[open] it's in my head, darling i hope

[causational]

who: eddie thawne & OPEN
what: memory-sharing prompts; october/november catch-all
when: month of october
where: around the quarantine
warnings: violence and abusive language in prompt i (written only); scenes of captivity and psychological abuse in prompt iv (written and in the linked video); gun violence and suicide/character death in prompt v (written and in the linked video)



[OOC: All memories can be in either Dreamscape or First Person view. All links are youtube videos; contains spoilers for The Flash Season 1; ]


✪ i. short, fat, and the son of a politician

[This memory is relatively short, opening in a high school locker room. It becomes obvious very quickly that Eddie, many years younger and thick, soft, hesitant, has chosen to change in one of the toilet stalls instead of in the main room with all the other boys. Padding out after he hears most of the other voices go silent, he thinks he's missed the crowd, that he'll be the last one out of the locker room and safe because of it.

Unfortunately, a couple of boys have stayed behind, quiet, lying in wait for the overweight teenager as he comes out of the stall. One of the bullies grabs Eddie by the arm and shoves him into the door of the toilet stall, yelling at him about his family, his dad, how he's a spoilt rich kid whose dad wants them all to starve, telling him he's a fat, ugly piece of shit who'll be a virgin forever. And they hit him, over and over, splitting his lip, punching him in the gut so he can't catch his breath, leaving him huddling and gasping against the wall, clutching his stomach, nose bleeding down his upper lip as the other boys leave, cursing himself for not saying anything to defend himself.]

✪ ii. blowing off steam

[The first memory is set in the bustling Central City Police Department, with Eddie and his partner Joe West talking to the CSI - and Eddie's girlfriend Iris' best friend - Barry Allen. They're discussing a criminal who's escaped, someone who threatened Iris. It's obvious, to Eddie, that Barry is carrying a torch for Iris, and has for a long time. In his gut somewhere, he knows that Iris feels the same way about Barry, he's just not quite at the point of acknowledging it.

Right now, he wants to bond with Barry, to ease some of the tension between them, so when he goes to blow off some steam at a punching bag, he invites Barry along, knowing the perp was Barry's elementary school bully. And while Barry might be expecting Eddie to flaunt his physical prowess, Eddie has something else entirely in mind. With very little shame, he shares his history as a short, fat, unpopular high school kid who only blossomed through learning boxing from a teacher and sharing her advice on how to throw a punch.]

✪ iii. serve and protect

[The next scene is a quick action one - Eddie is watching with a small crowd of other police officers as The Flash, in full superhero gear, fights Captain Cold and Heatwave with their cold and heat guns. In a flurry, the two criminals land a hit that knocks The Flash to the ground and Eddie, unable to watch, picks up a riot shield rigged with gear to stave off cold - but not heat - and runs into the fray, despite his fellow officers and his girlfriend calling him and asking what the hell he thinks he's doing. Just in time, he ducks in front of The Flash and uses the shield to deflect the beams of hot and cold directed his way, only to be plucked up by the speedster and deposited back on the sidelines...

✪ iv. waste of a man

[The scene opens in a dark industrial room where Eddie is tied to a chair. He looks haggard, unshaven, with his hair a mess and his tie loosened, but he's still acting cocky, putting up a show of bravado despite how afraid he obviously is. Turning as much as he can in his chair, he looks over his shoulder as his captor enters the room, asking for something to eat only to be assured that humans can live without food for as long as two months, and when he asks if that's how long Eobard intends to keep him here, he's told that his captor doubts it will come to that.

There is a moment, poignant and intense and raw, in which Eddie Thawne truly believes that he will die before he leaves this room.

What follows is a long, long period during which Eddie, hungry and frightened but putting up a brave front, tries to get information from this man, who's revealed himself as Eddie's ancestor who traveled back in time to kill The Flash. None of the attempts are successful, and Eddie falls silent after a challenge that The Flash will stop him causes Eobard to physically threaten him into silence.

The memory jumps after that to sometime later - Eddie is still hungry and looks even more ragged, but he's still defiant, talking back to Eobard, mocking him, goading him in a way he hopes will lead to some kind of stupid mistake on Eobard's part. Unfortunately, all that follows is a barrage of Eobard telling him that Eddie is the only Thawne who was forgotten, that he was a failure, that his career will be unremarkable, that he will lose the love of his life to Barry Allen. And Eobard shows Eddie proof, a newspaper from the future with the byline of 'Iris West-Allen.' All Eddie can feel as Eobard tosses aside his grandmother's wedding ring, which he was about to propose to Iris with before his kidnapping, is heartbreak.]

✪ v. what did you do?

[Everything has gone wrong. Barry, who'd gone to his own past to save his mother, changed his mind, barreling out of a wormhole to stop Eobard Thawne from using the time machine that Cisco had built him to travel to his own time. The machine in pieces, Barry and Eobard engage in a vicious high-speed battle, and Eddie watches with Joe, Iris, and everyone else, helpless to do anything to help Barry. It's fast and brutal and in barely the blink of an eye, Eobard has Barry pinned against a wall, proclaiming that he's going to kill Barry and then Iris and then everyone else in the room. Everyone else Barry has ever cared about.

And it comes to Eddie all in a flash, crystal clear. That doesn't mean him. If Eobard wins, he will kill Barry, and Joe, and Iris, and Caitlin, and Cisco, and every single other person that Eddie is friends with, that Eddie will be left all alone, the only survivor, grieving the loss of the most important people in his life. Because Eobard can't kill him, won't kill him, because Eddie is his ancestor. Because in order for Eobard to exist, Eddie must live and move on and have a family and children and a life. It is in that moment, that Eddie realizes what he has to do, realizes that there is only one way to end this, to stop Eobard.

Drawing his police-issue gun, Eddie turns it on himself, aims it at his chest, and pulls the trigger. As he falls, as the pain shoots through him, as the blood soaks his shirt and he crumples to the ground, he can hear Joe shouting at him, over and over, 'Eddie, what did you do?!' He can hear Iris screaming, can hear people talking in a blur.

Eddie dies in Iris' arms, in pain and afraid and knowing he's done the only thing he could possibly have done, but still needing to be reassured that he's a hero, that he's someone's hero, as the light fades and the darkness closes in and everything stops...]

✪ vi. wildcard

Either drop me a completely random starter here, or hit me up via PM or on plurk at caffemisto to plot something!

Comments

[causational]

[For a moment, it feels completely hopeless. If he still has to deal with petty childhood bullying, if it's still affecting him, how is he ever going to deal with his relationship to Iris ending? How is he going to deal with Joe refusing to give his blessing to propose to her? How is he going to deal with the kidnapping, with what Eobard said to him, with dying?

It feels hopeless, overwhelming, but then Cisco is saying the best way past it is through it, and explains how he'd felt, how he'd coped. Eddie's blue eyes flick up to Cisco's face, and he swallows hard again, smiling just a little. It's weak, a little sad, but it's a smile.]

It just feels a bit overwhelming, you know? It seems like a small, stupid thing, and then you pile all the other stuff on top of it and it's stupid...but it feels like I'm gonna drown under all of it.

[Licking his lips, he keeps his eyes on Cisco, exhales slow and steady.]

But you'll be there with me. I know that. So...so I guess it isn't impossible.

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco's heart is breaking a little, watching Eddie's shoulders, seeing the weight of all of those things still on him. He thinks it is clearer to him than it might be to Eddie, himself. He can keep up the illusion for everybody else, but Cisco is around him all the time, now. He sees the cracks in the façade. He knows how much all of it is.

So when Eddie says it feels overwhelming, Cisco's already nodding before he finishes the sentence, eyes prickling with tears that he holds back with some effort. He pulls back from the hug, so he can take Eddie's face in his hands, look him in the eyes as he says: ]

I know it's scary. I know. But I not gonna let you drown, Eddie. I promise.

[causational]

[There's something about the way Cisco seems to get him that's intensely reassuring. Cisco understands him sometimes before Eddie even understands himself, and this feels like one of those times. Cisco nods and looks at him with his eyes wet and warm and takes Eddie's face in his hands and tells him he's not going to let him drown.

For a moment, Eddie's still, eyes locked on Cisco's face, his cheeks cupped between Cisco's warm palms, looking him in the eyes, and then some of the tension drains out of him. Because he believes Cisco. How could he not, when Cisco looks at him like that?

Exhaling shakily, Eddie manages a weak smile.]

I know and...thank you.