Cisco Ramon (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
franciscoramon) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
riverviewlogs2017-10-08 08:58 pm
franciscoramon) wrote in riverviewlogs2017-10-08 08:58 pm
Entry tags:
- marvel (mcu): sam wilson,
- marvel (mcu): tony stark,
- star wars: rey,
- the adventure zone: taako taaco,
- ✖ dctv (flash): cisco ramon,
- ✖ dctv (flash): eddie thawne,
- ✖ overwatch: hana song,
- ✖ the adventure zone: lucretia,
- ✖ the adventure zone: lup taaco,
- ✖ the adventure zone: magnus burnsides,
- ✖ the raven cycle: ronan lynch
[open] cast an illusion
who: cisco + anyone!
what: memory share event & catch-all
when: october
where: anywhere
warnings: murder, torture, bullying
MEMORIES
Feel free to either have your character text Cisco (or comment on this post but indicate a text message) about having a vision / dream of his past, or to come to where he is to discuss it.
A. MURDER {third person dream OR first person vision}
B. VIBING {first person; vision}
C. PRISONER {first person; vision}
D. BABY NERD PT 1 {third person; dream}
E. BABY NERD PT 2 {third person; dream}
Dante, don't!
[ Which, of course, only seems to encourage the older boy. Dante throws it into the air, higher this time, and catches it, but Cisco winces, clearly terrified that he'll drop it. He tries to grab it away from his older brother, but Dante gets to his feet, holding it above his head. ]
Come on, don't be such a fucking girl, I'm not gonna drop it.
[ He tosses it into the air with enough momentum to it goes behind him and he has to spin to catch it. Cisco keeps pleading with him to quit it, trying to wrestle it away from Dante, who only laughs. It's inevitable, what happens eventually. Dante hurls the thing much too high, and it's hard to say, whether he was really trying to catch it or not. Either way, it slips between his hands and crashes onto the asphalt, shattering into about a dozen pieces. Cisco scrambles to pick up all the pieces, but the lens from the camera has shattered and the casing is cracked. ]
Oops.
[ Dante shrugs, sounds absolutely unapologetic. Cisco starts sniffling, fighting back tears as he tries to fit the thing back together. He starts putting the pieces back into the shoebox, wiping tears from his cheeks as they start to fall but saying nothing, not even looking at his brother. Dante, for his part, says scornfully: ]
Seriously, Cisco, it was an accident. You gotta stop being such a sissy all the time. It doesn't look good.
[ Then he walks off in the direction that Val had gone without another word, leaving Cisco to clean up the rest of the mess. ]
OR hit me up on plurk to plot something else!
what: memory share event & catch-all
when: october
where: anywhere
warnings: murder, torture, bullying
MEMORIES
Feel free to either have your character text Cisco (or comment on this post but indicate a text message) about having a vision / dream of his past, or to come to where he is to discuss it.
A. MURDER {third person dream OR first person vision}
[watch here
This memory is both intensely traumatic and one that Cisco has relived many many times. Have fun with it if you want, there may be small distortions - sometimes Cisco seems to remember Eobard's demeanor being gleeful, even smiling as he kills him. There may be odd gaps here and there, as well as inconsistencies. Or you can play it totally straight, just as it happened.]
B. VIBING {first person; vision}
[watch here (memory lasts up 'til 2:30)
This memory is likely to come across in jumbled pieces at first, and then more clearly as the week progresses. What's most important is that this memory captures the subjective experience of vibing from Cisco's perspective. So at one moment the memory is of looking down at a microscope slide of sand, feeling intense unease and fear, to hands reaching out and touching the sand. Once that contact is established, there is a swooping feeling, like missing a step going down stairs or plummeting on a roller coaster, and then the world goes static-y, with strange flashes of light, blurred vision, and an eerie blue tint. The warehouse that Cisco sees feels intensely present, though sounds are a bit muffled and occasionally there are jumps and starts. The end of the vision is as jarring as the start, and afterwards there is the confrontation with Stein, and a palpable feeling of panic over being interrupted and witnessed.]
C. PRISONER {first person; vision}
[watch here
This memory is clear and vivid, accompanied by feelings of hunger, exhaustion, frustration. Feel free to supplement after the cutoff at the end of the scene a moment where Cisco begs that he's already made them weapons (the heat, cold, and gold guns) and that's enough, and also Snart threatening to just out and out kill Dante, both of which are confirmed to happen but aren't shown in the clip I linked.]
D. BABY NERD PT 1 {third person; dream}
[ Cisco can't be older than nine or so, and he's adorable. We're talking a criminally cute child. His hair is cut short, which makes his ears stick out a little, and there's a tooth missing his bottom row of teeth. He's small for his age, (looks even smaller because he's wearing what are clearly hand-me-down clothes), all round-cheeked and bright-eyed. He comes bounding up to a bench in what looks like a small neighborhood park. Sitting on the bench is a pretty brunette girl with a high ponytail and big earrings, and a boy that looks a little like Cisco, around five years older. Cisco, bubbly and excited, asks: ]
Hey Val, hey Dante, do you wanna see what I made?
[ Dante, who has a hand very obviously and purposefully perched on Val's knee, glares absolute daggers at his little brother, but before he can say anything she answers with genuine interest: ]
Yeah, totally.
[ Cisco beams and pulls the lid off the shoebox. Inside is rather ugly-looking device, clearly cobbled together with materials from a bunch of different things. But Cisco pulls it out carefully as if it's the most precious thing on earth and holds it up, explaining in a delighted rush, what it is and how he made it. He has apparently cobbled together pieces from a broken cell phone, an old malfunctioning digital camera, and a half-smashed mp3 player, into a frankenstein'd device that can take pictures, make phone calls, and play music, too. Val sits up as he explains, going from indulgent to this kid with his little doodad to genuinely excited. Cisco hands it over to her and she tests it out, taking a photo of the beaming Cisco, clicking a number code onto the pad which makes 'I Could Fall In Love' by Selena play (though only loud enough that she has to hold the thing to her ear like a phone to hear it). Then, she even uses it as a phone, calling her mom, exclaiming that it really works, and hanging up again. ]
Cisco, this is so cool.
[ She jumps to her feet, saying that she's got to go get her best friend from the corner store across the street to bring her to see it, too, and goes rushing off. Cisco just stands there, holding the thing and beaming like he's never been more proud of himself in his entire life. ]
E. BABY NERD PT 2 {third person; dream}
[ (Continued from the last one, for anyone who wants an angst component)
As this scene was happening with Val, Dante was getting more and more visibly annoyed, trying to redirect attention back to himself. As soon as she leaves Dante snatches the device from Cisco, turning it over once or twice, unimpressed. Cisco's face falls, shifting from joy to trepidation, like he knows something bad is going to happen. Dante doesn't disappoint; he tosses the thing in the air and then catches it as it falls. Cisco pleads: ]
Dante, don't!
[ Which, of course, only seems to encourage the older boy. Dante throws it into the air, higher this time, and catches it, but Cisco winces, clearly terrified that he'll drop it. He tries to grab it away from his older brother, but Dante gets to his feet, holding it above his head. ]
Come on, don't be such a fucking girl, I'm not gonna drop it.
[ He tosses it into the air with enough momentum to it goes behind him and he has to spin to catch it. Cisco keeps pleading with him to quit it, trying to wrestle it away from Dante, who only laughs. It's inevitable, what happens eventually. Dante hurls the thing much too high, and it's hard to say, whether he was really trying to catch it or not. Either way, it slips between his hands and crashes onto the asphalt, shattering into about a dozen pieces. Cisco scrambles to pick up all the pieces, but the lens from the camera has shattered and the casing is cracked. ]
Oops.
[ Dante shrugs, sounds absolutely unapologetic. Cisco starts sniffling, fighting back tears as he tries to fit the thing back together. He starts putting the pieces back into the shoebox, wiping tears from his cheeks as they start to fall but saying nothing, not even looking at his brother. Dante, for his part, says scornfully: ]
Seriously, Cisco, it was an accident. You gotta stop being such a sissy all the time. It doesn't look good.
[ Then he walks off in the direction that Val had gone without another word, leaving Cisco to clean up the rest of the mess. ]
OR hit me up on plurk to plot something else!
no subject
No, no, I won't– how dare you– (Black smoke pours from her mouth as she struggles to find something to say in response and Lydia raises an elegant brow at her, a little smile playing on her lips.)
'No'? Is that your final answer? Do think carefully, darling; can you afford to take the penalty?
(This gives Lucretia tortured pause.)
Take your time, (Edward encourages, rejoining his sister and linking arms companionably with her, his chin coming to rest on her shoulder. Even now they do remind Lucretia uncomfortably of Taako and Lup (in appearance only of course). Twin elves with matching grins.
Cam is speechless next to her. This is what Lucretia was most anxious about Cisco having to see, because– well, surely somebody better would have said 'no' and truly meant it. Somebody better wouldn't have had to think about it, somebody better would not have factored in the need to retrieve the fucking chalice over losing the memory of their parents. A better person would not have briefly considered that it might be a good thing to forget about the only people that had tied them to their home planet, if only to plug up that horrible, hollow part that had been left behind when the Hunger had consumed everything.
But somebody better would not have betrayed the only six people who ever mattered either; she will never be that person.)
no subject
Lucretia?
[ He gives up on the door, crossing back over to where Lucretia is standing; he doesn't even spare a glance for the sadistic elves, just reaches up and sets a hand on Lucretia's shoulder, trying to get her to look at him, to focus on him and not this fucked up memory they're both stuck in. A small part of him wonders what she will chose, but he shoves that curiosity down for the time being. Chances are he's about to find out. ]
Hey, remember it's just a dream, okay? You're not in Wonderland more, and- and all this fucked up stuff is just a memory. You're gonna be okay.
[ Regardless of the fact that things have been a little complicated between them lately, Cisco doesn't think Lucretia deserves this. She didn't deserve to play this twisted game in the first place, and she doesn't deserve to relive it now. Especially not considering... well, Cisco knows the Hunger had taken Lucretia and Taako and Lup and Magnus's planet. It is gone, and so her parents must be, too. And yet the past version of herself is still considering it, considering sacrificing a part of her identity like that, just to make things right. ]
no subject
The decision she had made here cost her the chalice. Plain and simple. If she had given up the memory they wouldn't have had to spin the wheel an extra time. They wouldn't have had such a hard time in the next room. Lucretia wouldn't have seized that opportunity to leave thanks to the fear of dying, of losing everything.
Was keeping the long lost memories of her parents worth this? If she had taken the chalice here, would she have been able to finish her mission on time?)
I– (she tries, but chokes on the rest. Her chest hurts, hands shaking madly as her head whips back toward the memory of herself. Don't, she wants to shout, even knowing that it's pointless.)
No.
(Edward and Lydia's wide, wide smiles don't falter. Lucretia still can't tell whether or not they were pleased with this answer.) You agree to the penalty?
I do.
(A seventh light appears above the wheel, bright red. Cam sighs exasperatedly, pinching the bridge of his nose; Lucretia's memory self doesn't apologise for her decision. She knows he doesn't begrudge her decision, merely the circumstances.)
no subject
In a way, though, it is a good thing to see. Lucretia's decision to keep her own memories - memories that couldn't possibly aid in defeating the Hunger - is selfish, and more than a little hypocritical. Still, it's a bit of a relief, to see this flaw. To know that she's only human, and that the mission isn't everything to her, to the point where she'd do absolutely anything for it. There are some limits.
So Cisco sets aside that judgment and reaches out for her hand, lacing their fingers together and squeezing tightly. He might not be able to say anything that will make this memory less painful, but at least he can be here with her, keep her company while it replays. ]
You're gonna be okay. [ He repeats it, and then, swallowing, adds: ] You did the best you knew how to do.
[ He watches as the man walks up to the wheel again, sets it to spinning. But just as he does, before the momentum of the wheel has noticeably begun to slow, the dream is spinning around them, too. It is shifting, distorting, the walls of Wonderland twisting and fading away. The twin elves vanish, and Cisco just has time to think with relief that they're going to wake up, that the ordeal is over.
Except, apparently, it is not. The darkness stops shifting, resolves itself into a different room around them, much less empty than the one they'd just left. It takes a moment for Cisco to recognize it, and then it feels as if the bottom has dropped out of his stomach. It's the basement of S.T.A.R. Labs. The trap he had built for the Reverse Flash is there, and he sees himself, a memory of himself, bent over the computers, trying to find a fault in the systems. He recognizes the scene in a second - the outfit he'd been wearing, the furtive air of hurry with which he is working. Cisco's hand goes slack within Lucretia's; he knows what memory this is. He knows what is going to happen. But the shock of it is enough that he can't say anything, at first. ]
no subject
When she opens her eyes again, everything has started to fade out, spinning into darkness when Cam reaches for the wheel and Lucretia breathes out sharply, relieved. If the scene had continued; if Cisco had seen any more she might have dissolved into a bout of panic, and she doesn't want him to ever see her like that. It's too personal a pain. She tightens her hands into fists and drives her nails into her palm, focusing on the discomfort this provides until she can think clearly, force it all down again.
She had darkly assumed that everything might pick up again past the wheel, perhaps during the fight that followed it, the one that scared her into taking Lydia and Edward's offer to leave. It doesn't. When everything comes back into focus, she doesn't recognise where they are.
Despite the relief, she can't quite speak yet. It doesn't take long for her to notice that it's Cisco's turn to turn tense and uncomfortable next to her, his hand slackening in her grip. He looks shocked when she looks at him in concern, so she forces the words out.)
Where are we?
no subject
-second. They do slide open, right on cue, and Eobard steps out. The memory version of himself hasn't seen, yet, is facing in the opposite direction. Finally finding his voice, Cisco says weakly: ]
Someplace I don't wanna be.
[ Now that the initial shock is fading, the unfairness of it settles in. Of all his memories, did it have to be this one? This one awful span of a few minutes that he had already relived so many times before? And of all people, did it have to be Lucretia, who for better or worse reminds him sometimes of Dr. Wells? Cisco's breathing grows shallow and quick as the memory version of himself triggers a hologram and watches it with an expression of realization. The hologram begins speaking, and then is interrupted by the real deal. The memory version of Cisco whirls around, an awful clarity settling into his expression when he sees his supposedly-paralyzed mentor standing there.
CIsco looks over to where Lucretia is standing, still no doubt reeling from what she'd seen in Wonderland. He wonders for a moment if it would be possible to distract her so completely that she doesn't see or hear any of this. But Cisco already knows that's futile. She's going to watch him get murdered. That certainty sits in his stomach with an awful, leaden weight.
In the dream, Eobard claps his hands a few times, says: ]
You're incredibly clever, Cisco. I've always said so.
[ The words send an awful shudder through the real Cisco; it is somehow different, experiencing it like this. Not quite like the vibes and the flashbacks. It feels separate from his own thoughts, in a way that makes it more like actually hearing his voice again. Cisco can't imagine what Lucretia must think - Eobard speaking with such lazy fondness in his voice, and the memory version of Cisco standing still, subdued with shock and dawning horror.]
This is... the person I wanted the, um, wards against. The uh- the- the guy whose ghost wouldn't stop following me.
[ She may as well know. May as well understand it all, since there is no way of stopping this, no way of keeping this one thing secret and private and to himself. ]
You and I have never been properly introduced. I am Eobard Thawne.
Thawne? Like Eddie?
Let's call him a distant relative.
[ It is strange, how... subdued the memory seems, from the outside. How sedate. Just two men, standing together and speaking quietly. But there is a riot going on inside Cisco, an awful storm of emotions. Harshly, he spits out: ]
He tortured Eddie. He- he tied him up and starved him and kept him totally alone in the dark for- for weeks.
[ Because Cisco can't stand the thought of Lucretia watching this and not realizing that Cisco is speaking to a monster in the guise of a man. ]
no subject
I'm sorry, (she murmurs, for everything. For her twisted memories, for them leading into one of his own. For having to be here to see something that he'd rather keep to himself. She knows none of these things are inherently her fault and yet when she notices Cisco wince and shudder at the appearance of a man, she can't help but feel guilty for it anyway.
Eobard.
She's heard about him from Cisco before, but not by name. The person Cisco had asked if she could ward him against. Lucretia watches him guardedly. There's a small part of her that wants to step out in front of the memory Cisco, who is obviously scared, to get between the two of them, even though she knows it won't change a thing. Eobard is dangerous and casual when he smiles, and it makes her skin prickle over.
Her attention jumps back toward Cisco as he speaks, and his words cause a wave of dread in her.)
God, Cisco, I– that's horrible. (She's not sure if he wants her to reach out to him or not, but she offers her hand anyway, just to be safe. Lucretia wants to ask so many questions: what are you to him? What is he to you? Why doesn't he know that you are scared? Or, perhaps more fittingly: why does he know you are scared and still pursue? But she can tell that Cisco doesn't need to be interrogated about this moment just as she can tell that Eobard is simply a monster, and there isn't much more to it than that.)
no subject
As the memory progresses, the other version of Cisco is becoming more and more visibly distressed - he asks how Eobard had tricked them into thinking there were two of him and Eobard, smiling softly, demonstrates the speed mirage. The Cisco in the memory begins to panic, his breaths coming quick and shallow, and the present-day version of Cisco responds similarly. He can't tell if the dream itself has some kind of emotional bleed-through, or whether this is just his trauma rearing its ugly head. It is impossible for him, to see this and not feel like he is living it all over again. He tightens his grip on Lucretia's hand, frightened and trying to ground himself. ]
Why? You're- his friend, you've been teaching him-
[ Cisco's stomach turns with nausea, and he thinks that he can't take much more of this. Can't just stand here while Lucretia hears all of Eobard's calm justifications, his explanation of how he'd been manipulating them all this whole time. There is too much of it, he thinks, that will give her such immediate and horrible context for the things he has said and done. Not just the wards - the ways he has responded to her, and the situation between her and Taako. When he had brought up the things that made it hard for him to trust her, it had all been so transparently influenced by this - by the plan that Eobard is explaining while pacing around Cisco in a menacing circle. How he had moved them all like puzzle pieces, been biding his time, how they were a "means to an end".
Cisco is trembling badly, now, and he explains, voice thick with the tears he's holding back (the Cisco in the dream started crying a few seconds ago): ]
He was my mentor. He- I would've done anything he asked. I thought- before him I had nothing, and he was the first person who made me feel like... but it was all a lie. All of it. And I- f-figured out too much, so he... he killed me.
[ In the dream, Eobard is still pacing, circling ominously, as the dream version of Cisco holds his head between his hands, looking as if the world is shattering around him. Which it was. Cisco had already known by then that Eobard was going to kill him. He'd known it, with awful clarity, from the moment he walked in the door. The only reason he let Cisco see him standing up, let him know about his grand schemes, as because he wasn't going to let Cisco live to tell anyone. Cisco can't get Lucretia out of here, can't stop this awful, private horror from being exposed. The least he can do is give her a minute or so's warning, about what is to come. ]
-is the key to returning to my world. To my time. And no one is going to prevent that from happening.
[ The past version of Cisco is shaking, trying to think his way out. He's never been a bad liar, even in the best of times. Even a child wouldn't be fooled by the way he offers, shakily: ]
I can help you.
[ The ruse is so pitiful, so pathetic; it ends up being the straw that breaks the current Cisco's back. He has never seen the memory like this - detached, from the outside. Never been able to look at his own face as he tried, desperately, to manipulate his manipulator. To appeal to any goodness and affection that might be in him - to trick him - anything that might stop him from the violent course of action that Cisco knew was coming. But then Eobard is raising his hand in the air, and it begins to vibrate at super-speed, making that awful sound that haunts Cisco still. He sounds amused and fond, more than anything else, as he says: ]
You're smart, Cisco. But you're not that smart.
no subject
Now, she understands. She watches Eobard explain himself as he stalks about and feels sick to her stomach, her gaze jumping from him to the memory of Cisco (who, she notices with another lurch, is crying). It's hard to watch. Not only because of Cisco's pain but also because it's so obvious as to why she triggered such a wary response in him. All the manipulation, the trickery. How could he have heard Taako's story and not drawn a parallel line between the two of them?
But she... isn't like Eobard.
Is she?)
What do you mean? (Her mouth feels dry as her gaze finally slides back towards the real Cisco, who looks like he is on the verge of true panic. Lucretia knows what she would do if this were Magnus or Taako or Lup breaking down but she has no idea where she stands with Cisco, or how to help him. She gives his hand a tight squeeze, hoping it'll give him something to concentrate on, to remind him that this has already come to pass.
A wave of dread washes over her as Eobard raises his hand. Cisco had specifically said killed; is she about to watch Cisco die? Is that why he came to Quarantine? Because in his world, he is dead? Lucretia remembers the conversation they had had over comic books, his casually brushing off of her concern that he didn't wish to return home, and her free hand leaps to cover her mouth in shock.)
no subject
You'll see.
[ Cisco has been hanging onto his composure by his fingernails for a little while now, but he starts to slip. The worst is coming, now, and he knows there's nothing he can do to stop the dream, and that knowledge feels far too much like how he had felt at that time, knowing there was nothing he could do to stop his own death. So, even with Lucretia there, looking at him, it all starts blurring together. The sound of that vibrating hand is filling up his head and Cisco is terrified, wants to run, but there's nowhere to go. ]
Do you know how hard it has been to keep all of this from you, especially from you? Because the truth is, I've grown quite fond of you.
[ Cisco slips his hand out of Lucretia's, so that he can cover his ears, trying to block out as much of it as he can. The sound of the vibrations, of his own panicked breathing, and most of all Eobard's calm, rational, affectionate explanations of how hard all of this is on him. Cisco knows what Eobard is going to say next, and he doesn't want to hear it. But of course, it doesn't matter if he hears it or not. The words are burned into his memory: ]
And in many ways, you have shown me what it's like to have a son.
[ The memory version of Cisco doesn't move, even as Eobard approaches him. He is frozen in place with fear, and so is the current Cisco. He thinks that maybe he should shut his eyes, too, but the thought comes just a moment too late. He watches, as Eobard sticks his hand right into Cisco's chest, reaching in past his ribcage to tear at his heart, to pull it to shreds. Cisco knows it's only a memory but he can feel it, an intense pain in his chest that is no less frightening because he knows it is psychosomatic. ]
Forgive me, but to me, you've been dead for centuries.
[ The memory version of Cisco drops to the ground in a heap, dead and unmoving. But the memory doesn't end there, the way it ought to - the perils of Cisco's powers, perhaps, that he can remember the few moments after his own death. Eobard turns away at once and walks from the room, leaving Cisco's corpse laying on the floor like so much trash. ]
no subject
She meant to look away at the moment of his death but it happens too suddenly, and not at all how she was expecting it. Lucretia flinches and her stomach lurches. Thankfully there is no blood, but that doesn't make it any less horrible. The memory of Cisco is wide-eyed and unmoving, whereas the real Cisco is cringing, caught in the phantom pain of it all. Lucretia's hand jumps to his shoulder and anchors there, gripping him tightly and she almost pulls him to her: anything to keep him from having to experience this for a second time.
Eobard's hand moves back in slow motion. She inhales sharply when he speaks.)
Fuck.
(It's all she can think to say. It's so awful she doesn't have the words for it.
It's a wonder that the memory continues on for a bit past then, just long enough for the both of them to watch Eobard saunter from the room without so much as a backwards glance. Lucretia realises how tightly she's been gripping Cisco's shoulder and lets go immediately, her expression troubled as she turns to him.)
It's over, Cisco, I– are... are you okay?
no subject
Which, rudely, is exactly when the dream ends. Cisco wakes up in his bed, tears on his cheeks, and it takes a moment or two for the disorientation to fade. He covers his face with his hands, scrubbing his cheeks dry before he reaches for his phone on the nightstand and texts Lucretia, quickly, without thinking the message through first: ]
was that really you in the dream?
[ It's a silly hope to hold onto, that it hadn't really been her seeing those things happening to him, that perhaps his subconscious had filled in all those details about Wonderland and none of it was real. That would be much, much better if that were the truth. He doesn't want Lucretia to have had to choose not to give up the memory of her parents, and he really doesn't want her to have seen him being murdered, heard the stuff that Eobard said about loving him like a son. ]
no subject
It's from Cisco.
Lucretia sighs, wiping her thumb slowly over the words, thinking hard. What she wants to do is deny any knowledge of what he's talking about. Her memories of Wonderland were upsetting, and she know he'd be able to find a reason to explain them away; it would bring him relief to know she had not seen him die like that. She wants him to have that security. He probably needs it.
Lucretia even has a baffled reply typed and ready to hit send on in the morning, but then she abruptly remembers a conversation from only a few days ago, and Taako standing in place, staring at her unimpressed. 'If you ever get to that therapist, ask 'em about this martyr complex you've got going on.')
It was. I'm sorry Cisco.
Are you okay?
no subject
The answer is, of course, no, he's not. Not at this moment, and not in general. She is a smart woman. She must have realized that this was what Cisco was talking about, when he told her it is hard for him to trust people. Would she remember the way he'd told her you can love someone without forgiving them? The puzzle pieces have been there, and now she merely has seen the picture on the box, that they all fit together into. ]
it's complicated but you should know i'm not dead anymore.
[ Which is not the answer she was looking for, of course. But it's an easier one to give, than to get into how very not okay he is. At the very least, Cisco knows Lucretia will understand. She'd told him about that year when she was on her own, had to fight to stay alive and save all of her friends and the universe. There's no way that hadn't left some pretty serious psychological scars. So even if the specifics are different... well, at least she knows how stuff can change you, and linger. ]
i'm sorry you had to see that
and for the wonderland stuff.
if you wanna know more i can explain sometime but i don't think i'm up to it right now
kinda just wanna pretend none of that happened rn
but you don't have to worry about me telling anyone about what i saw
i'm not actually that bad at keeping secrets.
no subject
(Maybe not the answer she's looking for, but deeply relieving all the same. She sighs, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding as she sits up and scrubs the sleep from her eyes with a balled up fist. No more dreaming for her tonight! She's nipping this one in the bud by getting up for work five hours early.)
No, of course.
You don't ever have to explain if you don't want to, Cisco.
(That, and for once, she isn't deeply curious. Lucretia just feels sad and sick about the whole experience, and pretending it didn't happen might not be the best way to cope with that but it's the easiest option right now. Swinging her legs out of bed, she pulls up Taako's number and sends him a quick message to let him know to drop Cisco a bell later.)
Thank you. I won't tell anybody what I saw either for the record. You know me: I'm pretty good at keeping stuff from people.
(Stupid. Lucretia stares at her phone for a long moment, standing in the doorway of her bedroom, both thumbs hovering over the screen. The next couple of messages are disjointed, but only because it's easier for her to get her thoughts out if she just hits send and doesn't give herself time to re-read anything. That and she's tired, both physically and of being so anxious over every little thing.)
For what it's worth I
What happened and how that affects what you know of me and what I've done
I understand why that would have changed the way that you see me and I'm sorry that I brought all of that back up again
And I really am glad that you're okay, and alive.
I'll be around at at the usual time to re-cast the wards, but you don't have to come meet me if you don't want to.
no subject
taako knows all about it.
& magnus saw part of it in a dream a couple days ago.
you don't have to keep anything from them.
& i guess i'll tell lup sometime
[ At this point, her being the only one of the IPRE family who doesn't know is absurd, and Cisco doesn't want to make them keep secrets for one another. But that's a hurdle to be leapt on another day.
The joke about her being good at keeping secrets does get Cisco to smile, just a little bit, which is a feat after what he'd just relived. It makes it easier, reading the texts that come next, and getting confirmation. Lucretia can tell, that it was old wounds Eobard had left that had made Cisco react the way he did to news about her manipulating and hurting her friends. But... ]
you and him are very different
i mean some of the stuff taako said you're gonna do with spying on them and pulling strings and lying about what you're actually up to, that's kind of the same, and when i found out that's when things got weird between us
but he was doing all that to hurt us. to work against us. you wanted to keep them safe, and save the world
and even tho you ended up hurting taako a lot you'd never... you know, HURT him. like dr. wells hurt me.
so it's not on you to apologize for bringing it up
it's on me to quit punishing you for reminding me of him.
and of course i'll come meet you
no subject
(Having said this, she's touched that he wants to let Lup know too; Taako must have promised to keep it from her. The explanation that follows in Cisco's next couple of messages makes her pause in the middle of her kitchen, her shoulders sagging in relief as she scrolls down them one at a time, reading and re-reading. She still feels awful and sad about the whole state of affairs between them but this reassurance from Cisco is deeply comforting.
Lucretia lets herself stand in that feeling for a moment before replying. She needed this more than she thought she did.)
Thank you, Cisco.
(She doesn't know what else to say. She doesn't feel the need to expound.) Truly.
I'll see you tomorrow. I hope you can get some sleep, in the interim.