( open ) is this the place we used to love

[winscenario]

who: Jim Kirk & YOU!
what: yet another memory share post to add to the pile (sorry guys)
when: 9th - 23rd
where: wherever you like
warnings: death (his own and other people), possibly some violence. nothing too terribly intense or graphic. will update if need be!


I ▹ DREAMSCAPE

[ It's warm. It's too warm, even, the sun shining down on your head, making sweat form rapidly across skin. There's very little that offers shade too— everything is a vast wide open field, dried foliage and nothingness all around. There's an old and neglected barn not too far off, a tree well in the distance, and a beaten path that doesn't seem like it's used too often.

You'll recognize Jim, standing just to the side, eyes on that road. A car is coming in at some speed, gradually closer as it approaches the barn.

He's not really expecting company, not here of all places. What is there to see, anyway, in the middle of nowhere, Iowa? Hands in his pockets, he looks a little resigned, a little wistful, trying very hard for it not to come off as nostalgic as he turns around to greet whoever's just walked into his dream. ]

This isn't going to be terribly exciting, I'm afraid.

II ▹ VISION

[ The first few visions aren't clear or telling at all, but they are intense, loud, explosive. Sounds of people yelling, gunfire, the heat of minor explosions, the pain of broken glass piercing skin. You could swear you can feel your heart beat rapidly in your chest, a sense of panic and dread, then a deep, piercing grief you can't quite pinpoint or explain.

Eventually, the memory reveals itself completely. It starts with an attack, evidently a set-up, which comes to explain most of the feelings, the sense of fear, the rush of adrenaline. The grief, however, is only explained later, when you experience the rest of the memory. You don't know the dying man, but for a moment, it feels like you do. It feels like you love him greatly, and the loss comes with a strange sense of regret for things left unsaid. ]

III ▹ VISION

[ This particular memory starts revealing itself with an unusual physical manifestation: pain. Or the memory of it, anyway. Wherever you are, there's a sudden, intense ache, there and gone in a moment, though it leaves your heart racing, your breath coming a little short. Panic comes soon after, and without knowing how to explain it, you find yourself terrified. Before you experience the memory in its entirety, you suddenly are sure of one thing: you're going to die.

But it's not until you experience the whole memory that you understand, that those sensations are explained, as well as the glimpses of the Vulcan whom you don't think you know, so much as feel you recognize. This memory is intense for a whole other set of reasons. It's quiet for the most part, but your heart beats too loudly, your breath comes out too ragged. You feel at a loss, cold, and completely alone. And it's terrifying to the last second, until your sight blurs and dissolves into pitch black. ]

IV ▹ DREAMSCAPE

[ You come to on a ship. It looks a little worn and like it shouldn't be able to withstand flight, and yet here it is, going at an impressive speed across space. Scarier than that, though, is what can be seen on the view screen: thousands and thousands of small vessels, working in perfect coordination, taking a shape of sorts as they seemingly prepare to attack.

Among the very small crew on the bridge, there's a perfect reflection of Jim sitting in the captain's chair, fingers curling tight into the armrest. They all seem completely unaware of both your presence, and the only one who makes a note of you being there is the other Jim, in casual clothes and hair a little longer, glancing between you and the scene as he takes a moment to piece together what's happening here. ]

The swarm ships are doubling back, they are forming an attack wave, sir. [ Chekov warns the captain, to which he answers promptly, like the commands were keyed in already, just waiting for the right time. ]

We've got their attention. [ More of a murmur than anything, then— ] Hold steady, Mr. Sulu. Brace yourselves, everybody. Spock, stand by to drop out of formation. Scotty, you all cued up back there?

[ Scotty, bent over a console, nods. ] Aye, sir!

[ The Jim standing next to you smiles a little, raising his eyebrows and tipping his head. ] We should listen to my advice. This ride's about to get bumpy.

[ ooc: if you'd like any other specific memories from any of the movies, feel free to let me know and I can write a starter for you! ]

Comments

ii.

[realists]

[ jyn is no stranger to death, not even on such a large scale. she'd watched tamsye prime being bombed, she'd escaped the death of jedha, she hadn't escaped the death of scarif.

it's not easier that it's people she doesn't know because she feels like she knows them, it hurts with the same intensity, tears pricking at her eyes.

her papers flutter out of her hands, scattering across the floor and when jyn's mind refocuses, she scowls as she stoops to pick them up, swiping the back of her hand across her eyes. she refuses to cry, stalking over and shoving her papers at kirk with more force than absolutely necessary. ]

Why is this happening?

[ not her notes and papers and such, it's clear what she means, it isn't as if all over riverview isn't being inundated with these memories and flashes and visions and dreams. jyn hates them. ]

[winscenario]

[ Too many people here are too used to death, Jim thinks. He himself has seen far too much of it, which is frightening considering how the Federation is largely peaceful, and so is Starfleet. Sadly the same can't be said for the rest of the galaxy.

Of course Jim has no idea what memory she just experienced, but the moment she snaps out of it, he can tell she just had one of those visions. Her eyes are a little red and he's far too focused looking at her to properly process it when she shoves the papers at him. He fumbles with the pile, nearly letting half of them fall to the ground again. ]

Beats me— damn it. [ He pulls the papers to his chest, then goes over to a table and lets them drop onto the surface so he can put them in their proper order. He glances at Jyn, tentative. ] What did you see?

[realists]

An attack. It was a war room. [ god if she's not familiar with people arguing politics and strategy in a meeting with no one listening to the only course of action. at least kirk had a friend there to back him up. too bad it was too late. ]

Your friend died.

[ maybe attacks are familiar to him, familiar enough that it won't be easy to pinpoint the one specific memory without the addition of the death of his obviously dear friend.

that's how jyn regards battles in her own mind, by the casualties. ]

[winscenario]

[ It takes Jim a moment to place the memory exactly, although the war room does give it away some. Jim hasn't been to a lot of meetings like that one, and being attacked during one, well... there was only the one time, really.

His suspicions are confirmed when she mentions his friend dying. He lets out a breath, his shoulders dropping a little. ]

He wasn't a friend. [ It seems like such a stupid thing to point out, especially when Jim has no idea how to explain it. ] I mean, he... he was, obviously. Just... he was more than that.

[realists]

[ jyn nods, understanding plain on her expression. not only had she felt it, from kirk's point of view, but he's felt it. she knows what he means immediately, without further explanation. ]

I know.

[winscenario]

[ He glances at Jyn, nodding silently. Seems like she understands, and he's thankful for that. He's not even sure he'd know how to explain how he felt about Pike— he wouldn't outright call him his father by any means, but he certainly was the closest thing to a father figure that Jim ever got in his life. ]

He was the one who got me to join the Academy. [ It's safer territory, he thinks, talking about that. ] He was only a Captain, at the time. Christopher Pike.

[realists]

[ jyn repeats his name quietly, christopher pike, debating whether she can talk about saw without wanting to throw up. she'll give is a try. kirk only asked about her family over a month ago, it just took some time. ]

When I was eight my mother was killed. [ in front of her. ] A family friend took me in, Saw, he raised me.

[ so she understands, the fatherly feeling when it isn't a father. ]

[winscenario]

[ Well, Pike didn't raise him exactly. He came into his life when he was a little too old for that, but he certainly guided and inspired him, particularly during his Academy years. God knows where he would be right now if it weren't for him. ]

I'm sorry to hear. [ He doesn't share anything in return, not because he doesn't want to, but because this time, it's Jyn opening up about herself, and he doesn't want to make the conversation about him again, as though he's dismissing what she's sharing with him. ] What was he like?

[realists]

He was a soldier, a rebel. [ it wasn't a great upbringing for a child, in all honesty, but it's not like jyn would change it. she can't even fathom a different life. ]

Most people considered him too extreme, part of the problem.

[winscenario]

[ Jim's come to learn that a lot of people don't have an ideal upbringing. Not everyone gets two parents and a perfect home, and some kids have to do without a lot of things that others take for granted. Not that Jim can talk much, as he had a roof over his head, food on his plate, the opportunity to go to school and learn, but that didn't make certain absences any better.

Sometimes someone to love and care about them is all a kid needs. ]

And was he? Part of the problem? [ Looking for Jyn's opinion and feelings towards the man more so than anything. Maybe he was 'too extreme', as she puts it. Doesn't mean he didn't love her. ]

[realists]

Sometimes, probably.

[ jyn idolized him, but she knows better than to think that saw wasn't making it difficult for the budding alliance. ]

The Alliance was still trying to get a foothold and it was probably hard when Saw was blowing shit up. But he was a hero to his people during the Clone Wars and he taught me the hard truths about war, he did everything he could to make sure the Empire couldn't sit still and complacent.

[ that's a lot of words from jyn, full of a hero worship that is tinged with bitterness even if it is still quiet and jyn's kind of monotone. ]

[winscenario]

[ That's probably the longest string of words Jim's heard Jyn say in one go, and so he listens with attention and avid interest, nodding quietly. Which isn't to say he agrees one way or the other, simply that he understands the point of view. His and hers both. ]

Sometimes there's just no right way to do things. You just have to try your best to stand up for what you believe in. [ Life doesn't always lend itself to idealisms, after all. ]

[realists]

The only problem is that people who believe in atrocities want to stand up for what they believe in, too.

[ the slight wry twist of her mouth implies that she is teasing, even if it's, you know, accurate. ]

[winscenario]

[ He mimics her with a wry smile of his own, a huff of a chuckle. ]

Yeah, unfortunately so. They also can be just as determined. [ Despite what it might seem to her, his world isn't all that idyllic, even if it is as close to a utopia as mankind likely could hope for. On Earth, anyway. Out there across the galaxy, though, Jim has come across all sorts. ]

[realists]

I'm sorry, about your Captain.

[ she's not really swinging it back around to pike, not asking kirk to elaborate, she just didn't say it before. ]

[winscenario]

It's alright. [ He smiles faintly. ] I was... angry, for a very long time. About that. I, ah... sometimes I just don't know how to deal with loss, I guess.

[ His father had been dead since the day he was born, and yet sometimes it feels as though he still hasn't worked through it, still hasn't gotten over his death. It's ridiculous, grieving the loss of someone he never even knew. With Pike, it was just... more present, the wound was more raw. He was angry because he didn't know how else to feel, or what else to do. ]

But— thank you.

[realists]

[ jyn nods, because that makes sense and maybe she relates but she doesn't want it to turn back to her life and so she tries to extract herself as gracefully as possible. ]

I've got to-- Later.

[ and she veers off to be not here awkwardly. so in terms of graceful... not the best. ]

[winscenario]

[ It's not exactly an easy topic, and from what little he's learned about Jyn so far, it's easy to tell that she's not exactly the type for emotional talk. So he says nothing to the quick and somewhat awkward attempt to end the conversation, simply nodding as he goes back to the messy pile of papers so he can organize them again. ]

See you around, Jyn.