[open] try to rememeber

[buildsomething]

who: Tony Stark and Open
what: Memory Share
when: Oct 9 - 23
where: In dreams
warnings: Non-consensual medical procedures, captivity, torture, death, violence, borderline emotional abuse

notes: Any of these can be dreamscape or first-person visions, whichever you like. If you want something specific not already here, just pm or hit me up at talkincodes.



1. from the ashes of captivity (open)

[At first, it's just disjointed flashes. It's dark and cold and there are unfamiliar men bent over him, hands on his chest and so much blood. It's a haze of pain and a weight over his heart that gets heavier and heavier. He has no idea how much time has past when he finally surfaces enough to be actually conscious, when he gets to meet a quiet man with tired eyes and gallows humor. But the pressure on his chest is still there, weighing him down.

What is this?

That is an electromagnet, hooked up to a car battery. And it's keeping the shrapnel from entering your heart.

Yinsen is kinder than he probably should be and more matter-of-fact than Tony can handle, but none of it matters when the men with guns appear.

He wants you to build a missile.

I refuse.

And then it's nothing but gasping for air as he's forced under water again and again, going limp as he's dragged through cave tunnels. It's blinking into the too-bright sunlight to see his life's work piled artlessly in the hands of terrorists. It's giving up, agreeing to do whatever they want and knowing they'll kill him anyway.

Look, what you just saw, that is your legacy, Stark. Your life's work, in the hands of those murderers. Is that how you want to go out? Is this the last act of defiance of the great Tony Stark? Or are you going to do something about it?

Why should I do anything? They're going to kill me, you, either way. And if they don't, I'll probably be dead in a week.

Well, then, this is a very important week for you, isn't it?

It's enough. Enough for Tony to stop feeling sorry for himself, to think, to build. It's enough for Iron Man to be born.]

2. i wasn't tricked, i was shown (open)

[Something is wrong, he knows something is wrong because it was a creepy basement before but it wasn't this dark. Something moves, that goddamn dead space whale moves, flying off into space that wasn't there before.

But none of it matters because there's a pile of bodies at his feet. They're all there, they're all dead or dying, the Hulk is barely twitching, Romanoff and Barton are gone. The shield is broken. Cap is broken too, but somehow he has enough strength to look Tony in the eyes and say five words that change everything.

You could have saved us.

Tony tears his eyes away, can't look, but now all he can see is that portal and it makes his chest go tight like he hasn't gotten over these panic attacks months ago. But it's there and it's ripped open and they're pouring out of it just like he knew they would and he can't stop it. He has to stop it.

Why didn't you do more.]

3. nothing's been the same since new york (laura)

[Tony's been doing the hero gig for a while now, but this is a clusterfuck the likes of which he's never seen. The air streets, the buildings, even the air is thick with aliens doing their best to tear down everything. And here a six people trying to stem the tide.

He sees them, every so often. The Hulk smashing through skyscrapers and alien bodies alike with something that might almost be glee. Barton barely seeming to pay attention to his targets, but his arrows never miss. The Widow on the ground, darting through crowds of enemies and leaving corpses in her wake. The Captain battering through everything in his path and still finding the energy to give commands. The shock and power of Thor, sometimes overhead, sometimes below, tearing through everything with strength and lightning. And Tony himself, darting through the air and blasting anything that moves with everything he has.

It's not stopping them from coming, there doesn't seem to be an end to the shapes pouring out of the wormhole. They keep fighting anyway. Someone has to.]

4. anybody remember when i carried a nuke through a wormhole? (cisco)

[The ground below is a mess and getting worse, but he can't concentrate on that now. The moment Fury tells him about the nuke incoming, Tony knows exactly how this is going to go. He's a genius. He can do the math. He has just enough time to keep Widow from closing the portal too soon and just enough power in the suit to get there. He's not coming back from this.

Sir, shall I call Ms Potts?

Might as well.

Even with his calculations and JARVIS', he just barely manages to turn hard enough to heads straight up. His eyes are fixed ahead and all he can see is that glowing hole in the sky. And then beyond.

It's dark, endless, and there are hundreds more of them, thousands more and in an instant Tony knows it will never stop. They'll keep coming, maybe not these but others, and the earth won't be ready. He can't do anything about that now. All he can do is let go.

The last thing he sees as his eyes slide shut is the nuke impacting the biggest ship. He can only hope it's enough.]

5. never told me he loved me, didn't even tell me he liked me (sam)

[It's one of Tony's rare breaks home from school, and he's not sure how he feels about it. He's young, maybe five or six, but he's already learned to be bored of his school work and wary of being at home.

And this is why. Howard Stark, storming in to grab the toy car out of his hands, already furious.

Is this how you spend your weekend at home?

D-dad, I--

Waste of time! I don't need to deal with this nonsense!

Tony doesn't pause. The toy is already gone and he knows he's not getting it back. Instead he runs, not sure where he's going except that he needs to be out.

He doesn't get much farther than the patio. Where else is he going to go? Crying feels shameful, like he's the baby his father is always accusing him of being, but he can't help it. In this moment, all he wants is to be back at school. Anywhere but here.

It takes a voice responding for him to realize he's been saying it out loud.

Master Tony. Do not take his outburst to heart.

The proper British voice is warm and comforting and any other time, it might help.

Leave me alone, Jarvis.

He doesn't. Of course he doesn't. Jarvis is always there to try and make him feel better. The words may be meaningless, but Tony can appreciate the thought behind them. Maybe not right then, but eventually.

Time heals all wounds.]

Comments

[wingedman]

[This isn't Sam's first rodeo in one of these dreams - one of these memories. But it feels intensely personal, private, like he's stumbled on something that he shouldn't have seen. He's seen enough pictures of Howard Stark to recognize him, and the dark-haired little boy has to be Tony. He wonders if Tony built the car himself - wouldn't be surprised if he had, even at that age.

And when he turns his head, there's the man himself, standing next to him on the patio. Because of course that's how these damn things work. You can't just experience them alone and wake up and never speak about them.

(He's reminded of the ghost of Stephen's father. Two little boys who could never be good enough. Who would always feel like the disappointments their parents named them.)

Sam takes a step closer, reaches out and twines his fingers with Tony's. Maybe that's not the sort of thing they have, maybe Tony'll think it's weird, but Sam's a physical kind of guy, and that's the kind of comfort he feels like he can offer.]

It doesn't always. God, that's a shitty thing to say, but- you know it's true. We tell ourselves that because we want it to stop hurting. But sometimes you have to accept that it's okay to hurt. That you don't have to bottle everything up.

[buildsomething]

[The sad part is, this could be any one of a dozen similar scenes, plus or minus a few details. Howard's patience for him had not improved as he got older. No, the only difference is that Tony learned to hide his reactions better, to force everything down and pretend not to care. Pretend hard enough that he almost believed it.

So he can't help but stare with a kind of sad fascination at his own crying face, focused enough that he startles as a hand suddenly slides into his. Even then, he can't really bring himself to be surprised when he turns enough to see Sam standing there, watching that same little tableau.

He doesn't know what to think, about Sam seeing this. About Sam standing there and holding his hand while his past self cries. But he doesn't pull away.]

Maybe. But it does give you perspective.

[wingedman]

Oh, yeah, there's no doubt about that. When you're a kid, something like this seems like the end of the world. Later on, it's just what I'm assuming is one in a string of similar events. It gets easier to deal with because you develop whatever coping mechanisms you can.

Doesn't mean it isn't still grinding you down, bit by bit. Doesn't mean that the scars ever heal, that even with perspective, you don't have a warped view of yourself shaped by the events that-

Goddamnit, I'm sounding like a shrink, aren't I? [Sam shakes his head.] I don't mean to sound like I'm psychoanalyzing you or anything, just- I see something like this, and it hurts, you know? And talking is all I can do, so...if you want me to shut up, just say so.

[buildsomething]

[It earns Sam another look, this one slightly searching. It's not just the shrink talk, which would admittedly annoy him a lot more coming from anyone else. But...it hurts? He has no idea how to feel about that one.

But Tony's hasn't been downplaying this sort of thing for most of his life for nothing.]

It's not really that big of a deal. Howard was just...[He trails off. Even Tony isn't sure how he's planning to end that statement.] He wasn't a huge fan of me acting childish.

[Never mind the actual child sitting there with his knees pulled up to his chest.]

@ciscodelamancha | text

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco sees the memory in bits and pieces, not always in order, spread out over visions lasting around four days. It takes him that long, to piece together whose memories they are. First all he sees is flying into the black hole. He sees the blackness of space, swarming with untold armies of aliens. He sees what looks very much like a nuclear missile. He sees New York, far below, smoke and devastation. And then, finally, he gets almost the entire thing, from start to finish, and the last crucial piece is there: JARVIS's voice, asking if he should call someone named Potts.

As soon as he's sure, he does what he's been doing every other time he gets an unintentional peek into someone else's memories, and reaches out. He texts Tony, simply: ]

you know that weird shit that's been happening with people's memories?
(in b4 "again?!?!?!")
anyway i saw some shit and i think maybe it was from you
sorry, dude. didn't mean to pry.

[buildsomething]

[Didn't mean to pry. Well that's an odd rarity in his life. But Tony just sighs and rubs his forehead as he tries to think of how to reply. And hopes that he's not going to have to do too much damage control.]

What did you see?

[franciscoramon]

there was a missile headed for new york & you grabbed it flew it through this giant portal into space where there was a big ass alien army

[ Even Cisco with all his enthusiasm has the sense not to comment that it was dope as hell. Even if it had been. ]

[buildsomething]

Ah.

[As things went, that was probably one of the more innocuous. Millions of people had seen that, after all. Usually not from the inside of his head, but still.]

Yeah, so. That was a thing that happened.

1.

[causational]

[It's not the first time Eddie's woken up in someone else's dream, standing just outside the scene and watching it, but it's definitely the first time he's woken up to something with this many familiar undertones that had nothing to do with people from home. The content of the dream might be foreign - he doesn't know the people or the place or the situation, he's not a scientist, but he's been shot in the heart, he's fought against overwhelming odds, he's been held captive in a dark room and had to endure.

It only seems respectful to watch the whole scene before glancing around himself to see if this is like the dream he had with Cisco, to see if the man whose memory he's watching is here and watching it with him. When he sees him, Eddie offers a slightly weak smile.]

That was really brave of you.

[buildsomething]

[It seems inevitable that someone would end up here, in what's probably one of the most defining moments in Tony's life. He has to think of it with resignation so that he doesn't scream at the idea of anyone being in the caves with him, seeing his weakness.

But this man, this stranger calls him brave. And Tony's just startled enough by it to arch an eyebrow in his direction.]

How so?

[This isn't bravery. Bravery wouldn't have involved a better man sacrificing his life. This is a desperate attempt to survive.]

[causational]

[It's an invasion, and Eddie's keenly aware of that. Of how he would feel if he was in this other man's place, with someone else seeing him in the belly of STAR Labs, being held captive and starved and talked down to by Eobard. But there's no way to undo it, or not see it, and so there's no point in pretending he doesn't.

The man seems a bit surprised by his comment, though, and Eddie can't help smiling, just a little, shrugging.]

Not everyone has it in them to survive against odds like that, or the brain they'd need to pull it off. That takes a lot of guts.

i

[inebriety]

[Tony doesn't know anything about this situation, he's never had to deal with anything like it and it shows in how he slowly walks around the cave, taking everything in. Anthony initially hiding behind his leg when the other Tony gets dunked underwater, but eventually creeps out to poke at this and that.]

Legacy seems to be a thing for us. Is this how Iron Man happened for you?

[buildsomething]

[He's tempted to make any one of the jokes he keeps on hand for people asking about the birth of Iron Man, references to forges and crucibles and rising like a phoenix. Deflect, distract. Something keeps him from it, though. Maybe it's the surreality of yet another Tony standing there with an...even smaller Tony? Maybe it's just that he knows he's talking to someone who can see right through his tricks without effort.]

Yeah.

[He finds himself giving in to bluntness instead as he watches the mini-Stark poke around through the makeshift workspace he and Yinsen managed to cobble together. There's a faint glow to his chest now, an echo of the reactor that isn't there anymore.]

Not for you?

[inebriety]

Nothing so violent. [The cave doesn't change, but suddenly there's the sharp smell of antiseptic in the air and mostly indistinct murmurs. However the odd word can be heard, inoperable, six months, next of kin.

Ah, that reminded him. He hasn't updated his will since Gregory's passing.]

I had longer to prepare too.

[Anthony wanders back, holding a miniature version of the mark i in his hands. Tony bends down to examine his work and coo over how bright he is.]

He's supposed to kill me. [Anthony is indignant. 'I promised I wouldn't grow any bigger!' and Tony ruffles his hair in response.]

2.

[ikols]

We're all dead somewhere in the Multiverse, you know. Is this dream merely an illusion or a peek at a different reality?

[ Standing with his hands in the pocket of his coat, Loki uses the toe of his boot to poke the broken shield. ]

[buildsomething]

[Tony's mouth opens but nothing comes out. He has no idea if the statement was meant to be comforting or not, but it barely matters when Loki nudges the shield and Tony barely manages to contain a full-body flinch. Somehow it always comes back to that damn piece of metal.]

It's a vision.

[Not an illusion. That would imply it isn't true.]

It didn't happen, if that's what you mean.

[ikols]

Oh, that's clever ... and nasty, of course. Were you tricked or terrified? [ His head jerks to the rest of the vision, keen eyes on Tony. ] Or both?

2

[worldsaway]

[This has been the most jarring moment to witness so far, save perhaps for Loki's memories. Thor remains stone faced and silent for the longest moment, watching his own lifeless body and contemplating the implications.

He jerks his head upward when Steve croaks, and it's a bitter, little statement. Thor feels secondhand guilt for it himself, and something seems to click. He glances toward Tony, mulling it over for a moment before he steps forward and speaks.]

I think I understand now.

[If he's piecing it together correctly, it falls in line with a sudden change of behaviour in Tony.]

She showed you this, didn't she? [He doesn't say it with disdain. He's fond of Wanda, but he'll be the first to admit that she showed them things he wishes he'd never seen.]

[buildsomething]

[The twitch that he gives as someone speak is pure instinct, his fight or flight response keyed up despite the fact that it's not him experiencing this, not really. It doesn't make it any easier to see.

But he still turns to face Thor, and he doesn't have to ask what he's talking about and doesn't pretend not to understand exactly what he means.]

Yeah.

[One side of his mouth twists into a humorless attempt at a smile.]

Right before we reclaimed the scepter. I guess that was kind of the point.

[worldsaway]

Suddenly, your actions make a great deal of sense. [Thor says, and his expression softens somewhat.]

I am sorry. For reacting so harshly. [That was obviously hard for him to stay. He clasps a hand on Tony's shoulder.]

Do try to remember that your fear is irrational. There's no conceivable ending in which I fall and you survive.

2.

[stevegrogers]

[ The darkness spread around him, oppressive and consuming until the vision broke through and things were only worse from there. The fallen bodies, the overwhelming guilt steering deeply within him to take root for something else to breathe to life. A desperation to never fail again; to be better and stronger no matter the cost. No matter how many pieces were given away.

It never occurred to him before the unrelenting drive he felt would be the same for Tony.

The vision curled thicker but in the haze he saw Tony and his stomach twisted. He wouldn't have liked Tony seeing what Wanda made him see. ]

That wasn't all on you, Tony. What happened. You can't do it all on your own.

[buildsomething]

[Tony visibly startled at hearing Steve's voice, or at least hearing it say something different. He spun sharply, his face almost as pale as the other Tony's as he stared at the portal in mute horror.]

You weren't meant to see this.

[It's not what he meant to say, but it's what came out anyway. Tony shook his head sharply, though his eyes stayed focused on Steve. Standing there, whole.]

I'm not trying to do it on my own. But I can't...[he trailed off and glanced away, down at the ground.] I can't know that there's something I could have done and didn't.

50 years late but--!!

[shoplifter]

[Laura wanders through a war-torn New York with interest, not nearly so phased as a child her age should be, which probably isn't at all surprising. She's got her eyes glued from hero to hero, hands in her pockets as she goes. The one with the shield seems like he has to work a lot harder than Thor (that is definitely Thor, she knows Thor). She spots Tony in his uniform, too... the redhead, the man jumping around rooftops with his arrow, and -- oh, the green one. He's interesting.

Feel free to be concerned that the eleven-year-old is calmly surrounded by destruction.

It's just a dreamscape, right? She's not concerned.]

[buildsomething]

[The torn up city barely rates a second glance from Tony -- he's seen it before -- though he can't help but glance at the others as they pass him by sometimes. From this perspective, it's actually kind of a miracle that they all made it out standing. Mostly standing.

Something else moves out of the corner of his eye, too slow to be responding to the hectic battle, and Tony turns a little to see...Laura? He frowns and turns to head in her direction, barely stopping as one of the Chitauri blows past without acknowledging him. Why should it? This is just a memory.]

Laura?

[shoplifter]

[She raises a hand and -- give a brisk little wave.]

Hola.

[She glances up, watching an enemy craft whizz by. She has to admit, she's been a bit engrossed in the world around her. How could one not? It reminds her of the X-Men comics.]

... Bad day?