Captain James T. Kirk (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
winscenario) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
riverviewlogs2017-10-10 08:34 pm
winscenario) wrote in riverviewlogs2017-10-10 08:34 pm
( open ) is this the place we used to love
who: Jim Kirk & YOU!
what: yet another memory share post to add to the pile (sorry guys)
when: 9th - 23rd
where: wherever you like
warnings: death (his own and other people), possibly some violence. nothing too terribly intense or graphic. will update if need be!
I ▹ DREAMSCAPE
II ▹ VISION
III ▹ VISION
IV ▹ DREAMSCAPE
[ ooc: if you'd like any other specific memories from any of the movies, feel free to let me know and I can write a starter for you! ]
what: yet another memory share post to add to the pile (sorry guys)
when: 9th - 23rd
where: wherever you like
warnings: death (his own and other people), possibly some violence. nothing too terribly intense or graphic. will update if need be!
I ▹ DREAMSCAPE
[ It's warm. It's too warm, even, the sun shining down on your head, making sweat form rapidly across skin. There's very little that offers shade too— everything is a vast wide open field, dried foliage and nothingness all around. There's an old and neglected barn not too far off, a tree well in the distance, and a beaten path that doesn't seem like it's used too often.
You'll recognize Jim, standing just to the side, eyes on that road. A car is coming in at some speed, gradually closer as it approaches the barn.
He's not really expecting company, not here of all places. What is there to see, anyway, in the middle of nowhere, Iowa? Hands in his pockets, he looks a little resigned, a little wistful, trying very hard for it not to come off as nostalgic as he turns around to greet whoever's just walked into his dream. ]
This isn't going to be terribly exciting, I'm afraid.
You'll recognize Jim, standing just to the side, eyes on that road. A car is coming in at some speed, gradually closer as it approaches the barn.
He's not really expecting company, not here of all places. What is there to see, anyway, in the middle of nowhere, Iowa? Hands in his pockets, he looks a little resigned, a little wistful, trying very hard for it not to come off as nostalgic as he turns around to greet whoever's just walked into his dream. ]
This isn't going to be terribly exciting, I'm afraid.
II ▹ VISION
[ The first few visions aren't clear or telling at all, but they are intense, loud, explosive. Sounds of people yelling, gunfire, the heat of minor explosions, the pain of broken glass piercing skin. You could swear you can feel your heart beat rapidly in your chest, a sense of panic and dread, then a deep, piercing grief you can't quite pinpoint or explain.
Eventually, the memory reveals itself completely. It starts with an attack, evidently a set-up, which comes to explain most of the feelings, the sense of fear, the rush of adrenaline. The grief, however, is only explained later, when you experience the rest of the memory. You don't know the dying man, but for a moment, it feels like you do. It feels like you love him greatly, and the loss comes with a strange sense of regret for things left unsaid. ]
Eventually, the memory reveals itself completely. It starts with an attack, evidently a set-up, which comes to explain most of the feelings, the sense of fear, the rush of adrenaline. The grief, however, is only explained later, when you experience the rest of the memory. You don't know the dying man, but for a moment, it feels like you do. It feels like you love him greatly, and the loss comes with a strange sense of regret for things left unsaid. ]
III ▹ VISION
[ This particular memory starts revealing itself with an unusual physical manifestation: pain. Or the memory of it, anyway. Wherever you are, there's a sudden, intense ache, there and gone in a moment, though it leaves your heart racing, your breath coming a little short. Panic comes soon after, and without knowing how to explain it, you find yourself terrified. Before you experience the memory in its entirety, you suddenly are sure of one thing: you're going to die.
But it's not until you experience the whole memory that you understand, that those sensations are explained, as well as the glimpses of the Vulcan whom you don't think you know, so much as feel you recognize. This memory is intense for a whole other set of reasons. It's quiet for the most part, but your heart beats too loudly, your breath comes out too ragged. You feel at a loss, cold, and completely alone. And it's terrifying to the last second, until your sight blurs and dissolves into pitch black. ]
But it's not until you experience the whole memory that you understand, that those sensations are explained, as well as the glimpses of the Vulcan whom you don't think you know, so much as feel you recognize. This memory is intense for a whole other set of reasons. It's quiet for the most part, but your heart beats too loudly, your breath comes out too ragged. You feel at a loss, cold, and completely alone. And it's terrifying to the last second, until your sight blurs and dissolves into pitch black. ]
IV ▹ DREAMSCAPE
[ You come to on a ship. It looks a little worn and like it shouldn't be able to withstand flight, and yet here it is, going at an impressive speed across space. Scarier than that, though, is what can be seen on the view screen: thousands and thousands of small vessels, working in perfect coordination, taking a shape of sorts as they seemingly prepare to attack.
Among the very small crew on the bridge, there's a perfect reflection of Jim sitting in the captain's chair, fingers curling tight into the armrest. They all seem completely unaware of both your presence, and the only one who makes a note of you being there is the other Jim, in casual clothes and hair a little longer, glancing between you and the scene as he takes a moment to piece together what's happening here. ]
The swarm ships are doubling back, they are forming an attack wave, sir. [ Chekov warns the captain, to which he answers promptly, like the commands were keyed in already, just waiting for the right time. ]
We've got their attention. [ More of a murmur than anything, then— ] Hold steady, Mr. Sulu. Brace yourselves, everybody. Spock, stand by to drop out of formation. Scotty, you all cued up back there?
[ Scotty, bent over a console, nods. ] Aye, sir!
[ The Jim standing next to you smiles a little, raising his eyebrows and tipping his head. ] We should listen to my advice. This ride's about to get bumpy.
Among the very small crew on the bridge, there's a perfect reflection of Jim sitting in the captain's chair, fingers curling tight into the armrest. They all seem completely unaware of both your presence, and the only one who makes a note of you being there is the other Jim, in casual clothes and hair a little longer, glancing between you and the scene as he takes a moment to piece together what's happening here. ]
The swarm ships are doubling back, they are forming an attack wave, sir. [ Chekov warns the captain, to which he answers promptly, like the commands were keyed in already, just waiting for the right time. ]
We've got their attention. [ More of a murmur than anything, then— ] Hold steady, Mr. Sulu. Brace yourselves, everybody. Spock, stand by to drop out of formation. Scotty, you all cued up back there?
[ Scotty, bent over a console, nods. ] Aye, sir!
[ The Jim standing next to you smiles a little, raising his eyebrows and tipping his head. ] We should listen to my advice. This ride's about to get bumpy.
[ ooc: if you'd like any other specific memories from any of the movies, feel free to let me know and I can write a starter for you! ]
no subject
"Seriously? If you don't wanna talk about it, then why bring it up at all?" He lifted his shoulders, running his hands through his hair as he turned away from Bones. He was frustrated more than anything— more than he was sorry, really, which was what he should be.
He moved back towards the couch, picking up his jacket from the armrest. "If we're just going to sit around and ignore the elephant in the room, then I need some air. I'm going out." No way he was gonna sit down and have dinner and act as though Bones wasn't upset or hadn't seen that memory at all.
no subject
And that little telltale reaction to stress on Jim's part was just as angering to him as the request for a transfer was upsetting. His posture straightened as he stood in Jim's wake and glared holes into his back. "I faced all of my fears to follow you. Risked my fucking career twice over and good name as a doctor because I refused to be another person in your life that turned and walked out for whatever tomfool reason they came up with to leave you behind. And here you are..." Walking out of him even if for one night or however long. But he let that one go as he took a deep breath through clenched teeth.
"I thought I earned a right to a little bit of thought back then. And no, I don't regret anything I've done to keep your ass alive or the choices I've made to make sure you weren't ever left behind. But maybe I need to regret my own stupidity for thinking just maybe a little of that was reciprocated back then." And it felt sickeningly like something Jocelyn might've done to him. But Jim's not her. Jim's not like her. So he at least had enough wits not to throw that out there.
At least he had the presence of mind enough to distinguish now and then. But it still hurt regardless. Even if it was god damn stupid to feel that way. "Guess I'm just a fucking idiot for thinking that." Without another word, he turned toward the kitchen blindly pulling things out to make something, anything, before he said something else driven by emotion. He already dug the hole deep enough. Jim was already going to walk out.
It hurt just thinking about it. But right then, a streak of stubbornness was pushing him, and he sure as hell wasn't going to fall apart in front of Jim. Not when Jim's answer to the issue was to leave.
no subject
He couldn't put to words what had gone through his mind back then. Couldn't really explain why the instinct to flee had kicked in. He hadn't felt lost, as Paris had said, so much as scared. Not sure what of, though, and back then, he certainly didn't want to talk to anyone about it. Not Bones, not Spock... that had been why he'd struggled to speak to his first officer, and failed to do so in the end.
All the same, really. In the end he came to his senses and saw how that position wasn't meant for him. Not at that point in his life, at least. So telling anyone about it, including Bones, had become a moot point.
He opened his mouth now, not quite sure of what to say. He should probably apologize, or soothe things between them a little, but his mind was already out the door even if he was still physically inside the house. So what he blurted out was both thoughtless and hurtful.
"Not everything I do has to do with you, Bones. I don't consider you in every decision I make," his voice was low and soft, but the words still cut along his throat and tongue like a sharp blade. "Maybe you shouldn't have constantly thought of me for each of your choices, either."
Before Bones could say anything, he was turning around and heading towards the door, running away in a panic, like a dog with his tail between his legs.
no subject
And it cut deep.
Deep enough that it left him too stunned to even react. The marginal widening of his eyes and just the slight parting of his lips gave way to that pained intake of a breath that burned from his throat all the way to his lungs. Guess he shoulda known taking a hit like that from Jim would hurt far worse than anything else.
It felt a little like being dizzy. A sway in his posture, only to give way with his knees like a damn pile of jello the moment Jim made for the door. One hand reached out to find any surface to just keep him standing, and he knew damn well that was the only thing that saved him from completely fallin' apart.
Hazel eyes came to rest on Jim's shoulders even as the door opened, and he spoke softly, though still in a tone to be heard. "Shame on me for thinkin' I was any different." Because he'd actually... really thought... he'd be one person Jim wouldn't walk out on.
Shame on him, indeed.