[open] cast an illusion

[franciscoramon]

who: cisco + anyone!
what: memory share event & catch-all
when: october
where: anywhere
warnings: murder, torture, bullying

MEMORIES

Feel free to either have your character text Cisco (or comment on this post but indicate a text message) about having a vision / dream of his past, or to come to where he is to discuss it.

A. MURDER {third person dream OR first person vision}

[watch here

This memory is both intensely traumatic and one that Cisco has relived many many times. Have fun with it if you want, there may be small distortions - sometimes Cisco seems to remember Eobard's demeanor being gleeful, even smiling as he kills him. There may be odd gaps here and there, as well as inconsistencies. Or you can play it totally straight, just as it happened.]

B. VIBING {first person; vision}

[watch here (memory lasts up 'til 2:30)

This memory is likely to come across in jumbled pieces at first, and then more clearly as the week progresses. What's most important is that this memory captures the subjective experience of vibing from Cisco's perspective. So at one moment the memory is of looking down at a microscope slide of sand, feeling intense unease and fear, to hands reaching out and touching the sand. Once that contact is established, there is a swooping feeling, like missing a step going down stairs or plummeting on a roller coaster, and then the world goes static-y, with strange flashes of light, blurred vision, and an eerie blue tint. The warehouse that Cisco sees feels intensely present, though sounds are a bit muffled and occasionally there are jumps and starts. The end of the vision is as jarring as the start, and afterwards there is the confrontation with Stein, and a palpable feeling of panic over being interrupted and witnessed.]

C. PRISONER {first person; vision}

[watch here

This memory is clear and vivid, accompanied by feelings of hunger, exhaustion, frustration. Feel free to supplement after the cutoff at the end of the scene a moment where Cisco begs that he's already made them weapons (the heat, cold, and gold guns) and that's enough, and also Snart threatening to just out and out kill Dante, both of which are confirmed to happen but aren't shown in the clip I linked.]

D. BABY NERD PT 1 {third person; dream}

[ Cisco can't be older than nine or so, and he's adorable. We're talking a criminally cute child. His hair is cut short, which makes his ears stick out a little, and there's a tooth missing his bottom row of teeth. He's small for his age, (looks even smaller because he's wearing what are clearly hand-me-down clothes), all round-cheeked and bright-eyed. He comes bounding up to a bench in what looks like a small neighborhood park. Sitting on the bench is a pretty brunette girl with a high ponytail and big earrings, and a boy that looks a little like Cisco, around five years older. Cisco, bubbly and excited, asks: ]

Hey Val, hey Dante, do you wanna see what I made?

[ Dante, who has a hand very obviously and purposefully perched on Val's knee, glares absolute daggers at his little brother, but before he can say anything she answers with genuine interest: ]

Yeah, totally.

[ Cisco beams and pulls the lid off the shoebox. Inside is rather ugly-looking device, clearly cobbled together with materials from a bunch of different things. But Cisco pulls it out carefully as if it's the most precious thing on earth and holds it up, explaining in a delighted rush, what it is and how he made it. He has apparently cobbled together pieces from a broken cell phone, an old malfunctioning digital camera, and a half-smashed mp3 player, into a frankenstein'd device that can take pictures, make phone calls, and play music, too. Val sits up as he explains, going from indulgent to this kid with his little doodad to genuinely excited. Cisco hands it over to her and she tests it out, taking a photo of the beaming Cisco, clicking a number code onto the pad which makes 'I Could Fall In Love' by Selena play (though only loud enough that she has to hold the thing to her ear like a phone to hear it). Then, she even uses it as a phone, calling her mom, exclaiming that it really works, and hanging up again. ]

Cisco, this is so cool.

[ She jumps to her feet, saying that she's got to go get her best friend from the corner store across the street to bring her to see it, too, and goes rushing off. Cisco just stands there, holding the thing and beaming like he's never been more proud of himself in his entire life. ]

E. BABY NERD PT 2 {third person; dream}

[ (Continued from the last one, for anyone who wants an angst component)

As this scene was happening with Val, Dante was getting more and more visibly annoyed, trying to redirect attention back to himself. As soon as she leaves Dante snatches the device from Cisco, turning it over once or twice, unimpressed. Cisco's face falls, shifting from joy to trepidation, like he knows something bad is going to happen. Dante doesn't disappoint; he tosses the thing in the air and then catches it as it falls. Cisco pleads: ]

Dante, don't!

[ Which, of course, only seems to encourage the older boy. Dante throws it into the air, higher this time, and catches it, but Cisco winces, clearly terrified that he'll drop it. He tries to grab it away from his older brother, but Dante gets to his feet, holding it above his head. ]

Come on, don't be such a fucking girl, I'm not gonna drop it.

[ He tosses it into the air with enough momentum to it goes behind him and he has to spin to catch it. Cisco keeps pleading with him to quit it, trying to wrestle it away from Dante, who only laughs. It's inevitable, what happens eventually. Dante hurls the thing much too high, and it's hard to say, whether he was really trying to catch it or not. Either way, it slips between his hands and crashes onto the asphalt, shattering into about a dozen pieces. Cisco scrambles to pick up all the pieces, but the lens from the camera has shattered and the casing is cracked. ]

Oops.

[ Dante shrugs, sounds absolutely unapologetic. Cisco starts sniffling, fighting back tears as he tries to fit the thing back together. He starts putting the pieces back into the shoebox, wiping tears from his cheeks as they start to fall but saying nothing, not even looking at his brother. Dante, for his part, says scornfully: ]

Seriously, Cisco, it was an accident. You gotta stop being such a sissy all the time. It doesn't look good.

[ Then he walks off in the direction that Val had gone without another word, leaving Cisco to clean up the rest of the mess. ]

OR hit me up on plurk to plot something else!

Comments

for eddie

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco doesn't really know what's happening, yet. It's the night of the 9th, and while he'd seen a couple flashes of some strange stuff during the day, that's not actually all that unusual, for him. Sure, none of them quite felt like the vibes that he's had before - certainly they didn't seem to last as long as usual, and don't seem to be triggered by fear or any other emotion for that matter.

He and Eddie had a quiet dinner in; Eddie goes to bed an hour or so before Cisco, who stays up working, poking at an algorithm he's been working on for the past few days. Eventually, though, his eyes start to hurt from the screen of his laptop and he gives up, crawling into bed beside his boyfriend. He is asleep quickly, with Eddie there all warm and quietly breathing.

Except he doesn't dream. He becomes aware that he's standing in the lobby of the police station in Central City, and Eddie is there, too. He feels... awake. Too awake. But it can't be a vibe - all the telltale signs are missing. Tentatively, Cisco asks: ]

Eddie?

for lucretia

[franciscoramon]

[ It's been almost a week, since this catastrophe with started. Cisco's had enough dreams where he is suddenly and without warning tipped into someone else's memories that he can recognize it right away. Truthfully, he wonders if his powers aren't a bit of a help, during all this. After all, none of this is really new to him. Sure, some of the particulars are different, but compared to his vibes, these dreams and visions he's had of other people's lives are almost laughably tame. There's no emotional heightening, no feeling of imminent and disturbing realism, and everything he's seen has been the past, apparently, not the future or even present.

So he's somewhat confident that things are going to be alright, when he opens his eyes to what he doesn't realize is a room within Wonderland. What does surprise him, and shake his confidence that this whole thing is going to be a cake walk, is the fact that Lucretia is here, with him. ]

Lucretia?

[ Cisco has only had one shared dream, this last week, and that had been with Eddie. He is, to put it mildly, a lot closer to Eddie than he is to Lucretia - both emotionally but also physically in space, in terms of sleeping arrangements. He'd assumed it was some kind of proximity thing, that the only reason he and Eddie had been in that same dream was because they were in the same bed. But Lucretia is definitely not in his bed, so why...? ]

I think we're dreaming. You recognize this place?

for magnus

[franciscoramon]

[ By the time Cisco ends up in a dream with Magnus, the both of them know the score. Which is probably a good thing, because if he didn't, Cisco's pretty sure he would just assume that this place, with its giant faintly glowing mushrooms, was just a run-of-the-mill dream. It's too surreal to be an actual place, right?

Except Magnus is standing there a few feet away from him, getting his bearings. Cisco walks over, rests a hand against his arm. There are people all around them... or at least, Cisco thinks they're people. They're a bit mushroomier than he would have liked, but once he gets over the strangeness, it's... kind of cool. ]

Hey, bud. We're dreaming.

[ A little distance off Cisco sees a few figures wearing protective suits. He gets distracted a few moments looking at them before he turns to Magnus once more. ]

Any of this look familiar?

[scholiast]

(Yeah, she recognises this place.

At first, Lucretia thinks it's a nightmare; slightly unusual subject matter, but it was only a matter of time until Wonderland made it into the arsenal of events that her mind likes to use against her. Upon recognising the setting she's frozen momentarily in place, distracted by how real everything seems. The soft mood lighting in purple and blue, the long rectangular room. The fucking wheel that sits innocently on the wall at the end of it, framed by flashing lights; dread curls in her stomach, and for a moment she feels like she might be sick. Not again. Please, not again–

She looks down at her hands uncertainly, but her skin is still aged, wrinkled, and pulls taut when she flexes her hands into fists.

Then somebody says her name and she starts, head whipping about.)

Cisco?

(She sounds just as startled to see him there, mouth scrunched in confusion. So this is a dream? But how is she sharing it with somebody else? Perhaps her brain is feeling particularly malicious tonight. She takes a moment before answering, trying to hide how uncomfortable and anxious she is by straightening up, and patting herself down for her wand, which... she doesn't have. Great.)

I– yes, I do. We're in Wonderland.

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco can see that he startled Lucretia, that she is disoriented and upset by the situation. Which is understandable. This has happened once already to Cisco, but that doesn't mean it has happened before for her. And besides, he's gotten to be good friends with disorientation. He watches her searching herself for something - a weapon maybe - but isn't surprised when she doesn't find one.

What does surprise him is the fact that this is Wonderland. The same Wonderland where she'd gotten stuck, where Taako had traded away his real appearance, where everything sounded about as fucked up as possible. ]

Well shit.

[ Cisco mutters it under his breath, grappling with the situation he finds himself in. He closes his eyes and concentrates, tries to see if he can will the illusion away, will himself to wake up. But it does nothing. He opens his eyes again, jaw set, expression determined. He looks up and down the room - the wheel, the emptiness, and the single door with a figure walking through it...

Touching Lucretia's elbow very gently to get her attention, Cisco points to the person coming through the door (too backlit to see properly just yet) and says: ]

I think... I know this is gonna sound crazy, but I think we're in a memory. And I think... that must be you?

[causational]

[It's been a night of jumbled dreams, off and on throughout the night, hazy and disjointed. That's actually pretty normal for Eddie, when he's in a relationship and the person who's supposed to be in bed with him isn't, for whatever reason. He's never quite settled until that warm, solid weight is in the bed beside him, and things feel safe and complete.

Tonight is no different. When Cisco slides into bed beside him, he wakes up just a little, enough to shift a bit and cuddle up against Cisco with a contented hum and a dopey kiss to Cisco's forehead and temple. A few moments later, and he's gone back to sleep, is dreaming again.

But this one isn't like the ones he'd been having the rest of the night - it isn't hazy, the colours are vivid but not slightly exaggerated like his dreams usually are. It looks...realistic. More realistic than most of his dreams, and he feels alert instead of sleepy. When he turns around, he sees Cisco standing there with him, and blinks, because he dreams about Cisco quite often, but never with such clarity, and Cisco never seems slightly confused about being in his dreams. When he moves to cross over to stand closer, his movements are quick and easy and precise, it isn't like walking through water, the way most of his dreams are.]

Cisco? What's going on? Is this...is this a vibe thing?

[A moment later, he realizes where he is, and his gut tightens, his heart falling a little bit.]

Oh my god. Why are we here?

[franciscoramon]

I... don't know. Maybe.

[ There's skepticism in Cisco's voice as he says it. This isn't like anything he's experienced before, not even when he'd been messing with Taako's dream-manipulating magic and how it interacted with his powers. But ... well, Occam's Razor. He has weird, uncontrollable powers that involve dreams and visions and the people around him; he feels like he's constantly discovering new things he can do that he never knew about. So it's only logical, assuming this is his fault.

But right now, Eddie's dawning distress takes top priority. Cisco steps in close almost automatically, reaching down for Eddie's hand and linking their fingers together, holding tight. He shuts his eyes and lets out a slow breath, willing this to stop, willing himself to wake up. Predictably, nothing happens. But when he opens his eyes, he spots... ]

Oh.

[ The 'oh' comes from the fact that he's having the not unprecedented but still very odd sensation of seeing... himself. He is standing by Joe West's desk, a sheaf of papers in his hand, evidently waiting for something. Cisco takes a few steps closer, bringing Eddie along with him, wanting to get to the bottom of this, and pulled as if by some kind of hypnosis.

The station is bustling and busy, the same as always. Half the desks are occupied by detectives hunched over filling out paperwork, and there's foot traffic of uniformed officers, and assistants, and witnesses, and suspects, and reporters, and family members dropping off lunches. The dream version of Cisco is there in the midst of it, staring at Singh's closed office door.

Present day Cisco spots the girl sitting at Joe West's desk, and her face is the final puzzle piece he needed. Unthinking, he gasps: ]

I remember this...

[scholiast]

(It is her.

Oh, and she's younger too, she is as she was back on the Starblaster. Lucretia stares at the back of her own head with a dull horror rising in her, making her skin prickle over with gooseflesh. She has no idea what she's about to walk into.)

Yes. (Her voice is false-steady, hands clenching tightly as she stares after herself, walking slowly down the hall. It's strange to think of this version of her as her younger self because in reality, they are only hours apart. Twenty years stolen time exists between them, taken within the blink of an eye. Lucretia assumes this is a memory to be watched, then, not impacted upon or changed in any way because the other version of herself doesn't appear to hear them talking.

She's not sure she would change anything if she were able to, either. Everything that she sacrificed was worth it to avoid paying the price. Sure, there were things that she would refuse to give too (as Cisco is about to find out), but Lucretia hardly needs a do-over. She sighs, trembling and nervous. The thought of simply not following herself down towards the wheel occurs to her, but when she glances over her shoulder she's met with a wall of pressing darkness that seems to be inching its way towards them, swallowing up the brightly lit floor as it progresses, and the thought of standing there in the dark scares her more than reliving the Wonderland memories, for some reason.)

Well, (she says, and exhales sharply as she starts to follow herself at a slow distance,) This is happening, I suppose. I presume Taako has mentioned Wonderland to you before?

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco looks between that younger version of Lucretia (who still, to his eyes, and a slight unpleasant tightness in his throat, looks like the Lucretia he knows and got to kind of be friends with) and the older one. When she starts to follow in the footsteps of her remembered self, Cisco sticks closely by her, not wanting to get separated. He's still hazy on how this whole thing works, and if this is Lucretia's memory, he doesn't want to get lost in it. Not telling what would happen.

And he would have to be completely blind not to notice that Lucretia looks... tense. She seems kind of frightened, which makes sense, all things considered. Cisco's voice is just a touch concerned as he answers: ]

Yeah, a bit. Something about... a fucked up game where you have to trade stuff away, to keep going, like... whatever.

[ He'd been about to say like he did with his looks but it occurred to him mid-sentence that he might not have told Lucretia about that, and no way is Cisco going to blab the secret, if so. ]

I- don't think I can get us out.

[ An admission that probably means a bit less, considering Lucretia doesn't know anything about his powers, yet. ]

[causational]

[For a dream, this seems really realistic. Cisco reacts to him like he would in real life, Eddie can feel his heart pounding and his breath coming fast and shallow because to some extent he doesn't want to see this. He knows where this is going. He can see the wall, the wall with the dead heroes on it, he can see his own picture there, in the middle, in uniform, smiling. He knows Cisco remembers him dying, he knows that Cisco worked at the CCPD after he'd died.

Whether this is a vibe or something else, Eddie doesn't want to see this, doesn't want to see what it had been like after he died, doesn't want to see people reacting to it. His fists clench at his sides and he sucks in a few sharp breaths. When Cisco says he remembers it, Eddie licks his lips anxiously, his eyes scanning the area. He sees Cisco there, waiting by the door to Singh's office and then his eyes settle on a girl at the Joe's desk, right beside where his desk used to be.

For a moment, he goes still, then he shakes his head, backing away from where she's sitting.]

No. No no no no...no...I don't want to see this, whatever it is...

[franciscoramon]

[ It's all confusing, and a little overwhelming, particularly when someone just walks right through Cisco where he is standing. He's reeling from the realism and the familiarity of all this, the intense feeling of deja vu. But his scattered focus is sharpened and targeted when he hears Eddie starting to panic and back away, distressed even though he can't possibly know what's coming, next.

Cisco keeps tight hold of his hand, looking behind them for the best route to leave, but the moment he turns his head to see a way out of the station, all he sees is a wall of blackness. He reaches his free hand up, to touch it, and finds that it is solid. Not a wall, or a force-field, but just - an edge they cannot cross past, like in a video game. ]

Hey. Eddie, c'mon. Look at me. [ Cisco says it sharply, almost with a snap in his voice, trying to get his boyfriend's attention at all costs. ] I'm gonna get us out of here, okay, just- just hang on.

[ And again Cisco shuts his eyes, focuses on his power, on the fear that is starting to trickle into his bloodstream, on that multidimensional energy and the way that it feels. As he is standing there, concentrating, trying with all his might to break them free, Singh's office door opens, and he makes a beeline for Cisco, clearly expecting him and ready to sign the papers quickly and go on with his day. But he stops when he sees the girl sitting at Joe's desk. Singh pauses, lets out a tiny sigh, and then turns to face her. ]

Angelica Evans?

[ The girl looks up, nervous and wide-eyed, perhaps feeling guilty for sitting down at a desk. She jumps to her feet quickly, hands wringing at the hem of her sweater as she asks: ]

I... I came in to see Eddie Thawne, I wanted to talk to him about my case. He- gave me his cell number and said I could call anytime but it's just gone to voicemail so I-

[causational]

[To someone as trained in observation as Eddie, it's obvious what's coming next, he can almost see it already, especially when Cisco reacts the way he does, looking for a way out, asking Eddie to look at him, saying he's going to try to get them out of here. Eddie holds his breath for a moment as Cisco shuts his eyes and tries to vibe them out, but it doesn't seem to work.]

Not a vibe then...

[His voice trails off as Singh emerges from his office and heads for Cisco before seeing Angelica there, sighing and heading over toward her. Cisco is holding his hand and the moment when the girl looks up with that expression on her face, his hand squeezes hard around Cisco's, he can't breathe, his throat feels tight.]

No...

[His voice cuts off as the girl starts explaining why she's here, that she'd tried to call him and it went to voicemail, and his blue eyes flick to that picture on the wall again, then back to her.]

I...I promised her...

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco hates this, hates everything about this. There is too much that he knows, and too much that he doesn't know. He knows where this memory is going, where it ends up. He knows that Eddie's breaths are coming thin and shallow and fast, that he is in intense distress. But what he doesn't know is what's going on and how to get them out. He doesn't know how to make this better, to protect the man that he cares about. ]

Eddie, come on, don't look at them, look at me-

[ Singh meanwhile holds up a hand to stem the flow of words and gradually Angela tapers off. Singh doesn't waste time, saying, in a voice that is unusually soft for him, but still professional (Cisco tries to tune it out, has the urge to reach up and cover Eddie's ears with his hands): ]

I'm sorry to tell you this, but Detective Thawne was killed in the line of duty a little over a month ago. Now, his partner Detective West - I believe you've met him, too? - will be working the rest of the case on his own until... for the time being. He's out on a call right now, but the moment he gets back in I'll tell him to contact you. Okay?

[ Angelica looks devastated, of course, but she can clearly also tell that she is in the way here and that Singh is trying, in his most diplomatic and sensitive way, to get her to leave. Sniffling, she grabs her scarf from the desk, gives a few tight little nods and says a quick, quavery 'thank you' before she weaves her way between the desks and out of the station. Singh looks over to the dream version of Cisco, pinches the bridge of his nose and bids tersely: ]

In my office.

[ Cisco closes his eyes once more, tries with a new surge of desperation to break them free from this, even as that wall presses in closer, makes them both walk forward into Singh's office, in the footsteps of CIsco's memory. ]

[scholiast]

I'm assuming we have to follow the memory through until completion.

(Because why would it be easy for either of them to just nope out of this and leave? It is never like that. Lucretia glances at him momentarily as he catches up to her.)

Okay. Unfortunately, trading away sacrifices is only one facet of it. (A bit of background information then, if they're doing this:) Wonderland was designed as a trap to cause suffering to all who enter it, as the two liches who run this place feed on the unhappiness of others. 'Winning' Wonderland promises to net you your heart's desire, which is how they generated so much foot traffic; though of course, very few people see the end of it. If they do, they never come out the same as they went in.

(It's then that she notices with a guilty jolt that Cam is waiting down the end of the hallway for the three of them.)

I... I came in here with a traveller that I hired, to try and retrieve the Animus Bell from the liches, and put a stop to Wonderland for good.

[causational]

[When Cisco asks, his voice pleading and a little plaintive, begging him to look at Cisco and not at Singh and Angelica, Eddie tries. His eyes flick to Cisco's face, but his breathing is still fast and shallow, his heart is still beating hard, his throat is still tight, and he can only look at Cisco's distressed face for a moment before he's drawn back into whatever this is. This vision or memory or whatever it is.

Singh's voice is so soft and professional and Eddie is used to paying attention to that voice. Months later, and it's still instinct to listen to what Singh is saying, and so he hears it, every word. Hears it as Singh explains that Eddie was killed in the line of duty and that Joe had been covering his cases. And then, as if magnetically drawn, his eyes go to Angelica's face, and he sees the way it crumples, the way she tenses up and her shoulders hitch, and while Singh calls Cisco into his office, Eddie speaks, his voice tight and a little broken.]

Her brother was murdered. In a mugging. They were really close, he practically raised her, and she was really distraught. I was so close. I was...

[Shaking his head, he cuts himself off. The strain of speaking is too much, it hurts too much, his mind is going in a million directions, reminding him of everything he'd left behind. All the things going on in his life that he hadn't been able to complete, all the loose ends he hadn't been able to tie off. The sense of loss is almost overwhelming, and it's stupid, it was a case and Joe is an accomplished detective, he probably solved it a few days later. But he can't help but feel intensely lonely, helpless, guilty for abandoning Angelica and Singh and Joe and Iris and everyone else who'd been left behind.]

[ohhmrburnsides]

Oh—hey, man.

[Magnus isn't so surprised to have another weird dream, or really to see Cisco in it. All of his dreams this week have been weird. It takes him a minute to remember the setting, because the amount of time Magnus had spent on this planet was minimal, but he does remember it after a click.]

Yeah, I've been here. I think they called it the Mushroom Kingdom? This is one of those cycles where I died pretty quick, so I didn't spend a whole lot of time here. The air was toxic.

[But that doesn't matter so much in a dreamscape, huh? He spots his companions in their support suits and points them out.]

Hey, there's the gang! You wanna meet my other friends?

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco listens to Eddie, his throat tight; even if he's never been in the situation Eddie's in right now, hearing the emotion in his boyfriend's voice is enough to make him feel a surge of empathetic heartbreak. He had never looked into what this girl's story was, had indeed forgotten about seeing her, in light of what happened after, and the other things going on in his life at the time.

But Eddie had remembered her. And Eddie, it's all too clear, feels awful thinking about her, and her case, and the fact that he hadn't caught the people responsible. Not for his own sake, but for Angelica's. Cisco squeezes Eddie's hand, wishing his guilt were some physical weight that Cisco could lift off his shoulders. ]

Eddie... [ Cisco is torn for a moment, unsure what is the best option. In the end, he decides, a warning is better than nothing. ] ...listen to me, baby, this next bit is gonna be bad. Okay? But I want you to keep holding my hand, and remember- remember you're here, and you're alive, and- and it's all gonna be okay.

[ As he's speaking, the dream Cisco shuts the door behind him and turns to speak to Singh. But he merely opens his mouth and closes it again, for obvious reasons. Singh has collapsed into his chair and buried his face in his hands. There is the sound of a tiny, muffled sob, and the police captain's shoulders start to shake faintly. The dream Cisco, closes his mouth again, apparently deciding that silence is the best plan. It's clear that Singh is doing everything in his power to master his emotions and hold this back, but another little sob breaks from him, all the more awful for how hard he is trying to muffle it. The dream Cisco sets down his paperwork, coming over to Singh's desk, all protocol forgotten. He rests a hand against Singh's shoulder, gently, which seems to only make the crying worse. ]

[franciscoramon]

That's how it was the last time this happened to me.

[ It's a little odd, but on consideration exactly like Lucretia as far as he knows her, that she approaches this uncomfortable situation by giving him an infodump about this place, and how it works, and what it means. Lucretia, collecting facts, and chronicling a story. It makes sense she would respond to stress in that way, and for Cisco's part, it's comforting, knowing a little more. If this is a memory, it shouldn't be able to hurt him... right? ]

And... and this is what happened, when you tried?

[ Cisco knows already that Lucretia must not have succeeded. After all, Taako and Magnus and Merle all went to Wonderland years later. That was where Magnus got turned into a mannequin, where apparently a whole lot of bad stuff had happened. Cisco looks from Cam to Lucretia, sees she expression on her face as she looks at him, but he doesn't know how to interpret it, apart from it being nothing very good. ]

I'm sorry. [ He realizes the statement is ambiguous, and adds: ] I- shouldn't be seeing this. I... feel like I'm spying, just being here.

[causational]

[For a moment, Eddie doesn't really understand Cisco, how he could say the next part is going to be bad, because what he's seen is already awful, it's already almost unbearable. Eddie's throat feels tight, his chest aches, his breath comes in hitches, but they're inside Singh's office and for a moment his eyes are on Cisco, the dream Cisco and not the one holding his hand, squeezing it tight, offering him support.

Cisco is explaining it's going to be bad but he wants him to keep holding his hand, to remember he's here and alive and it's going to be okay. Nothing feels okay right now, though, not when he follows dream-Cisco's gaze and sees Singh with his face in his hands, the slight shaking of his shoulders, the tiny sounds he makes as he tries not to cry. It's enough that Cisco goes over to him, presses a hand against his shoulder, silent and supportive, and Eddie can't breathe.

He can't breathe for long enough that his head starts spinning a bit, he starts to feel dizzy. He hadn't expected this, hadn't known Singh cared that much about him. He knows, of course, that every police officer is deeply affected when another officer is killed in the line of duty, he's felt that pain of loss before. But this is different, seeing Singh crying into his hands, trying to hide it from Cisco.

Eddie can't say anything. He just stands still, staring at Singh, staring at Cisco with his hand on Singh's shoulder, staring at this, the void that his death had left in the world around him.]

[franciscoramon]

[ It is strange; Cisco had always thought his memory of this moment was so vivid, so crystal-clear. But he'd forgotten how entirely silent it was. His dream-self doesn't say a word to Singh, and Singh doesn't say a word to him. He just gives up on fighting back and weeps, almost-silently, sitting very still, moving only enough to grab a tissue from the little box on his desk and to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

But it is not the two of them that he focuses his attention on, now. He had been there for Singh in that moment, hopes that he had made that sudden burst of grief a little less lonely and a little less painful simply by his presence. Right now, the one who needs him, the one who he wants to comfort, is Eddie. Eddie, who is being forced to watch someone he'd respected and liked, a man not given to emotional displays or vulnerability of any kind, break down sobbing because he'd had to tell someone about Eddie's death.

His boyfriend's face looks pale - too pale - and Cisco sees him swaying a bit, unsteady on his feet. Cisco comes around to stand in front of him, letting go of his hand, but only so that he can draw Eddie into a tight hug, pulling Eddie's head down against his shoulder and murmuring: ]

Just breathe, okay, just... deep breaths in and out, with me.

[ Cisco focuses on breathing deep and loud, modeling it, wanting Eddie to follow suit. He only does it a few times before the memory, or dream, or whatever is suddenly, abruptly, gone. He's in the dark, laying down, in a bed. His bed. He's awake, and this is real. ]

[causational]

[Eddie's fingers keep tightening and going slack against Cisco's hand as he watches Singh crying into his hands, weeping silently and then cleaning his face. Singh's eyes are red-rimmed and wet, his face twisted slightly into an expression of misery, and Cisco stands close by, leaves his hand on Singh's shoulder in a silent gesture of comfort, while the real Cisco comes around in front of Eddie. Stands there and looks up at him, draws him into a hug and guides his head down against his shoulder. Cisco's words are gentle and careful, comforting, and Eddie listens to him, follows his instructions.

Breathing in, and out, in and out, along with Cisco, at the same time as him, feeling their chests press together as they do, trying to force air past the tightness of his throat. Everything hurts, and Eddie closes his eyes.

Then, abruptly, he is awake. His eyes are open in the dark in the room and bed he shares with Cisco, the ceiling peppered with glow-in-the-dark stars, the sheets and comforter warm, Cisco's solid body pressed against him. Eddie's mouth opens, then closes, and he brings his hands up to cover his face, makes a quiet, choking sob, stuck somewhere between his chest and throat.]

[franciscoramon]

[ Any uncertainty Cisco might have had about the reality of the dream he'd just had disappears the moment he hears Eddie sob. Cisco is lying on his back, with Eddie's shoulder and side pressed to his; he rolls over immediately so he can pull Eddie to his chest, wrap himself around Eddie like a protective blanket.

There are tears pricking his own eyes, making his vision go blurry, but Cisco ignores them, pressing a kiss against the back of Eddie's shoulder and curling an arm tightly around Eddie's chest, hand resting over his heart, holding him tightly. He makes soft, wordless shushing noises of comfort, murmuring: ]

It's okay... it's okay, baby, I got you. Let it all out.

[ Cisco can feel the way Eddie's trembling, the awful choking inhales as he tries to breathe through the tears. It hurts more than he would have thought possible, to see and hear and feel Eddie in this much pain. ]

[causational]

[One of the things that had, perhaps, affected Eddie the most in that memory had been the way Singh cried. Quiet, muffled into his hands, restrained, it's the way Eddie usually cries, and so he knows, is intimately aware, of the pain behind it, the awful way it seems like it will wash away all semblance of self-control and strength left in a person if it's not held restrained behind thick, strong walls.

Right now, he's feeling it, that awful, yawning pit of despair and misery and loneliness, the sickening unfairness of it, the guilt at having left everything unfinished, of not being able to say good-bye to so many people, the weight of knowing how much grief he'd caused. The endless, endless second-guessing of a choice that he never really ends up questioning on any real level. The vicious, angry, self-pitying railing against the unfairness of it, the injustice of having everything fall apart, of being put in a situation where he had to die, where he had to kill himself. The memory of how bad it had hurt, the way his chest felt, the way his throat felt, the way Iris' face had looked, the way Joe had screamed 'what did you do?!' at him.

How cold it had been. The knowledge in his gut that even if he was being held by people, being mourned by people, he was dying alone. That awful aching knowledge that even if he hadn't died, he would've lost everything.

Cisco is rolling over against him, and distantly, through the ringing in his ears, Eddie can hear Cisco speaking, saying it's okay, calling him baby, saying he's got him and to let it all out, and Eddie chokes on his sobs.]

If I...if I start, I'm never gonna stop, Cisco...

[Lying still in the bed, trembling, feeling like he's a bathtub plug holding back an entire ocean of grief, he doesn't know what to do, doesn't know how to process this, overwhelmed with guilt over even having this grief inside him.]

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco moves his hand from Eddie's heart, but only long enough to tuck a lock of hair that's fallen across his eyes back behind his ear. Then he puts his hand back, fingers splayed, holding Eddie as tightly as if he is trying to keep him in one piece. He's working on intuition, here, on what he thinks Eddie needs, on what he would want if the situation were reversed.

He can feel that Eddie's control is stretched taught, close to snapping. And right now, Cisco thinks, what Eddie doesn't need is more slack. He needs to snap, to let go. So murmurs, voice quiet but certain: ]

So don't stop.

[ There is no volume of grief, no loudness or ugliness of it, Cisco thinks, that will scare him away. ]

Trust me. I got you. I'll get you out the other side of it, okay? I'm not gonna let you go. So just... let it go, baby. I'll hold on for you.

[causational]

[When Cisco presses his hand against Eddie's chest, fingers splayed, right over his heart, it's a silent reminder of the trust they have in each other - both of them, in different ways, have trauma that has to do with their hearts. Right now, Cisco is reminding Eddie that despite the scar under Cisco's palm, he's alive, and Cisco is here protecting him, pressed against his back and holding him close.

A moment later, Cisco confirms it, his voice firm and calm as he says that Eddie shouldn't stop. That he should trust him, that he has him, that he won't let Eddie get lost in it, in the grief that feels like it's going to wash him away. Cisco tells him he should let go and Cisco will hold on for him and Eddie trembles almost uncontrollably for a moment before he speaks, his voice rough.]

I din't...I didn't even know Singh cared that much...or knew...and I just...I left so many people behind. I didn't get to...I didn't get to say good-bye...

[And that does it, it chokes his voice off, and he lets out another sob, curling tightly into a ball with Cisco pressed against his back, his hands coming up to cover his face. Palms pressed against his mouth, he lets out a wracking sob, because he didn't get to say good-bye. Not to Singh, not to his parents, not to his job or his apartment or his plants or his cat or his gym buddies or his coworkers or anything or anyone else.

He'd been alive and engaged and ready to face life head-on with hope in his heart, and then fifteen minutes later, he'd been dead.

Choking on his own emotion, Eddie keeps sobbing, deep gut-wrenching things that make his throat and eyes ache, make his stomach clench up with nausea.]