time, he hadn't wanted it anymore. It hadn't seemed worth it. Too much had gone wrong and in his misery, he'd done the one thing that seemed right. "We watch life end for everyone else until we're forgiven for what we've done. You see the misery on the dying, the desperation of their loved ones for just one more minute. You relive that through them again and again until the point is driven home and that's the punishment, and you're expected to detatch yourself from it all. The irony of it is we're being made to appreciate that which we gave up by showing it indifference."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject