[None of it makes sense to Eddie - if it happened a long time ago,if he's gotten over it, if he's moved on without letting the bullying make him hard or turn him into a bully or make him weak, then why does it matter that it happened? It's part of his life, of course, it helped shape him into who he is, and it's important for that, but he doesn't understand Cisco's concern. Not really.
He can tell that his apology was wrong when Cisco reacts to it, looking a little confused, a little lost, but still so gentle and worried. And when Cisco finally explains that he hates that Eddie was hurt, that what's even worse is how it makes Eddie act like what happened to him wasn't as important as if it happened to someone else, that makes sense a little. If he looks at it objectively, it's true that what he feels when someone else is hurt, has been hurt, is different than how he feels about his own sad history.
When Cisco says that he thinks Eddie thinks he doesn't matter, but he does, Eddie can't breathe for a moment. His eyes are stinging and hot, but he's not really sure what emotion he's feeling, he can't understand it, even though it's extremely intense.]
I guess...I don't know. I don't think I do matter all that much. That's what Eobard told me, when I was with him for a couple weeks. I don't matter, I never will matter. The only important thing I ever did was die. I guess...being pushed around in school made me the type of person who'd help Barry and then...you know. So I guess that matters...
[Even as he says it, he winces a little, because he knows that it's wrong, that it's going to hurt Cisco, and so he blurts out, his voice rough and hitched.]
no subject
He can tell that his apology was wrong when Cisco reacts to it, looking a little confused, a little lost, but still so gentle and worried. And when Cisco finally explains that he hates that Eddie was hurt, that what's even worse is how it makes Eddie act like what happened to him wasn't as important as if it happened to someone else, that makes sense a little. If he looks at it objectively, it's true that what he feels when someone else is hurt, has been hurt, is different than how he feels about his own sad history.
When Cisco says that he thinks Eddie thinks he doesn't matter, but he does, Eddie can't breathe for a moment. His eyes are stinging and hot, but he's not really sure what emotion he's feeling, he can't understand it, even though it's extremely intense.]
I guess...I don't know. I don't think I do matter all that much. That's what Eobard told me, when I was with him for a couple weeks. I don't matter, I never will matter. The only important thing I ever did was die. I guess...being pushed around in school made me the type of person who'd help Barry and then...you know. So I guess that matters...
[Even as he says it, he winces a little, because he knows that it's wrong, that it's going to hurt Cisco, and so he blurts out, his voice rough and hitched.]
I'm sorry. Sorry. Ignore that, okay?